"I don't like fish," said Harley, bluntly, as Alfred placed the first course in front of her.

"These are prawns, miss," he said.

"They look like fish," she said. "And same goes for any seafood. I just can't stand the thought of eating something that wriggles around in the water – gives me the creeps," she said, making a face.

"Well, how unfortunate that we've planned a seafood menu for tonight," muttered Alfred, looking at Bruce.

"So? You gotta have other kinds of food lying around this place – you're rich!" exclaimed Harley. "Just get back to the kitchen and cook me something I can eat!"

"Yeah, and while you're at it, another scotch over here, Jeeves," said Joker, holding up his empty glass and snapping his fingers again.

"Very good, sir," said Alfred, through gritted teeth. "May I freshen anyone else's drink?"

"I think we're fine, Alfred, thank you," said Two-Face. "It's good to see you again, by the way. It's been too long."

"Yes, it has, Mr. Dent," agreed Alfred. "You're looking…well."

"Same British tact!" laughed Two-Face. "I don't look at all well, Alfred, not compared to how I used to. But I'm feeling a lot better, so I guess that's what important. Especially recently," he said, smiling at his daughter.

"I am gratified to hear it, sir," replied Alfred. "I know Master Bruce hopes fervently for the day when you are fully recovered."

"Is something wrong with you, Father?" asked Rose in concern. "Are you sick?"

An awkward silence descended on the table. "No, I'm…fine, Rose," said Two-Face, gently.

"Then what does he mean recovered?" she asked, curiously.

"He means your father's face," invented Ivy, quickly. "You know he doesn't look quite normal, Rose."

"That's right, and sometimes it's weird going out in public," agreed Two-Face. "People stare."

"I think he's got a very handsome face, personally," said Selina, loudly.

"Well, yes, so do I," agreed Ivy.

"I assumed that's why Mother chose you to be my father," said Rose, smiling at him. "Because she loves you very deeply, so deeply that appearances don't even matter. It's what's inside that counts, and your soul and her soul are drawn to each other, because they're made for each other."

"Yeah, that's true love," sighed Harley. "Just like me and Mr. J, right, Mr. J?"

"Hey, I got a great appearance!" snapped Joker.

"Of course you do, puddin', I was just saying…"

"You were saying appearances didn't matter, and I'm saying that you're damn lucky to have a guy as hot as me, and if your appearance suddenly took a turn for the worse, I would drop you like a ton of bricks! I ain't gonna keep an ugly dame!" snapped Joker.

"He's just kidding around," said Harley. "He's the Joker, y'know, so he does that."

"I ain't kidding about that second scotch, Jeeves!" said Joker, snapping his fingers again. "Snap to it, huh? Gotta make the most of the free booze since someone else is paying!" he chuckled. "Same with the food, although Harley's right, it looks kinda suspect. Why, outta all the nationalities in the world, Brucie, would you hire an English cook? Everyone knows their food is terrible."

Alfred said nothing, leaving the room apparently calm as usual. But they heard a smash out in the hall, and then Alfred popped his head back in. "Please do mind the shards in the hallway – I'm afraid I've accidentally shattered a glass."

"So…Rose, perhaps I could give you a tour of the manor after dinner," said Bruce, changing the subject.

"Oh yes – that would be wonderful," said Rose, her eyes sparkling in excitement.

"Yes, we'd all enjoy that," agreed Ivy.

"Nah, kitty's seen it all before, haven't you?" asked Joker, grinning at Selina. "Especially the bedroom. I'm guessing you know your way around there pretty well."

"Have you been here before, Auntie Selina?" asked Rose.

"Yes, I…used to date Bruce," said Selina, slowly.

"Really? And how did you discover he was not your true love?" asked Rose, genuinely interested. "And that my father was?"

"Uh…well, Bruce often had…other commitments he would put before me," said Selina, slowly. "And I just think a guy's girlfriend should come first in his life."

"Then what are you doing with Harvey?" asked Joker, grinning. "His daughter comes first in his life."

"Yeah, and Batman comes first in Mr. J's life," said Harley, shrugging. "But it doesn't bother me in particular. You just have to learn to be less selfish and jealous, Selina. The important thing is he comes home to you at the end of the day. And then you get to take care of his wounds, and make him dinner, and if you're lucky, get a little playtime with the whoopie cushion…"

"Thanks, Harley, but I don't see myself as a dog who goes nuts just because a guy comes home to me," snapped Selina.

"No, clearly you relate more to a cat's attitude," chuckled Joker. "No displays of affection, making the man feel he should be grateful to serve you, and scratching him bloody if he don't pet you right."

"Oh, screw you, J…" began Selina.

"Please watch your language around my daughter, Selina," said Ivy, softly. "Children should not be exposed to unnecessary unpleasantness…"

"She's not a child, Pam!" snapped Selina. "I don't know what she is exactly, but she's not that! She's got the body of a woman, the brain of a baby, and the complexion of a plant! She's basically some sort of freak!"

Two-Face stood up. "I think you should go, Selina," he said, quietly. "If you can't be polite about my daughter, then I don't want your company anymore."

"You're…breaking up with me?" she demanded, shocked. "Here? In front of everyone?"

"Oooh, awkward!" giggled Joker.

"Harvey, maybe you'd better wait and do this privately…" began Ivy.

"No, Ivy, I don't want him to pretend he wants to be with me another second if he doesn't!" snapped Selina. "Good riddance, Harvey! I don't need you, and I don't need Bruce, and the next guy I'm gonna date is gonna be a nice, normal guy, not some crazy, costumed freak!"

"I'd be offended if you were you, Brucie!" chuckled Joker. "Grouping you in with the rest of us! I mean, I don't see what's so crazy about you, personally – you're no Batman!"

Selina glared at Joker, and then stormed past him to the door. She paused, and then came over to him. "J, I got a little secret to tell ya," she said, grinning as she beckoned him. "Come here."

Bruce's heart tightened in his chest as panic and fear seized him, but these emotions were relieved when Selina suddenly punched Joker in the face.

"You're an idiot!" she shouted, and then stormed off.

"Wow, that was completely uncalled for," said Joker, cupping his nose. "I didn't even make any pussy jokes or anything…"

"Father, I am so sorry if I offended Auntie Selina in any way," said Rose, sincerely. "I wouldn't be able to bear the guilt of being in any way responsible for you losing your true love."

"It's ok, Princess," he murmured. "Selina…wasn't my true love. I'm not sure who is…" he said, glancing at Ivy. "But I know she's not."

Alfred re-entered the room carrying several plates of food. "I see we're going to have a leftover salmon fillet," he commented, noticing Selina's empty chair.

"Yeah, feed it to some stray cats," said Bruce. "It's what Selina would want."

Alfred nodded, putting the plates down in front of everyone. "Your scotch, sir," he said, placing a glass in front of the Joker. "And for Miss Quinn, macaroni and cheese."

"Now you're talking!" exclaimed Harley, picking up her fork and digging in. Joker sipped his scotch and made a face.

"You put something in this?" he demanded.

"Why no, sir," said Alfred, surprised. "It's a rather old vintage, so perhaps that is why it tastes unfamiliar to you."

Harley suddenly let out a shriek, holding up a piece of something that had been hidden underneath the macaroni. "Oh God…fish!" she gasped, holding her throat. "I gotta go be sick somewhere!"

"Me first, you dumb blonde!" shouted Joker, shoving her out of the way as they raced toward the bathroom. Alfred smiled to himself as he finished serving, and slid an empty bottle of syrup of ipecac over to Bruce.

"Remind me never to complain about your cooking, Alfred," said Bruce, smiling as he tucked into his food.