Chapter 9
The semi darkness of the motel room was replaced with the dim glow of candles and an icy chill that made Sam shiver.
It took Sam a few seconds to understand he was now standing in what seemed to be a cave, their belongings strewn about the floor and lit candles scattered around them in the dirt.
"Dean."
Sam moved towards the older boy lying on the floor just ahead of him, and slowly knelt down. His whole body ached and a tight pain flared across his back as he bent over the still form. Just as his hand touched the bloodied shirt, Dean's eyes fluttered opened and he gave a low moan.
"Dean, hey you with me?"
Sam's voice was whisper soft as he quickly began peeling his brother's shirt away to check the wound.
"Mmm...yeah...m'good."
Sam shook his head, hands gently probing his brother's skin as he tried to force back the sting of hot tears. There was so much blood and Dean gasped and curled in on himself as Sam's fingers found the bullet wound. It was a stomach shot and as Sam carefully probed around his brother's back he felt the slick warmth where the bullet had torn through the other side.
"Okay…okay, we've just gotta stop the bleeding Dean. Then I'm gonna get you to a hospital. I'll make Cas take you to a hospital." Sam quickly scrambled over to their duffel bags and grabbed towels, thankful Castiel seemed to have moved all their belongings when he had transported them out of the motel room.
"Exit wound huh?" Dean's voice was laboured. "S'not good." He grimaced as his brother placed a folded towel firmly against his back.
"Doesn't matter, s'gonna be okay. M'gonna get you fixed up."
"Sam, Cas put us here to keep us safe for as long as he can. He's marked Enochian sigils on the walls to keep everything out, including angels. He can't help us right now."
"Then I'll carry you out, call an ambulance, flag someone down…"
"Sammy you need to get the trap ready man, stick to the plan." Dean groaned as the younger boy pressed down on his stomach to staunch the blood flow.
"NO! I'll fucking stitch you up myself Dean. M'gonna fix you…don't care about fucking plans or traps or… you're gonna be okay. I'm gonna look after you, s'okay."
'Sammy…" Dean placed a hand over the younger boys arm, closing his eyes briefly against the pain. "…listen to me. Make the trap… please. If Lucifer gets in here and we're not ready..." Dean's eyes squeezed shut as he tried to breathe through a flare of agony, not wanting to alarm Sam anymore than he already was. "…use my blood. Make it count for something Sam. Put it to use."
"Dean, no... m'gonna fix you."
"Shhh Sammy. I know okay, I know you're gonna look after me... s'just you gotta do this first okay. Finish the job first then patch ourselves up, remember what Dad taught us. We're gonna bring him down Sammy. We're gonna send Lucifer back to hell and that's worth a little pain. Saving the world is worth a little sacrifice Sam, s'okay."
Sam shook his head, tears streaming down his face now. "Not worth losing you. I'd rather die Dean. I can't lose you."
"C'mere kiddo."
Dean pulled the younger boy in close with one arm, the warmth of Sam's body felt so good he just wanted to never let go. He could feel tremors starting to shake through his body and knew he probably didn't have a lot of time to play with, he knew there was too much blood even if Sam wouldn't acknowledge it. The older boy could also feel the snaking slice of fire spreading through his belly as the initial shock wore off and his body registered the damage.
"All we can do for now is put pressure on." Dean was already lying on the towel that had been wedged against the hole in his back so he placed his hand over Sam's that pressed against his stomach. "Let me do this while you get the trap ready."
"Dean I can't…"
"I'm right here Sammy." Dean gently gripped his brother's wrist and moved it to slide his own hand in its place. "You can do this."
Sam's eyes travelled down to the feel of Dean's hand around his wrist and he gently moved it to rest over the older boy's fingers, tracing them lightly. He nodded once before he stood on shaking legs, his jaw aching from the strain of holding back the sob or the scream or whatever it was that was trying to escape from his chest.
snsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsn
Sam worked quickly with the practised ease of someone who had drawn far too many devil's traps and blood sigils in his short life. He had stopped often to check on Dean, give him water and make sure he was comfortable but the knowledge that his brother was in bad shape also spurred him on to get the job done.
Drawing the serrated blade of his hunting knife down his left forearm, Sam cut quick and uncaring just like the previous two slices across his bicep. His left arm was a mess but it was easier to cut again than try and scrape off the drying blood from the older gashes to reopen the wounds.
"Sam stop…" Dean words were raw and punctuated with panting breaths."…use this…please."
Sam glanced briefly over at his brother, not allowing himself to feel or just curl up around the older boy like he wanted to so badly. He shook his head, eyes back on the bloody red symbol he was painting. "No, s'gonna be my blood Dean. I'm gonna paint Lucifer in my blood before I kill him. He's gonna pay for everything he's done to us I swear."
Wiping his hand down his jeans, Sam stood up and looked over the finished circle of intricate symbols and patterns. His skin prickled from the energy it omitted as the spells he had used to form the trap pulsed almost alive with power.
Dean listened to the hard edge of despair that was evident in his brother's voice and it filled him with dread. Lucifer would only feed off Sam's rage and use it against him, use it to twist everything around and poison Sam enough to weaken him.
"Not 'bout killing him Sam… can't… can't do it. Y'gotta trap him…throw him back in s'cage."
Dean felt frustration build as his thoughts jumbled and he pushed his heels in the dirt and groaned low as he slid himself more upright against the rock wall. The warmth of fresh blood slid over his hip as he moved but he needed to make Sam understand, make him listen.
He squinted down at his body, vision blurring a little as he realised only one foot had moved. The leg on the side of his injury lay motionless in the dirt, blood covering his jeans half way down his thigh. Realising his hand had slid off the towel, Dean found he could barely lift it up off the ground.
"Dean?"
Sam was by his side in an instant, moving his hand out of the dirt and leaning in close and his younger brother felt like a damn furnace and for once he was glad.
"Oh God Dean…fuck there's so much now…wasn't like this when I checked before… I didn't know… took me too long…"
Sam's hands were all over him at once and Dean could only sag into them in relief. Wondering why he had never noticed before how safe he felt in his baby brother's arms.
"S'okay Sammy. S'gonna be 'kay now jus… you stick t'the fucking plan Sammy. Remember what Cas said… remember family… remember t'stay strong, not angry. Remember me."
Dean swallowed down a cough that gurgled wet up his throat and felt like it split his chest in two. "Fuck…"
"Easy, take it easy Dean. Don't talk 'kay… just breathe."
Sam's fear was a living thing as he saw the bright red blood that ran from the corner of his brother's mouth and he clutched Dean against him so he could still see his brother's face. Sam smiled tight, throat convulsing and lips quivering as he started to speak.
"What you saw in heaven it was… it was all wrong Dean. I don't know how Zachariah changed it, he knew I wanted to hide it from you I guess but what you saw wasn't right wasn't real. I don't remember when it started..." Sam smiled as he shook his head. "…kinda feels like I've always felt this way but I was scared… fuck I am scared okay. I didn't want you to know cause I'd didn't want you to… hate me, leave me… please don't hate me."
"Couldn't hate you Sam. I don't understand…w'never hate you."
"The way I feel it's… it's more than a brother should feel and I'm sorry Dean… I'm sorry but I can't not feel this way and I can't hold it inside anymore. I want you to know. I just want you to know."
Sam wiped a hand across his eyes as he stifled a sob and looked down, eyes fixing on the red gore that covered his brother. "I'm sorry Dean… I just… I just need you to know how I feel… and… and I love you, never wanted anything but you… always just you."
Sam felt like he had torn open his heart now and everything was spilling out as fast as the blood was leaving Dean's body. He knew deep down he was powerless to stop either one.
"The only thing that kept me together… kept me whole when Zachariah took me was you…thinking about you. Know I've hurt you… done things I can't take back but…"
Dean could hardly get air into his lungs and maybe it was the fact that his body was shutting down, bleeding out but maybe… just maybe it was the almost inconceivable notion that Sam had just declared his love. Sam had just spoken out loud what Dean had been hiding in his heart for years since just before Sam had left for Stanford and that kind of dawning shock… that could take your breath away.
And then Sam's mouth was so close and Sam's hitching breath was so unsure, so hopeful and fearful and just right there… so close but he couldn't move. All Dean wanted to do was lean into his brother's lips and stay there forever but his body failed him.
"Sammy…"
And his brother's name slipped from his mouth like a prayer, asked and answered in one word even as he coughed wet and hard.
The candles flickered and the stone walls around them began to vibrate. It was similar to a minor tremor, nothing more than a rattle and shake that loosened dirt but it meant much more.
"How very sad and touching. I didn't mean to intrude on your moment boys but you did all this for me…" Lucifer spread his arms wide to indicate the markings covering the cave wall and floor. "…and I don't like to miss a party."
Lucifer frowned as he glanced around the room. "But I see you've banned my fellow guests from entering which I gotta say is a little rude."
Sam turned his tear streaked face to the newcomer, giving Dean's hand a squeeze. "Not interested in what you want… just how hard you're gonna die."
"Oh Sammy such harsh words from my own blood but I'll live. More than I can say for Dean though… the boy's only got a few minutes left I'd say so go ahead and say your goodbyes… after all this time a few more minutes won't lessen my pleasure.
"You son of a bitch…" Sam screamed, tensing his body for action.
"Sam…no." Dean found the strength to flex his fingers around his brother's hand although his words were whisper soft. "Please."
Sam's eyes went back to his brother, senses firing on high alert and so strung out but Lucifer was in the trap for now and Dean was… dying.
Dying.
It was like hitting a brick wall at full speed and Sam felt dazed and stunned as the shock of reality finally hit him right between the eyes.
"Dean." Suddenly it didn't matter that the Apocalypse was closing in fast and the Devil was an arm's length away just waiting to break him down. Grief spilled across Sam's features and streaked down through the blood smeared on his face.
The younger boy shifted so he held Dean across his body, face leaning in close as his brother's lips moved to speak.
"M'sorry… fucked this up."
"No! Dean please… you hold on. Don't you give up okay."
"Smmy… love you, always have…jus too…too scared t'tell you… Ohfuck…"
Dean groaned and tried to curl in on himself.
"Hey…hey stay with me Dean."
"Want you… want y'to kiss me… pls Sam… jus kissme."
Sam's chest ached so much he could barely breathe and as he leant down carefully to his brother's mouth, the younger boy's tears fell like rain.
Dean's lip were cold… too cold but as soon as Sam pushed against them Dean's tongue moved inside his mouth and he closed his eyes just drinking in the feel of his brother. Sam's hand caressed the side of Dean's face and then slid behind to support his neck as the older boy strained to keep the contact between them.
The feel of Sam's lips against his own, so soft, so loving. It was like a dream… surreal… the feel of his brother's mouth against his own was more than he had ever thought would happen, it was better than anything he could have imagined and it made his heart soar. Dean relaxed into the kiss and the warmth of Sam's mouth and felt at peace for the first time in a long time.
Sam felt Dean sigh and relax and pulled away, panting softly.
"Dean…?"
A pause that lasted forever and then his heart shattered into a million tiny fragments in seconds waiting for the reply, waiting for some acknowledgement.
"Dean? No… no… don't do this. You don't get to fucking do this… not now…" Sam shook with anguish and sobs as he gently folded Dean's body against him, never taking his eyes away from his brother's eyes in case they opened.
They didn't.
"He's gone and left you Sam."
Instead a soft, almost caring voice behind him made him startle because he had forgotten the Devil was patiently waiting to play a game of Apocalypse now or never.
Something snapped inside the young hunter and left a void, some release of everything good and true that had held him together and made him whole. In its place, a deep dark rage swirled and eddied, gathering power and fury as it writhed beneath his now eerily calm exterior.
Sam's mouth was set in a hard line, nostrils flaring as he caught his breathe and gripped his anger tight with both hands as he felt it grow.
Moving slowly he placed Dean on the ground and lingered over his brother's face, the last of Sam's tears slipped off his face as though they knew they didn't belong there any longer. Instead they fell on the older boy's face and neck as Sam placed a soft kiss on his brother's forehead.
"I'll always love you Dean."
Sam took a breath and stood up, turning away from the last piece of his humanity. Turning his back on rationale and sanity and love and embracing all that was left.
Rage and revenge.
"You killed my brother and now I'm going to kill you."
"Well actually it was a well placed bullet Sam and if you had just come along quietly, Dean would still be living to fight another day… well maybe even another few days depending on how bored I got." Lucifer smiled knowingly. "We both knew in the end it would be come down to you and me. We're gonna rule the world Sammy… eventually."
"No and it's Sam…"
"Oh because only Dean gets to call you that, my bad… but who's gonna take his place now Sam? Who's gonna be the one to tuck you in at night and whisper sweet lies in your ear?"
"Dean never lied…"
"Oh really? I could've sworn he just told you loved you in that inappropriate more than a brother way just before he drained away."
"Don't you…" Sam's fists clenched until his nails made bloody crescents in his palms. "…don't you talk about my brother. I know now he loved me like I loved him. You're not going to change that."
"Hmmm y'think? Dean didn't want you like that, not really. Did you honestly think your big brother would want to fuck his twisted little baby brother? Oh Sam, so naive. You know Dean would do anything, SAY anything to save you... anything at all even... well I think you get the picture. I mean he was one self sacrificing bastard. And let's face it Sam, he knew he wouldn't have to really DO anything what with the dying and all."
"No... he wouldn't do that... he wanted to be with me... he loved me."
"Because he's told you this so many times before or... oh wait... did he suddenly want to screw you after I arrived on the scene? He knew about the half assed rumour that bonding with you would stop us being all powerful and avert the Apocalypse blah, bah, blah. Well I guess it was easier than killing you... for him anyway."
"Stop it. You're lying..."
"Why would he tell you something like before he died Sam? Why would he make it harder for you to lose him than it was already going to be? If you really loved someone you wouldn't do that."
Sam's head was a chaos of emotions and he just wanted to lash out, expend the energy and be done with it. He just wanted it to be over and at this point he didn't care about the outcome as long as he was done. Everything Lucifer was saying rang true but it didn't matter anymore because he was alone no matter how this played out.
"I don't care. M'gonna finish this."
"Okay then send me home Sam, I'm getting kinda bored now anyways. It's been nice but I'll wait for you, some other time some other place."
"No I'm not sending you to hell I'm ending you."
"Really? And me in my rule the world outfit an'all…knew I should've worn black…but wait can you really do that?"
Sam walked purposefully over to their weapons bag and removed the sword of Michael, the weight of the weapon almost comforting in his hand. "As it turns out not all angels are dicks."
Lucifer glanced past Sam as a bright spark of light caught his attention before he threw his hands up in the air. "Okay you got me… free shot Sam."
Sam watched as the vessel of the older man turned his back and sat down on the ground, hands on his head. He walked to the edge of the circle breathing heavy, knew it was a set up but still if he was fast. The young hunter's hands were steady even as his heart thudded wildly in his chest.
"Here let me move a little closer Sam, wouldn't want you to wait too long and have Dean's cold empty body start to stink up the place."
Anger welled up inside Sam then, overflowing and running hot and scorching through his veins. He knew he couldn't stop it when his hands raised above his head so he went with it and screamed with every ounce of pent up anguish and hatred as the sword came down and struck Lucifer with an almighty blow that should've sheared his vessel in half and shredded the demon's soul.
A bright flash of exploding light flared through the cave and for a few minutes there was nothing but stillness.
Against a corner of the cave wall another small spark of light, a tiny flame in comparison to the other, burned bright for seconds before it too burnt out, slightly searing the flesh beneath it.
Dean gasped in a panicked breath and then another as though his body had forgotten how.
He sat up in dazed confusion and looked around the empty cave.
"Sammy?"
snsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsnsn
