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Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

-Chapter Nine: Back on Track, Sort Of

"If you destroy this one in under a century I'll quit the armor business." Shinji stared at his new coat and frowned.

"It looks like my old one," he commented.

"Well, you're old one was perfection," John growled. "This one has only a few moderations. The collar is inspired by a Nazi field coat I saw in a museum." Shinji flipped the collar up and did the buckle that held it around his throat like a turtle neck that covered most of the lower part of his face. "It'll stop just about anything from taking your head off, not that you use it much." Shinji fingered the metal plates bolted onto the jacket's shoulders.

"The Fenrir crest," he commented. "Expecting me?"

"Always," John replied. "Anything else you need?"

"I want a story!" Shinji stated as he laid a very thick wad of bills on the table in front of the man.

"What kind of story?"

"One about vampire and werewolves and a new war." John considered him carefully.

"I've heard of a few unprovoked attacks," he began slowly. "Most of them are mysteries, but only a lycan could kill a vampire like in those attacks. The attack on you and Rebecca was the first major one."

"That's not exactly helpful," Shinji stated, reaching for his money.

"There's also talk of a new arms dealer in the paranormal world," John stated quickly. "We're not talking about someone like John either. This person is developing weapons with very specific purposes."

"What purposes would they be?" Shinji asked.

"Killing lycans mainly," John stated. "They've also developed a few other weapons, but most of the new products kill lycans. I think you pissed off someone really smart this time."

"Probably."

"What's his name?" Craven asked.

"Calls himself the Doctor," John replied. "That's all I've heard, but experience has taught me that no arms dealer hates war."

"Any idea of how to contact the Doctor?" Shinji asked.

"Find Jake," John replied. "He's still got his ear in the world of illegal arms, no thanks to you."

"It was an accident!" Shinji protested. "It's not like I led NERV right to him!"

"Whatever. I've heard some rumors that the Doctor is in Japan, anyway," John replied. "I know I'm going to regret this." Shinji perked up immediately.

"What is it?" John walked over to a large safe and opened it.

"Jake made this for that friend of yours, the one who likes really big guns." John pulled out the weapon and Shinji stared.

"Jen is going to freak the fuck out."

"Just don't use it here and you can have it," John stated, leveling the massive shotgun at Shinji. "40mm grenades make big messes."

"I know," Shinji replied, trying not to drool. He was definitely going to give that thing a try before Jen even saw it.

"When did Jake start making custom grenade launchers?" Shinji asked.

"It's not custom, it's modified," John clarified.

"What kind of fucking lunatic makes a 40mm pump action grenade launcher?" Shinji demanded.

"Americans," John replied as he wrapped a cloth around the weapon.

"Ah."

"Now get the fuck out before you destroy something."

"Yeah," Shinji agreed as he took the weapon. He nodded goodbye and stepped out of the back room.

(:ii:)

"The Doctor."

"I know," Craven replied. "This is going to be weird." Shinji made his way over to Angela and tapped her shoulder.

"We're done here." She turned and frowned.

"Your gun's showing." Shinji checked his fly. "No, your gun!"

"Oh." Shinji buckled his coat and frowned as the handle of his hardballer poked through the slit in the coat. He glanced up and shrugged. "I'm a gunfighter. Gunfighters should always have their gun handy."

"You're a real gunfighter?" the twit across from Angela asked. "That is so hot." Shinji stared at her for a moment and then turned back to Craven.

"I hate famous people."

"You're famous," Craven commented.

"I'm infamous," Shinji corrected.

"Uncle Shinji!" Shinji spun and saw his massive nephew running towards him. Without even thinking he thumbed the buckles holding the cloth around the 40mm and raised it. Jinx came to such a fast stop that he slammed face first into the ground.

"Fenrir!" Marm shrieked. Shinji ignored her and kept the weapon trained on Jinx as he rose.

"Uh. . .new toy?" Jinx asked. Shinji nodded. "You've had another falling out with Bob, haven't you?"

"More like general suspicion of the entire Fenrir pack," Shinji replied.

"Could you point that thing at my face?" Jinx asked. "I'd rather not be able to walk away after I've been shot with it." Shinji kept the weapon pointing where it was.

"You won't walk away from a groin shot either," he pointed out helpfully. The gun was becoming extremely hot to the touch and Shinji glanced up at Marm. "Do you mind? This is family business."

"Not it the bar!" Marm snapped. Shinji lowered the weapon and carefully wrapped it as Marm continued to berate him for lowered the bars mood. Finally he grabbed her by the back of the head and kissed her.

"I wasn't expecting that," Craven commented. Shinji pulled back and slung the weapon over his shoulder.

"Always works in my pack," he commented as he led the way out, leaving Marm to stare off into space with smoke coming out of her ears.

(:ii:)

Yuki glanced up as the door banged open and her mate walked in. "I'm home!"

"You don't say," she stated. "You got here pretty fast from that club."

"How do you know?" Shinji asked as he walked into the TV room. Yuki just pointed at the TV.

"They just finished talking about the famous Angela Sohryu and her new fiancé." Shinji frowned and turned to Angela.

"You're getting married?"

"You, you idiot!" Yuki shrieked. She loved her mate, but he could be the densest damn person on the planet.

"Oh, right," Shinji replied. "I've really gotta kill that rumor."

"Figuratively I hope," Angela commented she pushed past him.

"Sure," Shinji replied absently. "Where's Jen and Pandora?"

"Upstairs," Yuki replied. "Why?"

"We're going to Japan," Shinji stated.

"What's in Japan?" Yuki asked patiently, she was used to her mate's roundabout answers.

"The Doctor," Shinji replied. Now Yuki frowned.

"You hate doctors. I had to drag you to the last one."

"With good reason!" Shinji snapped. "She stuck her finger up my ass!"

"I know." All the anger in Shinji fled.

"You do?"

"You didn't really think that Agatha had gotten a doctor's degree, did you?" Shinji frowned and considered this. "Didn't you think it was weird that I came in dressed as a nurse and we. . ."

"Did something I don't want to know about!" Angela interrupted. Shinji scratched his chin.

"So," he began slowly, "you set it up?" Yuki nodded. "And Agatha isn't really a doctor?" Yuki nodded again. "And you're not really a nurse?" Yuki slapped her forehead in annoyance. Yes, her mate was the densest creature on the planet.

"I guess you really can only have brains or brawn," Craven commented. "Where's Mana?" Someone came stumbling down the stairs and Mana slinked into the room.

"You people are freaks!"

"Walked in on Jen and Pandora, eh?" Yuki asked. Mana's eye twitched. Shinji sniffed the air carefully and the murderous look from Mana kept his tongue from vocalizing his next thought.

"We're going to Japan," Craven stated. Something fragile upstairs shattered. Craven glanced up and frowned. "Oh, my."

"No," Shinji replied. "They're done. Pandora's just a klutz." Several more things shattered and the sound of someone falling down the stairs echoed in the TV room.

"A clumsy cat girl," Craven commented. "That just seems to suit you."

"It does," Shinji agreed.

"I'm going to go find the devil and get back to my normal life," Angela stated as she marched out of the room.

(:ii:)

Angel hung up the phone and frowned. "Shinji just pointed a shotgun at Jinx."

"He doesn't trust anyone from the pack at the moment," Bob replied. "I never understand why he is so ready to turn on my at the drop of a hat every time it looks like I'm doing something behind his back."

"Remember the last time you did something behind his back?" Angel asked. Bob scowled.

"I thought that sexaholics recovery group would be good for him!"

"They tried to make him go cold turkey!" Angel snapped. "If the girls hadn't gotten in and only killed everyone in their way, he would have broken out and killed everyone!"

"I had a good reason!" Bob shouted back, his mind racing for a suitable reason.

"Well?" Angel asked.

"He said your boobs were sagging," Bob stated calmly.

"The fucker must die!"

(:ii:)

"I'm riding in the Mystery Machine." Craven stared at the shag carper and the mini disco ball dangling from the ceiling. "I guess you really do get around to everything when you've lived for over a century."

"Looks like they have," Mana commented. She was flipping through a copy of the Kama Sutra. On each page there was a large check mark in the corner.

"Can I borrow this?" Rebecca asked.

"Sure," Shinji called back. "We moved on to the sequel anyway." The younger vampire took the book and Craven paled. He very much like have his hip joints where they were.

"So, what's the plan when we get to Japan?" Rebecca asked. Everyone present turned and looked at her.

"Eyes front!" Craven shrieked. Shinji looked back around as swerved out of the way of the oncoming tractor trailer. He stuck his head out the window and began yelling obscenities while Pandora drove the van from beside him. "He's not big on plans."

"Then how did he stop two impacts?" Rebecca asked.

"He sat in a bar and the answers fell in his lap," Jen stated. "Trust me, I was there for the second one."

"He was too young to sit in a bar for the first one," Asuka stated. "Plus our guardian had more booze at her apartment."

"I rarely drank her stuff," Shinji argued. "She growled at me almost every time I tried to take a beer."

"Like trying to take food from a dog," Asuka commented. "Or food away from you."

"I don't growl at people when they try to run," Shinji protested. Jen just smacked him on basic principle.

"Do you think the Doctor is involved with anyone we know?" Craven asked. "I know the elders have kept secrets before, but trying to kill you is a little extreme."

"You don't know some of the things Shinji has done to Bob in the past," Yuki commented. "Murder might be a little extreme, but mauling is definitely an option."

"He started it," Shinji pouted. "Besides, murder, torture and suspicion are what this pack is built on."

"I thought it was built on enough sex to have any family tree doing loop de loops," Craven commented.

"In all fairness, we aren't related like that," Shinji replied, "although a family tree of this pack would be kind of interesting."

"It'd look so twisted that only H.P. Lovecraft would be able to handle it," Craven replied.

"There was that one time with you, Yuki and Rei," Asuka hissed.

"She's been bringing that up a lot," Mana commented. Asuka's head whipped around fast enough that it looked like they'd have to call an exorcist.

"I'd hate to tell you," Jen began, "it's been a lot more than one time. Rei's pretty much become part of the pack whenever she's around."

"I didn't need to know that!" Asuka shrieked.

"You brought it up," Shinji replied.

(:ii:)

Misato stared at her phone and wished whoever was calling would just die. She had been about to make her break for freedom when it had gone off. After a few more seconds she snatched it up. "Can I have your name, social security number, and current location?"

"Hi Misato."

"Shinji?"

"Yep!" Misato sighed and sat back down.

"You only call when you need something any more."

"So?" Shinji asked. "I also always bring enough expensive liquor to make even you look a little green around the edges." Misato considered this carefully.

"What do you need?"

"I'm coming to Japan," Shinji stated. "I need to talk to Jake and I'm looking for the Doctor."

"Ritsuko?" Misato asked. "Haven't you done enough to that poor woman? Do you have any idea how expensive her psychiatry bills are? And she charges them to NERV!"

"Meh," Shinji grunted. "Just look for an arms dealer named the Doctor. They're trying to start shit."

"What kind of shit?" Misato asked.

"The kind where it's in your best interest to make them stop before I get annoyed and do it for you," Shinji replied.

"Who are you talking to?"

"It's just Shinji." Misato froze as she realized the words that had slipped out of her mouth. She spun in her chair and stared at her old friend. Ritsuko's eye twitched and for a moment Misato dared to hope that all that psychiatry had done something. Then Shinji's voice boomed from the phone.

"I can hear you breathing Ritsy!"

"He's going to kill us all!" Ritsuko shrieked. Misato sighed as Ritsuko turned and bolted, or at least tried to. The closed steel door got in her way.

"Ah shit. Two years of therapy down the shitter."

"Call you when I get there," Shinji stated cheerfully before hanging up. Misato stared at her unconscious friend.

"If I had killed you I could have already paid the legal fees twice over," she stated.

(:ii:)

Mana slowly came to her senses and looked around the inside of the plane. The lack of engine noise hit her quickly. "Are we in Japan already?" She looked around and found everyone still sleeping. She nudged Yuki awake.

"What's wrong?"

"We've landed," Mana stated. Yuki glanced at her watch.

"There's no way we're in Japan." Mana stood and looked around more carefully.

"Where's Shinji, Jen Rebecca, and Craven?"

"Oh no." Yuki dashed to the plane's door and pushed it open. "He did."

"Did what?" Mana asked as she stood behind Yuki and looked out. "This doesn't look like Japan."

"It isn't," Yuki replied. "This is Ireland." Mana poked her head out and looked around. Craven was wearing a green tuxedo and top hat and was passed out on the tarmac with Rebecca in what Mana could only guess was a pervert's version of an Irish maiden's dress on top of him. Shinji, similarly attired but with a green bowler and Jen were fornicating rather enthusiastically on the hood of a large green muscle care.

"Oh my God. That's a big gun."

"Thought you already saw it," Yuki commented.

"Not that gun, that one!" Mana pointed to the massive shotgun leaning against the side of the muscle car.

"Wow," Yuki replied. "That is a big gun." Shinji turned, saw them watching and waved at them with the hand that wasn't holding a pint.

"Happy Saint Patty's day!"

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. You know. I think I've lost sight of this story's goal. As far as I can remember, I've never given a shit about the plot of any of the Lycans, well, maybe the first one. With these stories the fun isn't in the destination, it's in the journey! And no, this story isn't back to weekly updates quite yet, but it will be.

Another Saint Patty's Day another definite Lycanthrope update date. Happy Saint Patty's Day! Someone call Guinness, I'm about to go from zero to drunk in whoa.