Chapter 9
I heard my alarm go off but ignored it. I knew I would regret it, but my dreams were so nice, and my bed was so warm. I was almost back to sleep when I realized I actually had to go somewhere. So I grumbled my way out of my bed and into the shower. After the shower I was more awake and I pulled on a red blouse I found in my bag and a pair of jeans. I don't own too many collared shirts, I will probably end up wearing the same shirts in a 3 to 4 day rotation.
I walked into the kitchen and to my surprise saw Embry opening one of the cabinets. I don't know if he heard me or not, but I missed him so much. I went up behind him like he has done to me so many times and wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed his back softly.
If he was surprised he didn't jump, but he turned around in my arms and kissed me on the forehead.
"I missed you." I mumbled into his chest.
"I missed you too…"
I pulled back and said, "SO what are you looking for?"
"You'll see. I am making you breakfast."
I laughed, "Okay…"
He smiled at me like her knew what I was thinking and turned back to the kitchen and I went to the table and sat down. I dazed out the window to see clouds. I wonder if it will be busy today. It looks like it will rain; maybe people will just stay home…
"Here you go" he said putting down a plate. I looked at it and laughed. On the plate was a bowl of fruit loops with a little milk and a pop tart.
I looked up at him to see him smiling, "Sorry, it's all I can make for breakfast; dinner's are my real specialty."
"It's perfect," I giggled, "I love it." We ate in a comfortable silence, and then we headed out.
The day was the same as yesterday except for slower. At one point a group of boys from Forks came in complaining about the rain. While I served them they tried to flirt with me. I looked over at Embry a couple times to see him glaring at them from across the room. I was nice to them, but I really didn't flirt back.
By 1 in the afternoon it was time for me to get off work and I met the girl who works nights. Her name is Lana and she is really nice. She is in her early twenties, short, and has reddish brown hair. We talked until I felt Embry put his arm around me and I said goodbye and I took off with him.
"You know there is something I have wanted to do my whole life?" I said when we got in the rain.
He laughed, "And what would that be?"
"To kiss someone in the rain."
"Hmm, I think I can help with that…" and he leaned down put his arms on my waist, pulled me close and we kissed. It was so passionate and romantic. Just the way I would have imagined it, only better.
I gasped and pulled away, I couldn't even speak. We walked to the car and he started to drive.
"I don't want to go home." I said before I stopped myself. I didn't want to go home and share him with my grandmother. I wanted to be with just him. I couldn't help it.
"Really? Then where do you want to go?" I thought about it.
"I don't care… I just want to be with you."
"Okay, how about I park up at the cliffs?"
"Sounds good." I sighed and scooted closer to him.
"So tell me something Anna?"
"Hm?" what could he possibly want to know, they first day we were together he asked me a list of things. My favorite food, my favorite cookie, about my best friend in California, my old town, my pets, music, and more things. I know there is something I want to know. Why do I feel so comfortable with him? Why does he like me? What was his favorite color? What was he doing last night he couldn't tell me about?
"What are you thinking?" I chuckled, I couldn't help it. The question is so simple, but my brain thought of one million answers.
"You really want to know?"
"I will always want to know." He said putting the car in park and looking at me.
"I am wondering why I feel so comfortable and happy with you. I am wondering why you liked me and asked me to be your girlfriend after being with me for a couple hours. I was thinking about all those questions you asked me. I was wondering why your friends are all so dang tall and strong. I am thinking so much right now. I feel like I should slow things down or hit a pause button. I want to cry about my parents and I want to sing with happiness because of my aunt. I don't know what do think…"
Wow, I cannot believe I let all that out.
"Anna," he said looking serious, "Do you believe in love at first sight?"
"Hmm, I think I do…" I said, thinking of him.
"Well I do, and I know that from the second I saw you, I knew I loved you. I don't know how to tell you this without sounding weird. I just, know, I am supposed to be with you." The whole time he said this I could tell he was struggling with what to say. M heart started to fly; he said love, like love. Love at first sight love.
"Oh, Embry…" I sighed I got up as much as I could in the truck and kissed him full on the lips. I went deeper and deeper. We let our tongues lose and I put my hands under his shirt. I felt his hands resting on the bare of my back. I want all of him; I want to be with him now and forever. Then it clicked. I really do love him. Can I say that? After only days of knowing him? He had, why can't I?
I pulled away, "I love you…" I breathed.
"Mhm, I love you too." He said in jagged breaths. I leaned against him and put my head on his shoulder and looked out the windshield and listened to the rain hit the metal roof of the truck.
"What about your aunt?" he said.
"Oh, yeah, she's pregnant"
"Really? That's great."
"Yeah it is…" I said thinking of my aunt and uncle's smiling faces' last night.
We sat there in peace for a while. I thought about what had just happened and smiled. I figured now might be a good time to ask him what he had done the night before. The worst would be he has another girlfriend, but for some reason, I can tell that's not true. Maybe he was saving the world and has to keep his identity a secret. Maybe he IS a hooker; I mean that's not exactly something your share. Oh I know, a strip dancer, I would pay to see that, I am sure other girls would too… I giggled opps.
"What?" he said. I looked up at him to see his goofy smile.
"Oh nothing…"
"Oh come on? What are you keeping secrets from me now?" He started to give me his "pouty" face and made sad eyes, I would call it a puppy dog look, but he was far too big to be called a puppy.
"Fine fine, you know that look should be illegal."
"I know that's why I use it, so?"
"I was coming up with things you were doing last night, I found one of my ideas to be funny. That's all."
"Oh, what was it?" his voice was really strained, I could tell it bothered him I was thinking it. It would have been better I hadden't said anything.
"Oh um, it really isn't important."
"It is to me." He said firmly.
"Ok… it's stupid; I was thinking how you could be a stripper." I was blushing and looking at my hands. Why was this topic that should be funny so tense?
He let out this barking laugh, "I bet you would like to see that wouldn't you?"
I laughed too, "Oh, you know it."
I could tell he was still stressed over the topic and he knew I wanted to know, but pushing it seemed like a bad idea. I just want to keep the day good.
"You know, I will tell you, someday."
It sounds ominous, maybe I don't want to know. That's a lie; I want to know everything about Embry. I want to hear every childhood story; I want to know how to make him happy and how to make him smile. I want to know his favorite smell, animal, and everything else. So what do I say to that? Someday, what if there wasn't a someday? My mom always told me someday she would cry at my wedding. That someday wasn't coming, how could I know this one was? What's the big secret? Why does it hurt that he's not telling me?
My emotions swirl around me in a heavy cloud. I will not cry in front of him.
"I want to go home now." I said quickly looking out the window.
"What? I thought… Anna, what's wrong?"
"Embry, take me home now, or I will walk."
"Anna, please tell me."
I can't do this. I have to get out of his truck, I can't look at him. I move quickly out of his truck. I have no idea how to get home. We didn't drive that far did we? I can fallow the road back to the main one.
I hear the car door open and close behind me. It's still pouring rain. I am getting cold.
"Anna! Anna Stop! I will take you home!"
I keep walking; I can feel the tears about to spill out. I can't cry now. It was such a good day. I don't want to. I feel him getting closer; when he gets right behind me he puts his warm hand on me. "Please Anna."
I turn on him, "I have to go, Embry, I do. I'm sorry."
"Let me take you." I look into his eyes, which I had been avoiding.
I thought of this song I had heard on the radio a while ago. It was the saddest song I had heard, but the words would work for this. "I'll walk."
"Anna, please."
"No, I'm hurting, I can't make you understand. I will be fine. I'll walk." In my head I somewhat laughed, it was more manic though. I just quoted a country song; maybe Jeff Foxworthy would put that as "You might be a red neck…"
He looked like he was going to argue but he finally nodded and I turned around and walked away. I couldn't stand to leave him but I had to. I couldn't cry or fight with him. It was like he was too good for that. It hurt me to hurt him. I couldn't sit there and cry my eyes out to a guy I just met. I know, I love him, and he says he loves me, but I just can't do it.
Am I really angry at him? I mean I have kept secrets from him. Maybe I am set off by something else. Whatever that is. But if he loves me after only three days, how come he can't tell me a secret?
I walked to the main street and past the diner not paying any attention to my surroundings. I walked down the road to my grandmothers and saw his truck parked outside.
I saw him leaning against it in the rain. Why? Why does he have to be so persistent? Couldn't he just leave me alone?
My sadness turned into anger, then into disgust for myself, and then back into anger. My brain couldn't handle this. I thought about my mom, all I want is to see her and hug her, and my dad. I want him to grill Embry with all of his safety boyfriend questions. I want them to yell at me for falling in love too fast and I want them to hug me now.
I reached him and walked past him. "Anna, please, I let you walk, please tell me what's going on."
"Why can't you leave me alone? I just…" I sniffed; I could feel the tears coming again, "alone. I just I need to…" I don't want to be alone, that a lie. I can't process, I should just shut up.
"I can't just leave you alone; I don't think you want me to either. I care about you Anna. I- I love you. Please tell me, let me in. Is it because I won't tell you what I did last night?"
Then it hit me, it isn't because of one thing. It's everything. It's the fact both my parents died on the same day. It's the fact I haven't talked about it. It's the fact I am scared of falling in love, and I already told him I loved him. It's because I am in a new place. It's the fact that my aunt and uncle are having their happy ending and I am still too closed to let people in.
"No Embry, it's not you… I just. I haven't. I can't. I miss them." He looked at me and then understood.
"Oh Anna, I, come on, let's go inside."
"Embry, I don't" I sniffed a little, tears coming out at last. "I don't want to cry in front of you. I want to be strong and happy. Everyone tells me to be happy, why can't I just…"
"I want you to be happy; this is part of it, being happy. You shouldn't hide your sadness; it will just eat you from the inside out." With that I just started sobbing. I couldn't even walk. I felt him pick me up gently and kiss me on the forehead. I sniffed into his burning chest and held on to his white shirt.
When we got inside he went straight to my room and set me on my bed and held me. I cried and cried. I blubbered a little trying to say thank you and that I wanted to get them back, or that I missed my mom. I cried for hours I am sure, and then I passed out. I couldn't do anything else. I was too tired to move.
Eventually I heard a buzzing sound and opened my eyes. They are so scratchy and still wet. I opened them only a crack.
I heard Embry on the phone and the buzzing stopped.
"No, Jared, I know it's my turn. –Pause- I just can't leave her, you don't understand. –Pause- Dude, I just, if it was Kim you would do the same. Please, cover for me, I will owe you." I could hear Jared's voice on the line, I wanted to tell him that I would be fine and he should go where ever he needed to go, but the truth is I didn't want to and my voice was gone.
"I'm sorry, I swear, I owe you, I will take your next two shifts. – Pause- I promise. Yeah, thanks, I mean it. Bye."
He put the phone back in his pocket, put his arm back around me, and leaned his head against the wall. I decided now was a good time to wake up.
I moved around, "Did I wake you up?" he said worried.
I looked into his eyes, "Oh, no. You know you could go be with Jared. I don't mind. I will be fine."
"Nope, I am staying with you. Don't think you can get rid of me that easy." He laughed.
I smiled at his attempt to change the mood. "Thank you for being with me." I sat up against his chest a little more and rubbed my eyes.
"I will always be here for you, okay? To cry on, to throw things at, to hug to kiss. Whatever you need."
I smiled at the thought, "Mmm that sounds good."
"Good, now will you tell me what happened? One second you were fine and then your face just fell and you jumped out of the car and I was so worried?"
"Embry, one thing you have to know is I am very bad at expressing how I feel. It is something I do very often. Remember when I told you I was due in for a meltdown?" he nodded listening, "Well, I cried alone the other night, and I thought that would be enough, but I guess it wasn't. I just wanted to be happy, and with you around it was so easy. I just ignored all the feelings of sadness about my parents. Then you said you would tell me "Someday" and I thought of all the times I had heard the word someday. I thought about how my mom and dad would talk about SOMEDAY going to my graduation, SOMEDAY going to my wedding, SOMEDAY playing with their grandchildren. It just all of the sudden felt so final. They are really gone, and all of those somedays are gone, they went from someday to never. It just sent me over the edge. I don't know, I have also been thinking about how this all seems so good, hoe unreal it is. I am scarred of it ending… I don't want to lose you."
"Wow." He mumbled, pulling me closer and kissing me on the head. "You didn't talk to your grandmother about it? Why not me?"
"I don't know, I think I felt that if I said it all out loud everything would just fall apart. My whole being happy thing would end."
"I see, I am glad you told me now though."
I smiled, "I can't believe you are here. I mean first you find me dancing in the rain and then I run away from you today, and then I start crying all over you. You are the most amazing guy I have ever met."
"Thank you, and just so you know, nothing you do would ever scare me away, ever."
I beamed and turned around and kissed him. I finally took in my room. There were boxes everywhere.
"Oh my gosh, my stuff is here!" I brought up some of my clothes in a big duffel bag but Lilly's parents said they would send up the rest of the stuff for me. Mainly it was my books, clothes, trinkets, and all of that stuff. It would be nice to have some of my old house here in this one.
"From your old house? Cool." I tried to get up but he had his arms locked around me.
"You know, I would like to get up…" I sighed. He just laughed at me.
"Sure YOU do, but I am comfortable right here."
I turned around to look in his eyes. Then a plan came to me. I began to kiss him and he moved his hands from around me to one on my back and one on my face, and I jumped at my chance. I slid out of his grip and tumbled to the floor. The landing on the floor thing was not part of the plan, but everything else worked.
"Hey! No fair!" he said.
"Oh well." I giggled at his face; he was doing the puppy dog face again. I went over to the boxes and started to open them and look inside. The first box I found was full of clothes; the second one was desk stuff and wall hangings.
I turned to Embry still sitting on the bed. "Do you want to help me decorate my room?"
He smiled, "Do I get paid?"
"Hm…. I don't think I have any money… I can pay you with love?"
"That is better than money, deal." He held out his hand and I walked over and took it. Big mistake let me tell you, the second I took his hand he quickly pulled me in and rolled us over onto our sides and held on tight.
"EMBRY!" I yelled.
"Yes? Can I help you?" He started to kiss my neck.
"Well…" the sensation of his lips on my neck made me lose almost all thought. "I think… I need… to… This isn't fair."
"mhm, it is." He murmured against my neck sending tingling vibrations through my body. "You tricked me, I trick you…" and he kept going lower.
"Please? Help me? And then we can do this for as long as you want…" I said.
"As long as I want? Promise?"
"Only if you help me."
"Okay!" he jumped up and out of the bed and I giggled. I might regret that deal later, but oh well.
"What time is it?" it looked like the sun was just going down, but it being the summer it could be kind of late.
"Um, around 7 I think. Where do we start?"
I looked around in some more boxes. "Can you move some of my furniture?"
He laughed, "What do you mean can? I am amazingly muscular, I can do anything."
"Ha, ha, okay." I told him where I wanted everything. I decided I wanted my bed closer to the windows so I could look out them when I went to bed and when I woke up and I wanted my desk where my bed was and I want my dresser next to my desk.
I tried to help him move things but every time he would go all manly on me and tell me to go do something else. In all there were around 10 boxes, everything else was left in the house. Kind of like a museum to my old life.
He helped me put things up on the walls and he put things away in my desk. At one point he opened a box that had underwear and bras and lingerie on top. My face turned beat red when he held up a lacey red bra. I took the liberty of unpacking that box by myself. We laughed a lot over the things I had and the picture I had framed of Lilly and I in Go Go girl outfits for Halloween. Then he found the go go dress in my clothes. It was fun. I couldn't find many places for my books, it was a pretty big bummer, I had a lot, and I ended up lining them along the floorboards in open spaces.
When we were done it was around 9 and I had to work in the morning. Shockingly Embry did too. We went down stairs and the house was really quiet.
"Where do you think my grandma is?"
He laughed, "Oh she said she was going to bingo tonight. I forgot to tell you. She goes every week from 5 to the wee hours of the night. She calls it her girls night out."
I laughed too, bingo with the girls just seemed so old ladyfish and I never considered my grandma to be old lady. She had wrinkles and pains but she always acted so much like me it was easy to forget she was in her 70's.
"Nice, so do you want something to eat?"
"Sure, what are you going to make?"
"How about…" I said looking in the fridge, it looked like there were steaks, and prolly just for us, there were barely any groceries in there, and I should go to the store…"Well, there isn't much. Is the store still open?"
"Um, the one on the way to Forks is, want to go there?"
"Sure, we are hungry and I have no food."
"Do we need cash I can stop at home?"
"Nope," I thought about all the money I had been saving up from the past year or two working, "I've got it."
The drive to the store wasn't too long and it was nice. I turned on the radio to the only rock-ish station I knew. The first song we heard was Hells Bells by ACDC. Embry drummed along with one hand and I scooted closer to him and laid my head on his shoulder. He was so warm. I can understand why he never got his heating fixed. A human heated blanket, who needed heat with that?
When we got to the store it was like we were little kids. We went down every isle and grabbed everything that looked good. We needed food at the house anyways. I made sure to grab a lot of fruit and veggies for dinners. Embry went and got about 5 packages of Oreos, which I didn't mind. They are my favorite cookies. We spent an hour in there and when we went to the check out the lady looked at us like we were crazy. The grand total was over a hundred and Embry apologized about twenty times, but I told him we needed the groceries and that it was a good thing, I will shop less. He even tried to take out his card and paid, but I refused. He loaded all the bags into the truck and when we got home he unloaded them. He said for paying for all the food he has to do the labor. Not that I minded.
We got back to the house and hung out and ate Oreos, milk and pickles for a while. Well, I ate the pickles; Embry just laughed and made fun of me. What can I say? Pickles are my weakness.
Finally my grandmother came home around 11pm. When she walked in she said, "Embry?"
"Yes Shanny?" he said turning into over polite mode.
"I blocked your truck in for the night, if you want to leave you can move my car, but you can stay on the couch."
"Really?!" I said, happy Embry would be close by all night.
"On the couch." She repeated smiling, "Got it?"
"Yes mam!" he said beaming like a fool.
She looked at the kitchen and said, "Did you go shopping?"
"Oh yeah, I picked up a load of stuff for us, is that okay?"
"Yeah honey, it's great. Thanks. I am tired I am going to bed."
"Okay, love you!" I said, "Oh did you win?"
"Yep, I won a whole 20 bucks! Night guys!" I laughed and both Embry and I chimed Goodnight back.
"So?" Embry said looking at me with one eyebrow up. I knew this could not be good.
"Yes?" I asked, very guarded.
"I think I would like to cash my prize in for helping today…" Ah, I see, he wants some lovin…
I giggled, "Hm… I guess I can do that." It felt kind of dirty thinking about making out with my boyfriend while my grandmother was sleeping in the other room, but I am okay with that.
I lead Embry to the couch and pushed him on it. I sat on his lap facing him and began to kiss his exposed neck. I could feel his pulse quicken under my touch and smiled. A shiver ran through his body and he moaned. I kissed him behind his ears and licked him a little, all of the sudden he had flipped me over and he was on top of me kissing my lips.
We fell into sync letting out hands explore each other and our tongues travel all around each other mouths. It felt so good to have him near me. His hand was running up the side of my shirt making me tingle with excitement. I put my hands under the back of his shirt and pulled him closer. His warmth was engulfing my body and I was perfectly okay with that. It was like we were making one person this way. I could feel goose bumps form all over me. I couldn't help it. He began to kiss down my neck and let out a gasp. He went down to just under the collar of my shirt and started to suck and bit me a little. It feels so good. He does that for a while before coming back to my much awaited lips.
He pulled away for air after hours of us together. I panted a little and looked into his eyes.
"We have to work in the morning…" he said looking at the clock on the mantel, I looked over too. It was almost 2:30 AM and we had to be their early.
"mhm…" was all I could say.
"You should go to bed…"
"I don't want to." I said smiling, trying to be seductive.
"Neither do I, but…"
"Okay…" I groaned and wiggled my way out from under him. I was sweaty and hot and when I moved away from him my entire body felt cold.
He walked me to my room like a gentleman and kissed me goodnight at my door. I almost invited him in but my grandmother's words rang through my head, "On the couch." She knew me too well, if there were not any boundaries, I probably would not have stopped.
I went to bed and fell asleep smiling.
