Our trip back to our mission house was, of course, uneventful. We talked about each of our groups' doings, exclaimed delight at the ability of many different villages to work so cohesively, and overall exuded confident happiness at the outcome of our mission. The conversation continued as we packed all our things, I dispelled the house jutsu, and we started our not-too-long journey home to Konoha. Gai, Sakura, Sai, and Naruto were well wrapped up in reliving the highlights of the mission. I moved slightly faster to be at pace with Kakashi, the others' voices a much more pleasant background noise now.
"Hey, Senpai," I said as I reached him. He turned ever so slightly, but didn't slow down.
"Yo," he sounded tired.
"You used way too much of your Sharingan, didn't you, Senpai?" I asked, realizing as he narrowed his eyes at me that I should have made it a statement, not a question.
"Don't worry about it, Tenzo. I'll be fine." His tone wasn't particularly any emotion, just his usual bored, casual, hip, and trendy voice. I wasn't about to pester him.
"Well, we were able to protect the whole village as well as the child," I said, smiling, "that was quite the pleasant turn of events."
"Hai," he responded. "Everything with your group went well?"
"Most definitely. It was exhilarating, one of the best experiences of my life," I said.
"One of, huh?" Kakashi's eye twinkled at me. I laughed, in far too good of a mood to let him get to me.
"Mmhmm," I responded eagerly. I moved closer to him, so that my chest pressed close against his shoulder. "How was it for you, Senpai?" I purred into his ear.
I felt his light shudder of surprise before he turned to let his lips graze my ear.
"I, myself, feel INVIGORATED with YOUTH!" He shouted the last word as I had to stop on a branch from shock. His voice was a perfect imitation of Gai, as if he'd done it for years.
"MY RIVAL! YOU FEEL IT AS WELL?"
"HOW COULD SUCH A DISPLAY OF INNOCENT JUSTICE EXIST UNSEEN?"
"I AM BLINDED FROM HAPPINESS AT YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF YOUTH'S POWER, ETERNAL RIVAL!" Birds burst around Gai as he caught up to Kakashi, and a rainbow came into spontaneous being around them. What the hell?
"WE SHALL FOREVER BE BONDED THROUGH INNOCENCE, PURITY, YOUTH, WHOLESOMENESS, VIRTUE, AND JUSTICE! THIS BOND SHALL NEVER BE BROKEN!" The two turned back to face our gobsmacked team and mirrored a 'good guy' pose at us. Somehow Kakashi even got the blinding teeth twinkle to be evident through his mask.
The only sound I could make was shouts of laughter. It's easy to forget that sometimes Kakashi's dry sarcasm took a break and lent itself to pure, good-natured humor. Naruto, Sai, and Sakura's obvious confused, dumb-founded looks added greatly to my amusement and soon I could barely breathe from laughing.
I'm not actually quite sure how we made it back to the village so quickly. Kakashi and Gai kept spouting undecipherable statements about Youth at each other, my own lungs felt like they could never get enough air, and the Pups were still in such a state of shock at their sensei that I have no idea how they weren't smacking into trees left and right. Needless to say, our entrance at the village gates was also taken in confusion as to why Kakashi and Gai were acting like such inseparable friends. I just shook my head in amusement at the gate-guard chuunin and told the remainder of the team to go home, rest, and we'd pick up training tomorrow after I brought (or forced Kakashi to bring) the mission report in.
As much as I would have loved to keep watching Kakashi freak people out, I really felt the need for a long, hot, post-mission shower. Amusing as Kakashi was being, however, he was also imitating Gai; I couldn't handle the youthful power of two Gais for much longer. We had been jumping through the trees like that for at least 2 hours.
"Welcome home, Nymph," came a voice from my living room as I opened my door.
"What are you doing here? It's not nearly late enough for a sex-capade gone wrong." I asked the man lounging on my couch with a book.
"Yeah," Laori sighed, looking up, "I got bored at headquarters. Figured I'd come see if you wanted to spar or something. You weren't here, so I helped myself to your bookshelf."
"Ah," I couldn't figure out why his presence annoyed me so much at the moment. It wasn't unusual for us to seek each other out when we were ANBU teammates. Maybe the exhaustion from the day was getting to me. It had been an insanely long, chakra-draining day. "Well, I'm going to take a good long shower and probably lie around mostly naked for the rest of the day."
"Not interested in a match?" He asked, still hopeful.
"Nah, just got back from a mission, a short one apparently, but still. I'm dead tired. I'll tell you about it later."
"Alright, I'll give you that," he stood up and stretched, replacing the book on the shelf. "You owe me a kickass mission story though."
"Of course!" I grinned at him, still grinning as I shut the door behind him. Normally I enjoyed other people's presence around, welcoming me home after a mission, so this turn of events was a little disconcerting. I decided I would think about it during my shower, then maybe pay Genma a visit. Or Yugao, she'd enjoy hearing the story of our mission, especially my conversation with that kid, Naoki. I'd call on Laori later and apologize for being rude, not that he would really care, but it would be good for my conscience.
Genma would probably be with Mai though, so I probably shouldn't interrupt. Yugao might be out on a mission, and I never went to her apartment without sending a note or something first. Laori would quickly find another person to spar with since I wasn't interested, then he'd probably get absorbed in finding a date and ditching me at a bar. I sighed in mild frustration as I shed my clothes in the bathroom and turned the water on. People and multiple friendships could be so damn confusing. Not simple like how Kakashi and I could have sex, I could swear at him, we'd be able to continue functioning as a cohesive team, and then he'd be able to make me laugh my ass off. WAIT. Now where the hell did that thought come from? I was NOT yearning for a relationship with Kakashi. I was NOT about to get into a shower thinking about him again. I hit myself good and hard on the head.
I could slip a note under Yugao's door asking if she'd have a chance to chat soon. Genma had guard duty on Monday, I could drop by at his break. And Laori leaving me at a bar was nothing new, maybe I could manage not to get too drunk and instead take someone home for myself. I groaned in more evident frustration. I didn't want one night stands anymore, that thought was not appealing at all. I'd worked beyond my younger self's emotional issues. My mind wandered back to Kakashi that night. Fuck. I wanted him again. That had been a damn good hand job for someone who could barely sit up properly. Plus, just thinking about giving him that blow job was getting me hard again.
"Damn bastard ninja," I muttered as I started stroking myself. Might as well get off one more time from that memory. I used to do it often after he left me. I pumped myself hard remembering his moans, his shaking, and my name on his breathless lips. My speed increased as I recalled his orgasm strong enough to leave him weak, the feel of his climax around my mouth, his semen on my tongue, and his lust-laden eyes closing in pleasure. I came hard, moaning his name.
I finished my shower pretty quickly after that. Now I was more than ready to go drown in sake. I didn't even care if I was alone or it was still only early evening. My stupid body had apparently decided it would always want Kakashi and there was nothing my mind could do about it. Me and my mercurial mood. It had really been a great day and now I was once again caught in my confusing emotions. I really should have gone to spar with Laori, or at least been inviting about him hanging around my apartment for a while. Just as I was thinking this, there was a knock on my door.
I walked over, confused, and would really have been floored if it was actually him. Instead, it was a young, pretty, long purple haired kunoichi with big, sad dark green eyes.
"Yugao," I said, slightly stunned.
"Hey, Yamato," she responded lightly. "I saw, well heard, Gai and Kakashi outside. I was curious if you knew what happened. Kakashi-senpai hasn't acted that way in years." She sounded half worried and half amused.
"Ah," I considered this for a minute before realizing we were just standing in my doorway. I opened my door wider. "I was actually just going to leave a note for you. Would you like to come in?"
She stepped gracefully into my apartment and closed the door softly behind her as we moved to my couch. "You wanted to talk? About Gai the Second or something else?"
"Something else actually, though they may be related. The mission we just returned from left us all in a pretty great mood. It involved collaboration with several different villages," I started, but my heart wasn't really in it. She tilted her head at me.
"You don't really look like you're in a great mood," she observed. She didn't make it a question, and I knew she wouldn't pry if I wanted her to stay out of it.
"I crashed a bit from my high," I said, "too much other stuff on my mind."
"Anything you want to talk about?" She asked.
"Maybe," I thought about her offer. I knew she was trustworthy, and she would probably have better advice than Genma or Raido could offer if I told them the truth. I decided to evade it for now. "How are you doing?"
"I wish people would stop asking me that," she sighed with a huff that fluttered her bangs. "I get by, I'll never be the same, but I'm alive and still determined to keep it that way. Isn't that what matters?"
"Yeah, I suppose. I'm sorry I asked, I'll phrase it differently and trick you next time," I sent her a smile. She grinned lightly in response.
"I'd appreciate that." Something about that response made me decide I was going to come clean.
"Would you like a cup of tea?" I asked, signaling to her that we would probably be here for a while. She settled into my couch.
"Sure, just plain green tea is fine. Thanks." I went to the kitchen, grabbed a couple mugs and started boiling water. A few minutes later, I had two steaming mugs full of green tea to walk back to my living room with. She looked comfy on my couch and accepted the tea smiling.
"Alright, start talking," she commanded gently. I thought for a moment about how best to start this conversation.
"Do you remember the rumors about me and Kakashi near the beginning of my ANBU years?" I asked. She seemed to consider her response for a moment.
"Which ones? There were many."
"The.. ah.. sex related ones. That we were together." I blushed a little and looked into my mug rather than at her.
"Mmhmm, I remember those. I also should tell you that I know they were true. For a while anyway."
"What?! How?" I demanded, so shocked I forgot my embarrassment. She sighed.
"I had a crush on Kakashi for a long time. I drank too much one night and confronted him, asked why he'd never cared for me as more than a comrade. He tried to avoid it by asking me about how things were going with my then-teacher, Hayate. He must have known we were sort of dating at that point." She stopped and shook her head gently, "it wasn't that I wanted to give up Hayate to run into Kakashi's arms, I knew by then it would never have happened between us. But, you know how alcohol makes you, especially when you run into someone important to you who seems to consider you unimportant to him." She sighed again before continuing. "Anyway, I got it in my head that I would make him drink with me and admit everything that was so unattractive about me." She turned her glance to me.
"You know Kakashi doesn't actually drink more than 2 shots whenever we get him to come out with us, right?" She asked.
"I've suspected that, but I also know most shinobi hold their alcohol pretty well. I just assumed he was really, really good at it." She smiled.
"Yeah, that's what most people think. In truth though, he fakes it. He won't drink more than two shots unless he has something incredibly distracting on his mind. As it happens, he did the night I cornered him. We each had a few shots, and he downed every one of them." I raised my eyebrow, she gave me a grim smile. "He talks when he gets drunk. A lot. It's like opening floodgates, everything pours out.
"I asked him again why he never once looked at me twice. He said it was because he was attracted to men. Always had been, it wasn't anything personal against me. Needless to say, I was shocked. I asked how he knew, if he was sure. He told me about his first time. With you," she blushed slightly, as I could see her remembering this conversation. I was actually horrified that Kakashi had talked about that with someone, she must have seen the emotions on my face because she continued quickly. "He didn't tell me all the details, or if he did, I don't remember them. I just remember him saying that he couldn't imagine begin attracted to anyone after he'd seen your body, your responses, and felt everything so intensely with just you. That you were so much better than even what he had imagined in Icha Icha." She blushed hard, I couldn't even make expressions. "I only remember all of this because I wanted to know so badly what was wrong with me. I just learned from it that he never looked at me twice because he was always looking at you."
"Damn," I breathed.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I know that's way too personal, but I had a feeling that was where you were going when you brought up the rumors. I've never told anyone else about it. Not even Hayate. I shouldn't have been told, it was really none of my business. I know he told me a lot that night that he'd never told anyone else, I just don't remember it. He doesn't either. I've learned that he's also quite prone to memory black outs when he drinks. But, we did find a way to be friendlier with each other after that." She stopped and let me absorb everything that she had just said.
So, she knew. All this time, she knew. And Kakashi had really thought that much of me? I was the reason he knew he was gay? Even I wasn't secure enough to admit that I only liked men. I had still experimented with other people. Talk about an information overload. Finally I sighed and turned to explain my current predicament.
"We didn't last long," I started. "Only about two months, then he left me; never breathed a word about it again. I never knew why, what I did wrong, if he was only playing me as a joke or something. It felt like he took my heart out, ripped it up, and then flung the pieces in my face laughing as I had to pick them up. I had fallen in love with him over those two months. Eventually, I guess I learned to live with it. It got easier to forget when he left ANBU. But, all the memories started coming back as we've been working together again. I'm getting drunk a lot more," I sighed and looked guiltily at her. "We had sex on this last mission. I couldn't help it, I just wanted him and he encouraged it. It was the best I'd had since our last time and he fell asleep so perfectly on me when we finished. I just….. Couldn't take it. I didn't know what he was thinking. Every heart-broken, painful memory came back full forces. I swore at him and left him outside." I stopped to watch her reaction. Her lips were slightly parted, but otherwise she looked sad yet understanding. "The rest of the mission went fine. Actually, it was really amazing. But now that we're back, I can't get him off my mind. I'm positive that I'm still in love with him and it's kind of killing me." My voice broke a little on the last sentence, and I turned my attention to the now luke-warm tea. She cleared her throat.
"Did you ever ask him why he left you?" I looked at her, shocked. She gave a gentle chuckle. "You're allowed to do that, you know. It's part of being human."
"It's not like I've never thought about asking him. I just thought it was against the rules." She laughed at that. I narrowed my eyes at her. "Or maybe I just didn't want to be hurt even more by the answer."
"I'm sorry for laughing, but you should ask him. When you're ready. Maybe the answer will surprise you."
"Do you know something you're not telling me?" I prepared my ghoul face, ready to scare her into admitting whatever it was.
"No, I just know that Kakashi is more fucked up than most people give him credit for. And he is number one in really fucking up relationships, regardless of if he wants them to work or not. Unless, of course, you're Gai and simply refuse to be pushed around." I put the ghoul face on hold and considered that. There was irrefutable proof that Kakashi had fucked up every friendship he'd ever had other than the rivalry with the crazy, green spandex wearing taijutsu master. Maybe there was a correlation. No one else really pushed forcefully back at the famous copy nin. No one but Gai fought to be in his life. Maybe he hadn't truly meant to fuck everything up and I just hadn't seen that to know he only wanted to be invited back in. I downed the rest of my tea quickly and tried not to let my mind wander further down that path. No point in getting my hopes up. It had been way too long to repair any damage now.
Yugao ended up staying until long after the sun truly disappeared beyond the horizon. Eventually, she stood and said she should probably be getting home. I walked her out and said she was welcome back anytime. She'd smiled and said I was likewise welcome to her apartment anytime, regardless of whether I left a note a sufficient amount of time beforehand. I smiled in return and we said our good nights and see you soons.
I blame her entirely for why I ended up crouched by a half-open bedroom window that was not my own.
