Atton walked into the main hold stretching his arms out over his head. Mira was the only one in the room and Atton didn't miss the funny look she was giving him. A look that said she knew something he didn't.
He ignored her and went to check on things in the cockpit, thinking Liara would be in there. He was usually the last to rise in the morning so she kept an eye on things in there until he woke and relieved her. But instead of Liara, he found Mandalore and HK-47, arguing over who's blaster rifle was better. He rolled his eyes and backed out of there before they could drag him into their ramblings. He saw Mical and Visas talking in the medbay. Bao-Dur was in the garage, as usual, with G0-T0 hovering behind him and criticizing his work. T3-M4 was in the engine room and Kreia was in the cargo hold meditating. Atton fleetingly wondered why she was in there instead of the dorms and headed back to the main hold.
"She's still sleeping," Mira informed him before he could say anything. "She must have had a long night."
Atton saw her smirk at him as he turned and headed to the port dorms where Liara was still slumbering. He quietly walked in, this time locking the door behind him. He couldn't believe no one came in on them last night. Atton went up to the small body that was sleeping under the covers.
Liara had gotten dressed sometime during the night and her hair was down. She was lying on her stomach with her hands tucked under her pillow. He stood there, looking down at her.
Initially, he had some fun ideas on how to wake her. But now he couldn't do it. He was suddenly afraid. He knew full well that he had taken advantage of her the previous night. She had been extremely saddened over something and instead of trying to see what the problem was, he seduced her. And she let him rather than answer any questions about why she was so upset.
What if she hates me when she wakes up? What if she hates herself?
Then an even more disturbing thought came to mind.
What if she doesn't?
Atton had finally accepted that he loved her. He hadn't planned on it and damn sure hadn't wanted to, but love her he did. She was everything he wasn't. And she never judged him, despite all his faults and past wrong doings. No one had ever accepted him unconditionally as she had. But he never dreamed of Liara feeling anything for him in return. Frankly, he found the thought intimidating.
Atton knelt beside her bed and brushed her hair out of her face. He decided to do what he did best…pretend. He'd treat her as he always had. Whether she regretted last night or not, he knew she couldn't possibly love him. After all, what did he have to offer her?
I'll never let her or anyone else know what she really means to me. As far as everyone is concerned, she is nothing more than a bed buddy. Maybe not even that if she wakes up pissed.
Even though he had made his mind up, he still felt some apprehension when he saw her move, her eyes fluttering open. Liara looked at him and Atton unconsciously held his breath as he waited for a reaction out of her. She smiled at him and he almost literally breathed a sigh of relief. He was so relieved that he couldn't stop himself from kissing her. She kissed him back briefly before gently pushing him away.
"I must have slept in pretty late if you're up before me," she said still smiling.
"Hey, it's good to sleep in every once in awhile."
Atton stood as he saw her sit up. Liara pushed the covers off and climbed out of bed. Atton's eyes widened as he took in her attire. He had never seen her in any clothing besides her Jedi robes. Well, except the time on Peragus when he met her in her undies. Her night clothes were just a t-shirt and shorts and they looked like she had owned them for years but they showed her stomach and legs off real well. She saw him staring at her and smiled shyly.
"Mind turning around so I can get dressed?" she asked. She knew it was silly considering he had seen her naked, but she still didn't want him watching her dress. He was lucky she wasn't kicking him out of the room completely.
Atton gave her a mischievous grin before giving her his back. Liara got her robes out from under her bed and, after making sure Atton wasn't watching her, began to get undressed. "Oh, I'm really sorry, but Mira and Visas know what we did."
"You told them?" he asked, surprised. He didn't care who knew, he just wouldn't have pegged her to be the kiss-and-tell type. That explains Mira looking at me like she caught me doing something I shouldn't.
Liara laughed. "No, but when they came in here, I was in bed naked and my clothes were strewn about the room. That's not typical of me. They could pretty much infer what had happened. I'm sorry about that. I wasn't sure if you wanted everyone to know so I was going to keep it to myself but…"
"You thought I'd be upset over the others knowing that I had sex with a beautiful woman? I'll try to hide my shame," he said sarcastically, still facing the wall.
"Good. Then I won't feel bad."
"So, keeping it a secret is obviously out."
"Well, I wasn't planning on it being a secret anyway. When you try to hide something it means you are ashamed or that you regret it and I don't feel that way."
Thank the Force. "Does that mean I can give Mical a play-by-play then?"
Liara scoffed. "Just because I don't feel like sneaking around doesn't mean I want to hold a meeting to announce it."
Atton couldn't stop smiling. He had been mollified that she didn't wake up swinging when she saw him leaning over her. Now, she was talking like they may even have some kind of relationship. Then he angrily reminded himself that he was mooning over her like some schoolboy with his first crush. He was only making things harder for himself.
He looked over his shoulder at her. She was in her panties and was in the middle of clasping her bra. Her back was to him but she was turned slightly so he could see her shapely backside as well as the curve of her breast. Once she had her bra on she turned to grab her tunic. She caught him watching her.
"Atton!" She quickly grabbed the tunic and held it in front of her.
Liara saw his trademark cocky half-grin as he looked her over once more before slowly turning his head back to facing the wall. "Sorry," he said, not sounding like he was sorry at all. "I thought you said you were done."
Liara shook her head as she hurried to finish dressing. "You know, sometimes I think everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie."
"Well, that's usually the case," he absently replied.
She shook her head again. "Ok, you can turn around now."
Atton turned to her to see her wearing her usual bulky robes and her hair pulled back. She looked back at him, her face in its typical emotionless expression. Due to their force bond, however, he felt that she was unsure on how to behave around him now.
He made a mental note to talk to her about their force bond later. He walked up to Liara and put his hands on either side of her face. Her eyes searched his as he leaned down to kiss her again and she tentatively returned the favor. The kiss was short lived as they were interrupted by someone trying to come in the dorm. They both looked to the entrance.
"You locked the door?" Liara asked him.
Atton glanced back at her. He shrugged his shoulders. "Only because I hoped you'd decide to jump me when you woke up and I didn't want to be bothered by anyone if that happened."
Liara narrowed her eyes at him and tried unsuccessfully to keep from smiling. They heard Mira through the door.
"Sorry to break up playtime, you two, but we are going to be landing soon. You should probably move the party to the cockpit."
With a sigh, Atton unlocked the door. Mira stood there, one hand on her hip, as she took in the two. Atton glared at her before pushing past her to go prepare the Ebon Hawk for landing. With any luck, they wouldn't get shot out of the sky this time.
Liara grabbed her lightsaber and clasped it to her belt. Mira stepped into the room and closed the door behind her.
"So," Mira teased quietly. "Should the rest of us gals find another place to sleep at night so you and Atton can have the room to yourselves?"
"Of course not."
"Didn't we have a conversation not too long ago about this?"
"What are you talking about, Mira?"
"A few months ago, I asked if you and Atton had, you know, hooked up a power coupling. And you told me that you cared about him but you couldn't afford that kind of attachment." Mira sat on the edge of Liara's bed. "So, what I want to know is, what's changed?"
Liara sighed and went to sit next to Mira. "I don't know. I didn't plan on…I wasn't expecting to…" she sighed again. "I don't know."
Mira believed that. Liara was naively honest about everything.
"Have you gone from like to love?"
Liara was quiet while she thought about Mira's question. "Yes," she finally admitted out loud.
Mira wasn't really surprised. She doubted that a Jedi like Liara would have turned against the Jedi teachings of 'no romantic entanglements' unless she felt strongly about someone. Now, the fact that that someone was Atton, well, she supposed opposites really did attract.
"What are you guys going to do? Are you like, a couple now?"
Liara laughed and shook her head. "No, we are not a couple and I don't know what we're doing. I don't expect anything from him. I meant what I said when I told you I couldn't afford attachments. I ended up with them anyway, not only with Atton, but with all of you. I don't need to make things even harder by trying to 'tame the beast,' so to speak."
"What if he wants more than that?" Mira prodded.
Liara looked at her like she was insane. "I don't think that will be a problem."
Mira said nothing. She was only 23, and Liara was five years her senior, but Mira still knew more about men than Liara did. Even so, Mira didn't know how Atton saw Liara. He was one of the most selfish guys she had ever met so she didn't think his interests in Liara went beyond the carnal. But she wasn't going to tell Liara that. There was always the possibility she was wrong and besides, Liara wasn't acting like she was getting ready to walk down the aisle.
Liara was lost in her own thoughts. Her mind kept going back to what Kreia had warned her of. If someone was killed during their mission, she would indeed handle it badly. And if Atton died…Liara pushed the thought out of her mind.
Then there was the darkness he seemed to be battling at all times. She wouldn't have known he was constantly at war with himself if it wasn't for the force bond they had. He kept his true feelings and motives hidden well. She tried to stay out of the others heads but sometimes emotions and images leaked through to her anyway. It was almost frightening how dark his thoughts were at times. But he was strong willed to a fault. She really believed that he wouldn't fall again unless he wanted to.
She stood and headed to the refresher for a shower. She'd enjoy what time she had with him. She'd probably end up dead before any of the others, anyway.
x x x x x
Mical and Visas were sitting in the medbay talking. Mical heard Atton walk by grumbling about not ever having any privacy as he went to the cockpit. Mical agreed about the shortage of privacy on this ship as he got up and shut the medbay door. He stood there, one hand on the door, his head hanging with his back to Visas.
"Visas, what happened while you were with Nihilus?"
Visas started, not expecting that question. She didn't respond.
Mical turned his head and looked at her. "I have to know."
"Why?" she asked defensively, crossing her arms.
He went to his chair and pulled himself over to Visas, sitting in front of her. "I think it would help you to heal if you talked about it. Not to mention, I may be able to discern a way to rid you of your painfully persistent wounds."
She turned her head and kept her arms crossed. Mical took hold of one of her arms and held her hand as he pulled her glove from it. He lightly traced his finger over the numerous scars lining her arm. She watched him but did not remove her hand.
"Let me help you," he pleaded softly.
"You can't."
Mical took her headdress off. His fingertips softly touched the skin under her sockets. "Did he do this to you?"
She kept silent.
"Did he?" Mical asked again.
She turned her head so he was no longer touching her. "Yes," she whispered. Mical put his hands on his knees, willing for her to continue.
"I do not remember it, though. My race is not born with eyes, although our skulls do have eye sockets. Our flesh simply grows over it. We have always used the Force in order to see.
"After he destroyed and devoured my home world, he came upon me, the last surviving being on Katarr. I saw him for only a moment before I lost consciousness. When I awoke, I was on board his ship, the Ravager. The first thing I noticed was something on my face. When I brought my hands up, I felt blood. It was running down my temples, cheeks, and even my forehead. I ran my fingers over my face, trying to find the wound. I found it when my fingers went inside my head, inside the holes he had made. He had torn away the skin covering my sockets. And if that wasn't terrible enough, he damaged my sight." Her voice cracked as she said the last part.
Mical wanted to put his arms around her and hold her close. He wanted to promise her that nothing like that would ever happen to her again. But he knew that she would push him away if he tried to touch her right now and she was too cynical to believe his assurances. So he merely listened to her.
"He showed me how…broken…people are. How marred life is. He had me convinced that the only way to get rid of the monstrosity in everything was for him to consume it. I willingly helped him after that. I helped him do…horrible, unspeakable things."
Visas looked back at Mical, lifting her chin, almost daring him to judge her. He denied her that satisfaction and returned her stare calmly. Inwardly, though, he was taken aback by this display of pride. Visas had a strong sense of honor, albeit a twisted one. But her attitude was always like that of a slave. With her gazing at him like that, he thought that maybe he was seeing a glimpse of Visas before Nihilus had broken her. It made him think she may have a chance, after all.
"Since meeting you and Liara, I see that not everyone is so cruel and callous. I see hope for the rest of us when I look at people like you. And if anyone can defeat…Darth Nihilus," she forced herself to say his name. "It is Liara."
"Did he ever…touch you?" Mical couldn't bring himself to say the word. He had heard of the Sith using rape as a form of torture.
Visas gave a humorless laugh. "No. I do not believe it would have been possible. He has no physical body to speak of. His spirit resides in his armor and he uses the Force to hold his armor and mask together. I don't know when it happened. I only know he did it to himself when he felt his body begin to decay under the weight of his hunger."
Mical was speechless for a moment. He hadn't known such a thing was conceivable.
"But we have spoken enough of him. We are tempting fate as it is. By uttering his name we chance drawing him to us," she told him.
Mical couldn't hold himself back any longer. He stood and pulled her up with him. He hugged her to him. She was stiff at first but finally put her arms around him and laid her head on his chest. He rested his chin on top of her head, trying to comfort her in the only way he knew how.
x x x x x
They had landed on Dxun a few hours ago. Kelborn reported that Queen Talia had promised safe passage to Onderon so Liara could meet with Master Kavar. Circumstances had changed, however, and Iziz was on the brink of a civil war. General Vaklu had met with the Council of Lords and had accused the queen of treason. She and Kavar were currently holed away in the palace trying to fortify their defenses against the attacks of Vaklu and his new allies, the Sith, that were sure to start in the morning.
Then Kelborn had revealed that the sensors had also picked up on some transmissions from somewhere in the jungle. Kreia informed them that the transmissions were the enemy and that if Onderon was to have any chance, the enemies on Dxun had to be stopped.
So she and Liara had devised a plan: split up and attack both enemies at the same time. Much to Atton's displeasure, Liara and chosen Kreia and Mandalore to go with her to Onderon to save the queen and meet with Kavar. He didn't understand why she hadn't asked him to go with her but he'd be damned if he was going to say anything about it. How am I supposed to protect her when she's on one planet and I'm on its moon?
To make matters worse, she had picked him to lead Mical and Visas into the jungle to stop whatever was out there. He didn't doubt that he could get the job done, he had infiltrated many places when he was a Sith. But he had always done it alone. Not only was he now sneaking into a place with others, but he was head of the operation. He did not want the responsibility. He also did not want to remain on Dxun while Liara dove headfirst into the troubles on Onderon. Hell, she hasn't even left yet and I'm already worrying about her.
Now that the plans had been laid, everyone went their separate ways for the night, for in the morning, they would carry out the missions before each of them. The droids had all shut down for the night. Bao-Dur was back on the ship, trying to ready weapons and shields for everyone. Mical was preparing medpacs. Visas and Kreia were meditating, although they were both doing it alone. Mandalore was, of course, with his clan. Liara was with him, honing the details of the mission. Atton had seen Mira drag that kid, Davrel, off into one of the rooms. Poor guy, even a Mandalorian is biting off more than he can chew with that one.
Atton himself was lying in the grass near the Ebon Hawk. He had retreated there for awhile. He was usually in the big cities so he rarely got to enjoy the peace that went along with the more undeveloped areas. He sighed. He had forgotten how much he used to love being outside under the stars. That was so long ago, when he was a different person. He didn't even take the time to look at them anymore.
He heard someone approaching him. Before he could grab his weapon, Liara called out to him. He relaxed again, crossing his arms under his head as she came up and sat beside his outstretched form. Her hair was down again and she had removed her outer robe.
"Figure out what you're doing tomorrow?" he asked, sounding almost bored.
"For the most part. Have you?"
"Yep," he said, stretching his arms. "Make our way to the enemy compound, take out the bad guys, then make our way back here."
Liara, having long ago grown used to his attitude, merely smiled and said, "Sounds like a good plan."
Atton reached a hand out and played with a strand of her hair that had blown in his direction. They both remained quiet for awhile, enjoying the silence. He stopped playing with her hair and began to lazily rub her back with one hand.
"Lee?"
"Hmmm?"
"These force bonds, is it normal to feel what the other person is feeling on accident?"
"In some cases. The master will occasionally pick up on things from the apprentice until the apprentice is strong enough to block those kinds of…transmissions."
"What about if it's the other way around? You know, the apprentice accidently getting feeds from the master."
Liara shrugged. "It can happen, though not often. It typically occurs when the two have an exceptionally strong bond. Or if the apprentice is unusually strong in the Force."
Atton thought about that for a moment. He didn't think he was any stronger with the force than the others. But did he and Liara really have that intense of a bond? He hoped not. He didn't want that kind of attachment to anyone, even Liara.
Liara turned her head to him. "You said something about that yesterday. Are you really picking up on my thoughts and emotions?"
Atton pulled his hand away from her. "Yes. And it's been happening every day. That's why I knew you were upset yesterday. And the days before that. I didn't understand what it was at first."
Liara looked away from him and took a second before responding. "I'm sorry. Now that I know it's happening, I can make a concentrated effort to stop that."
He thought about asking her why the past had her so upset everyday when she was usually so impassive. But he didn't. He wanted to ask her why she wasn't taking him with her to Onderon, but again, he refrained. He was tempted to ask her if her feelings toward him were serious at all, but he couldn't.
The way he felt about her had his emotions in turmoil. He enjoyed being around her and craved her attentions, but at the same time, he hated himself for being weak where she was concerned. So he kept his mouth shut for once and went back to fingering her hair.
x x x x x
Sion was in his chambers studying all he could find that referenced Liara. He had memorized her early life and her years on Dantooine. He knew her background with the military during the Mandalorian Wars and of her decisions on Malachor. He even knew the details of her exile from the Jedi. And it still wasn't enough. Sion had become obsessed with her.
He thought she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. And all the information he could gather on her only increased his infatuation.
While rereading some files he had on her, a chunk of his shoulder fell off and landed on the desk. Sion focused for a second and the flesh reattached itself to him. He went back to his research. Sometime later, his skin started separating at the scar sights, allowing blood and even some tissue through. He roared with rage and used the Force to sew up the cracks in his skin.
Look at you. All these years and still you are weak. Traya's voice whispered in his head. You are nothing.
He ignored Traya's words. He had grown used to having her in his mind. But recently, the exile had invaded his thoughts, as well. Though unlike Traya, she never spoke. She was just an audience to his failings. A constant shadow that never gave him a moment's peace. He hated her for being Traya's pet, and for making him have these unacceptable feelings.
Sion was literally falling apart. His hatred and anger were the only things keeping his torn body together, the only things keeping him alive. And his fixation with the exile was diminishing those feelings. It was not allowable. If he wanted to live, she was going to have to die.
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A/N: Ok, a few things. First, I know my last few chapters have been a little slow. The next one will pick up a little. I promise! I've been setting the groundwork for certain things I want to happen later on down the road. There is a method to my madness! But, I've gotten nothing but good reviews from you wonderful people, so it couldn't have been too bad ;P
Speaking of reviews, I'm going to start responding at the end of my chapters to any and all who commented instead of with another review. It's just easier this way.
So, huge thanks to Sithmouse and Ujemaima once again for leaving me such nice reviews. And thanks to Darth-Xyris and Meesh. I always get a tingly feeling in my special place when I get new readers. And by special place, I meant my heart, you pervs :D
