G'day
Sorry guys. Not much more cutesy and fun stuff in this chap. It's starts getting a bit darker. We get to see inside Allens head. Glad to know you all like little sass-ball Allen :3
Disclaimer: I don't own DGM.
Kanda didn't know that that day would be the last time Allen laughed.
Properly, with real and genuine humour. Simply because he was happy. He didn't know that that time would be the last. Because that sound was so wonderful. So beautiful. It could chase away any darkness, any sickness or any pain in this terrible world.
It was just a shame that it couldn't take away any of his.
Because it was a constant downwards spiral for him now. There was no going back, no getting better. He was just walking to his death.
But, for him. That was okay. He was fine with it. He was fine, as long as he could keep walking. Keep walking his path. Keep fighting.
Kanda would love to see somebody try and make him stop.
But something would make him stop. And that would be death. Death would make him stop walking...stop living. And Allen couldn't fight that away, couldn't fend it off.
But he could sure fight anyone else that tried. Tyki would try again. There was no doubt. But Allen was nothing if not stubborn. He was the most infuriatingly stubborn person Kanda had the displeasure of meeting.
And Kanda felt like he had taken away one of Allen's layers. Taken away the faux kindness and smiles, revealing the boy that was as stubborn as a brick and sassy to the bone. He just hoped that he would be able to peel way his layers, exposing who Allen Walker really was under the walls and fronts he built to protect himself.
But not because Kanda cared, of course. It was just to prove that Allen was, in fact, vulnerable. But even that excuse now was chipping at the edges.
Because he was becoming absorbed by the boy. Absorbed by his light. His interest had left him constantly within the presence of the boy. He was getting too close, too friendly.
He couldn't make friends with the boy that was going to die. That was only setting himself up for hurt, for pain.
And he wasn't as self sacrificing as Allen. He would not do that to himself.
Not consciously, anyway.
Allen watched the sun rise over the horizon.
He couldn't sleep. Surprising, really. He was so exhausted all the time and sleep was like a dream of his. All he wanted was to be unaware for a couples hours, just floating in a soft and quiet abyss.
And yet he couldn't sleep.
He would lie in bed and fall unconscious, very much the same as sleep.
But only a demon could call nightmares, sleep.
So he had left his room, left the sparse and dark place. He ventured into the dark halls, only the beginnings of the sun to illuminate his surroundings. He walked aimlessly, barefoot and thinly clothed. His nightshirt swamped him, and the elastic of his sweatpants was slipping off his hips. Originally he thought the elastic was getting old, but he quickly realised the real problem.
He was getting thin. Too thin.
His innocence was starting to sap the natural energy and body mass he had. Eat away at his much needed body fat, especially at this time of year. He was always cold.
Not even the comforting soups and hot pots could make a dent in the ever aching cold he felt, residing deep in his bones.
He was lucky he didn't have a mirror in his room, he would have absolutely hated it. Because now, not only did he have his own personal horror, he had this stick of a body to be the second thing looking back at him.
His appearance was simply ghastly now.
He knew because the last time he looked was last week. Since then he'd learned not to look. But he'd seen. And even then it was bad.
He knew it had only gotten worse.
It was easy to hide the damage before. Just wearing more and more layers. And nobody had looked twice, seeing as it was freezing outside. He wore so much, and yet he wasn't any warmer. But now, he knew, it was only going to get harder to hide. He was always very slender, but now he was only skinny. He had barely any meat left on his thighs and arms.
He knew he wasn't even going to be able to run next time Tyki came at him. His legs would crumple beneath him.
And now his cheeks where beginning to sink ever so slightly. A light curve to his cheeks, bringing forward his cheek bones. It was alright, for now. But soon it was going to be very obvious to anybody that saw him.
It had been almost a month since he and Komui had talked about their plan. He had asked Allen to move aside so he could expose this to their superiors without Allen being questioned.
Komui went to great extent to keep his exorcists away from them. And Allen couldn't be anything but grateful. Every time he saw them it felt like bugs where crawling under his skin, the weight of their stares tearing apart everything he had to protect himself, exposing him. And he hated it, because it made him feel vulnerable.
Allen pushed it to the back of his mind, curling up on the plushy window seat. He pulled his knees under his chin, wrapping his arms around them tightly, as though they could warm him up at all.
He watched the sun as it rose over the ocean, lighting up the sky with a fierce orange as it emerged from the horizon. The dark and rolling sea lightened at its touch, reflecting the brilliance bestowed upon it.
It was beautiful in its simplicity.
There wasn't much left in the world for Allen to wonder about. To stare at and simply be happy to be graced by its presence. There wasn't much of anything that Allen could be surprise be about.
It was in his profession to always have the knowledge of the world. He wasn't like the others that lived in this earth. He knew the earth wasn't flat and that you wouldn't fall off it where it met the horizon. He had enough basic knowledge about the world that the things many grew excited over was just generic things to him.
Like, the technology they had was above their age. What they had developed would take another hundred years for the rest of the world to figure out.
They were almost above the rest of the world. A separate entity.
And the High Generals liked it that way. They didn't care much about humans, they used to, by the way. It was just another thing that had been lost to them in their war. Everything else, even the people they fought to protect, had been lost to their hate and revenge.
Because their side was no better in that department, no better than the Noah's they fought. It was the horrible truth.
And history told that wars were never really won through revenge and hate. But that was all the High Generals functioned off now. Everything else had fallen away.
And Allen knew, soon they would all fall too.
He knew that everyone else was going down with them. Every single soul on this earth. Every beating heart. Every single human being would fall.
And it would be the High Generals fault. It wouldn't be the Earls fault.
It pained Allen to admit it. It pained him to know that there was no light and dark in this war, like he'd always chose to believe. It was just some black and a whole lot of dark grey.
It was all very dark, all very twisted. Yes, war called for extreme measures. But...you could only go so far until you became the exact same evil you fought against. Became one and the same.
And they were very very close.
Allen hated it. Hated the darkness. Hated the thing that had clung to him his whole life, hiding him in its shadow. The thing that lingered in his mirror. The thing that resided in their High Generals hearts. The thing that the Earl had become the personification of.
He hated it all.
Yes, he still hated the earl. Hated him with a fiery passion. But he want naive enough to think about black and white anymore. To think about the good and the bad.
Because everyone had evil within their hearts. Allen knew he did. Everyone had a little thing inside them, whispering sickly sweet words that sounded so damn nice.
It was the reason there was murder and slander in this world. It was the reason there were pirates and robbers. It was that tiny voice that some people had listened to. Let it grow louder and louder until they couldn't hear themselves think.
Allen's was considerably worse. Because his 'little thing' wasn't so little. It was a another whole being inside him. One that was born from darkness.
So he had more than a little evil in his soul. In his body. Because this evil was seeping into him. It's overbearing pure darkness was warring with his own will. His will that seemed so fragile against it.
But he'd hung on. Kept himself sane.
But then you had the other part of him. The one that dressed in white but did something equally as dark.
His innocence.
Yes. It was good. Was great, actually. It did so much for so many people...but even that had a cost. Nothing on this earth was good simply because it could be.
There was always a cost.
So it was nice. Nice to wake up from the nightmares and watch something so natural and free. Watching the sun rise over the ocean like it had so many other times before. Even when body was watching. Because it was something that belonged on this earth. That was made for this earth. Because, neither the noah or the innocence was made for this earth. They didn't belong here.
He didn't belong here.
But, it wasn't surprising to him. He'd already go that memo, seeing as he was dying.
He didn't belong in the first place. He never belonged here, never did. Kids always teased him. His parents abandoned him long ago. Hell, the person that adopted him was only using him for Neah, his noah (but he could never truly admit it to himself).
But, he couldn't just curl into a ball and cry about it. It wasn't in his nature. He would walk his path. Not Mana's. Not Neah's. Not the High Generals. Nobody's but his own.
He would walk. He would do as he wanted. He would fight the battles because he believed it was for the good. Not anyone else. He was done letting people decide his life. Letting people play with him like a puppet on a string.
If he was going to die, he was going to die on his own terms.
And nobody could tell him otherwise.
Yay! A little bit longer than this usual shortness. Oh well.
Thankyou for all your reviews and love, especially you Will of the Abyss. I felt so happy after reading your review :D
God Bless,
SephrinaRose
