I remained in my suite, pacing back and forth in the living area. Should I go and try to find Jamie? Should I stay here? I didn't know the answers to these questions, but I knew one answer for certain. The engines shouldn't have stopped. After a few more moments of tossing ideas around in my head, I decided that staying put was the safest option. If something serious would happen I'm sure Jamie would try to come and find me.
About thirty minutes after the initial shudder, there was a knock on my door. I ran to quickly open it hoping to see Jamie on the other side. When I opened the door there was a man in his thirties standing there in his White Star Line uniform. I was instantly disappointed.
"Excuse me Miss, but the captain has instructed everyone to put their life belts on, and head up to the deck."
"Is there something wrong?"
"Just taking precautionary measures Miss. And dress warmly, it's a bit cold out tonight." He said before turning and knocking on my neighbor's door.
I immediately ran to my bedroom, stripping off my night gown. I quickly pulled on my dress, leaving my corset behind; it was too much of a fuss, and if something was seriously wrong, it wasn't worth the extra time. I dug into the back of my closet searching for the heavy coat my aunt insisted I bring with me. I didn't think it would be necessary at the time, but now I was thankful.
Before running out of my room I grabbed my gloves and life jacket and headed straight for the deck. Hopefully I would see Jamie and he would let me know the seriousness of tonight's events. I walked straight towards the lifts, cramming myself into the already crowded space. I tried to tune out the idle chatter that was occurring around me, keeping my focus on one thing.
As the lifts opened I was greeted with an unwelcome burst of cold. It was extremely cold out. I wrapped my jacket around me, trying to conceal in as much warmth as possible. There were very few people on deck, I assume because of the cold, so most decided to wait inside where warm tea was being distributed. I on the other hand didn't mind the cold, because I had another mission in mind, and it wasn't to stay warm.
I walked towards the bridge looking for any man in uniform at this point. There was chaos everywhere; most of the men were trying to get the lifeboats ready. This really must not be good if they're going through all this trouble. I spotted a uniform, and ran up quickly, only to find it was Harry. At least it was a familiar face.
"Harry! Have you seen Jamie?" I said a bit breathless.
"Last I saw he was in the bridge with Lights, but that was about thirty minutes ago. He might be up here on deck somewhere. Try the other side of the ship." Harry pointed across from him. I gave him a small smile and shouted "thanks" as I headed off in that direction.
Another ten minutes of searching and I finally saw him about fifteen feet away.
"Jamie!" I shouted. Amongst all the noise, he actually heard me, and turned his head. He wasted no time rushing over towards me.
"Winnie what are you doing here? You should be on a lifeboat!"
"What's going on Jamie?" I said, ignoring his comment. If he thinks I'm getting off this ship without him than he has lost it.
"Winnie, all you need to know is that it's serious, and I need to know that you are safe in a lifeboat away from this ship."
"Jamie. Please what is going on?" I pushed further.
He grabbed me by my elbow and led me away from curious ears.
"The ship hit an iceberg. Titanic is sinking."
I covered my mouth in shock. I started shaking remembering what Jamie said about the lifeboats. There weren't enough, not even for half. I looked over his shoulder at the faces around me. Most of these people weren't going to live to see the sun rise. Involuntary tears started to pour down my cheeks.
"I need to know your safe. You must get on a lifeboat at once Winnie. Do you hear me?" he said grabbing me by the shoulders.
"Not without you."
"I don't want to argue about this. You must get on a lifeboat. I will feel a lot better knowing you're safe."
"And I will feel the same way knowing you are safe if you're in that lifeboat with me." I stated coming off a bit harsh.
"I can't do that Winnie. There is work to be done."
"Can't you man the lifeboat I get in? Please Jamie. I can't leave you, not when I just found you." The unwelcome tears kept rolling down my face. I was scared. Scared to die, scared to live. If I survived and Jamie didn't, I don't know what I would do. The thought of me not surviving this night was unwelcome, knowing the life I could live with him would be tarnished.
"Winnie, please. I am begging you to just get in a lifeboat." I looked up into his eyes, and saw one single tear roll down. Jamie was scared, which was making me even more of a wreck.
"But what if I lose you? What if I live and you don't?"
"Winnie, that won't happen. We have a wedding to prepare for, remember?" he said, trying his hardest to smile.
"Jamieā¦please." I couldn't say anymore. I was exhausted. I felt that no matter what I could say or do, he wouldn't listen. He wouldn't get on a lifeboat with me. Well if he won't go with me, than I will just have to go with him.
"Fine. If you won't go with me Jamie, than I am staying with you. I refuse to lose you. I already lost someone in my life that special to me, and I will not let it happen again." I didn't even realize I was shouting.
"Alright!" he sighed. I had finally won. "You can stay with me ONLY if you get in one later."
I had nothing left to say, so instead I jumped into his arms and held him close. I wish I could stay here in his arms forever, but things needed to be done, and lives needed to be saved. He gave me a quick kiss on my lips before taking my hand and leading me back to where I had come from.
X
We had spent the last forty or so minutes helping as many women and children into the lifeboats as possible. There were times where Jamie was asked to go help elsewhere, but he promised he would come right back, and he did. The ship was considerably unlevel. The entire front of the ship had succumbed to its icy grave. The band had been playing; trying to keep the passengers spirits light, when such a tragedy around them was occurring. Officer after officer kept being placed in boats, and I anxiously waited for when Jamie would catch the next one.
Harry and Charles were helping fill the next lifeboat when Charles shouted.
"One of you two man this boat."
"Go on Jamie, take this one."
"No Harry you go. I'll catch the next one." He looked at me. "There is one person we need to say goodbye and good luck to before we leave."
"Alright mate. Best of luck to you." Harry said before hopping into the lifeboat.
Jamie walked over to me, grabbed my elbow and led me indoors. We walked through the dining room and into the smoking room, where I saw Thomas standing, alone.
"Thomas! What are you doing? You must get to a lifeboat." I ran over to him
"Winnie! What are you still doing here? You should be far away from this place!"
"I wasn't leaving without Jamie." I said looking over to him, as he stood awkwardly by the door.
"My young dear Winnie. I'm sorry I didn't build you a stronger ship. This is all my fault." The man looked defeated.
"No Thomas! You can't think like that. This isn't your fault. Things happen, and you can't blame yourself for it."
"I should have pushed for more lifeboats. I didn't fight hard enough." Tears started to roll down his cheeks. This wasn't a side of Thomas I ever thought I would see. A man who always had a smile on his face, and kind words to share. I never expected to see him like this, and I knew that his heart was dying, just like Titanic.
"Please Thomas! Don't do this!"
"Winnie. It would be wrong of me to take a seat away from a woman or child. It's not right. I must go down-"
"Please don't say it! I don't want to hear you say those words!"
"But I'm afraid that's the way it is." He spoke trying to keep back his tears. He caressed my cheek lightly. "You will make a beautiful bride. You hold a very special place in my heart, and I want you to know that I will always be with you." He whispered, looking me in the eyes.
Tears continuously poured down my face. My chances of making it out of here alive were getting slimmer by the minute. Thomas wasn't going to come with me. He wanted to go down with his pride and joy; his creation. The thought of him remaining here made me sick.
"Winnie, you must go now. Before there are no more lifeboats left."
"I'll just give you two a moment to say goodbye." Jamie said before stepping out of the smoking room and back into the dining room.
"Thomas. You have become the father I never really had. I want to thank you for the last few days. I know they weren't much. I wish I had more time to get to know you better, but at least I had the few days with you that I did. I thank you for that."
"Oh Winnie, the pleasure has been all mine."
I looked up at him, tears streaming, and blurring my vision.
"I'm scared Thomas."
"I am too."
"I don't want to lose another father." Uncontrollable sobs erupted, and Thomas held me in his arms. The faint sounds of the band could be heard; Nearer My God to Thee.
"Like I said my darling, I will always be with you in spirit. And who knows, someday we will meet again. Whether it's in heaven or in another life. I love you like you are one of my own, and I wish you the best."
I hugged him harder.
"I'm going to miss you so much."
"And I you. Now you must get going, there isn't much time left. I'll walk you out." I gave him one final hug, and he walked me to the door.
"Like I said Winnie, we will see each other again." I smiled at him.
"Goodbye Thomas."
"Goodbye Winnie."
I turned to walk out the dining room, but before leaving I turned my head once more. Thomas was gone. I would never see him again. I would never be greeted by his smiles, or his kind words. Thomas Andrews, the man that became the father I needed in my life, had retreated back to his grave.
X
Jamie and I ran through the ship trying to make it back out on deck. I used the back of my hand to remove the last of the tears on my face, trying to forget the Thomas I just saw, and trying to remember the Thomas I knew.
We made it back out on deck, and the cold hit me once more, making me instantly shiver. If the air was this cold, the water was freezing. If Jamie and I didn't find a boat, our chances of survival were minimal. Jamie ran up to Wilde.
"Henry! Are there any more boats?"
"I'm not sure! I just lowered the last one on this side. Check the other side of the ship."
Jamie wasted no time dragging me along through the crowds to the other side. The fear was setting in, that this may be the last hour I spend on earth. As we passed through the crowds Jamie approached Charles.
"Lights! Please tell me there is another lifeboat!"
"Afraid not Jamie. We got collapsible B here, were trying to get down, but I'm afraid she's all we have left.
"Shit!"
"Jamie it's going to be okay." I tried to remain as calm as possible, but the shakiness in my voice made it unconvincing. Jamie pushed his way through up to help Charles get the boat down. They were able to get it hooked up so it could be lowered in. By that point there was really no need, the water had risen so much. It seemed that the sinking was picking up speed, or time was just flying. Either or, I knew that we were testing fate.
There was suddenly a loud snap, and the cables supporting the smoke stacks, broke off, flying into the water. The stacks started to rock, until one completely fell on the opposite side we were on. You could hear the deadly screams coming from the other side of the ship, followed by the stack making contact with the water. I closed my eyes hoping it was all just a dream, and it would disappear. But the screams and whistles wouldn't go away. This time I wasn't dreaming. This was reality, and my life was in the hands of Jamie.
There was sudden chaos, many people, mostly men, trying to get a spot on the boat. I was pushed and pulled out of the way, until I couldn't see Jamie anymore. I kept screaming his name hoping he would come and get me. But the noise was too loud, and there was no chance.
The water had just started to touch my feet, and it was so cold. It felt like I was being stabbed, and the thought of this surrounding my entire body made me even more fearful. Instincts started to kick in, and if I wasn't going to find a spot on this boat, I was going to get a spot in another boat. Jamie was an officer, and his authority would surely get him a seat on the boat with Charles. It was just a matter of time for him to come and find me.
I wrapped my coat around me tighter and took the small jump into the water. At first I was paralyzed, I couldn't even breathe it was so cold. Finally the lifebelt did its job and made me surface. I looked back to see the boat, and it had capsized.
"Winnie!"
I looked up to see Jamie standing on the edge of Titanic looking down at me. He looked in the direction of the boat than looked at me. Suddenly he jumped in causing a splash around me. He emerged seconds later, his teeth chattering.
"Wha-what are you do-doing?" he stuttered trying to catch his breath.
"I was g-going to f-find another b-b-boat." My teeth rattled so hard I thought they were going to fall out.
"Well w-we need to s-swim away. F-find something t-to float on u-until help comes." He grabbed my hand and started to swim away from Titanic.
As we were paddling away I heard a loud groan followed by a crack. I whipped my head around to see what had happened. Titanic had split in two. The front half had fully sunken into the water, and the back half of the ship fell back flat into the Atlantic. Thomas. Stop it Winnie. I scolded myself. I needed to focus on the situation at hand. I could mourn later. The back half of Titanic started to rise again until it was standing completely vertical. All the while Jamie kept pulling me along as far away from the ship as he could.
He suddenly found two pieces of debris from the ship floating near each other. I grabbed onto one as he did the other. It held the top portion of our body, but our legs down remained submerged in the black icy water.
I watched on as the Titanic started to descend into the water. There was screaming and crying from all around, and it was tough to look at and listen to. Meanwhile I'm trying to regain some semblance of what was happening. I looked up to where Titanic was quickly plunging into the water, watching it. It was quick, too quick. Within minutes Titanic had succumbed to its resting place.
