Disclaimer: Glee and The Fantastic Four do not belong to me.
Studies have shown that people convince themselves that they're acting rationally when making major decisions- where to go to college, what to major in, who to kiss or not kiss-when they're really acting on unconscious impulses. The human brain simply can't handle all the complexities that life offers, so emotions kick in and end up making the call. And when that call blows, people don't understand why.
- Charmed Thirds
"Quinn! Open up!" Rachel screamed, incessantly banging on Quinn's door for added emphasis. She'd already tried Brittany's room, so she hoped they were hanging out in Quinn's room. "Quinn! Brittany! Open up!"
"Rachel? What's the problem? Why are you pounding on the door?" Quinn asked as she opened the door. Rachel didn't answer, simply pushing Quinn aside as she stomped past Quinn into the room.
"What's going on?" Brittany asked from her position on the bed, her hair in large curlers and her face covered in a green mud mask. Quinn sat down next to Brittany, her own face covered in a pink mud mask. "Where's Sam?"
"I…he…then I…slapped…not Sam…" Rachel blurted out, her mouth unable to keep up with her stream of thoughts.
"Slow down, you're not making any sense. Where's Sam?" Quinn asked, holding her hands up in an attempt to make Rachel slow down.
Before Rachel could answer, the bathroom door opened. "Ok ladies, let's continue with our facials! Now remem- Oh, hello Rachel. Want to have a facial with us?"
Rachel whirled around at the sound of Kurt's voice. "Hello, Kurt. If that is in fact your real name," she hissed.
Although Rachel couldn't see it, Kurt blanched under his chocolate face mask. "What...what do you mean?"
"Oh, don't play dumb. I'm sure you were in on this," Rachel accused, pointing a finger at Kurt.
"In on what? What is going on?" Quinn asked again, looking from Kurt to Rachel.
"Yeah, Rachel. Where's Sam?" Brittany added.
"Sam? You want to know where Sam is? Why don't you ask Kurt? Or better yet, Finn?" Rachel said scathingly, crossing her arms and glaring at Kurt, who threw his hands in the air.
"I told him it was a stupid idea!" he cried. "I told him it was going to blow up in his face, but did he listen? Of course not! He was all 'I couldn't stop staring at her; this could be something, Kurt' and 'Help me out Kurt'."
"And you did? How could you?" Rachel demanded.
"WHAT IS GOING ON?" Quinn yelled, honestly confused. "Who's Finn?"
"Finn is Sam," Rachel replied simply. "Kurt's brother was only pretending to be Sam."
"That wasn't Sam?" Brittany asked stupidly. "But you had The Moment."
"No, it was a fraud. That wasn't Sam, so it couldn't have been the moment," Rachel insisted stubbornly. She'd been trying to convince herself of that ever since she'd left the elevator, and now she almost believed it. Throwing herself onto a chair across from the bed, she glared at Kurt. "He probably goes around lying to girls and saying what they want to hear just to get them into bed."
"No. Finn's not like that at all," Kurt blurted out, trying to defend his brother. "He's the complete opposite of a player."
"Right. Like I believe you. You were his accomplice in all this." Rachel continued to glare at him, daring him to deny it.
"Rachel, I swear on my wardrobe that I'm telling you the truth. Finn's not that kind of guy. He's good looking, yes, but honestly has no clue. He could have a lot of girls, but he's oblivious, clumsy and too nice for his own good."
"Uh huh." Rachel rolled her eyes in disgust. "You're just saying that."
"It's true. You were with him all day; he didn't do anything stupid or clumsy?" Kurt insisted.
"He did fall out of the rowboat," Rachel admitted, giggling in spite of herself and then blushing at the memory of their kiss.
"Rowboat?" Kurt asked sharply.
"Yes, we took a ride in a rowboat on a lake. He actually surprised me when he said it was just like-"
"The Little Mermaid?" Kurt finished for her, attempting to arch an eyebrow. His now stiff mask made this impossible, so he settled for running his hand along his hair instead.
"Yes, how did you know?" Rachel looked at him. Here was a chance to see if everything Finn had said was a lie. She stared at Kurt, waiting to see if his story matched Finn's.
"He and Carole have an obsession with that movie. Apparently they used to always watch it together when he was little, but now I think it's like a source of comfort for him. Last year, when he got dumped by that awful Santana, Carole made him his favorite dinner and afterwards they watched The Little Mermaid and Robin Hood."
"Really? That's so sweet! He's tall like Prince Eric, and you can sing like Ariel, Rachel!" Brittany exclaimed, clapping her hands happily as she turned to Kurt. "Does he have a dog?"
"Carole always used to tell him, and me later on, not to be distracted by evil imposters like Vanessa because when you meet your Ariel, or in my case Prince Eric, you just know," Kurt went on, ignoring Brittany's question. "I know my brother, and I saw the way he was looking at you. I wouldn't doubt it if Carole's words were running through his head when he met you."
"But he lied. He could have told me at any point today and he didn't."
"Wait, did you tell him?" Brittany asked. "About-"
"Brits, don't you need to get that stuff off your face?" Quinn interrupted, giving Brittany a meaningful look, hoping Brittany caught on. Fortunately, she did, and left to rinse her face off, humming "Under the Sea" as she went. Quinn turned back to Rachel, taking in the way portions of her hair clumped to her head, making her wonder if Finn wasn't the only one who'd fallen out of the boat. "And you, why is your hair a mess and your clothes damp?"
Rachel blushed. "I may have fallen out of the rowboat too." She patted her hair self consciously. "Actually, I didn't fall in. Sam, I mean Finn, pulled me in after he fell in."
"See? I told you, he's a clumsy oaf, not a suave ladies man," Kurt said. "You've been walking around all day in wet clothes?"
"Fine. He's a clumsy liar. And no, we didn't walk around all day in wet clothes. I found a clearing and we dried our shirts on a rock." She smiled for a second, thinking of his hands and how good they'd felt as they roamed all over her body, until she remembered his lie. "The only reason I found out his real name was because of two men from your tour who interrupted us in the elevator."
"What do you mean, interrupted us?" Quinn asked slyly. She'd also noticed the blush earlier, and assumed she'd get the details once Kurt left, but Rachel had just given her the perfect opportunity to find out. "Is that a hickey on your neck?"
Rachel blushed again, her hand coming up to cover the spot, trying not to remember just how that got there.
"Okayyyyyy. Don't want to hear that stuff about my brother. I'm going to wash my mask off," Kurt announced, walking into the bathroom as a mask free Brittany came back and settled on the bed next to Quinn.
He walked into the bathroom, shutting the door. It didn't close completely behind him, but he figured it didn't matter since he was only washing his face. He quickly rinsed off the mask, the sound of the water drowning out Rachel's description of how she got that hickey. He began patting his face dry with a towel, groaning when he realized he could hear their conversation again.
"So? Did you tell him?" Brittany asked. "What did he say when he found out you're engaged?"
"Nothing, because I didn't tell him."
Kurt's mouth dropped open in shock. Rachel was engaged? She was giving Finn shit for lying about his name when she was engaged? He felt his rage growing and he reached for the door prepared to have the Diva of all smackdowns with Rachel for screwing with his brother. He paused, his hand on the handle, when he heard Rachel speak again.
"I'm calling off my wedding." It was spoken quietly, and Kurt almost missed it. He stood still waiting to hear what came next.
"Rachel, are you sure? That's a big step," Quinn said, a concerned tone to her voice.
"I'm positive. For a while, I've felt that something was missing and now I know what it is."
Kurt leaned closer to the door, wanting to make sure he didn't miss anything.
"What was missing?"
"Jesse's not my soul mate. One afternoon spent with Finn and I felt more comfortable than I ever did with Jesse. Every time he kissed me, I felt it all over my body and I never wanted it to end. It just made realize everything that was wrong with my relationship with Jesse. If it was that amazing with Finn, imagine what it will be like when the real Sam comes."
"So what are you going to do? How will you find Sam?"
He peeked out the door to see that Quinn had moved next to Rachel, one arm around her, while Brittany remained on the bed, appearing deep in thought, if that was possible.
"Well, right now, I'm going to my room to call Jesse. I'll let you know what happens."
Kurt could hear the determination in her voice, and he was slightly in awe at the fact that she was about to call off her wedding simply because she'd hung out (and made out, it seemed) with his brother. The door slammed a moment later, leaving Kurt unsure of what to do. Should he go out there and act like he'd heard nothing or should he demand answers?
Opening the door, he quickly made his choice.
He had a secret to keep.
For now.
Rachel held the phone tightly to her ear, listening to the phone ring relentlessly. Oddly, she was completely calm, considering she was about to cancel her wedding and end her life as she knew it.
"Hello?" Jesse's groggy voice picked up after the third ring. Part of Rachel had hoped that he wouldn't answer and she could just leave a message, but she knew that wasn't fair to him.
"Hi, Jesse," Rachel said quietly. "Were you sleeping? Did I wake you?"
"Rachel, is that you? Why are you calling me now? What number is this? I left you my itinerary; if you had bothered to check it, you'd have known that I'd be taking my nap right now. I don't know how many times I have to tell you how important my sleep is-"
"We need to talk." The words left Rachel's mouth quickly, cutting Jesse off mid ramble.
"Is this about the song list for the wedding? Because I told you that-"
"I can't marry you." The instant the words left her mouth, the sense of relief that washed over her was incredible, and she knew she was doing the right thing. There was silence on the other end for a moment or two.
"Very funny Rachy. Now about that song list. I called the DJ this morning and-"
"I'm serious Jesse. I can't marry you. I've been doing a lot of thinking, and this is what's best for me," Rachel insisted. "I've felt like this for a while."
"Are you kidding me? You're doing this two weeks before my wedding? Why have you never said anything before?" Jesse's well modulated voice was starting to get a note of panic in it. "Where is this coming from Rachel?"
"It's coming from a lot of thinking and soul searching." She paused for a moment, her voice dropping to a whisper. "I didn't know when I met you that I'd marry you."
"So? I didn't know either, nobody does, Rachy."
"Quinn knew Noah was for her. So did Brittany and my grandparents. They all knew as soon as they met their significant other," Rachel said firmly. "And don't call me Rachy. I've always hated it."
"Rachel, what's gotten into you? Have you been reading those stupid horoscopes again?"
"No! I tried telling you before you left, and you brushed me off. I've known for a while that something was missing from our relationship but couldn't put my finger on it and now I know what it is." She struggled to find a way to explain what she was feeling. "I don't feel anything when we kiss."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"It has everything to do with it. If we were truly meant to be together, a kiss from you should make my whole body tingle and it should feel like a slow steady burn every time. I should be able to feel what you're feeling." Rachel paused; pleased at the way she'd managed to describe how she felt when Finn kissed her. "I shouldn't want it to end. When you and I kiss, it's over and we just go on with our lives. It shouldn't be like that. When we kiss, I should want to jump back into your arms and keep kissing until I don't have anything left. I don't feel that when I'm with you."
"So what are you saying?"
"I love you Jesse, but I'm not in love with you." She knew it was true. She loved Jesse like she loved her favorite old college t-shirt. It was comfortable and she knew when she put it on that it would be soothing, but it would never make her feel desired or sexy.
"You're telling me that because of how you feel when we kiss, you won't marry me?" Jesse's voice came louder through the phone, not bothering to hide the panic in his voice. "I can't be a bad kisser! Thousands of people have watched me emote emotion through my kisses on stage every night and believed me! Not to mention that I've never gotten any bad feedback from my leading ladies!"
"See there you go. I just told you that I don't feel anything when we kiss, and right away you start talking about your leading ladies. I should be what you think of when you talk about leading ladies, but I'm not and I never have been to you. And I'm not talking about technique. It's more than that." She paused momentarily, when a question popped into her head. "Do you know The Fantastic Four?"
"The Fantastic Four?" Jesse didn't bother to hide the bewilderment in his voice. "Rachel, are you drunk?"
"Hear me out. Each member of The Fantastic Four has a superpower, like turning into rubber, having the ability to make fire, super strength or becoming invisible. If you had to pick one of those to be your superpower, which would you choose?" She held her breath, waiting to hear what his answer would be. Why this was so important, she didn't know, but she knew that a lot depended on his answer.
"This is stupid. First you're telling me about what a crappy kisser I am, and now you're asking me about powers I'd want?"
"It's not stupid," Rachel insisted. "Think about it. Which one would you have? There's conditions with being invisible and having super strength though. Every time you go invisible you lose your clothes and if you want super strength you have to look like a rock. So which one would you choose?"
"This is insane. What the hell are you talking about? Superpowers?" Jesse demanded. "You really are drunk, aren't you? You know how I feel about you drinking. You tend to do stuff that embarrasses me. Remember the Christmas party?"
"I've never been more sober. And my singing Shakira didn't embarrass you. You should have been more embarrassed at the fact that you were annoying your cast mates with your constant criticism," she snapped, annoyed that he was bringing up her singing "Whenever, wherever" at the party. So what if she'd always liked that song? She was allowed to like songs other than Broadway classics.
If she had any doubts that she was doing the right thing, the fact that he refused to answer her simple question and play her game banished all doubts. "Why won't you answer the question?" she demanded.
"Rachel. First of all, having super powers is impossible, so why waste time thinking about it and second of all, I'm not six and playing with my Fabulous Four action figure."
"It's Fantastic Four." Rachel didn't bother to conceal the coldness in her voice now.
"Whatever. The point is is that this is a pointless conversation and I feel stupider as a result of it." She could almost picture him rolling his eyes on the other end of the line.
"It's not stupid. This is part of the problem. You never listen to me and what I want or like. Sometimes I feel like I'm just an accessory to you." Exasperated, Rachel began pacing the room, wishing she could just hang up the phone and be done with him.
"You haven't gone to the press with this have you?"
She could hear the full fledged panic in his voice now, knowing that he was horrified at the thought of the press finding out he'd been dumped before he could do damage control. Rachel rolled her eyes. The fact that she was trying to explain to him how she was feeling and all he was concerned about was his public image just solidified the fact that Jesse wasn't right for her.
"Is that all you think about? Can't you ever just be Jesse, and not Jesse St. James, Broadway star? If you were ever just Jesse, then you would actually think about me, and how I feel about things. You'd be concerned about my thoughts and feelings; instead, it's all about you and your image. Do you realize that through all these months of wedding planning, you have never once called it our wedding, but always referred to it as your wedding? I often felt that I was going to be a guest at my own wedding! Sometimes I think you should just go and marry yourself!" Rachel tugged at her still damp hair in frustration, wishing she could make Jesse understand, but not regretting what she had just said.
"Is there someone else?"
"No," Rachel said firmly. She'd never told him about Sam Evans before; she didn't see why she should now and despite how the day had ended, she couldn't help but smile at the memories that had been created today. "But there is the idea of one."
"The idea of one? You're not making any sense. I'm coming home. Clearly you need medical help."
"Don't bother coming home early. It won't do you any good because I'm not going to change my mind. Anyway, I'm not home."
"But-"
"Goodbye Jesse. Please don't call me again." She hung up the phone before he could say anything else.
She hadn't lied when she said there wasn't anybody else.
Then why did Finn's face pop into her head immediately?
"Finn?"
Finn didn't answer, hoping Kurt would go away. He stayed still on the bed, one arm thrown over his eyes, lying in the same position he'd been in since he'd come back to their hotel room –alone- and flung himself on the bed.
No such luck.
"Finn?" Kurt repeated, as he stumbled around the dark room, attempting to locate his brother.
"Go away, Kurt."
"I know all about it. I was in Quinn's room when Rachel came back," Kurt said, locating the light switch and flooding the room, illuminating Finn's prone body on one of the beds.
"Did you come here to gloat about being right and having it blow up in my face? How much does she hate me?" Finn asked flatly without removing his arm from over his eyes.
"She's pretty pissed," Kurt admitted. "But, I don't think she hates you. In fact, I think she likes you."
"Really?" Kurt's admission finally got Finn to remove his arm from over his eyes and actually sit up, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. Kurt saw that look in his eyes and held up his hand.
"Don't get me wrong. Right now, she'd like nothing more than to castrate you, but she couldn't stop blushing and giggling when she wasn't calling you a liar."
"So what did she say?" Finn shifted on the bed, realizing that his clothes were still damp. He pulled his shirt off and threw it in the direction of his suitcase, allowing Kurt to clearly see the love bites Rachel had left on his neck.
"She said that every time you kissed her, she felt it all over her body and she never wanted it to end." Kurt smirked. "Am I correct in assuming that since you two have matching hickeys that you felt like that too?"
"You have no idea, Kurt. It felt like the rest of the world just dropped away every time we kissed. I don't care if I sound like a pussy, dude, because I'm telling you, I've never met anyone like her. I was right when I told you this could be something." He grabbed a clean shirt and pulled it over his head before grabbing his cell phone and seeing that he had three missed calls from his mother. "You didn't tell Mom anything, did you?" he asked suspiciously.
"Um...she may have called while I was shopping with Quinn and Brittany and she may have asked where you were and I may have mentioned something about Rachel."
Finn groaned. "I can't call her now, not until this is all sorted out. What do you think I should do?" He started pacing the room, rubbing the back of his neck every few steps.
"Well, besides wear a cup whenever you're around her, I think you should try and explain once she's ready to hear it. But you should know that she's determined to find the real Sam."
Finn stopped mid-pace. "What? She can't do that!"
"I assure you she can and she will."
He resumed his pacing again. "Doesn't she realize that this guy could be a real douche? He could be old, gay, married or even be a Samantha!" The thought struck him as funny and he stopped pacing again. "On second thought, I hope he is."
Kurt opened his mouth to speak, just as someone started knocking on the door. "Well, unless you find Sam first, you're never going to know. I'm coming!" Kurt called to whoever was knocking. He opened the door to find Brittany standing there. "Come in."
Brittany walked in, handing Kurt a small tube. "You left your mud mask in Quinn's room." She stopped short when she realized who else was in the room. "Oh, hi Sam…I mean Finn!" she said cheerfully.
"Hi, Brittany. How's Rachel?" Finn asked, confused by her tone. Didn't girls usually stick together? By that logic, if Rachel hated him, Quinn and Brittany should too. He eyed Brittany warily, watching in case she made any sudden movements towards his groin. He relaxed slightly when he saw her make her way past him towards the beds.
"She's pissed, but she'll get over it. You just need to keep trying," Brittany reasoned as she sat on Kurt's bed.
"Aren't you forgetting about Sam? She wants nothing to do with me. She told me to never speak to her again," Finn pointed out, practically spitting out the name Sam.
Brittany waved a hand dismissively. "I've known Rachel since we were eight years old. I was there for the prophecies, and I'm telling you, she doesn't mean that."
"What do you mean? She knows I'm not Sam and now she hates me." Finn threw himself on the bed opposite Brittany.
"She's going to find Sam," Kurt added. "She said so."
"Rachel has always believed in the idea of a soul mate and having the Moment. She told you about that right?" When Finn nodded affirmatively, she continued. "She spent years looking for Sam and she finally convinced herself that he wasn't coming and she needed to move on with her life. She did, but it was like she was just going through the motions." She turned to Kurt. "I know you were listening in the bathroom. Did you tell him?"
Kurt blushed and shook his head. "No."
"Tell me what?" Finn demanded, looking from Kurt to Brittany, who were having a silent conversation with their eyes about who should break the news to Finn. Kurt seemed to have won, so Finn turned to Brittany expectantly.
"Ok, promise me, you won't react until you hear everything I tell you. Promise me." Brittany implored, holding out a pinkie.
"Uh, I promise." Finn hooked his pinkie into hers, which seemed to satisfy Brittany.
"Alright, so like I was saying, when Sam never came, she convinced herself that she needed to move on with her life, and eventually she did. She met someone named Jesse and began dating him. I got the feeling though that she held out hope that Sam would still come, even when she was with Jesse. Eventually, he proposed and they're supposed to get married in 10 days. Stop!" Seeing that Finn had jumped off the bed, she held up her hands to keep Finn from reacting further. To his credit, he sat back down and waited for her to continue.
"Like I said, she was just going through the motions. For a while, I've felt like Rachel knew something was wrong with her relationship, but didn't know what to do about it. She started asking questions about everyone else's relationships and I knew she was comparing it to her own. So when I heard Alitalia call Sam's name, I was sure it was a sign that she needed to do something." She paused to make sure that both Finn and Kurt were paying attention. "I saw her reaction when she saw you get out of the elevator. I know Rachel, and I know that even though she denies it now, that was the Moment. From what I saw earlier, and then just now, you're good for her, better than Jesse is."
"But she's engaged to Jesse," Finn said bitterly. "So forget Sam and forget me."
"That's the thing. She's not. As we speak, she's calling Jesse and calling off her wedding. Because of you." Brittany looked at Finn, her eyes begging him to understand what she was trying to say. "She says she wants to find Sam, but what she doesn't realize yet is that she's already found him. You."
"Huh?" He could see Kurt nodding in understanding but he had no clue what Brittany meant.
"You're Sam. I know it." Brittany crossed her arms and dared either man in front of her to disagree with her. "You might not be Sam, but you're Sam. That's why you can't give up."
"That's what I was just saying. We just don't know what to do," Kurt confessed, seeing that Finn was trying to wrap his head around all that Brittany had just thrown at him.
Brittany smiled. "Well, fortunately for you, I have an idea."
A/N: I agree with Finn and Rachel. I'd totally want to be rubber like Mr. Fantastic, just because I'm super lazy like that.
