Chapter 9: What Isn't Remembered

Grell sat quietly on the bench, her back leaning heavily against the wall as she tried to prepare for the waves of pain that crashed upon her. Each time she winced and struggled not to make a sound, Eric would look at her compassionately. He opened his mouth a few times as if to say something, but would quickly shut it again each time, and Grell couldn't help but think he looked a bit like a fish. She giggled softly despite her efforts, although it sounded more like a moan when it passed through her lips.

"I really am sorry," Eric finally said. He seemed desperate to break the silence between them. "Honestly, I didn't try to pass the disease on to you. I thought I'd get it." He laughed bitterly. "I remember after coming back to the apartment Alan was first cured and looking at my chest. Of course, I didn't see any trace of the Thorns, but I just thought maybe it would come on gradually. Later, when I came by your office with Ronald, I saw how you winced when you put some weight on your wrist. I'd seen Alan do the same thing, so I knew then." He leaned his head against the wall and regarded the high ceiling as he continued. "I tried to deny it. I told myself that you weren't acting as excited as you should be and actually got angry with you. Still, I knew I was lying to myself. When I stopped by to apologize, I was really saying that I was sorry that you had the Thorns because of me. I was still in denial of it though, even after I saw your face. Of course, even lying to yourself has to come to an end at some point."

Grell winced as he came to the end of his rather long confession. "I guess I didn't exactly look my best when I answered the door," she said.

He snorted. "Is that what you're going to focus on?" he asked, "I'm trying to be apologize here. Can't you ever take anything seriously?"

"I can if I want to," she replied, "But since we're being serious, is that part of the reason you act like you hate me? Because I don't take things seriously enough for you?" There was a slight edge to her voice, but she honestly wanted to know the answer.

"I don't hate you," he admitted with a sigh, "Although I do think we have a habit on getting on each other's bad side. Maybe we're just too much alike."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well, we both have bad tempers that get the best of us at times, and we both have a tendency to get too caught up in things. It's like we lose our heads. Do you understand?"

"I guess," she answered, conceding that Eric might be right.

Before they could say anything else, William walked back into the room and Grell couldn't help but notice that he was more than a little pale. He was doing his best to hold in any emotions, but it appeared to be a losing battle. In that moment she knew exactly what the council had decided.

She was going to die.

Eric immediately jumped to his feet at the sight of William. "Well, what did they say?" he asked, "What happens next?"

William looked up at him, but shook his head slowly in lieu of any sort of explanation. It hurt Grell to see her beloved looking so lost and without a sign of his usual confidence. She rose slowly to her feet and started to walk towards him in hopes of providing some comfort, but her body betrayed her. Her legs crumpled beneath her and she let out a little cry of surprise as fell, but suddenly William was by her side. He caught her just before she fell and held her upper body in his arms as he sat on the floor. It was so much like the first time when she had collapsed in her office, and Grell was almost startled beyond words. Here she was again in his arms, and it felt good despite the circumstances. "William," she said, her voice sounding hoarse to her own ears, "They've decided, haven't they?"

William nodded and he pushed aside a few strands of hair from her face. The feeling of his fingers grazing her skin was exciting and for a minute Grell considered asking if this was all a dream. Without asking or giving any explanation for his actions, William suddenly removed one of his gloves and began stroking her hair as if she was a cat. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation. Forget asking if this was a dream. If this was all some illusion created by her sleeping mind, she didn't want to wake up any time soon.

After a few minutes, Grell opened her eyes and looked up at him. "William," she began.

"Yes?"

"This almost makes it all worth it." A part of her had guessed at what the council's decision would be as soon as they came here, and she wanted to let William know that she had accepted it. After all, why would he be sitting here stroking her hair if she wasn't about to die.

To her surprise, William's eyes twitched and she saw the most beautiful tear escape his right eye and slide down to rest on his cheek. She was still looking at the tear when he leaned forward and kissed her very gently on the lips.

There were rumors being carried about by far too eager mouths that she was either extremely promiscuous who was unable to keep her clothes on around any remotely attractive man, or she was a shy, innocent virgin that couldn't beg someone enough for them to actually touch her. Like most rumors, the truth lay between the two extremes. She had been kissed before, although her lips weren't nearly as active as some would care to believe, but William's kiss was still the best she had ever received. It wasn't greedy or even passionate, but there was a purity to the chaste touch of his mouth. She had been wrong before. This had been all worth it.

Even with her eyes closed, she could see a bright light pierce slightly though her eyelids. It began to surround her body, and she could feel the warmth of the light as it fell upon her skin. She didn't want this to end just yet, but she steadied herself for the inevitable. At least she had been able to enjoy this moment with William before her final moments.

He moved away, but he was still close enough that she could feel the warmth of his breath against her skin. "I only wish that you'll be able to remember this," he whispered, his trembling lips so close to her.

She wanted to tell him that she could never forget this moment, but it seemed that the times for words had passed. The decision had been made and now it was time to face the consequences.

((X))

Grell awoke suddenly, the remnants of a dream crumbling and fading into nothingness in the morning light, as she sat up in bed. It was a nice dream, whatever it had been, and she still felt so warm and secure. Her lips tingled and there was a touch of moisture on her check. Curious, she brought her fingers to her face and was surprised to find a tear. She didn't think that she had been crying, but had no idea from where the tear might have come.

Not being overly concerned, she put on her glasses as she jumped out of bed. Normally, she despised mornings, but something about this morning felt special and new. She almost felt as if she had been reborn, which was a singularly unusual state of mind for a reaper. Stepping into her bathroom, she greeted her reflection which was happy to see looked especially bright and exuberant today before setting about getting ready for work. With a bounce in her step, she got prepared for the day.

Everything fell into place so easily that Grell actually found herself with time for spare for a change. Humming a happy tune, she started to leave her apartment when something caught her eye lying underneath a nearby desk. Curious, she bent down to retrieve the crumpled piece of paper which she discovered to be a hurried note to William. "When did I write this?" she wondered aloud. It was certainly her handwriting and those were her innermost thoughts scattered upon the page, but she could never imagine being so brutally honest about her feelings. Besides, according to the letter she had asked William directly about a relationship between them, and she was sure she would have remembered if she had done such a thing. Although Grell wasn't prone to drinking except for the occasional glass of wine, but she seriously questioned if she hadn't been drunk when she authored the letter. Now that she considered the matter, she couldn't really remember coming home last night or getting ready for bed. There had been some drinking at the party for Alan, but she couldn't remember taking as much as a single sip. All the events from last night were slightly hazy and muddled, however, so maybe she had drank something after all.

She shook her head slightly and decided to forget the issue for the moment. Besides, it didn't really matter now. Last night was the past and she was really only concerned with the present and the future. Throwing away the crumpled letter, she draped her precious red jacket about her shoulders and made her way to the office.

Ronald seemed surprised to see her as she strolled in casually and confidently. "Wow!" he gasped, dramatically falling out of his chair as if he had been shocked senseless. "You're on time!"

He returned to his chair and Grell playfully slapped him on the back of the head. "You don't have to sound so surprised," she grumbled, but the smile never left her face.

"Sutcliff," William began, walking up to the two, "I need to speak to you today after working hours."

"Why after hours?" Grell asked, taking a few steps closer and striking a provocative pose, "Is this perhaps the kind of discussion we wouldn't want innocent ears to hear?"

To her surprise, William didn't immediately chastise her for what he usually would have termed inappropriate behavior at work, nor did he look overly upset. "If I'm going to have overtime," he said simply, "Then so are you."

Grell started to ask how she had managed to cause overtime since she was on desk duty for the past two days, but she paused when she saw William look over her shoulder and an oddly pained look fell across his face. She turned and followed his gaze only to see a rather disheveled Eric standing there. The look in his eyes was enough to break even the coldest heart as he walked slowly to William.

"Something has happened," he announced in a choking voice.

William nodded. "Let's go to my office," he said and then briefly turned back to Grell. "You're to return to field work today. There are assignments on your desk." In his perpetually stoic manner, he turned and walked back towards his office. Eric fell into step behind him, but he shot a sharp look in Grell's direction as he walked past.

"What do you think's going on?" Ronald asked.

Grell shrugged. "I don't know. I hope that Alan hasn't gotten sick again."

"He couldn't be sick again! He looked fine at the party!" cried Ronald, "I mean, I thought he was cured."

"We all did."

"Hey, senior," Ronald began cautiously, "Eric really doesn't like you too much, does he?"

"And I still don't know why!" exclaimed Grell, before turning and providing Ronald with one of her signature poses, "I mean, who doesn't love me?"

Ronald laughed, but there was a still of a touch of uneasiness between them. Despite the way Eric might think of her, Grell was still concerned by his appearance. It would be a shame if Alan hadn't been cured after all, and she knew that it would practically destroy Eric. While she knew that she didn't always show it outwardly, but she did have sympathy for Eric and Alan – although it was tempered with just a touch of jealousy. After all, they had found love and she was still searching.

She walked down the familiar hall and opened the door to her office, but there she paused for just a moment as she looked down at the floor. Some tiny part of her mind insisted that something very important had happened right there with someone else, but she certainly had no memory of any such event. Besides, why would she had been lying on her floor with someone? Pretending to always have her mind firmly rooted in the gutted was finally starting to catch up with her.

Retrieving her assignments she saw that the measles outbreak had ended at last. Her first reaping of the day was a construction worker who was going to fall off of a roof and smash his head on some rocks below. It was bound to be a messy sight, although blood never bothered her. It was just another routine job on another routine day.

It was almost boring.

A/N: As you can see, lovely readers, I didn't kill Grell. What was the council's final decision and how did it affect everything? That will be revealed in the next two chapters.