AN: I lost my internet during a storm, so even as I write this I don't know when I'll have it back. If this is out really late, that's why guys. Sorry.
Acen was amazing, as I knew it would be. The best weekend of the year, and probably one of the best Acen's ever. I met up with a lot of friends I've made at the convention and talked to a lot of people. I also met some amazing Death Note cosplayers. It was a perfect weekend.
Chapter 9: Homecoming
Mello was ecstatic at the news of L coming back. Now that his initial disappointment of failing to defeat Near had passed, all that was left was excitement for L's reappearance.
We had all been worried about him. The Kira case was very dangerous. As usual though, L had solved the case and was returning to us.
I was glad, but I couldn't help but be a little jealous of him. It was ridiculous, since I monopolized most of Mello's social attention almost all the time, but I couldn't help it. Mello was always so happy to see L, and he was always so eager to prove himself to him. Sometimes I felt like I disappeared when L was around.
Preparations were under way for L's return. L was away pretty often working on cases, so time periods that he was in the house were rare. Plus he had been gone for over a year now, and it was one of the longest times (so I heard at least) that he had been away.
It was two days before L returned and Mello was simply ecstatic. I was glad Mello had gotten passed the whole Near thing for now, but I wished I could have been the one to help him out.
Summer classes were not in session yet. We got two weeks off after finals to relax before we had to sign up for classes. Today we were supposed to pick our new classes for the summer though. I was pretty decided on mine. Only three classes were required during the summer months, with a maximum of five. Even Wammy's recognized they had to give students a break. Or maybe they realized some students would work themselves to death if they could take as many courses as they wanted.
Mello was of course taking five classes, while I had, of course, opted for only three. I was taking a computer programming course only offered in summer. It was supposed to be a hard class to get into but I doubted I would have any problems. I had also opted for an upper psychology course. I wasn't totally decided on my third class yet. Maybe I'd just pick something Mello was taking; as long as it wasn't an English class.
"Mello what classes are you taking?" I asked, not looking up from my DS.
Mello carelessly tossed his course paper in my direction. I paused my DS and scanned it quickly, opting to follow him into languages. French had been on my list of languages to learn. Besides, after having to memorize all those Japanese symbols French should be easy.
"Do you think L will begin the meetings right away?" Mello asked, leaning on the two back legs of the chair and glancing at me. If I wasn't so used to him doing that I would be afraid of him falling backwards and cracking his skull on the floor.
When L returned he held meetings with the top Wammy students. I didn't really talk to anyone else, but if he held meetings with anyone besides us three it wasn't with anyone out of the top ten. L talked to us about our grades, applying ourselves, sometimes sweets if he was in the mood for them. I had always liked my sessions with L well enough. Mello absolutely loved them.
"I don't know," I said shrugging. I returned to my game. "He may want to settle in first. If not the night he gets back he'll probably hold them the next day."
I saw Mello nod absently in my peripheral vision. He was probably already imagining his meeting with L. What did they talk about? The same thing I talked about with L? Or was it different?
It wasn't a written rule, but no one talked about their meetings with L. No one shared what was said there. I didn't think it was a big deal, although I'd only share what we discussed with Mello. Mello had never shared anything about his meetings with me, so I never shared with him.
L had never said anything particularly amazing to me. Both of us knew it was not likely that I would become his successor. I simply was not as intelligent as Mello and Near. Even if I was, I didn't have the motivation like they did. It wasn't all about how intelligent you were, there were many more factors involved. The truth is I didn't want to be the new L. I was perfectly happy just being Matt.
Wammy's was very busy now, preparing for L to come. There was a lot of excited chatter in the halls. L's favorite dishes (consisting entirely of sweets) were beginning to get under way in the kitchens. Roger was running around like a madman, trying to make the orphanage look as clean and presentable as possible. Everyone was a little crazy when L was involved.
Several students were preparing challenging pieces to perform in the hopes that L would have time to hear them. Many of these selections consisted of piano or violin pieces. I myself had not prepared anything. Why should I? I didn't need to impress L.
I did wish Mello would show off though. Mello is very talented on the piano. I don't know if he played in school before he ran away, but he must have had prior experience. The first time he had played for me it had taken my breath away. Mello seemed different when he played the piano. He was quieter, calmer, and seemed peaceful.
Unfortunately Mello did not like people to see that side of him. He really was an excellent piano player, but unless L had heard it during their meetings, the only people who have heard Mello play are myself and the piano instructor.
It was getting late as the preparations for L's homecoming died down. Dinner passed quickly, and with my games to distract me the sun set quickly.
Mello was reading. I watched him for a moment, and suddenly I really did want to hear him play. He'd only played for me several times, and only at night when everyone was in their rooms. I glanced at the clock. It was late enough that everyone was supposed to be in their rooms, and he was in a good mood because of L coming back.
Tonight could be a lucky night.
"Hey Mello?" I asked, breaking the comfortable silence between us. He glanced up for a moment from his book.
"Hm?"
"Will you play for me?" I asked.
He looked up completely this time. "Matt-"
I interrupted him. "Come on Mello, please? Everyone is in their rooms by now and no one will hear us up in the piano room. It's been a long time since you played anything for me."
Mello watched me a moment then sighed, marking his page and closing the book. "Okay let's go then," he said, standing. I smiled and followed. We cautiously entered the hall, making sure none of the adults were wandering around and waiting to catch us. When we were sure it was safe, we snuck quickly to the piano room, being as quiet as possible.
I loved this room on nights like tonight. It was a full moon, so pale moonlight flooded into the room, making it bright enough to see. I closed the door quietly behind us and Mello moved towards the piano. I sat on the couch behind him as his fingers fell gently upon the keys and began to play a familiar melody.
He could make it look so effortless. The music was soothing, but what was more soothing was watching him play it. He didn't look so concentrated playing the piano, he looked relaxed. And bathed in the moonlight, he just looked beautiful.
Although I doubt he'd appreciate me saying that.
He played several pieces and I just watched him. Sitting with him here, alone, in this room at night...it felt like we were secluded from the world. It felt like nothing could touch us. This is what I wanted my life to be like some day, just me and Mello. I wanted him to be happy and not always worried about beating Near. I wanted us to always be financially secure with a place to stay that we could call home.
I wanted us to be together for all time.
It's hard not to be sappy while listening to Mello play like that. It's hard to believe I could feel so strongly at only fifteen, but I did. My thoughts were interrupted when Mello stopped playing and glanced at me.
"Matt? Come here."
I obeyed, moving to stand beside him. He scooted over slightly and motioned for me to sit, which I did. He looked kind of nervous, which was strange. What did he have to be nervous about? "What is it Mello?"
"Um…" he paused, looking down at the keys. "Well it's not amazing or anything…but I kind of…wrote this."
I just looked at him. "Wrote what?"
"What I'm going to play."
Oh. I just nodded and watched as he positioned his hands and began to play. He was right, it wasn't as challenging as the other pieces he had been playing, but just the fact that he could create something so beautiful was amazing. I was awed, as I expected most people would be, if they knew Mello could create something so calm and peaceful.
I was suddenly overwhelmed. What would I do with my life if Mello found a girlfriend? What if he got married, had children, and had his own home and his own life away from me? What would I have to live for in this world?
Listening to him play, I couldn't think of an answer. Not one.
If I didn't say anything though…that's what would happen. Mello would eventually move on with his life, and I would be alone.
The only alternative was to tell him how I felt.
But I was afraid. Mello and I had been through a lot together. I loved him, and he loved me. But I loved him differently than he loved me. If I confessed and he didn't feel the same, everything would change. At the worst he would never want to speak to me again and be disgusted by me. I liked to think he cared about me too much for that, but you never know. At the best we'd pretend it never happened, but there would always be that awkwardness surrounding us after that.
I was happy. I didn't want to mess that up.
But at that moment, sitting together at the piano in the moonlight, I wasn't sure I'd be able to hold back much longer.
/…/…/…/
L returned during dinner the next day. He could have returned at any point during the day, but he made his first appearance at dinner, much to everyone's delight. He answered several questions about the Kira investigation and how long he would be staying before Roger told everyone to leave him alone for a while and eat their dinners.
Mello could barely sit still once we returned to our rooms. "Did you see him Matt?" he asked, pacing back and forth across the room.
I rolled my eyes. "No Mello, I didn't notice him sitting there all night."
"Could you see that confidence? He totally took Kira down."
"Really? I thought that Kira had defeated him and that L was an imposter."
"Do you think he'll talk to us tonight? It's not late yet."
"I'm sure he has nothing better to do than talk to you and Near."
"What's with the sarcasm?" he asked, turning to glare at me. I looked back down at my game, pushing the buttons a little harder.
"Nothing."
There was a knock at the door before he could say anything else, and he went to answer it. Standing there was Roger. "Good evening boys. L would like a word with both of you, starting with Mello."
"Alright." I could feel Mello watching me but said nothing, and finally both he and Roger left the room, leaving me alone.
It was stupid of me to be jealous. I knew Mello only wanted to make L proud and be the best, but I couldn't help it. As sad as it was sometimes I was jealous of Near, since Mello put so much attention into defeating him.
I really am pretty pathetic.
It was almost 7:30 when Mello got back. "Your turn," he said. I just nodded and stood, stuffing my DS into my pocket. "I'm going up to the library," he told me as we exited the room, walking towards L's room. "I'll see you later," he said, giving me a quick wave and turning the corner and going towards the library.
I breathed in slowly then continued to L's room, knocking on the door and waiting to be allowed in.
The room was dark except for the light from the computer screens. Used to this, I simply took my place in front of L, waiting for him to speak.
"It is good to see you Matt," he said, inspecting a candy before tossing it in his mouth. He held out a dish with a variety of sweets towards me.
I took a lollipop and put it in my pocket for later. "Nice to see you too L."
He placed the dish down within reach of both of us, selecting another candy. "I see your studies are progressing well, particularly in computers."
I nodded. "I like working with computers. The classes on them are relatively simple though. I've taken to reading books in the library on them."
"I think you've found your specialty then," he commented idly. "Although your scores in any type of English or literature class are not nearly as high."
"English is not my strong suit."
"I can tell, although you may do better if you studied more and played your games less. I am not one to discourage one from their passions though," he remarked.
Not knowing what to say to that, I just sat there, wondering if this is what Mello's meetings were like. Did they just discuss grades for a while and then part ways? Or were there other conversations? Things only someone truly in the running to be L could talk about?
I shook the thoughts away when I noticed L staring at me. "Yes?" I asked when he continued to watch me and say nothing.
"Matt I would like to ask you something, if I may."
I blinked then nodded. "Of course."
L placed down the licorice he had been eating on the table to give me his full attention, which immediately had me on alert. L did not often deviate from eating his sweets while we were talking. What could be so important that he would do that now? "Tell me," he began, "how are things with you and Mello?"
"What?" I asked, slightly thrown by the sudden topic change.
"When you two arrived you were inseparable. Is that still the case?" he asked.
"I…um yes, I suppose."
I didn't understand why L would be asking questions like this. What did mine and Mello's relationship have to do with anything? L said nothing a moment, just watching me. I shifted uncomfortably, wondering what he was getting at with questions like that. Was there something wrong with having a close friend at Wammy's?
Or…what if he knew?
My face must have slipped a moment, because L asked me what was wrong a second later. "Nothing!" I insisted, aware of how desperate I sounded suddenly. It wouldn't take a genius to realize I was hiding something.
"Finding someone you truly care about is a rare and precious thing," L said finally. "It can be hard, especially at an institution like this, to find someone you really trust. I have only experienced that with Watari, and I see that same trust with you and Mello. Although at the same time, it also seems different."
"Different how?" I asked, trying to play it off as if it were no big deal. L wasn't fooled though.
"I think you know what I mean."
I said nothing.
"It is unwise to hide your true feelings around those you care about. In a way it is lying to the person you feel deeply for."
"But it's not always wrong," I protested. "Sometimes lies are better than the truth."
"Isn't that somewhat selfish of you? The only thing that is holding you back is protecting yourself."
I just stared at him. "Since when are you so good with emotions?" I asked finally.
An almost smile came to his face. "I had quite a lot of practice during the Kira investigation. Regardless, I would not worry about Mello pushing you away. He cares for you as well. He does not wish to see you hurt, correct?"
"Of course not."
L nodded. "Even if everything does not work out as you would hope, I do not believe Mello would stop being your friend. I have never seen a bond as close as you two share. Here at Wammy's a bond like yours does not even come close to existing. If you trust him as much as you claim, you should trust him to not hurt you."
I didn't know what to say to L's words of wisdom. I had always thought he was more logical than emotional. I suppose the advice he had given me had been rather logical though. I knew Mello cared, so he wouldn't try to hurt me. Never on purpose.
"Mello seemed somewhat distracted during our meeting," L said, lifting up his abandoned licorice. "This is as good a time as any to end our own meeting. Do not forget to work hard in your summer classes. Perhaps if I remain here long enough I can assess your computer skills myself. Good night."
I smiled. "Night L. Thank you." I jumped up and moved towards the door, taking one last look back at him before exiting.
He was right. Mello and I were best friends. It couldn't hurt to tell him. What if I told him and it just made everything that much better? Even if he didn't feel the same, I'd feel so much better just to tell him. Just to get it out there. Mello would never just abandon me. He had promised me that years ago.
I was going to do it.
I was going to tell him.
/…/…/…/
AN: Like that ending? I'm sure you all love it xD So here was the L appearance I promised. Not as long as I expected, but L just wanted to get in and out I guess. Oh well. He has served his purpose. Look at Matt's burst of confidence now! I couldn't have him angsting every chapter and not doing anything about it after all.
Mello playing the piano came kind of randomly. At Acen I met Vic Mignogna and me and my friends each bought a CD. My L lent me Vic's piano CD and I was listening to it as I wrote, which prompted that bit. I became particularly fond of track 7, titled "Peace." I suppose it's what I imagined Mello playing.
Hopefully updates will come on a weekly basis again, but I have less than a month of high school left so I'm getting very busy. I'll do my best! Thanks for reading!
