QUICK RECAP (or you could just read the last chapter)
"Have you heard from Shannon?" Kerry continued.
"Not since this morning," Stella replied looking at her watch and seeing it was now 4:46pm, "why?"
"I haven't heard from her since this morning. Her home phone is disconnected, he mobile is off and there is no answer at Lawson's," Kerry said worriedly.
"Well Shannon likes space. Maybe she is just getting some perspective on things," Stella said trying to convince both herself and Kerry although she could feel herself getting anxious about Shannon's whereabouts.
"You don't think she is in danger do you? I mean, you don't think whoever did this is going to try and find her do you?" Stella continued.
"I know as much as you Stella. We just need to find her."
Quick A/N:
3am update for you insomniacs out there!
Ahhh this is my favourite chapter. Although, when you read the end you will probably all hate me...anyway, I'll let you read and leave another little A/N at the end! Warning* Shannons rape is talked about in this chapter, don't read if it is likely to upset or offend you.
It was 7pm by the time Lawson walked slowly into the house, with a bag of Chinese food in his hand and threw his keys on the bench. He looked around, seeing that almost every light in the house was turned on.
"Shannon," he called out to no response.
"Shan," he said again walking slowly around the house, turning off the lights. As he walked into his bedroom he saw Shannon snuggled under the blankets hugging a pillow in Lawson's place. He smirked seeing Shannon was half awake.
"Nice to know a pillow can replace me so easily," he said as he lay down next to her, throwing the pillow aside.
"Mmmm, pillows don't snore," she said, her voice heavily laced with sleep.
"True," Lawson grinned.
"But they also don't bring you dinner home. Never call you. And the definitely can't do this," he continued as he leaned over and kissed Shannon softly on the lips. When she didn't protest he continued kissing her and softly stoked her face.
"Mmm, I love you," he whispered between kisses and slowly snaked his hand around Shannon's waist.
Shannon had shut her eyes, almost enjoying her intimate moment with Lawson. But the minute he had said that he loved her she felt sick. He wouldn't want to be doing this if he knew. He wouldn't love her. She felt like she was leading him on, and ruining his life because of her secret. Knowing it would be impossible for her to walk out on him and never speak to him again, she knew she would have to tell him. To give him an out so he could love someone happy and shiny. She savoured the last few seconds of the kiss, feeling a lone tear stream down her cheek.
"Lawson," she said as he kept kissing her, a pleading in her voice.
"Mmmm," was all he mumbled in response.
"Stop, please," she gasped desperately and immediately climbed out of the bed as he stopped hovering above her.
"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" he said anxiously, seeing the trace of a tear on her face.
"No, it's fine," she replied, losing all her resolve at telling him the minute she could see his face.
"I'm, um...just hungry,"
"Oh, right. Well dinner is in the kitchen. Are you sure I didn't hurt you, you look upset," he said as he followed her out of the room.
"I'm fine Lawson. You didn't hurt me, relax,"
"Fine," he grumbled in response.
"By the way, why did you have all the lights on? Trying to wack me with a $2000 power bill?" he looked at Shannon expectantly.
"Shit, sorry I um didn't realise," she said looking away, a fraction of colour draining from her face.
"Shan, it's fine," he said trying to laugh it off when he saw she actually looked upset about it.
"I got Chinese for us. From that place we used to go to," he stopped talking when he saw the colour drain from Shannon's face.
"Ok Shannon. Seriously, what is going on? You look pale," he said.
"Sorry," she muttered. "I just guess I'm still not feeling well,"
"You don't have to apologise for being sick," he said wrapping her in his arms.
"But I do wish you had told me you had collapsed so I didn't look like the world's biggest dick of a boyfriend in front of Kerry today,"
"Sorry, I just didn't want you freaking out," she said.
"I would not have freaked out," he scoffed.
"Lawson, you wouldn't let me put on a DVD yesterday because you were concerned about me over exerting myself,"
"Yeah, well I just want you to get better."
"I know, but walking around helps. Like today, I walked around Coles and did some grocery shopping," she said cautiously knowing he probably hadn't had the chance to see the stocked up fridge.
"You did what?" he said angrily.
"Shannon, you have pneumonia, you need to rest. I know you think you can do everything and that you don't need anyone to help you, but can you please just not do anything stupid," Lawson said angrily.
"Did you just call me stupid?" Shannon yelled indignantly.
"No, you know I didn't," Lawson responded, his temper flaring again.
"I just want to know why you are being so bloody reckless and you won't even tell me what the hell is going on," he continued.
Shannon opened her mouth as she tried to build up the courage to tell Lawson.
"I think I'm just going to go home," she said searching around for her bag.
"No, Shannon wait. I didn't mean that I want you to leave, I just want you to realise it isn't just you anymore. I'm here, ok?" he tried to reason with her, though he could still feel his anger bubbling away.
She looked back at him, clearly uncertain of what to do.
"I'm sorry, I just..." she started to feel unsteady and quickly blinked attempting to rid herself of the dizziness.
"There is no way you can drive home now Shan. Come one, just sit down," he said closing the distance between them.
"Actually, I think I just want to sleep," she said taking a step back.
Lawson rubbed his forehead in frustration as he watched Shannon walk towards his bedroom.
"Are you..um, going to come to bed?" Shannon suddenly turned and asked Lawson.
"Um, yeah I'll be there later. You don't want to have something to eat first? I thought you were hungry," he said looking at the now cold Chinese laying neglected on the table.
"I'll have it tomorrow," she said before she walked into his room and curled up on the bed. She briefly heard the distant ring of Lawson's house phone before slipping into an unsettling sleep.
"Hello," Lawson answered the phone wearily, feeling a headache building inside his skull.
"Hi Lawson, it's Kerry...are you ok?" she asked hearing the tone of Lawson's voice.
"Yeah it's fine, just Shannon being the worst patient ever,"
"You mean, she's with you?" Kerry said sounding surprised.
"Is there a reason you sound like this is news to you? It's not like we started going out yesterday," he rolled his eyes as he spoke.
"I don't mean that idiot, I mean actually physically with you, at this moment,"
"Well she was until she had a meltdown after I yelled at her for going shopping today,"
"You did what Lawson?" Kerry said angrily.
"Kerry, she has pneumonia and she went on a trip to Coles for 3 hours in the middle of Melbourne's winter,"
"Well can I speak to her?"
"And here I was thinking you wanted to speak to me. Guess it's not really surprising though, you have been avoiding me all day,"
"Don't be juvenile Lawson, I have not been avoiding you. Can I speak to her or not?" Kerry said bluntly.
"That would be a no, she is asleep and I'm not waking her up," Lawson said.
"Just tell her to call me tomorrow and keep her bloody phone on. And don't yell at her Lawson, she is sick and the last thing she needs is you having a go at her,"
"Hang on, this isn't my fault," Lawson said outraged.
"Did I say that it was?" Kerry replied.
"Just use your day off tomorrow to make her feel better, not worse," she continued.
"Well thank you for that sound advice Oprah, because that isn't exactly what I have been trying to do all week," he replied sarcastically.
"I'll see you in a couple of days smart arse," Kerry replied before hanging up.
"She's at Lawson's" Kerry said turning towards Stella, who was sitting in her office.
"Oh, thank god," Stella paused briefly before continuing.
"I'm going to assume then that she hasn't told him,"
"No, from what I got from Lawson, they had a fight when he got home,"
"You're friends with her Stel, you know her better than me. Do you think she is ever going to tell him?" Kerry asked.
"I don't know. She likes to be independent, fight things for herself. I don't think she has the easiest relationship with her family, only because she never talks about them. I don't think she is used to relying on someone else and to tell him would, I dunno, in her eyes make her seem needy or inadequate,"
"Which is ridiculous and irrational," Kerry interrupted.
"Shannon is a complicated human being. As is Lawson. Whether she tells him or not, this is going to change her and he is going to notice. I think this is too big for her to fix alone."
Lawson lay on his side of the bed, staring at Shannon sleeping. It was just after 1 am and he was yet to get to sleep. Shannon had been tossing and turning, restlessly all night. As much as he loved her, he felt frustrated with her distance. He lay on his back staring at the ceiling, thinking when suddenly he heard a whimper next to him. He sat up quickly and looked at Shannon, who was breathing unevenly. She had tears falling slowly down her face and was mumbling incoherently, though Lawson did hear his name.
"Shannon," he said loudly, to no effect.
He began to get concerned at how distressed Shannon was getting. She had begun to gasp for air and was quietly screaming. Lawson leaned across and flicked the bedside lamp on as Shannon's eyes instantly flew open. She was disoriented and confused as her eyes quickly scanned the room.
"Shannon, it's me," Lawson said gently.
"I..um.." Shannon spluttered over her words still attempting to regain control of her breathing, fear in her voice.
"Shan, you're having a panic attack. Well, I think you're having a panic attack. You need to breathe deeply," he thought his words would help until he realised how much pain it was causing her. He tried to think back to the first aid training they had only done two months ago.
"Shit," he cursed quietly.
"Ok Shannon, cup your hands over your mouth and nose, breathe in," Lawson said knowing he had to try and increase the oxygen going into her lungs.
"Come on Shannon," he tried desperately as she hugged her knees but continued to take large gulps of air.
He reached out to try and put his hands over her mouth, worried if she didn't slow down her respiratory rate she would pass out. He instantly regretted it however when Shannon recoiled from him.
"NO," she screamed out in fear and threw a punch at Lawson, narrowly missing his face but making contact with the side of his shoulder.
"Shannon relax it's just me, it's Lawson," he said as Shannon made a dash for the door. She flung it open quickly and ran into the kitchen. Lawson hesitantly followed her, more confused than ever about what the hell was going on.
As Shannon blindly fumbled for a light, the room came into focus and she suddenly realised where she was. She felt her heart rate start to slow down as she quickly walked across to the sink to fill up a glass of water. She heard a rustle behind her and turned around quickly, seeing Lawson hovering in the doorway.
"You sure haven't lost your ability to throw a punch," he tried to break the tension.
"I'm really sorry, I was still half asleep and I couldn't see and..."
"It's ok Shan, you were scared, that much I do know," he interrupted.
She turned back towards the sink, not even able to look at him and not missing his subtle hint that he had no idea what was going on. She quickly wiped away the tears and reached out for a glass with a shaking hand.
"Here," Lawson said walking up behind Shannon as he saw her shaking hand and grabbed the glass from her, filling it with water. She remained silent, almost numb as she leant against the sink and sipped from the glass.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Lawson gently prodded.
"No," Shannon said quickly.
She saw Lawson turn away from her as he tried hard to mask his frustration with her.
"It was just a nightmare. I used to get them when I was little. It's just because I'm sick and it's stressing me out ok,"
"Mmmm," he mumbled in response.
"It must have been a bad nightmare, you were having a panic attack,"
"Oh, I don't really remember," she lied.
"You said my name," Lawson told her.
"I did?" she looked up in surprise.
They stood across from each other, Lawson's eyes sweeping over Shannon's fragile figure as he silently observed her.
"I'm really tired," she sighed and held out her hand to Lawson.
"Can we go back to bed?"
"Oh, um yeah if you want," Lawson responded surprised but grabbed her hand as she led him back down to the bedroom.
"I'm sorry I punched you," she said as she lay down on the bed.
"Well at least you missed my beautiful face. If you'd bruised this chiselled jaw line, it might have been a deal breaker," he joked.
Usually Shannon would have retaliated with a smart arse comment about how no one else thought he was funny. Instead she remained silent as Lawson slid into the bed.
He sighed and turned his head to look at her.
"I think we need to talk," he whispered into the dark night.
Shannon cringed at his words. Knowing he was going to break up with her, she knew he deserved a reason. As she turned to face him she smiled sadly.
"I know. But can we talk later I just...not yet,"
"In the morning," he said lovingly, leaning over and stroking her face.
Shannon linked her fingers with his and turned to lay on her side. They lay spooning on the bed, Lawson wrapping his arms protectively around Shannon, her hand still laced with his. He felt her relax and slowly drift off to sleep and he closed his eyes tiredly, slowly feeling himself relax with Shannon in his arms.
Lawson heard a bird softly chirping outside his window and slowly opened his eyes to look at the alarm clock blinking brightly by the bed side. He sighed at the fact even on his days off he was awake before 6 am had come around. He still had his arms around Shannon, as she held onto his hand keeping it around her waist. He could feel the shallow breaths she was taking and suspected she was awake although she was making no effort to move.
Shannon had been awake long before Lawson, watching each minute tick over on the digital clock. She felt Lawson shift behind her, pulling her closer in to the warmth of his body and his breathing become light and more regular. She had decided this was when she was going to tell him. In the darkness, so she didn't have to see the look of contempt or anger or whatever else it was she saw every time she had a nightmare about his reaction.
"You aren't going to like what I have to say," she began.
"Right," Lawson replied uncertainly.
"I just, I don't want you to interrupt. Because then I might not tell you. But I have to tell you because you deserve to know and.." she rambled before Lawson interrupted.
"Just tell me Shannon, whatever it is I promise we will get through it,"
"I said don't interrupt," she said shakily.
"And don't make promises like that,"
Lawson could feel Shannon's nervousness as he held her hand, her palm was sweaty and he could feel her pulse racing.
"That night, before we did the deal with Joe,"
"Midori shots?" he replied.
"Yeah, I went out with people I went to school with. I didn't drink much because I knew I had to be at work early,"
"You didn't answer your phone,"
"I couldn't,"
"What do you mean?" Lawson replied as he tried to work out where the conversation was going.
"We went out in Northcote, to a place we used to go to for uni bar nights. I decided to leave early, I felt dizzy and nauseous,"
When Lawson didn't say anything Shannon continued on quietly. She tried to tell it like a story, like an event that had happened to someone else. She didn't want to think about it or feel it again.
"I heard a loud noise behind me when I stepped into the laneway near the bar. So I walked further into the lane to see what it was,"
Lawson could feel all the tension in Shannon's body as she was speaking. He squeezed her hand, urging her to continue.
"I felt the cold metal of a gun barrel on my cheek and then the gun hammer clicked as someone got ready to shoot me. I thought I was going to die," she said in an emotional voice.
"I choked Lawson. I was so scared, I couldn't move,"
"Shannon, you were in a laneway alone with a gun to your head, there isn't much you could have done," he tried to reassure her although he started feeling angry at whoever had instilled such a deep fear in his girlfriend. At the person that had created all these problems for Shannon and for him. He thought that was the worst of it, that Shannon would tell him that she got away but she didn't know who it was.
But then, she continued.
"I tried to run but then he...he grabbed my wrist and put his hand over my mouth. Then he put the gun to my temple and told me if I screamed or fought he would kill me,"
Lawson didn't say anything as he tried to get what she was saying to sink in.
"He threw me down on the stones so hard Lawson. I promise I tried to fight him but he was there with a gun and on top of me, I'd hit my head and I couldn't fight him off," Lawson's eyes widened in shock, now almost sure of what Shannon was trying to tell him. He still couldn't see her face, neither having moved from their sleeping position but could feel her tears falling on his hand.
"By the time I was conscious I was somewhere different in the lane way and he was all over me and...it was awful," she choked out.
"Shannon, someone bashed you that night. At gun point? And you didn't tell me?" his mind was reeling, and he felt sick that someone had hurt her so badly. But more, that he didn't know until now.
"I was attacked that night Lawson, he broke my ribs which gave me pneumonia. I..." Shannon stumbled over her words.
"It wasn't a mugging or a bashing," she continued.
"What?" Lawson said, now confused.
"It was...I was, raped," the words shocked even Shannon, for whom it was the first time she had said it out loud.
All Lawson could feel was anger, intense hatred that he had never felt before in his life.
He sat up, untangling his hand from Shannon's and yelled louder than he intended,
"YOU WERE WHAT?"
"I'm sorry," she cried as she felt the warmth of his hand leave hers and the bubble that had surrounded them burst.
"I'm so sorry," she said again before jumping out of the bed knowing how angry Lawson was. She didn't want him to yell like he did in her nightmares. She ran outside the bedroom, feeling dirty all over again. Lawson hadn't followed her out, she felt like she'd lost everything and the familiar feeling of bile quickly rose through her throat. Running into the bathroom to throw up, Shannon felt numb. She turned Lawson's shower on and stepped in, still wearing Lawson's borrowed clothes she had worn to bed. Slowly sliding down the wall she put her hands around her knees and felt the hot water stream down her face, mixing with the tears she hadn't realised she was crying Shannon shut her eyes, wanting it to all be over.
And I bet you all thought Shannon was going to go missing. Oh no, she just went to coles. So this was the big chapter of Shannon FINALLY telling lawson. It was the way I had always planned him on finding out and the next chapter is already planned so I know exactly what is going to happen now! Any predictions? Or are you all too angry with me after this doozie of a cliffhanger/what the moment to leave reviews.
I know a lot of you have been hanging out for her to tell him so let me know if it met your expectations!
Finally, I really wanted to thank kirst92, bella,blake, aby7777, selanc and everyone else who regularly leaves me feedback. Makes me feel as happy as a cheshire cat at a tea party.
