Chapter 9

We stood up together. "Mind if we take a walk, it's been a while?" I nodded and followed at his side. I felt like I was having déjà vu. It doesn't actually count as that but it feels like it. I have been here before. I remember seeing everything from a different perspective. Every house on this familiar street remained the same. The corner store also remained untouched. I remember Jacob taking me to visit Quil, his house was behind that very place. Down the road I saw that even the same families continued to live here. My memories of this place were still as sharp as the first day. I remember every face I saw and every street I walked. After a short while we reached first beach. I could see the sparkling blue ocean through the trees.

Cars drove past us in a hurry. Of course it was Tuesday morning everyone either headed for work or school. Up ahead children walked out of their homes and walked together. They seemed so happy and I envied them. They got to live as 7 year olds for much longer than I did. I was only seven for about 3 months. But I've been able to get past that fact.

I looked around us, it was a warm sunny day, unusual for this town but enjoyable when it came around. It was kind of windy. We continued to walk until I realized where we were going.

We soon reached the Clearwater's doorstep. It seemed as though they had company I smelled Sam and Emily. They smelled us too because as we reached the door the door opened to greet us in. Mrs. Clearwater gave me the same reaction as everyone else had. That shocked 'who are you?" look was getting all too familiar.

The house had such a homey feel to it. Pictures of the family were scattered all around the small living room, some even in the hall way leading towards the rooms. Sue invited us in and told us to take a seat. Seconds after we took a seat a boy appeared with a huge smile spread across his face. I took a look back at my archive of profiles and realized he was Seth, Leah's brother. Of course now he was much older he looked about 18. I'm not allowed to say anything. If anyone has changed it's been me.

"Hey man, long time no see." Seth greeted Jacob. "It sucks that it's because of this but you haven't showed your face here for years."

"I guess it has been a while."

"A while? How about 4 years? Nessie's all grown up. Glad it worked out for you two." Jacob shot him a warning look and Seth quickly shut his mouth. He was the second person who'd instigated that we were together. I'm 90 percent sure that the answer to my question is yes. We are supposed to be together. But what confused me was the fact that Jacob was so reluctant to confirm it. It was something that was beginning to bother me. If we're supposed to be together then why is he acting this way?

Recently he'd been slipping. He'd been saying things that I'm sure had a different meaning to them. One of them was when we talked about Rachel and Paul. He said that everyone thought he was pist because he was just messed up over the ….something but what? That lead me to believe that something happened and I don't about it. Every time I asked him about him and my mom he gave me no straight answers. There was something missing there too. They're hiding something from me and I intend to find out. Something happened with my mom and him. And there is a reason why he won't talk about 'us'. I won't push him now but eventually I will find out.

"Okay you're right it's been more than a while. What's been going on around here?" he asked Seth.

"Same old same old you know this town doesn't change even with a pack of 15+ werewolves." He chuckled. "Nah but honestly nothing much nothing you don't already know. I mean what's happened is expected. Most of us are graduating high school, settling down. We're getting the hang of this. Good part is that we haven't had any unexpected visitors in over 3 years."

"That's good." Jacob mumbled he managed to be distracted for a couple minutes.

"It is. Everything around here is mellowing out. Even Sam and Leah are giving it a try, to talk things out at least. So how about you two and the Cullens how's it been? Nessie?"

"Oh…good. We moved to Portland and we're going to high school." I replied.

"How's your mom and dad?" he asked.

"Good, same as always, the overprotective father and the loving mother. Nothing has changed."

"I would think not."

"Jake are you okay?" Seth asked now in a more concerned tone.

"I'm fine as good as can be."

"I'm really sorry I wish there was something I could do."

"No one wishes that more than me." He said with a sigh.

"Are you going to go see him?" Seth asked.

"I am I just need to get myself together. I was in the neighborhood I decided to swing by."

Sam and Emily walked into the living room. Jake looked up at their approach.

"Jacob." Sam hesitated. "I'm going to say what I need to say disregarding how I know you're going to react. Don't you think you were a little harsh in what you said to Paul?" Of course he'd heard it they were talking so loud I'd bet anyone did.

"I'm not lying am I?" Jacob muttered.

"I know that better than anyone but you can't hold that against him."

"The hell I can. I won't go along with it."

"You know I have had to live with myself for so many years repenting on what I did. I regret ever touching her." Beside him Emily took his hand. "You know what I went through, the pack knows and I'm certain Paul would never do that to her. He knows the guilt you have to live with everyday of your life and most of all Rachel knows, if she can trust him, then he can trust himself."

"Your point is?"

"The point is you can't hold that against him it's not fair to him or her."

"It's been five years since you lost the power to control me, I'll do what I have to keep her safe." He exited the back door into the forest behind the house.

I turned to Sam. "I'm really sorry. He has a lot on his mind."

He nodded. "I know."

Right then and there I got the epiphany of a lifetime. If anyone here knows about Jacob and my mom, is was Sam. Maybe if I got him to tell me about then I would finally get the whole story, I knew Jacob would need a minute and while I waited he could tell me. "Sam if I ask you something would tell me the truth, no hesitation?" I asked.

He looked puzzled. "Why do you ask that?"

"I need you to tell me something."

"What's that?"

"I want to know about Jacob and my mom."

He raised his brow. "Wouldn't you of all people know best?"

"There is something that is missing. Something no one wants to tell me and that's not fair."

"What don't they want you to know?" he still seemed confused about what I was asking. I'd tell him if I knew but I didn't.

"Something happened between them, I know it but I don't know what."

He didn't understand. "What's there to know other than what they've already told you. They were in love and it didn't work out, I'm sure you knew that." My heart almost exploded when I heard it. My breathing picked up.

"Wait what did you say?" I asked urgently.

He quickly realized what he'd just said. He'd realized that I didn't know. "Nothing."

"No you said they were in love, what does that mean? How could they be in love if she's with….." maybe there's a whole lot I don't know. What have they been hiding from me? "He loved her, I can't believe it." I said in a low voice to myself.

"They didn't tell you?" Seth asked beside me.

"Shut up Seth!" Sam hissed.

"You know the story don't you? You have to tell me, I deserve to know." I pleaded.

"It's not my place." Sam insisted.

"Then who's is it, no one wants to tell me. No one's told me anything. You all know and you all can't keep it from me. I have a right to know the truth." Both Sam and Seth looked away not meeting my eyes. "Please, I won't say who told me."

Sam wasn't budging but Seth was, he did. "What do you know?"

"My mom and dad met in high school. Jacob and my mom met in a bonfire and he basically told her what my dad was. My mom and dad had some thing with a vampire named James. My mom and Jacob started to become best friends and I don't know anything else that has anything to do with her and Jacob."

"I honestly can't tell you, it's them you have to ask." Seth got my hopes up but didn't utter a word about what I wanted to know.

"You have to, if you don't, no one ever will." I was being persistent he was going to tell me so help me god I will find out today.

Seth remained silent. This time Sam spoke. "You're right you do have the right to know. I'll tell you what I know, you should know. It's only fair. After the whole James thing Bella started to come to La Push a lot. Their friendship started to grow. She hung out with him for a long time. She was here almost every day."

The door was open and Embry walked in. Apparently he heard the conversation. "Hey are you all talking about when Edward left Bella?" he asked. If I was human I would've had a heart attack. I truly know nothing. They've lied to me or hidden the truth which was the same thing.

"Shut up!" Sam and Seth said in unison.

"Doesn't she know?" Embry asked.

"No." they said.

"Oh…uh I…um…. I have that spasm you were talking about, I just say stuff that have no meaning, just forget I ever said anything carry on."

"My dad left her?" I questioned.

"Jacob is going to kill you all." Leah said joining us from the kitchen.

"No don't stop." I all but begged.

"Might as well do a thorough job," Embry muttered and sat down in the living room. "Anyway Edward left her and after 6 months she turned to Jacob for company for a friend. Then well you know she's a vampire magnet so –"

"Victoria right?" they had touched that subject. Well not them, but my aunts and uncles told me about the different vampires. James and his mate Victoria and Laurent.

"Yeah well around the time Jacob started to phase and he found out about the world we live in, wolves and vampires. He protected her until one day they agreed to go cliff diving. The l-vampire made a move and Jacob didn't show. Alice had a vision of her jumping the cliff and she thought she was going to kill herself. While Alice came to confirm it Rose told Edward. And they had Romeo and Juliet moment."

"Wait he tried to kill himself?" I asked in disbelief. I know he loves her but to go to that extent for her is a new level entirely.

"Pretty much he believed Rosalie and went to the Volutri." I shuddered at the very thought of them, they were the most dangerous thing out there. They had tried to destroy it's my most vivid memory as a child. "Bella stopped him and brought him back. They got back together but Edward refused to let her see Jacob." Sam picked it up.

"Why?" I asked.

This time Leah joined in. "Because he thought of him as dangerous. But she refused to listen and when he went hunting she snuck over to see him. He fell for her long before she realized it."

"So it was like a love triangle? My mom loved them both."

Seth cut in and started to tell me more. "Jacob loved Bella. Edward loved Bella. Bella loved Edward. Bella at the time loved Jacob only as a best friend. Jacob was as he is now. He wasn't going to give up without a fight. He didn't want to accept the fact that Edward was going to change Bella into a vampire." This was like a soap opera. All of this came to me as a shock never would I have imagined any of this. "She later realized she loved him too and that she had to make a choice on who she would stay with. You can imagine what her decision was. Jacob was so torn up for losing her. He left for a while and didn't return until Edward and Bella's wedding day. He stuck around wallowing, that's when the Rachel and Paul thing happened. Edward and Bella went to the honeymoon and she came back pregnant with you. When you were born he imprinted on you. That's pretty much it." It was so much to take in a few minutes, it seemed unreal.

"He can't have the mother and he ends up with me?" I asked in disbelief. I couldn't believe it. I was the runner up next to her.

"You've got the wrong idea about this?" Sam insisted.

"No I think I have a clear picture about what's going on. He loved her he can't have her so I come along and he takes what he can get. It's sick, he rather have the daughter than nothing at all. I'm the runner up." My eyes stung with tears threatening to overflow.

"Nessie you don't understand, he wouldn't do that." Sam insisted.

"Then be my guest and explain it to me because that's all I've got right now."

"Yes he loved Bella but when we imprint our world is transformed our lives turn and the only person that matters is that girl. At that moment our goal in life is to care and to protect that girl, to be what she needs you to be. Everything is erased and it's like at that moment, your life begins and you can't recall how you've lived this long without her." Words were coming out of his mouth I just wasn't listening. I should've known that they had 'thing'.

The feeling was indescribable. It was a mixture of betrayal and shock. No one ever thought I had the right to know about it. Jacob always told me that he would never lie but he did. He hid the fact the he loved my mom before me. My dad hid the fact that he left her. Everyone lied and it was horrible feeling. I had to get it out of someone else who owed me nothing.

Everyone but Seth left the room. He stayed with me I wasn't quite sure why. I sat there for who knows how long. It seemed like the world was revolving around me and I was frozen in place. It was the truth I didn't know what to say what to do, I was completely lost.

After what appeared to be a few minutes Jacob returned when he came in I didn't so much as look up I eyes stayed focused on the floor rug below me.

"Nessie are you okay?" Jacob asked but I pretended as though I hadn't heard him. "Seth what happened?"

"Leah's probably right. You're going to kill us all."

"What did you do?" he asked.

"We didn't know that she didn't know about you and Bella and Edward. We…well we all ended up filling in the details."

"What kind of details?" I could hear the anger in Jacob's voice.

"Love triangle details, sorry. I swear we didn't know."

"Dammit Seth, I told you to keep your mouth shut."

"You can't blame us. Who doesn't tell her imprint that he used to be in love with her mother? That's one of those have to know kind of things." They were arguing before me though I hardly noticed. I was deep in thought. I was trying to figure out what I was going to do. I had no intention of telling him that I knew no matter how mad I was I knew he had way too many things on his mind.

"Nessie listen to me please." He sat next to me, inches away.

"What's there to listen to? You lied, you all did, you told me once that you were never going to lie to me and you did. Why did you never tell me you love her?"

"Nessie understand this, I loved her, the past, I don't anymore. You are my life and my sole purpose in life I need you to understand that."

"You know what I get out of this? You couldn't have my mom so you settled for the closest thing to her, me. Her daughter, Jacob, it's a little sick don't you think?" I hissed with the venom crystal clear in my voice.

"That's not what happened. You changed my life, with you I see the world in a different way, in a new light."

I ignored his words. I knew well that if I listened I would believe his every word. "You messed with my feelings, you made me fall for you. You seemed so perfect so amazing that there was no way around it. I fell for you and now I have just hit the ground. You made me love you so much." I didn't realize I was crying so hard until I felt my body shake. I tried to catch my breath. "Now I find out I'm the one you settled for and that's something I won't forget or forgive. You will always love her more than me."

"You're wrong."

"Prove it." I challenged. He was so close to me I could feel his burning hot skin. He raised hand to my shoulder and looked deep in my eyes. I tried to break away from his gaze but I couldn't. Before I knew it the space between us turned from inches to centimeters. He leaned in closer and his lips grazed mine softly. Suddenly every feeling in my body turned into pure joy like this is the moment I had been waiting for all my life. I put my arm around and brought him closer to me.

I had never kissed anyone like this. My lips moved with his and it seemed so natural I didn't even have to think about it. The truth was I wasn't thinking straight, thinking at all for that matter. But when I did I pushed him away, my mind was unable to function with him being so close to me. I'm sure he was saying something but I completely ignored every sound and movement around me. Instead I looked back at what had just happened and it wasn't right. I got up and stormed out of the house.

It seemed like pure irony. As soon as I set foot outside my mom and dad were walking up the side walk. I said nothing and pushed right through them, something I had never done.

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