Sun vs. Moon
Chapter 9- Thoughts
Edward was amazed at the new found speed Bella had gained since becoming a vampire, something he noted was quite fun, a challenge for once, something he never really could have with Bella.
She wasn't hard to track, but traveled in an unusual pattern, almost like a figure eight, circling back around two specific spots over and over again.
None of it seemed significant to him, but he guessed that to Bella, the spots had some underlying meaning.
The day had turned slowly into dusk, with a cool breeze sweeping off the coast, bringing a heavy fog that settled in around the surrounding area.
This won't make tracking her any easier…
Just as the thought slipped across his mind, he caught her still rich and sweet scent that had enthralled him for what seemed like forever. It made him reminisce of the first day she walked into his science class, and how potent his thirst for her blood was. Now that blood was cooled and slowed to a stop, something he still had trouble thinking about, so he quickly usurped his thoughts and focused on the task at hand.
Edward picked up speed, traveling as a simple blur now, while the trees turned into the thick fog that had entangled them.
Then he heard something, sobbing?
There, just beyond the reach of the forest, was Bella, laying down on the grass, all balled up in a fetal position, with her arms wrapped around her pale ashen knees. Sobs were shaking her entire body as she attempted to hold them in as best as she could, but the effort was futile. It was difficult to tell, but Edward could never forget the place that they were now.
The meadow…
"Bella. Bella, can I speak with you?"
She picked up her head, her long brown hair draping across her eyes which could hold tears no more, possibly a good thing in this situation.
"Why speak Edward? What could you possibly say that would have any effect on what's happened to me…I never asked for this."
"Bella, you did ask for this!" He realized he had just shouted at her but didn't mean to.
Too late, she was already up and running back into the forest, back towards home, this time her speed was unmatched.
Being the stubborn person that he was, Edward heaved a heavy sigh filled with sorrow and apologies, and headed off into the fog covered forest.
He knew not how long the chase lasted for, but when he found her again, he had no clue where they were. There was no trace of any signs that would help him figure it out either, and unusual thing for someone who had been living for over one hundred years.
But sure enough, there she was, this time she was standing, staring up at the sky, this time though he could hear the lapping of waves on sand and the aroma of the sea travelled across the open land with the breeze blowing off the coast.
She spoke first, startling Edward. "You have no idea where we are, do you?"
You and your rhetorical questions Bella.
"I didn't expect you to. Well I do, I've been coming to this spot for as long as I can remember. We're on the Quileute reservation." Edward's face tightened into a grimace, he held back the venomous words that were built up behind his clenched teeth. "Calm down Edward. They don't care if I'm here and if they cared about you they would have been here already. You know what this place used to be for me? A refuge, a refuge from you and your asshole decision to leave me! I can never let that go…it will always be there in the back of my mind. I can truly say that now I wish I had stayed in Arizona, lived the life of a human and died, like all people should. But I'm no longer a person; I'm a vampire, in love with two monsters who hate each other. I could have had the happy ending Edward. If you had never left, I would never have had to come back to this spot, to seek out some form of a friend when I thought all else was lost. You know who was there for me, even when he knew that he couldn't have me the way he wanted because I still held onto this intangible idea that I loved you and that you would come back for me. His name is Jacob Black and he is my best friend in the entire world. But then he had to go and kill me…my own best friend?! Can you now see how much you two fucked up my life? And now, at the time I need it most, I cannot even end this all for myself. Now I have to be immortal." She stopped to catch the unnecessary breath that she still thought she needed. This gave him a chance to jump in.
"I'm not going to apologize to you Bella, not for anything except my departure. At the time it made sense so that I couldn't hurt you anymore. If I had done what Jacob did, I don't know if I would be able to live myself. That would be a very heavy burden to lay on my mind."
"You don't think Jacob is hurt by what he has done? I know him better than anyone. He's playing his tough guy card, because he feels that he has to be strong for me, that's just his personality, he would put my life and those of his friends before himself."
"As would I," chimed in Edward.
"Of course you would Edward." She stated, each word tinged with the obvious note of sarcasm.
"Bella, how many times have I kept you out of danger?" questioned Edward.
"Edward you just aren't seeing it, it has nothing to do with who has more saves, more points, as if it's just a game, a game to see who can keep poor little Bella alive the longest. It's about the fact that Jacob is so passionate about me, that he would lie to himself and say he didn't love me, if I asked him to."
"I don't see how his lying to you proves anything at all."
"This is exactly what I mean Edward. It really isn't about either of you anymore. It's time for me to be selfish, this is all about me. Now I want it to be me, me, me, and not you for once. I love you, and I love Jacob. I can't have both of you, like I want. I want to be able to be selfish. I want to stop making decisions damnit!"
Edward put his stone hands up in the air, telling her to halt her assault. "Stop it Bella. I'll make the decision for you, if that's what you want."
And with that, he turned with a slow and drawn out grace like he had always had. Bella's eyes widened and anger strewn itself about her, her head began to spin, and a low growl slipped out.
"So this is it! You're going to leave again?! Oh okay, you go ahead and do that you stupid fuck! I don't care anymo…"
Edward spun around and dashed towards her, wrapped his arms around her and cradled her head in his cold hands. With a vigor that she had never felt before, he pressed his lips against hers, combining ice with ice. At first, she was so startled she fell limp in his arms, her lips unmoving against his. But slowly, she began to remember the power his kiss had over her and her mind, and her eyes closed shut, her small and supple hands raised up while she wrapped her fingers in his soft auburn hair. He smelled like heaven upon heaven, and his strength pulled her closer to his body. It was the coolest heat she had ever felt, if that even made sense she thought to herself. Her lips began moving in sync with his, as both of them became more frantic and excited with each kiss. He began to want more and kissed deeper and deeper, opening his mouth to breathe in her sweet perfume she still held. She responded by wrapping her leg tightly around his body, her satin skirt slowly sliding upwards, guided by the push of his hand. Her whole body was shaking with excitement. She wanted Edward and he wanted her, but still in the back of her mind was Jacob, waiting back at the house with that same goofy smile he always held.
"Edward, I can't. Not now, not with things the way they are."
She pushed off of his rock hard body and straightened her skirt, fixed her entangled hair and began to walk away, leaving Edward dumbfounded at what had just happened and ended so quickly.
"What does that mean Bella? Why can't you?"
"Because Jacob never leaves my mind. If I kiss you, I think of him, if I kiss him, I think of you. It's an impossible cycle that until I break it and figure out where my head is at and where my heart belongs, I have to avoid anything that would affect my ability to think."
"Okay, fine enough, but where are you going?"
"To tell Jacob the same thing!" she shouted as she turned and dashed off into the abyss of fog and trees.
It wasn't until now that Edward had opened up his mind again and allowed Bella to slip from the center of it and focus on others' thoughts.
He then heard it. His heart sank. Every muscle in his body tightened, while he broke out into a nervous stream of thoughts.
Damnit Edward you should have been smarter! What if she follows through? She'll kill him! What effect would that have on Bella?
He could hear his own mother's thoughts as though she was having a simple conversation with him, one of death and killing.
Without a second more of contemplation he dashed off in the direction Bella was heading, running against the clock, a clock with knives and daggers as the hands and the numbers painted blood red. The hands ticked away…tick…tick…tick.
Hey guys! I'm so sorry it took me almost a year to update! I lost all motivation and hit a really bad writer's block, and I'm sure I lost a lot of devoted readers. But I'm writing once again, and I hope to get some more reviews to see if anyone still reads this stuff :) I hope you all enjoy, this chapter was shorter since I really need to get to the next one so I don't lose the ideas I've got. Lots of surprises in store :)
