Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans!
Hey everyone!
Chapter 9
Flashback...
We scrolled down looking for the 'Belle' and—
As we scrolled down to find who was going to play Belle, Mr. Spisson called us into his office along with Xavier. "I am still unsure who will play Belle, so for now, it's TBA (to be announced) right now, Miss Gordon is not doing very well in school, and that means that takes away the privilege of participating in this play. But since, I'm a very nice person; I will give her a chance." He scratched his head, and he continues, "Miss Anders, would have been automatically Belle, but I'm going to give Miss Gordon a chance to actually work hard. Also, since this is a romantic play, I want both of you to get close to Xavier, like friends nothing more. Unfortunately, there will be kissing and I do not want you to feel uncomfortable. If anyone of you, Miss Anders or Miss Gordon, feel uncomfortable in kissing in this play, please tell me, and then I'll give you another role."
I thought hard... Me kissing Xavier? How could I do that? But then of course it didn't mean anything. This won't mean that we were boyfriend and girlfriend anyways! But wait, how about Richard? I don't want him to think— before I could answer, Barbara spoke up, "I 'm definitely not comfortable with kissing Xavier, no offence by the way, Xavier." "None taken, Babs..." Xavier replied. "So, that means that Korinna is definitely Belle this year. Unless, you feel uncomfortable as well?" He asked me. I got nervous... I don't know to do... I love singing and for once I get to act and do things I love doing. But this whole kissing thing? I don't think so... but when I thought about Kitten being Belle, I couldn't refuse. "Yes, I'm very comfortable." "Miss Anders, you don't currently have a boyfriend?" I hesistated. "No... I... I don't." I stuttered my words. "Good, I'll see you two after school. Don't forget to get comfortable with each other, 'cause you'll be seeing a lot of each other. You're dismissed." He said returning to his desk.
Was this happening? What am I going to tell Richard? He technically hates Xavier! I don't want him think that I'm not interested him but then again I don't even know if he's interested in me. This is confusing! As Xavier and I exited the room, Xavier asked me, "So, are you really sure about this whole, you know, the kissing thing?" "I guess so. I mean it's just acting right? I mean, it doesn't mean anything right? It's not I like you or anything..." I said, feeling all of a sudden very uncomfortable. He didn't reply, and then I felt bad, knowing that I could have hurt his feelings.
Him and me walked to the bleachers and started to get to know each other. "...I mean you sing really good... did you take lessons?" I asked. "Actually, my mom used to sing a lot and I would follow along with her. I use to love singing you know, and I guess I was afraid to show it. Surprisingly, Mr. Spisson already knew what I sound like because one day, it was my parents' anniversary and I wanted to sing for them. I was practicing on the staircase after school when he heard me. Every year, he would call me up to his room and ask me if I wanted to be in the play, but I said no." I thought for a second. "Then what made you want to audition now?" "Honestly, it was because of you. That day I heard you singing in the tree, it reminded me of my mother. Your voice was so beautiful, like mom's and I wanted to sing with you like I did with my mom. My mom... she died of breast cancer... so I stopped singing out loud."
I fell silent. He stopped singing because of his mom... It's scary how such young people like us learn about death so young. It makes me feel more comfortable knowing that someone in this world knows exactly how I feel. But, it makes me sad because so many people have to suffer losing someone to death, cancer, murder or even an accident.
"I'm sorry..." I whispered feeling sympathy. He took my hands in to his, "No, thank you... Singing again makes me feel like my old self... thank you." My hand were warm in his, his voice was so full of passion and love that I wanted to hug him. Before I could think, he already pulled me into his chest. He tightened his grip, as I lay there dumbfounded I saw Richard right behind Xavier. "Hey, Kory, I'll meet you at my locker." Richard said leaving. Xavier released as he realized that Richard was there. "Xavier, I'll see you later, I have to go to my locker. Bye!" I said picking up my bags and running over to Richard.
I caught up with him, "That hug didn't mean anything..." "I know..." he replied. "You know, I thought you were going to overreact..." "I would have but no...Why should I care if you hugged Xavier?" he said in a monotone voice. "Richard, I have to stay after school, you know play..." "Yeah, that's okay, I'm walking with Barbara. I have a project due this Friday, so she's coming over. Don't worry I won't be alone, if that's what you think." "No, not at all, I'm just telling you that's all." I fell sad again...
Richard's Pov
I really need to stop thinking of her... She's always on my mind. I seriously have to calm down. It was clear that Xavier hugged her, but still at the bottom of my heart, I wished that it were me. I know that I'm her best friend and all but, I can't help but feel jealous.
Why? That was clear... I loved her...
But I couldn't fall in love with my best friend could I? If we were to break up, what would happen to us then? We would be nothing, not even friends, I wouldn't want that. Even if she broke up with me or me with her, it would hurt me. She would probably move on and then I'll be left still in love with her.
Reality did really suck... But hey, I need to keep my mind off her. In addition, that's why I decided to make my own friends as well. It was true that Barbara and I were doing a project but it wasn't my choice to be paired up with her. I was just left with the new kid... that's all. But, it's better than some preppy girl or some jock. She seemed nice enough, but she wasn't the brightest kid you would meet. I felt bad for her and I guess that's why I help her around the school and adjusting.
Her I.Q. might not be the best but she's a good friend. She's pretty normal, and there's nothing bad about that. But no matter how much I talk with Barbara, Kory would pop up in my head. It's driving me insane! I just wish that I didn't have the feelings to begin with... I kind of told Barbara about this problem already since I couldn't say it to Kory. But the thing is I didn't tell her who I liked. You know girls; they somehow aren't capable of keeping their mouths shut... But she did give really good advice. She use to say to me, 'Love is like quicksand, it's easy to get in but hard to get out.' But it was true, you could like someone in just a moment, but getting over someone could take forever for one or a day for another. I guess it depends and how you break up...
As I went to my locker, Barbara was leaning to the locker right next to mine, waiting. "Hey, Richard, what's up?" "It's okay; you're coming over today right?" "Yeah, why?" "Oh, just checking, that's all." Kory stepped from behind me and introduced herself. "Hi... You're Barbara right? The one who auditioned?" "Yeah, that's me... oh by the way you sang pretty good." "Thanks, but you were good too. Oh yeah, by the way, how come you didn't want to be lead?" Kory asked. "Well, you see... play would have been fun, but I'm already stressed with all the homework and stuff, and I really don't like that Xavier guy... bad past...Besides, you would have been a better Belle..." Kory hesitated and quickly said goodbye and left.
"That was weird..." I said to Barbara. "So... is she the one?" I knew exactly what she meant by that but I wasn't sure if I should tell her or not, but I hesitated. "No, it's not her..." "Richard, you can't lie to me... You hesitated and that little pause can say a lot...," she said with her hands on her hips. "I can see why you like her. I mean she's pretty and has a good voice and all but—" I cut her off. "It's not that she's pretty but she... she... makes me feel happy, it's just we have some kind of a connection. For once, she made feel like I can be anything that I want to be and she wouldn't care. I know she's my best friend but that's why I love her because she's what I'm missing in my life." I sighed as felt myself getting more cornier...
"Wow, I never a guy would say something like that... That was really deep, Richard. Really deep. I wish there were more guys like you." She said as she gently punched the side of my shoulder. So we walked to class and obviously, Kory was chatting away with her friends, Rachael and Terra, and that was normal. But I couldn't help but feel a little lonely without her. And that's why I need something that will make me take her out of my mind.
The day went really fast, and before I knew it, Barbara and I were already walking home.
"So, how's your love life?" I asked her. "Honestly, it's really boring... Ever since my last school it's been really quiet, I guess it's better than all the drama and stuff..." "Girl's lives are always melodramatic, but that's because girls make it that way, while us guys, go with the flow and try not to make such a commotion." She laughed, "It's true that some girls make their own drama, but sometimes it just gets dramatic. Guys can be so immature and that's annoying and boring for us girls. We want some guy who really cares, doesn't always joke and fool around, or else the girl will think that you're not interested and break up with you." I thought for a little while before I could reply to her statement.
Before I could say something, she spoke up again, "Cat got your tongue? Well, it's true." "About your old school what happened?" I asked curious. "Well, you know that Xavier guy? Well, you see these girls were having like house party and I was invited. Everyone's name was put in two different hats; one for guy and one for girls, and girl and a boy would be picked and then they would go to the semi-formal dance together. I was paired up with Xavier, unfortunately instead of this other guy that I liked. Unfortunately, Rose, one of the popular girls, wanted to go to the dance with Xavier. She asked me if I could switch, but the rules were that we couldn't swap partners. So I obviously said no, and then she started assuming that I liked him and so she made a rumour that I liked Xavier, when I don't behind my back. Then, the rumour got to Xavier and he came up to me and asked me if I liked him. I obviously said no, but people still continued to tease me. So life back at my old school wasn't so great."
"Wow, what a story. Is that why you hate Xavier?" I asked. "No, I don't hate him, but I avoid him 'cause it reminds me of the past. And it's really not his fault, he was dragged into this." "That's true..." I replied.
We arrived at my house, and we started walking on our assignment. This is assignment was for English, and we were suppose to pick a song and then make a slideshow reflecting the song. We chose the song, 'Where Is The Love' by Black Eyed Peas, because it had a very powerful message.
She explored my room and found my weird camera. "Hey! What this?" she asked in curiosity. "It's the camera my family used to take family pictures." I showed the long string that had a button on the end so that when you click it would take a picture.
We started testing it with me and her fooling around and it was really fun. "I need a photo to draw for art class, and it has to reflect friendship and love, so I was wondering if I could get a picture of us together like hugging. You know to like draw, I mean you don't have to do it but I—" "Yeah, that's okay. Come on." So, Barbara and I took a numerous pictures hugging with the camera. Then we developed them in a special room in the house.
I hadn't used that camera in ages, and it felt good to just use for fun. The pictures of me and Barbara turned out pretty good and Barbara took them all. As we finished up the slideshow, we just listened to music and talked. I got to know her better and I was glad that I made another friend.
Barbara did the one thing that I couldn't accomplish and that was to take Kory off my mind, even only for a minute, she managed to do that. I was grateful for that, I know that Kory might not return my feelings, so I needed to be ready to let go of these feelings that we're not suppose to even exist.
Then Barbara left leaving me, to do anything that I want. Hmmmmm... What to do... Kory! All of a sudden, I felt hyper. I ran next door and rang the bell. No one answered...
Darn! So I decided to go to the Oak tree, maybe she'll be there. As I arrived and singing beautiful singing and to my surprise it was her, up in the tree. I went underneath the tree and she saw me. "Richard hey—" she fell out of the tree into my arms once again. She was so light so I didn't have trouble carrying her. But what really hit me when she fell was how close our faces were. I feel her breathing on me and her eyes glittered in the sunlight. She smelled of strawberries as she's always has. It was like I fell in love with her all over again. If I moved just a little bit, are lips would have touched and I don't think she would be ready for that.
So I put her down. "Thanks, Richard." She said smiling at me. "No problem, remember I'm your guardian angel." I said chuckling. She went close to me and patted my head, "And you're doing such a great job!" "How was play?" I asked. "Nothing much really. How was the project with Barbara?" "Actually, it was pretty fun if you ask me. We found my old family camera and played around with it." "Sounds like you had fun..." she said her tone sounded annoyed, I wasn't really sure. "Barbara is a really cool person, we should hang out together, and I think you would like her." She didn't reply, but her face turned away.
"Are you okay, Kory?" I asked worried about her. "Yeah... Yeah I'm fine." She said in a somewhat sad tone. "Kory, you can tell me anything you know that, right?" She hesitated...
Kory's Pov
I can't do it. I can't do it... I can't confess that I love him. I wanted to so bad, but I couldn't stand the reaction or rejection. It was killing me, to know how he really feels but I don't want to change where we are. Best Friends was okay with me, but my heart is crying out for more... But I shouldn't want to be more than just friends with him.
Why must be so hard to express my feelings to people? Even my best friend? I want him to know who I feel, but I don't have the courage to tell him.
"It's nothing, Richard. Really, it's nothing, nothing at all." I replied with defeat. "Kory, no matter how much you deny that it's nothing, I know that there's something, and I can see it in your eyes. They reveal you, no matter how hard you try to hide." "Richard, I can't say it... I'm sorry; Richard but I can't tell you yet." He went around me and stood in front of with hands on the sides of arms. "Kory, I need to know. I care for you, maybe more than you do." Put my head down, trying to hide the sudden tears in my eyes. With his finger he pulled my chin up and he wiped my tears. "Don't cry, it makes me sad." He said with a soft tone. I chuckled as I remembered the day I said that to him.
"This is embarrassing..." I walked away, quickening my pace. Then I started running, running away from him. How pathetic of me... As I got up to my door, I quickly took out my keys and jammed any key that was there. My tears were rushing out now, it hurt... so much. Then I gave up, fell to my knees covering my eyes, and cried. I felt his hand around me. "Kory, don't run away from me." He whispers into my ear. "I'm... I'm so... so...sorry..." as my words were stuttered, trying to catch my breath. He tightened his grip on me and I held his arms, making me feel warm.
We stood up and I faced him, hugging him. I laid my head on his chest, feeling the warmth of his loving heart. I could feel a little beat of his heart but it wasn't steady. I released him, breaking our embrace and looked up at him. He took the keys out of my hand and unlocked the door. He helped me up the stairs and into my bedroom. I went in and he closed the door. I sat down with my face in my hands. I felt him sit next to me on the bed, making me stand up. I didn't want to be close to him... It just made me feel worse, and feelings were like a volcano ready to explode. I bottled up my feelings for so long that could stop letting my feelings spill out.
When I first met him, I had a small connection and somewhat attraction to him. But at that moment, I never knew that I would be in this position, on the verge of confessing my feelings for him. I wasn't even supposed to be Richard's friend but my sympathy got the best of my judgement. I walked away from the bed and faced the window. "Richard, I don't know what to say." I said my voice cracking. "Then don't say anything...," he said in a soft, low tone. I turned around to face him, "I want to tell you something, but I can't seem to get it out. It's not bad or anything but... I just can't explain, without giving it away. I think... I think I..." I sighed as the words were stuck. My mind is telling me not to tell him, but my heart says go for it.
I closed my eyes and examined my thoughts. And when I opened them, Richard and I were only an inch away from touching. Without knowing, what to do, I could feel his nose touch mine then his lips. It was the perfect first kiss, soft and slow. Although it felt like forever, I broke the kiss turning away from him, touching my lips. Richard recovered faster than I did, "I'm... I'm so sorry, Kory, I didn't mea—" before he could finish I turned back at him and kissed him, with more love and passion.
He kissed me back, and that's all I needed to know. He liked me back. But our kiss grew more passionate then expected, my feelings erupting from inside came out and I couldn't stop. No... I couldn't... He laid me down in the bed, and then I couldn't remember what happened...
Because of one kiss, my world changed...
I woke up, wondering where I was. I felt someone's hand around me, then I realized it was Richards's. I prayed that this was dream and that was not where I really was. I remember kissing Richard and then... NO! I couldn't have happened! I looked behind my shoulder and found Richard sleeping. It was real, all of it... I had... had... lost my virginity to my best friend...
I felt tears forming in my eyes... How could I do that? How could I let myself sink this low? I could be pregnant with his child, a child that shouldn't have been created, and a mistake. I wished it weren't true. I knew that I shouldn't have this child, that will always remind me of my mistake. But I couldn't do an abortion either it would be like murder. Even if I had the money, I would never do that. But what if I wasn't pregnant? Then that wouldn't be a problem at all, but there's the part where I slept with Richard. I SLEPT WITH RICHARD! My best friend! Not only did I ruin my friendship, I ruined this whole relationship between. It wouldn't be the same, I know that.
When he wakes up, he'll say 'Since we slept with each other and all we might as well be boyfriend and girlfriend...' No way! I don't it to be like that. I slept with him! And this is a big deal! Now, I feel so alone, have you ever slept with your best friend, who had a secret crush on you?! But I couldn't deny that I loved him... Because I did, but I can't do this... I need my space. If my parents were here, I wouldn't have done this... It would be conscious in my mind that my parents were there and that they would never let me engage in this kind activity before I was married! My life was officially messed up. What am I suppose to do now...
Suddenly I felt him move. I immediately pretended to be asleep, as he got up. I heard him dress up, then he kissed my forehead and left. I got up and took a shower, knowing that I was no longer a virgin. I felt impure and I hated myself more than ever. I couldn't figure out what to say to him, for he knew that we slept together and I didn't know how he felt about this. But right now, I didn't want to see him... It was really early in the morning so I headed off to school early, avoiding going to the Oak tree.
I had to go to Guidance, but I was so afraid, what will they think of me? A slut? But I'm not it was all an accident. I decided not to go to Guidance and then I headed to Mr. Spisson's room. Mr. Spisson was a great teacher funny and fun at the same time. He helped me a lot with singing lately, and right now, I think singing lessons will take it off my mind.
The bell rang meaning that I had to get to my first class. I would obviously bump into Richard in class, which I wasn't looking forward too. He was late today, and he was probably mad at me for not walking with him, but I didn't feel good today. I didn't want to be here, and when we change classes, he will obviously come up and talk to me. I wouldn't know what to say but right now, I just wanted to run away. But how could I? I wasn't scared of Richard; I was scared about what would happen to us. I didn't want us to feel weird, but I obviously felt weird.
At the end of class, I ran to the next class avoiding him at all costs. Rachael and Terra were wondering what's been wrong with me, but of course, I didn't tell them. Especially at school, you never know who could be listening. Some people have ears that can hear everything no matter how private the conversation could be. They'll find out sooner or later. It wasn't safe to say that I had a crush on my best friend and that I slept with him yesterday, they would never believe me but it would the gossip of the school. I didn't eat lunch once again, and I knew that was bad, I couldn't eat with him. I sat on the bleachers thinking about anything else but what had happened. But I knew that I wouldn't get it off my mind. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone come over, and without thinking, I got up and started walking away. "Hey! Wait!" I knew that voice wasn't Richard. I turned around and it turned out to be Xavier. "Oh hey..." I said quietly. "Are you okay?" He asked looking at me concerned. "Nothing really..." "Okay, so you want to just hang out here." "Yeah, sure." He didn't force it out of me, I was glad. "So you excited for play?" He asked in a happy tone. "Yeah, I guess so... Why are you so happy today?" "Well, I don't know I just am you know? It's one of those days where you just wake up happy. Really rare for me though." "Oh I see..." I wish my day was like that, but so far, it was far from it.
"I got the script already, you want to see it?" He asked me taking out this somewhat fat book. "And those are all my lines?" I asked worried. "No, most of it is but the rest is either mine or the other characters." He gave it to me and I looked though it. I had already watched this play once with my parents so I was glad that I knew most of the songs. "I wish I saw the Broadway version of this play, I would know the songs. I only saw the Disney one." "Don't worry I'll help you though it." "Thanks. I'm kind of nervous now..." "Why are you nervous? You're the one telling me to calm down at the audition!" "Actually, I was nervous, but I'll be more nervous when it's the whole school..." He sighed. "Don't worry, we'll do this together!" I said smiling at him. He smiled back at me.
He flipped through the pages and showed me a song for the Beast. "How does this go?" He asked me. "Well, I can't really sing this since I don't have the voice for it." He chuckled and then asked me to sing a song from the play. "I don't know, I mean someone could hear me." "Oh, come on, they could hear you singing but they won't hear how good you sing." "That's true." The bell rang before I could start singing. We both got up and started walking back into the school. Today, one of our teachers was away, and so we got a free period to work on any homework. Since, I was avoiding Richard, I decided to go with Xavier to a spare room and just sing or hang out with him.
"You know we're going to have to dance in the play." Xavier said taking me into the middle of the room. He placed his hand on my back and the other wrapped around my hand. I placed my hand on his shoulder and the other in his hand. "Xavier, you know how to waltz?" I asked surprised. "Yeah, my dad and my mom use to compete a lot as a little kid." "Wow, mother sings, dance with husband, what can't she do?" "Yeah, I know my mom was amazing, multi-talented." He started as I followed his steps. He was pretty good I must say, for a guy. You don't find a lot of guys wanting to do ballroom. He quickened his pace as we were circling around the room. I laughed as we went along, until someone came through the door. Me and Xavier stopped and looked toward the door. It was Richard and Barbara behind him.
My eyes were locked to his, but I couldn't make out his expression. The world had seemed to stop and it was just me and him, staring at each other. What was he thinking? Was he mad at me? Was he okay with the fact that we slept with each other last night? I was confused... Then we came back to the real world. "Hey, Richard and Barbara!" Xavier said happily. "Hey, Xavier... We were suppose to use this room, sorry." Barbara said not really interested. "Oh, sorry about that. We were just—" "Kory, can I talk to you for a second in private?" Richard asked in a stern voice. This was it, the one thing I was dreading today...
I went outside the room with Richard. I was so nervous, I was starting to get warm, and then I felt faint. I couldn't breathe... Richard seemed to notice and he asked. "Kory, are you alright?" I was hungry or thirsty; I ran to a water fountain and gulped down mouthfulls of water. I started breathing normally again. "Are you okay, Kory?" he asked me again. "Yeah, I'm fine, it's just I'm a little thirsty that's all." "No, I meant about us?" I gulped and turned away from him. I held myself, feeling shivers down my spine. I could feel his breath on me neck. "Kory, you know I love you right?" He whispers in my ear. I couldn't take it... I had to tell how I feel no matter how much it might hurt him... I turned around to face him. Before I could say anything, he had already pressed his lips into mine. My feelings got the best of me, as I kissed him back.
Then realizing what I was doing I broke apart from him and ran the other way. I couldn't do this, I didn't feel myself. He caught up with me and grabbed my arm stopping me. "Kory, what are you doing?" "What do you think I'm doing Richard?" I said pulling my arm away from his grip. I ran faster down the stairs, I need to get out of here. I didn't dare look back, and my heart beat quickened. I stopped and panted, as I grew tired. I couldn't give up I need to get out of there. Knowing he'll come and ask me why I'm running away.
Unfortunately, for me, I tripped and fell to the ground. It was in a slow motion, but as I hit the ground, it sped up and I felt the pain of my impact. I couldn't get up, I was totally exhausted. My breathing was way too fast... As I got up, Richard was already in front of me. "Kor—" I cut him off. "Richard, I can't... do ... this... Us... we can't ... I...can't "I said as I was gasping for air in between words. "What do you mean? I don't understand." "Richard, I can't do... this right... now... I need... some ... time ..." "Okay, I can give you time." "...away ... from you..." "I don't understand Kory..." I was exhausted; I couldn't see straight, I felt dizzy, like my head was spinning.
Richard's Pov
"Kory, are you okay?" I said looking at her. Kory looked like she was going to faint. I couldn't understand her, she was breathing very heavily. I wanted to be her everything, everything I could be to her. I loved her, just plain and simple, I loved her. But I don't think it's the right time to talk to her about it. She needed help. "Richard... I... feel like I'm... going to ...faint." she said closing her eyes. Without thinking, I picked her up bridal style and took her back to my house. Maybe, Alfred can help her. I called Alfred to pick us up from school and before I knew it, Kory was unconscious.
Alfred picked us up and brought us home. I laid Kory down in one the guest rooms and waited until she awoke. She probably didn't eat again; I wished she didn't have to diet or whatever she was doing. I hated how girls were so self-conscious about themselves. They think they look ugly but they're not, I just didn't get it. She will always be beautiful to me, no matter what. No only was she beautiful, but her soul was too. She made me smile even if I'm having a bad day... I don't know what she does, but it works.
I sat on the window ledge, staring at her sleeping, maybe even dreaming. Oh, I wish I were in her dreams...
Kory's Pov
I woke up on a bed. Where am I? I looked around the room and soon I recognized that I was in one of the guest rooms in Richard's house. I felt my stomach grumble, as someone walked in. It was Alfred with a tray or what looked like dinner. "Miss Korinna, Richard told me that you fainted from the lack of food. So I took the liberty of bringing this up for you." "Thank you, Alfred." I sat up and tried to get out of bed. "Miss Korinna, no need to get up." So I stayed in my spot and started eating the food. "Miss Korinna, if you'll please excuse me, I must finish the laundry." "Oh, go ahead; don't let me get in the way... Thanks, Alfred."
As I finished the food, I put the tray of food on the night table beside the bed. Then I realized that Richard was sleeping on the window ledge. His head leaned against the window. I stood up with more energy this time and sat down on the ledge with him. I pushed his bangs away from his face and smiled. He was even more cute when he was sleeping...
I placed my forehead on his, thinking of the first time I met him. He had such a temper, but had a childish attitude. I closed my eyes, as I remembered how we kissed the other night and how became more than I imagined. I couldn't calm myself down, this was a very big deal for me, and I don't even think I'm ready for a relationship. And another thing, I have this whole play thing, I can't have a boyfriend, and I wouldn't want Xavier to get in the way of our relationship. As much as I wanted him as a boyfriend, I couldn't...
As I opened my eyes, I met bright blue eyes. I stared at them in awe; I forgot how beautiful his eyes were. Blue as the sky but as deep as the ocean, I could just drown in them. I quickly shifted my eyes somewhere else as I moved back from my position. I started blushing, feeling my cheeks burning. "Kory, how are you feeling?" "I'm fine, thanks for bringing me here." "No problem, I just glad that you're okay." He stared at me waiting me for me to turn towards him. I stood up and looked around for the time. "Do you know what time it is?" I asked. "Why does it matter?" "I have to get back to school, oh shit! I have play practice! Mr. Spisson is going to kill me..." I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes, imagining Mr. Spisson just yelling at me.
"Don't worry... It's just play..." "It might be just a play for you but not for me. I better go." I said then started walking to the door. I felt his warm hand grab mine, making me stop. "Kory..." I looked over my shoulder and Richard was suddenly standing right behind me. He looked somewhat taller than I remember. "Richard, I can't talk now..." "What's more important? Your play or me?" That was obvious... "Richard... I ... I... I don't know who to say this..." "You don't love me do you?" he said in sad tone. "No, it's not that..." "So, you do love me?" as his voice changed from sad to happy.
"No, I mean yes, I mean... I just..." I sighed, as it got harder for me to say it. I took a deep breath, and continued, "Richard, I do have feelings for you... I just can't do this whole relationship thing... You and me... It wouldn't be right to me. I mean we're best friends and now boyfriend and girlfriend; I'm not ready for that yet. I can't get over the face that I... I slept with you the other night. It's bothering me... I mean, it's not like I hated it, but I'm seventeen! Now, the possibility of me being pregnant is opening up and I... I just ... can't imagine... imagine... being a mother at seventeen. I used to feel bad for those who got pregnant and got mad that they lost their virginity at such a young age, but now I'm that girl they'll be talking about and they'll pity me. I wish that last night did not happen; I wish I just told you my feelings earlier and not let my feelings spill out of me. I'm sorry that it sounds like I'm blaming you but it's also partially my fault as well. You may have a different view than me since you're not the one getting pregnant. I just have take time away from you... I don't want to hurt you or change anything between us...Please understand that, right now I'm not ready to love you."
"Kory, I will wait for you." "Richard, I don't want you to wait for me... I know that you think I'm might be the one for you, but everyone thinks that at first but in the end it won't last and then one of us is going to get hurt. I don't want to get hurt especially by you; I don't want to hurt you either. I know that right now I'm in love with you, but who knows, this could be just a fling and then we'll be dating other people. I want to stay forever your best friend than nothing at all." I tried to pull away from him but his grip got stronger and I knew that I wasn't going anywhere. "Don't leave, Kory, don't..." He whispers into my ear. His words echoing in my mind made me lose it all. I could feel the tears coming down, heavy. "Richard, I don't want to hurt you." "Even if we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, you hurt me everyday, knowing that you might not return my feelings for you. I love you, you may think that this might be a fling but you're wrong. Deep down in your heart, you know that I'm the one..." I heard him sniffling as he continued, "I'm sorry that what happened yesterday, messed everything, but we can start all over again if you want... because I don't care... I just want to be with you always." "You'll always be with me no matter what even if we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, Richard." "I want to make you happy. So if you want to be friends, then I'm fine with that, if you want to take time away from me I'm fine with that too. But I want you to know that my heart will always and forever long for more. So I will try my best even if it kills me to make you happy."
I turned around and kissed him on the forehead, wiping his tears away. "Don't cry, it makes me sad." I said trying to put a smile on my face. He stared at me, silently, caressing my cheek. He pulled me into an embrace, holding on to me like I was leaving forever. I could feel his sorrow and it made my heart ache more and more. I couldn't do it, it hurt me too much for my heart. I tried to brake away as pieces of my heart stayed in his embrace, I gasped and tears quickly flashed down my face. "Kory, don't go just yet..." He said with a soft voice. "Richard, I can't take this... It hurts... it hurts too much... you took my heart... I want it back." "You took mine first, the day I bumped into you, I stared into your emerald eyes and I knew that you were different. You have to give mine back first..." His voice cracked as I felt his watery tears on my face. "I can't love you... I'll give you your heart back..." This pain is nothing compared to us breaking up, it would be unbearable, and it was unbearable enough. I can't love him... that's all... I just... couldn't...
I broke free, my heart screaming. I left the house and went back to school; a new chapter in my life is starting...
A heart is a heavy burden... especially when it longs for someone else...
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I know it kind of weird but this is my first fanfic so plz take an easy on me...
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