Wow, I am bad at everything.


The next morning was hectic. After two showers and a quick, shitty breakfast, the cleaning resumed.

By noon, all that was left to do was to change their bedding.

Sollux pulled the pillows off of his bed to remove his sheets, then quickly shoved them back down.

Karkat's journal was still under there. Shit, he had forgotten that he'd taken it. How did KK not notice it when they shared the bed? He had to put it back in KK's dresser drawer, right the fuck now. But how could he do it without Karkat seeing him?

"Hey, KK? Could you take the car and run to the grothery thtore? I think we should make your parentth lunch when they get here."

"Yeah, whatever. I'll get something they like. You're paying?"

"Yeah. Grab my wallet, it'th on the drether."

Karkat took his wallet and keys, then headed out.

When Sollux heard the front door slam shut, he seized the journal from under the pillows. He opened the drawer, but when he moved to put the book back, he found a piece of paper.

"I know you have my journal. You owe me an explanation and a blow job, you nosy piece of shit."

Fuck.

Oh, fuck, he was fucked.


He was lying face-down on his bed when Karkat returned with the groceries.

"Hey, dumbshit! Come help me put these away."

He sighed heavily into his pillow, then stood up. He briefly wondered what people would think when they found his corpse in the dumpster after Karkat strangled him for invading his privacy.

He went into the kitchen, but instead of grabbing a bag of groceries, he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and buried his face in the back of Karkat's head.

Burrowed in soft hair, he whispered, "I'm tho thorry, KK. I didn't mean to take it. I jutht wanted to know how you felt about me."

Karkat, momentarily frozen, spun around in Sollux's grip and glared up at him. "This is about the journal, right?" Sollux nodded. "If I wanted you to know how I felt, don't you think I would have told you?"

Sollux sheepishly lowered his gaze. "Yeah, I gueth. I jutht… I wath really conflicted about how I felt about you, tho I thought if I knew what you were thinking, it would help me get my shit together. But I didn't even read it, if that'th any contholation."

Karkat considered this for a moment. "Right now, the only consolation I need from you is the rest of your dues."

Sollux's eyes snapped forward. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that you still owe me six kisses for breakfast yesterday, and now you owe me one fantastic session of fellatio for stealing my shit."

Sollux pulled Karkat closer. "You really aren't mad at me?"

"I will be if you don't hurry the fuck up."

Sollux sealed their lips together.

Karkat pressed the rest of them together.


Six lip-searing kisses later, their hips were flush against each other and Karkat's hand was wedged between them to get at the button of his own jeans.

Sollux dropped carefully to his knees when Karkat got the fasten undone, and pulled his boyfriend's jeans down to his thighs. The red, checkered boxers were next, and he greeted Karkat's cock with a slow lick around the head.

Karkat's hands gripped the counter. Fuck, why was he so hard already? It was like Sollux just had to look at him and his dick would spring up. He felt Sollux's tongue slide around the tip and he shuddered.

His legs were dangerously close to giving out when Sollux opened his mouth and took him in.

Oh jesus fuck your mouth is so warm. Yesss take more in. God yes Sollux, swallow my cock.

Then, the sound of keys jingling in the front door.

The door shut as jeans were being hastily readjusted. Sollux stood up as Kanaya walked into the kitchen, shot them both knowing looks, and smirked.

"Karkat, I do apologize if this is poor timing on my part, but I stopped by to inquire on the state of your apartment."

Karkat, attempting to even his breathing, replied, "Sparkly fucking clean. Get out."

Kanaya stepped away to inspect the living room, looking around suspiciously. "Is it really?"

Sollux, whose face was an unholy shade of red, strode down the hallway and ducked into the bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. There was no fucking way he was going to try to deal with KN right now. It's like she had planned to walk in at that exact moment. Now he was stranded in his own bedroom, uncomfortably embarrassed and painfully hard. Damn Kanaya.

He flopped onto the bed and reached one hand under his waistband, unbuttoning his shorts with the other. A ridiculously unsatisfying moment later, he threw a wad of used tissues into the trashcan and laid back on the bed.

The sound of door slamming prompted him into the living room, and he found Karkat crumpled on the sofa.

"KK? You alright?"

Wordlessly, Karkat pointed at a small, wicker basket on the kitchen table. Sollux rifled through it, only to find that KN had left them matching, preposterously fancy outfits, along with a card stating that the "Vantas Party" had reservations for 6:30 tomorrow night at Arezzo's, the city's most obnoxiously overrated restaurant.

He found a note taped to the back of the card.

"Sollux, I know that you and my cousin are involved in a romantic situation as of a fortnight ago. I offer you my congratulations on this development, but must also offer you my condolences. You see, Karkat and his parents are not of the same opinion regarding homosexuality, and I feel the need to warn you of their possible prejudice against you because of your preferred gender. It might be best for you, and for Karkat, to refrain from mentioning the extent of your relationship to his parents, at least until their trip is over. Best wishes, Kanaya."

At the bottom, in a different pen, she had hastily added, "I would also recommend you abstain from any obvious acts of oral sex in semi-public places. Karkat's parents do not approve of voyeurism, regardless of the participants' genders. Also, the next time I walk in on you two, I will not hesitate to take pictures."