Levi woke just before dawn, lying on his side in the tent, chilled even under his wool blanket. Outside, the morning opened slow and heavy and thick with silver fog.
Across the tent, Erwin carried on snoring softly, replacement arm flung across the empty space beside his head. They'd slept in a head-toe pattern, like recruits.
Knowing the other man was there; Levi allowed himself a few moments of contentment. Lying quietly, staring at his loosely clenched hands under the hem of his blanket, Levi was a bit surprised he'd slept as soundly as he did. Erwin really did have a certain effect on him…
His fingers curled slowly into fists.
He was tired of pretending that the wanting to be by Erwin's side for the simple pleasure of it, met with the knowledge that Erwin preferred him near, didn't twist something new inside him. Their camaraderie and chemistry was personal; it clearly extended beyond necessity.
Something so bitter, so ugly as war, had revealed to Levi a person he'd been able to respect. A person who gave his life a certain meaning that had, remarkably, flourished. He never thought he'd find that. He thought it had died with his mother.
This strange circumstance, this ten-degrees-off, it provided opportunity, did it not?
Levi rubbed his temples, fingers cold.
He needed to tell him, he realized, with a swell that made his cold limbs feel less so. He needed to tell Erwin that his endearment was deeper than a Captain to his Commander. Erwin deserved that knowledge.
With first light, he sat up, blanket falling into his lap.
Maybe Erwin had coffee stored away in the shed…
There was the distinct impulse to reach out and touch the man sleeping beside him, perhaps to make sure he was really there. To draw him closer. There were earlier times when that feeling had flared within him, mostly upon seeing Erwin asleep at his desk, surrounded by papers. There weren't any reports between them now.
He frowned at himself, tearing his gaze away.
Coffee was a poor substitute for tea, but honestly, the morning chill was preferable to sitting there, staring at Erwin's sleep-slacked expression for another agonizing moment.
Levi slipped from under the blanket, not having undressed the night before. Smart idea, considering the frost, he thought, grabbing the cravat from his pocket. Ducking out of the tent, he got to his feet with just a kiss of stiffness and stretched his limbs.
How was going to tell Erwin? That he thought they fit, or whatever the hell. He looked around the campsite, like it would give him an answer.
The problem was frustrating, but he wasn't wrong about this.
They'd left the shed closed but unlocked. Levi only had to pry it open a little in order to slip inside, light slanting through the gaps between the boards. His eyes darted to the Wings, gear on the ground below like an offering, before turning to the rest of the mess.
"So fucking disorganized," he mumbled to himself, picking over the supplies, cravat pressed to his nose and mouth.
His searching wandered him closer to the gas canisters and flight harness just lying there…
Levi paused, standing up straight, and turned to glare, like the gear had offended him. He ground his jaw.
With a self-defeating sigh, he moved forward, crouching down and shaking the gas canisters in their harnesses. Not even half full. Probably bleeding a slow stream for who knows how long. But, it was enough for a few minutes…
His hands roamed over each strap, checking for tears in the leather. The action felt so familiar there came melancholic pang at the weight of the buckles between his fingers. Except, he felt no curling dread of soon-dead comrades as he sunk down onto an upturned crate, slipped his boot off, and slid his heel down into the leg holster. The pressure on his shoulders, around his chest, the muscle memory of faded bruises—
Nimble fingers tied the cravat back around his neck as he existed the lean-to. Just a quick flight, he told himself, just a taste—
Their camp was quiet; Erwin was still asleep. Levi walked past the tent without looking, beyond the fire pit to the edge of the grove.
He clicked the cable trigger a few times with the safety on. It seemed to engage all right. Maybe it felt a little stiff. Nothing he wasn't use to.
With a flick of his thumb he turned off the release guard and engaged the trigger. The cable hissed out of the housing, and he felt the hook thunk into some tree limb high above, the tension ripping him forward and off the ground.
Takeoff always flattened Levi's stomach against his spine, giving him that strange feeling of sudden-altered gravity, but as he swung upward, the first anchor releasing and the next cable driving its point farther ahead, he settled into a familiar rhythm.
Up here, his head was clear. No messy thoughts about what death had robbed him of, or what impossible circumstances had brought back to him.
Levi allowed his next anchor to extend almost the whole way, his body sweeping dangerously close to the fast-moving forest floor, rushing air, before he used the inertia to shoot up at full speed toward the canopy. He released the cable, letting the gas give him a quick push, so his body punched through the treetops unabated into the pale morning sunlight.
The momentum kicked his legs out in front of him, so he rolled into a backspin easily, and in the moment his inertia was spent, where his body seemed weightless in the air, he closed his eyes for one brief, sweet heartbeat.
That feeling, that freedom, it never lasted.
He began to fall, and the air whistled on his descent as he plummeted headfirst back toward the treetops. He watched the sharp branches rush up to meet him, timed the entry perfectly, and engaged both cables to slow his descent. The hooks fastened into a branch half way down.
He knew something was about to go terribly wrong the moment he heard the strange, metallic sound of too-tense wires being pulled taunt; stretched beyond their limits.
The cable on his right hip snapped, frayed wires auto-retracting into the gearbox.
He tilted.
Shit.
The ground was still coming up fast, and he was too low to swing clear, no second wire to re-position him on a higher trajectory.
Levi braced, and at the last second, as the leaf and twig strewn forest floor rushed up to fill his vision, he disengaged the remaining cable. It snapped back just as he hit the ground with bended knee, trying to roll off the momentum. The speed threw his body end-over-end before he came skidding to a stop on his stomach.
In an instant it was over, and the forest was quiet as he tried to suck in breath, the wind having been knocked out him. His legs were numb with the force of impact, but they moved without any shooting pain; he could feel his toes.
"Fuck," Levi groaned, pushing against the earth, decomposing leaves and wet soil crushed under his fingers. His arms twitched with strain as he righted himself, crouched and wobbly, until he sat back against the ground with a hiss of frustration, body throbbing.
He hadn't had a fall like that in a long time.
Pulling out the frayed end of the wire, he could see a bit of buildup on the once-woven strands of metal. Water damage, he thought with a snarl, letting the cable retract with a zzip. Overuse and inadequate maintenance. It was the reason he'd been so meticulous with his own gear. If only he hadn't dumped it.
He pushed down the sting of regret.
Erwin had tried to tell him the gear was too old, but the compulsion to fly had been so strong…
Levi chuckled darkly as he slowly stood back up, dusting himself off. Shouldn't he have known by now to listen?
Flush with anger, he detached himself from the cable boxes, but the movement made him flinch as a sharp sting flared in his side. He twisted around to a thin slash, long as his palm, curling from his side around to his back, positioned just so he couldn't bend properly to really see it.
He must have caught a rock. Maybe a stick or fallen branch.
The wound was shallow, but it still stuck his ripped shirt to his skin with a bright smear of blood. He didn't dare touch it to explore further, lest he dirty the wound.
On the opposite shoulder, he hoisted up the broken gear. It was going to be a long walk back to camp.
By the time he made it to the clearing, the morning fog had dissipated, and white smoke unfurled from the fire pit into the treetops. The door to the shed was open, and Levi could hear rummaging coming from inside all the way from the edge of camp. A few moments later, Erwin came striding out with a jar of something in his hand, hair messily flattened down. He caught sight of Levi just as the other man was near enough to drop the broken gear with a groan.
"I had a feeling you…"
Erwin trailed off, stride slowing as he drew closer.
"I know what you're thinking." Levi stretched his neck. "I'm fine. Mostly." Levi looked at the ground, angry with himself more than anything. "This isn't though," he added, with a less-than-enthusiastic kick at the cable boxes.
Erwin set the jar on one of the log seats by the fire, gaze flicking from the dented gear back to Levi's face.
"Well… you're a mess," he said finally, with a hint of dark humor, although his brows were drawn in and his lips were pressed tight. It was that balance between disapproval and concern that Levi had practically always been able to recognize.
Levi lifted his right arm a bit, exposing the cut in his side, more than a touch of self-deprecation twisting his mouth into a frown. "You might have to play field medic."
To Erwin's credit, he didn't utter a single roundabout I told you so, which was one of the reasons Levi's appreciation ran deep; right into his heart.
"Alright," Erwin said, "let me take a look."
Levi unhooked the flight straps from around his shoulders and chest, pulling the tangle of leather down to his hips. The releasing pressure nearly made him sigh.
He angled his face away as Erwin took another step toward him, and another, until he was kneeling down beside him. Slow, meticulous fingers rolled up the thin cloth of Levi's shirt, and he could feel the pressure of two, warm fingertips to the side of where the skin was broken. The touch made him sip a slow, short hiss out his clenched teeth, and at their soft retraction, gooseflesh rose in their wake.
"It's not deep at all," Erwin murmured. "Hold on a moment." He moved away; stood back up to retrieve a small first aid pouch from his saddlebag. A bit of ointment and gauze. Levi knew the drill.
Supplies tucked in the crook of his arm, Erwin knelt again, and Levi could feel the strange contrast between the metal fingertips of Erwin's new arm and the warmth of his other fingers.
He flinched as a cold cloth, wet from the canteen, pressed against his skin.
"Sorry," Erwin mumbled in concentration as he patted the spot dry and smeared a thumbing of ointment along the length of the cut. The sweeping contact made Levi's muscles tense in order to suppress a shiver.
"Just like the old days," Levi whispered, unwittingly bare, recalling post-mission meetings where they'd stitch each other back up again, sometimes quite literally.
"Hm?" A patch of gauze pressed down to adhere to the tacky disinfectant.
"Nothing…" Levi blinked slow, gazing out into the trees. Without glancing to the man at his side, he set his jaw, and added, "Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?" He felt Erwin finish his work and pull back, probably balancing back on his heels so he could see Levi's profile. The searching gaze made him uncomfortable. "I know I'm difficult—"
Erwin's sharp burst of laughter caught him off guard. Levi took a step back to turn and look at him with a fierce expression. Erwin ducked his head, but he caught the smile before it disappeared.
"What?" He snapped, feeling flush. He could hear Erwin chuckle as he stood, hands bracing on his stiff knees. Levi smoothed back down his shirt, trying to swallow unkind words to hide his embarrassment.
"That might be the biggest understatement I've ever had the pleasure of hearing." Erwin stood up straight, hands hooked loosely on his hips. A fond expression pinched the corners of his eyes
"Oh shut up," Levi groused, but before Erwin could move away, his hand shot out, fisting a handful of Erwin's shirt to anchor him in place. Levi stared, as if his fingers had just betrayed him. "Wait," he heard himself say. Straightening his shoulders, fingers tight in the cotton fabric, he sniffed with disapproval. "You're always… moving."
Erwin frowned with concern, as if he were oblivious to the death-hold Levi had on him. "Are you sure you're feeling alright?"
Fuck.
Levi glared up at Erwin with a vehemence that only seemed to disarm the other man further. "You deserve to know. You're the only one I've ever trusted like this."
Erwin nodded slowly, trying to decipher the other man's meaning. "I never doubted your loyalty, Levi." His frown deepened. "If you're still thinking about Shiganshina-"
"That's not—" Levi's hand jerked back, pulling Erwin closer. "That's not what I mean, you fool," he hissed. How could a man so utterly brilliant be so infuriatingly clueless? "I'm trying to tell you, damn it; you were the only reason that nightmare we lived through was even the least bit bearable."
Erwin's lips parted in surprise, but his hand came up to press Levi's harder against his chest. They were both frozen like that, until Erwin said, "It… is funny how we effected each other so similarly. How we fed off our preference for one another." For a moment he looked nostalgic. "You mentioned trust- I came to trust you so completely, Levi. I wanted you at my side until the end."
"I'd kill you a thousand times if that's what you wanted. And—" Levi swallowed hard, like he couldn't believe the words that'd been floating around in his brain were finally coming out his mouth. "I'd be a fool not to know that's love."
Erwin flushed, exceedingly endearing, and chuckled. "I never did feel more at peace than in those hours we spent ruining our eyesight over boring budget requests and mission reports."
With how Erwin was looking at him, Levi had to do something to try and avoid that pleasant, jumpy feeling. "Paperwork," he feigned feeling slighted, "of course. How could I be so blind to the true object of your affection?" His fingers let go of Erwin's shirt, but the other man's hand kept him pinned. Levi could feel his heartbeat. "If you trusted me so much, why didn't you ever say anything?"
"I think you're right, Levi. You are rather difficult..."
"Don't ignore the question, old man," he growled.
Erwin pressed his lips together. "It sounds harsh but… it didn't matter. Your feelings for me, how much I came to regard you as something beyond a subordinate, beyond a friend… our mutual happiness was a low priority." Levi closed his eyes and nodded. He understood. "That doesn't mean I didn't come to love you."
Erwin let himself be drawn down, always cautious, curiously waiting for Levi to determine the most comfortable distance between them.
"You better be good at this," Levi mumbled, their faces very close. Erwin smirked, and Levi kissed him.
The touch was almost experimental, closed mouth and pinched, and Levi had so little breath in his lungs at the start, he had to pull away moments later with an embarrassing smack. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
"And you were asking if I were good?" Erwin teased, sounding a bit breathless himself as he stood bent down to Levi's level. His words deliberately needled the other man's pride.
A muscle in Levi's jaw twitched. "It's not like I've had much practice," he shot back, "unlike, apparently, the great Erwin Sm—"
His words were swallowed as Erwin swept down and caught Levi's open mouth with his own, causing a muffled sound of warm surprise to roll in the back of Levi's throat. Erwin's other arm came to press firm and cool across his back, deepening the contact as he swept his tongue past Levi's lower lip.
Shit.
This was the one thing, he realized with blistering clarity, letting Erwin take possession of his mouth, the one thing he could be selfish about. And when he searched for that familiar creeping guilt in the back of his mind, reminding him that he didn't deserve this, he couldn't find it.
By the time Levi gathered enough of his wits about him to kiss Erwin back with equal vigor, Erwin pulled away. "Better?" He asked, no longer trying to hide his smile, looking at Levi like he'd finally gotten all he wanted.
Levi licked his lips, breathing heavy in the air between them. "Still pretty shitty, actually. You're going to need a bit more practice."
