A/N Hello brave readers who have ventured all the way to chapter 9. I am honored to welcome you to this chapter, one of my favorites so far. I want to thank everyone who reviewed the story so far, that was very thoughtful of you and I greatly appreciated it. I got caught up in work (planning a fashion show, which went great I might add =D ) the past few days so I haven't had a chance to respond to any in a while, so consider this a general thank you.
Disclaimer: Desafortunadamente, no me llamo Stephanie Meyer. Esta cuenta está basada en la novela fantastica de ella, y no gano nada en recuerdo. Que triste, verdad?
Y ahora, the good stuff:
Chapter 9
I waited for Alyssa to cross the threshold into another child's room, then ran at vampire speed back to Bella's room, swiped the key card and stealthily crept into the small space filled with her tempting scent. Nobody heard me enter except Bella and she smiled her brilliant smile at me as I found my place back at the edge of her bed. I couldn't fight the half smile that took over my face in response.
"You came back," she whispered, seemingly surprised. "And so soon," she added, the smile on her face only growing.
My smile faltered and I shook my head in exasperation. I couldn't understand why Bella was always so surprised that I would come back to see her. She clearly had no understanding of how great, and irresistible she was. Unfortunately she was irresistible to me in more ways than one. I ignored the slight burn in the back of my throat which accompanied dangerous thoughts like those and tried to reassure her, "Bella, of course I came back. I told you I would; did you think I would lie to you?"
She looked embarrassed, and I felt a little guilty though I adored the lovely blush coloring her cheeks. "It's just I thought you might be mad at me for remembering what you are," she said softly, still unable to regain total use of her voice. I noticed she was holding under her arm one of the books I had left for her, and my curiosity was roused.
"It's not that I'm mad at you, Bella," I answered as I reached for the book she had been reading. I snatched it quickly without breaking eye contact, and made her jump. I chuckled, then explained, "I could never be mad at you. I just don't like your lack of self preservation. You're supposed to be scared of me, you're supposed to run away or at least scream out for me to leave. I think maybe you don't really understand what I am." I held her gaze for another moment, drinking in the beauty of her deep chocolate eyes. Finally I looked at the book she had been holding, it was Dracula. Or maybe she did understand I realized, because it was no coincidence that she was reading the one about a vampire.
She was quiet for a moment, watching me study her book. "So you want me to run away?" she finally asked and my jaw dropped a little at her conclusion.
"No," I said hopelessly, hoping to erase the hurt look from her face, "The selfless part of me who loves you more than I love myself wants you to run away screaming, never to turn back. Then you would be safe," I admitted, resigned, "But the selfish part of me already knows that I can never be happy without you, knows that my life is pointless without you." I took an unnecessary breath and tried to gather my thoughts before I spoke again, "Bella I don't know if you can possibly understand how much I love you," I sighed, "And I don't know if you know this, but I would do just about anything to make you happy, and absolutely anything to make you safe."
Her heart beat had accelerated with my confession, but I kept my eyes glued to the book in my hands. It was silly for me to admit that. Bella had only known me for two days and it didn't matter that she had loved me once or even thought that she loved me now. She had died and she couldn't possibly love me again, especially not after two days.
Suddenly I felt one of her warm hands slide into my cold one and I flinched a little with the electricity which always flowed abundantly between us. She pulled back, interpreting my actions as a denial so I looked up to try and meet her eyes again. I was disappointed to see her face down with the familiar curtain of hair surrounding it. Feeling awful, I reached up and pushed some of the hair back behind her ear. "What's the point Edward?" she asked, there was no hostility or anger in her voice, just a hint of desperation.
I sat there quietly and waited for her to clarify because I had no idea what she was referring to. "Why would I even want to be safe?" she continued a bit more forcefully, "I don't know if you know this, but I love you," she said, accenting the "you" both times. If she didn't have my total attention before, she certainly had it now. She smiled at me and I felt my doubts slowly disappearing as my dead heart swelled with the miracle of requited love, once again.
Still, I had to warn her. I had to make sure she really understood, "Bella, I'm a vampire. Don't you understand what that means? I don't want you to run away from me, but you should. I shouldn't be here because I could hurt you, I could kill you."
And with that she unleashed her frustration, "I don't want to be away from you, and I don't care what you are!" she exclaimed, "I don't care that you're a vampire, you don't even hurt humans, you hunt animals!"
"Bella, stop," I commanded. I couldn't let her become complacent, "I choose to hunt animals, but it's difficult. I don't want to be a murderer, but the blood of a human appeals to me with much greater force than the blood of an animal. More than that, your blood appeals to me more than any other human I have ever come in contact with. The first time I met you I came so close to killing you, right along with the other twenty or so children in the room, just to have your blood. Bella I'm dangerous," I declared, "Especially to you."
Bella eyed me thoughtfully for a moment. "I don't think so," she finally whispered, much to my disbelief. I was about to give her a demonstration and unleash some of my pent up anxiety on the book I had in my hand. Just before I could crush the book to paper shards, she grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes. Her warm breath caressed my face and I was momentarily dazzled into speechlessness. My instinct to attack was almost completely forgotten and I simply stared back into her eyes. Her throat was so close but somehow my body knew better than to attack.
"I can't possibly comprehend how difficult it is for you to sit here this close and not follow your instincts to attack, but I think you can do it," she encouraged and I subdued my frustrated sigh. Bella was too trusting, "After all, you've done it before," she smiled.
"How do you know I didn't kill you before?" I countered, completely disgusted at the thought.
"I guess I don't," she confessed, "But the truth is, I don't think I could care less."
My eyes narrowed at this remark and I opened my mouth to speak. She lifted one finger on the hand that wasn't already clutched in mine and used it to silence me by covering my lips. I enjoyed the feeling a little too much to protest and allowed her to continue her thought.
"I'm dying," she said, matter-of-factly and I almost growled. "Edward, you know it's true, so I ask you again: What's the point? I would much rather you kill me now then spend the rest of my life without you. Although I would ask that you try not to kill me before Christy gets my heart," she joked, and this time I couldn't suppress the growl.
I absolutely hated her reasoning, but I had no argument. I couldn't even bring myself to say anything, so I simply stared at her in incredulity. She spoke of her imminent death as if it was something I could possibly allow to happen.
She reached up and stroked the side of my face. I felt my hard expression relax instantly without my permission. I loved her too much for my own good, and all too soon she would be leaving me, again. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to survive this time, it was too hard to lose her once and now I was supposed to sit by and lose her again.
"I'm so sorry Edward," she said with the caring voice which only she could capture. "I wish it didn't have to be this way, I don't want to leave you. I just met you, it's not fair." I watched as tears began to pool in her eyes then overflow down her cheeks, "If there was any other way," she breathed, but I cut her off.
I maneuvered so that I was sitting next to her in the small hospital bed and wrapped my arm around her small shoulders, hoping that she wasn't too cold. She leaned into my chest and I wiped the tears from her eyes. "It's okay my love," I crooned as I held her. "You're so very brave, and beautiful. Why don't you try to sleep now, you need to make sure you're fully rested before the surgery."
She obediently lay down a little bit more in the bed and closed her eyes, obviously warn out. I kissed both of her eyelids and began to sing her lullaby. "Edward?" she beckoned softly from somewhere between consciousness and dreamland.
"Right here my love," I answered.
"Don't you sleep?" she asked.
I had to laugh, "No my love, vampires can't sleep. No matter how much they want to," I added morosely.
She smiled and I stroked the hair behind her ear as she snuggled up to me, "I can't wait to wake up so I can see you again."
I smiled and began singing the newer song I had created from her lullaby, wishing her sweet dreams tonight. As soon as I was certain she was asleep, I carefully removed myself from her bed and again switched off the light beside her.
I silently snuck out of the hospital and ran the whole way home allowing the battle of happiness and devastation to fight for control of my emotions. I was so overjoyed to have Bella back in my life, but the omnipresent fact of her fatality left me feeling completely haggard about our reunion.
I was beginning to think like Rosalie, considering the repercussions of changing Bella into a vampire, but I was too revolted with my own selfishness to continue thinking about it. Then all of a sudden I could actually hear Rosalie's thoughts from not too far away in the woods by our house. It wasn't like her to be out in the forest by herself so I decided to catch up with her and make sure she was alright. I found her sitting on a rock near the stream which flowed a mile away from our house marking the end of our property and the start of the many acres owned by the major developing company in town. In a few years, this area would be a subdivision, but we would be long gone by then and completely forgotten.
I marveled for a moment at her comfortable looking position. Vampires only sat out of habit, there was really no need for it. Being statue-like creatures, we could stand for literally years without moving or shifting our weight even once. I listened for a moment to Rosalie's thoughts before I made my presence known.
What could this mean? There's no way we could just happen upon Bella again, after all this time. People don't just come back to life, they don't just die then be born again to another life. And she remembers us, she remembers Edward. Would she remember me? But poor Edward, he would be completely heartbroken if we lost her again, as if he wasn't heartbroken before. We can't just let her die, not again.
While eavesdropping on Rosalie's thoughts, I began to realize something, something that was not incredibly obvious. Rose may be conceited and exceedingly vain, traits that undoubtedly accompany indisputable beauty, but Rose could be caring and thoughtful about other people as well when called for. I felt a bit taken aback at this new insight into the mind of my sister. I had been reading her mind for more than a century, but I had never noticed that she could be so caring before.
It was this thought that spurred me to speak and finally alert her to my presence. "Rose, I think you would have been a great mother," I said gently.
"Thanks Edward," she replied with a quiet voice. Surprisingly Rose didn't jump or even flinch when I spoke. Vampires are not easily spooked, but I was a pro at creeping up so quietly that even a vampire wouldn't hear me approach if they were distracted enough, as Rose seemed to be.
"I heard you running," she explained, as if answering the unspoken question in my head, "I was wondering if you would try to sneak up on me, so better luck next time Edward," she laughed. "How long have you been standing there?" she asked.
"Not long," I replied as I dashed over to her place on the rock and took a seat next to her.
How's Bella doing?
"Okay for now," I said, answering the question in her head.
Carlisle told us about the transplant, I'm so sorry Edward. What are your plans?
"I was thinking about getting an internship at the hospital so that I could spend more time with her during the day, I'm sure Carlisle could pull some strings. He's good at pulling strings," I teased.
Would it even be worth it? She doesn't have much time left, there has to be something we can do. I wish Edward would just change her.
I growled a little in response to her thoughts, and the sound bounced back menacingly off the stream water. Changing Bella was not something I could bring myself to do and Rosalie knew this very well. I refused to steal Bella's soul from her and transform her into a blood-drinking monster. Rosalie was the one who had wanted Bella to preserve her humanity all those years ago, and now she was the only one who kept thinking about changing her.
"I'm sorry Edward, it's just my thoughts. It's not like I'm going to act on them." Although maybe Alice would, she added inaudibly as she broke off a branch from a nearby tree and threw it across the stream, splitting it in half when it crashed into a boulder on the opposite side.
But at that remark I lost my control. "Rosalie!" I shouted. I stared at her horrified, I hadn't even thought of somebody else changing Bella behind my back. I quickly reassured myself that my family wouldn't do that, not to Bella. But still, the idea was not pleasant. "I thought you were the one who wanted Bella to appreciate what she had. You didn't want to change her, why now? Why do you want to change her now?"
How do you know she doesn't want this? She wanted to be with you last time, but you left her. "What if this is best for Bella?" she argued.
"Oh please, Rosalie. Do not feign that you care all of a sudden." It was rude and immature, but I said it anyway. I was angry, and Rose did not respond well to that sort of treatment.
Excuse me? She thought, acidly and she leapt off the rock so that she was standing in front of me looking down into my eyes. "Look Edward, I'm sorry if I wasn't the most welcoming and friendly vampire sister Bella ever had. We can't all be Alice. But it's not like I don't care though, I know I screwed things up with Bella the first time, but I think fate's giving us a second chance Edward." Don't you see? She thought, a little more pleadingly, We didn't do things right with Bella the first time, and now we have another opportunity.
"So you think taking away Bella's soul and transforming her into a monster is doing things right?" I asked sarcastically and I stood up so that I was taller once again.
"You don't know that's true, Edward," she reprimanded, and I recognized the tinge of desperation in her voice, it was very like that of Esme's voice whenever she attempted to argue me on this belief.
"Well you don't know that Bella even wants to become one of us," I countered, though not truly placing any stock in that argument. Bella seemed to be the same in almost all respects, I doubted she would have a new point of view on the matter of becoming a vampire. If it were up to her, she would have been changed long ago.
"Don't even try that one," Rosalie scoffed. You know she wants nothing more than to be with you forever, but all you ever do is deny her. You left her, Edward, all alone, and look what happened!
And now that was a low blow. Rosalie was more than well aware of the guilt I felt over leaving Bella. I sat back down on the rock in resignation, "Rosalie, you know I had to do that to save her, to protect her. I could have killed her any day if I had stayed, it was too dangerous," I pleaded.
Well good job protecting her Edward she thought sarcastically. Rosalie and I both perked up when we heard a noise, a soft rustle in the woods, definitely a vampire. Rosalie sniffed the air, and I heard the sound of approaching thoughts, we both realized it was Emmett in less than a moment's time and relaxed.
I wonder if Rose will hunt with me. She's been out here for a while, she was so quiet today. I hope everything is alright. Oh Edward's been here recently, and Rose is close by. Maybe he ran into her on his way back from the hospital. I can't wait to see Bella tomorrow, for a whole week! A whole week of clumsiness if Edward doesn't hog her all to himself.
"Bella's staying for a whole week?" I asked as soon as Emmett joined our little group. My outlook on life improved significantly with that information. "How did Carlisle manage to pull that one off?"
"Oh you know Carlisle has such a way with the nurses," he laughed picturing Esme's irritated face as he took Rosalie's vacated seat next to me on the rock.
Idiots thought Rosalie, just as annoyed with the female nurses as Esme.
"Rose you up for a little hunt?" asked Emmett, turning to face his wife with puppy dog eyes. I could hardly believe that Emmett was thirsty again. They had just returned from their hunting trip a few days ago.
"Sure Emmett," she smiled indulgently, "But please try not to ruin your clothes this time. We're not going after any angry grizzlies today so I think you should be able to keep your outfit intact."
Uh uh, I'm never wearing this outfit again. "But Rose, Alice is out shopping right now for new clothes for Bella, you know she's going to come back with clothes for everyone. And this outfit is ugly, I don't even know why it was in the "Acceptable" category," he whined, and I seized the opportunity to mock him.
"Aw come on Rose, Emmet's going to have quite a hard enough time getting the animals to stop laughing at his outfit long enough to hunt, the least you can do is let him destroy the thing."
"Oh shut up Edward, at least my clothes didn't go out of style half a century ago," he scowled, glaring at me.
"I'll have you know, my clothes are still highly fashionable in many places," I retorted sourly. However, at this statement both Emmett and Rosalie began laughing as if I had just told them the funniest joke they had heard in a century. Emmett's loud guffaws scared some mocking birds out of hole in a nearby tree and their chirping added to the ruckus my charming siblings were causing.
"Yeah, like in the Bible for instance," howled Emmett, finally able to speak. He was so amused that I could have punched him. So I did, right in the side. Then I took off and sprinted to the other side of the clearing.
Emmett of course charged me in response, so I stepped out of the way and tripped him at just the right angle so that he landed right where Rosalie would have been had she not flitted out of the way in time. Jerk. "You know Emmett, I'm pretty sure that even the people back in Biblical times had better fashion sense than Edward. Maybe I'll have Carlisle ask Aro or one of the other ancients, sometime," she laughed, distracting me as Emmett pounced on me before I could escape.
I deftly maneuvered myself free of Emmett's grasp and heard Rosalie's decision to help Emmett try to subdue me. I easily avoided her attack, but Emmett wasn't so lucky. She smacked into him with the sound of colliding boulders, and it was my turn to laugh. Emmett gave her a quick kiss and helped her up. The both bent down in hunting crouches and I had to admit they made a pretty intimidating team. "Just go hunt," I chuckled in surrender, "Emmett's eyes are blacker than the sky, did they have blood typing today in class or were you just hanging out next to a blood drive," I joked.
"At least they don't actually prick the students' fingers and use real blood anymore for those damn blood typing exercises," Emmett said very seriously as he straightened out of his attack position.
"Oh baby, Alice said you should skip the second half of the day, why didn't you listen?" Rose asked, concern coloring her perfect features.
"I don't know, I just thought I could handle it, and I did. I just didn't think it would be so difficult," he explained, ashamed of his weakness.
"Come on let's go find you an angry deer or something, before you attack a human," she smiled, and took his hand.
"You coming Ed?" he asked as they turned to leave.
"No that's alright, I just hunted yesterday and I need to go talk to Carlisle," I answered as I began running back to the house in the opposite direction.
"Oh Edward?" Rosalie called before they were out of earshot. I stopped and waited for whatever she had to say, "Do what you think is right," she commanded referring to the conversation we had been having before Emmett showed up, "But please consider the fact that fate might be giving us a second chance here. I'm not going to waste it, I'm going to make Bella feel like the sister she always was. Just, please don't you waste it, I doubt we'll get a third chance," she said stoically and she began running again with a mildly confused Emmett in tow.
I didn't answer but took off in the direction of the house once again. I knew Rose had good intentions and I was glad that she would make an effort to treat Bella better this time, but Rose knew nothing of fate. All Fate cared about was torturing a beautiful, innocent girl like Bella. Fate seemed to like watching her die so much, that she brought her back to life just to let her die once again. Fate was sadistic, that was a fact, and I was masochistic, another fact, so where did that leave Bella? I knew there was no way that Rose could be right about changing Bella, that would be the ultimate act of selfishness, keeping her around for eternity just for my own happiness. But what about Bella's happiness? The thought crossed my mind quickly as if mocking me. I wanted nothing more than Bella's complete happiness so I thought long and hard about that one while I was running back to the house.
Maybe I didn't know what was best for Bella after all. As Rose so harshly pointed out, I had been wrong once before.
