Harry stood in stunned silence for a full minute, frozen in place by confusion and indecision. But Malfoy didn't wait for him to do anything, he moved first.
"I've been watching you all month." This was accompanied by a hand running down his chest. "Watching you hurt yourself," Malfoy's fingers scratched red tracks down his burning arms, making him squirm, his breath quickening. "Watching you study, watching you destroy yourself. And I'm frustrated. I'm fucking sick of it. Because you don't realise how good life can feel."
That was when Malfoy's hand slipped past his hips and down to the crotch of his pants, gripping, stroking, caressing. Harry leant his head against the cool stone, trying to suppress a moan of surprise. He'd never had anyone touch him there before. And, somehow, with his back against the wall, his entire body in a cold sweat, and Malfoy palming the front of his pants, it was far more erotic than his fantasies.
"Like this." He emphasised the statement by pressing his entire body flush against Harry's, his hands holding the other boy's hips close.
The warmth was ripped away from him suddenly and frightened eyes met his.
(-)
The next time Draco saw Harry the other boy's cheeks were glistening, streaks of tears decorating his face. Draco stared for a while before moving towards him. The moonlight illuminated the room dimly and the tower was chilly. Harry was sitting in his customary position on the windowsill, only every other time he had looked defiant, if slightly lost. Now he just looked broken and vulnerable. He shivered visibly, his arms hooked around his knees. Draco stood close to him, as if he could transfer some of his body warmth without touch.
"Ron's sick." The two words encompassed a range of emotions, mostly indiscernible and Draco bit his lip.
"It's okay." He offered, the uselessness of the words registering even before they left his mouth. He wished he could grab them and stuff them back in again but there was no magic for that.
"No, it's not." Harry called him on it angrily. "He's really sick. And when you're here all I can think about is what you did."
Kiss me. Draco remembered the widening of Harry's eyes, the tenseness of his muscles and he especially remembered the feel of his cock.
"Yeah, well, you ran." Draco muttered.
"I walked." Harry said, head hanging as if it was too heavy for him to hold up.
"Same thing. I've got the message, though, don't worry. Loud and clear." He let the bitterness seep into his tone. Draco rubbed his hands together and then made up his mind. He sat against the wall, facing away from Harry. The other boy's shadow was painted on the stones, capturing his every movement.
"Tell me about Weasley."
The shaky breath Harry took echoed loudly in the near empty tower. "He's in the Hospital Wing. We thought he was fine. We left him in the dorms. He wasn't. When we came back he had a headache. A really bad one, he wouldn't open his eyes and he kept holding his head. We took him to Pomfrey. Now they won't let us see him."
"It could be nothing." But he already knew it wasn't.
"It's something." And clearly so did Harry. "You know what the worst thing is?"
Draco shook his head, eyes burning unnecessarily.
"I don't think I can do anything about it." Harry swung his legs off the windowsill and crawled down to Draco's level on the ground. "You know what's worse than that?" He whispered, his eyes staring deep into Draco's, the bright green blinding with more unshed tears. Draco shook his head again, too caught in the other's gaze to look away.
"That's sort of a relief. To not be able to do anything. To not be in control." There was a scary expression on Harry's face, like he was torn between two things. Draco opened his mouth to spit out some more meaningless platitudes.
Warm lips pressed against his suddenly. Hands slipped round his waist and up his neck to grasp the back of his head. Draco reacted immediately, sighing into the kiss, taking the other boy's lips almost urgently. It felt like weeks since he'd last done this but it had only been a couple of days. A couple of long days, with the memory of every contour, every centimeter of Harry's body to fuel his dreams.
"I'm sorry for this." He said into Harry lips.
Harry half-laughed, half-sobbed and kissed Draco's neck. "Don't be. I think I can finally feel something."
Draco nudged Harry's head back up, recaptured his bottom lip and bit down gently. "You have no fucking idea how you make me feel. I think about you. All. The. Fucking. Time." He caressed the dip in Harry's neck, the other hand slipping up his shirt and feeling the chilled skin. The boy shivered under his touch, but leant closer, kissing Draco more passionately, all his energy, all his hope, dedicated to this one thing.
(-)
Ron's head hurt like it was cracking open. All the potions and spells that Pomfrey had used, all the magic that Ron had always relied on, they were completely useless. Never before had he been in so much pain. He wondered briefly if this was what Harry's scar felt like. The ability to form coherent thought-patterns seemed to have eluded him though and he tried not to think much at all. Nothing made sense, not the words Hermione was whispering, her voice tearful and her hands clammy against his arm. Every time he opened his eyes the rays of light from the window nearby seemed to burn into his skull.
Harry had been and gone, the expression on his face making Ron wish he could have gone after his friend. Anchored to this bed in the hospital wing, Ron felt like he would never leave. About an hour ago Dumbledore had been in, hm-ing and ah-ing over everything Pomfrey had said but offering no solutions
that Ron could discern. They were fire-calling his parents, probably at this very moment, and fetching Ginny from classes. The burning in his head had still not subsided and showed no signs of mercy.
When he closed his eyes there was no calming dark behind his lids. Well, there was, but it was a different kind of dark. Flashes. Flashes of people, events, places. People doing things they shouldn't usually. Pain, sometimes. Crying, often. Ron felt like every flash was a blow, like someone punching him in the face. It tore him with indecision, to open his eyes and be burned by the light, or to close them and be hurt by this strange new kind of pain.
It had occurred to him that perhaps he should have spoken up about the bizarre things he had been seeing. This stemmed from that, he was sure. Because now he had to find a coherent moment in which he could let someone know what had been going on. Although, if he didn't even understand it, what were the chances he could explain it to someone else?
Ron wondered if maybe Bill or Charlie might come. He hadn't seen either of them in a while. Especially Bill. Bill was probably his favourite brother, Ron considered, most likely because he had treated Ron the nicest when he was little. He wouldn't mind seeing Bill again. The pain was addling his brain, Ron decided, to be thinking stupid things like that now.
Dumbledore was back, he could hear the old man's voice distantly, but he couldn't open his eyes long enough to focus. The sound of a familiar sob made him wince, it was so loud. It was his mum. There were other voices too but it was too hard to concentrate on them. His family he supposed. And Madame Pomfrey. In between painful flashes, he caught snatches of serious conversation.
Red hair waved in the wind, a smile on her face gleamed in the sunlight, bright, alive-
"…too extended… unforeseen side-effects… Professor… no good… different…"
Sudden pain. Flaming hot cheek. Neck sore from the whiplash.
"…Mungos?… potions… Snape… firecall… sorry…"
"It's a bunny rabbit."
"That's not a bunny rabbit, stupid, it's a cow."
"I'm not stupid, you're stupid."
"Don't call me stupid!"
"… have to… lucid… bad headache…"
- Not alive. Dead. Dead. Dead. Neck snapped. Pale skin, cold, dead.
Ron opened his mouth, feeling his dry lips crack as he did so. "Hurts," was all he managed to say before his throat closed up. He tried to shift in the bed. Faces drifted over him and a hand directed a glass of water to his lips. He sipped gingerly, swallowing was no small feat.
He opened his eyes, squinting at the light. Someone pulled the curtain. His head felt like it was full of bludgers. The room swam above him before coming into sharp focus. A whole gaggle of red-haired Weasleys surrounded his bed. Mrs Weasley sobbed as he attempted to sit up.
"What happened?" He asked, accepting the help of Bill as he propped himself up on pillows. Bill had come, he noted absent-mindedly. That was important.
"I believe you have been having precognitive visions, is that right?" Madame Pomfrey came to his side with a green potion. He stared at her dumbly. How did she know? "They are the source of the severe migraine you are experiencing. That is why we can't offer you adequate relief, there are no potions in our stores that are able to ease Seer headaches."
(-)
Harry rested his head in the nook between jaw and shoulder on pale skin. White blond hair mixed with jet black hazy on the edge of his vision. He could feel Draco's pulse under his cheek, the moment thrumming with life. He hadn't felt this connected with anyone for a long time. He let out a deep breath, seeing the shiver travel down Draco's body.
"It's cold here and these stones are really uncomfortable." His voice whispered in Harry's ear, deliberately quiet as if trying to preserve the atmosphere.
"Stop whining." Harry whispered back, content to revel in this perfect moment in time.
Perfect? Harry almost cried out at the intrusion. Draco jerked at the sudden tense start that twisted through Harry.
"What's wrong?"
He is using you. He is a Slytherin, a Malfoy, a traitor. The last word betrayed the anger Tom had previously denied regarding Draco.
"Shut up."
"Excuse me?" Draco exclaimed in surprise.
Harry flushed with embarrassment. "Not you."
Just the voice in your head? Brilliant idea, Potter, you sound certifiably insane.
He ground his teeth until it hurt, biting back his reply. Tom was right, how could he explain this to anyone? He didn't even know for a fact that he wasn't insane, that he hadn't just created Tom, hadn't completely cracked and failed to notice. He couldn't remember the first time he'd heard the voice, it had just crept in slowly after the visions. It became a regular side-act in his mind, often present, sometimes quiet, sometimes making a racket in his head.
"I need to tell you something. Something important."
You tell him, everything ends. He will think you're quite mad.
Draco sat up straight, staring into Harry's eyes so earnestly and so intensely it made a fuzzy feeling spread from his stomach to his fingers. It was like his whole body was electrified, shocked into life by Draco. Draco was the most intense person he knew, extreme in moods and forceful as hell. Just being around him was such a wakeup call.
"I've been- well, it's like… okay, it's hard to explain." Truth was he couldn't form a sentence that didn't begin with 'I've been hearing voices.'
Draco didn't blink, he just looked Harry in the eye, calm as anything. He seemed to instinctively understand the seriousness of what Harry had to say, something for which Harry was immensely grateful. "Whatever it is it won't fuck this up. I've wanted this so fucking bad for so long, I can't ever let you go." And while it was crude and there was an obvious desperate undertone, it was more truth than Harry had heard from anyone in a long time.
"Voldemort can talk to me in my mind." He blurted out. There was an uncomfortably long pause. Harry stared straight into Draco's stormy grey eyes, afraid to look away lest he lose whatever they'd had just two minutes ago.
"Are you sure?" The question was steady, no sign of emotion. Harry noted the darker grey flecks closer to the pupil and how they really did make the other boy's eyes look like a dark cloudy day, storm threatening on the horizon.
"Yes. He's using Legilimency." The word seemed to spark some recognition because Harry saw his pupils dilate just slightly.
"Merlin." It came out on the wave of a heavily exhaled breath, became a hiss that made Harry nervous. He watched Draco's face turn fearful and anxious in a second flat. "Have you told Dumbledore?"
"No." Dumbledore had tried Snape already and that had solved nothing, in fact it had just made it worse. It hadn't stopped the visions, in fact it had given Voldemort even more control over him. It had gotten Sirius killed.
"Why not?"
"He can't do anything." The uselessness was what kept him up at night. The futility of everything. He was helpless, not even the greatest wizard in Britain could do anything. Harry was no longer in the driver's seat of his own life, he never had been.
"How can he? He doesn't know!" Draco's grip grew painfully tight.
"He never could before!"
"And does he know that you're hurting yourself? Of course he doesn't," Draco corrected himself bitterly. "Only I fucking know and I do nothing."
"You don't have to do anything. I don't want you to."
"That doesn't mean I shouldn't." A hand ran soothingly up the ragged, inflamed skin of his arm. "This isn't right."
"Maybe not. But right now I need it. Just like I need you."
"Yeah, right now you need me. Yesterday you didn't, this wouldn't be happening if I hadn't kissed you."
Harry reared forward, holding either side of Draco's head. The back of his head collided with the stone wall behind him, leaving a startled look on his face. Harry kissed Draco, fast, clumsy, and urgent. He pulled away, keeping his face close enough to Draco's that it was fuzzy and out of focus, even with his glasses.
"You make me feel something. You get me, no matter how much you pretend you don't. You're on my mind all the time. I need you. And I really want you. And no matter how messed up I am, I know that. So don't tell me how I feel." He hissed at the other boy. Angry and alive, his heart pounded from the contact and his frustration.
Malfoy kissed his neck, hot and wet. "Believe me," His breath was cool on his shoulder. "If you keep fucking doing that, I won't."
Harry laughed and leant back, cheek against the stone. If someone had told him a year ago that he'd be doing this while Ron was sick in the Hospital Wing, he would've laughed himself stupid. Now it just felt so real and immediate and right that he didn't care.
(-)
End of Chapter 9
A/N: sorry about the huge delays, I've been having a busy time lately. Reviews will help me soldier on so feel free to drop me a message. Also, this chapter didn't really turn out as I thought it should have, but I felt I owed you something so...
