Alexander & Jane – Chapter 9
Meredith happened… no more really needed to be said.
All right… more than just her appearance happened… needless to say, the shit hit the fan.
His ex-wife's sudden reemergence into his life had complicated things. But to what extent, he wasn't sure… he just hoped the shockwave wouldn't ripple too far out and destroy everything he had so carefully worked at.
Castle could really not believe himself. He'd made a grievous error in judgment, and had succumbed to his need for physical contact. He had sex with her. Didn't help matters that he had called out Kate's name in the height of ecstasy. Which, oddly, didn't bother Meredith, but it bothered him, because he knew that his crazy ex-wife would then want to know who this Kate was. Before she laid the bombshell on him that she was thinking of moving back to the city, Meredith had pestered him for details about this mystery woman. He avoided the topic, and quickly got out of bed, wanting to get away from the mistake as soon as possible.
Damn it, he hissed to himself as he jumped into the shower. He was trying to prove to Kate Beckett that he was not the sex-obsessed playboy she assumed him to be, and he'd just royally screwed that one. It had meant nothing, an open friends-with-benefits sort of thing with his ex-wife, but now that he was in the shower, and away from her, he felt dirty.
Castle could not understand what he had been thinking. He'd managed to avoid Meredith every single time she deigned to show up, but not this time. And he just happened to be horny enough that he gave in and had sex with her. He sighed, shaking his head, images of a disappointed Beckett flashing in his mind. Perhaps she was right about him.
Maybe it was a good thing that she had run away from him when she had. Their son… God, they had a son… he didn't need to be around a man like him. No. Castle did not want any child of his to turn out like him. Alexis had turned out good, something that still surprised him. If it weren't for the blood tests he had run during his divorce with Meredith, he would have questioned whether she was really his. Of course, now, he felt terrible about doubting Alexis's parentage, but in all honesty, with Meredith's rampant promiscuity, he had good reason question it.
Sighing, he dropped his head into the spray of water and just prayed that what he'd just done would not come back to bite him in the butt.
Of course, such thoughts were futile.
Meredith showed up at the precinct with an anxious Alexis tagging along.
Castle had been immersed in a round of teasing with Beckett, pleased that their fight had not completely destroyed their growing friendship. After she had left and he'd sobered up, he had thought about calling his lawyer, and seeing what his options were. But then he tossed that idea aside. Things were already a mess, and adding a lawyer would just make it even worse. Besides, despite all of it, his love for her was still strong, and he couldn't help but want to protect her from any more embarrassment. Love makes you do silly things, he had mused, fully acknowledging that an outside observer think he was crazy.
Luckily, Beckett had not lied to him about her willingness to discuss Alexander. And since the following Monday had proven to be slow, they had taken a very long lunch break at Remy's and discussed it. Everything about their son was open for discussion and Castle was pleased that Beckett was not shrinking away from it, as he had originally thought she would.
They were still working out a way to broach the subject with Alexander. Neither wanted the kid to be traumatized by the revelation. And ever since that weekend and following Monday, the mood was more upbeat now, around the precinct, and Castle was feeling confident that both his goals would soon come to fruition. But now… with his mistake involving his ex-wife looming over everything, Castle was afraid that any chances he might have had at getting the mother of his son along in the package would cease to be.
Presently, Castle was just about to turn one of Beckett's comments into an innuendo (oh, she loved those) when his daughter's voice, calling for him, caused him to look up, his suggestive remark forgotten. His stomach fell and he tried to hide the complete horror that gripped his features as he saw his daughter rushing over to him, Meredith walking behind with an empty-headed smile plastered on her face. Meredith may be a redhead, but she was the definition of a blonde bimbo.
"Alexis!" he let out a surprised gasp as his daughter collided with him, hugging onto him with a desperate vise-like grip. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school?"
"Oh, I took her out. Thought that we could have a little mother-daughter bonding while doing some shopping," Meredith put in, glancing around the bullpen.
Detectives Ryan and Esposito had ceased doing the tasks that had been assigned to them and were watching with unabashed curiosity. Meanwhile, Detective Beckett was glancing away, avoiding the whole thing, and pretending as if she was going over some case reports. But he could tell by the line of her brow that she was paying absolute attention to what was going on.
"Meredith!" he said in a reprimanding tone. "You can't just go strolling in and take Alexis out of school without telling me."
"Oh, Kitten," Meredith giggled at his obvious fury, tossing it aside with a wave of her hand. "I'm her mother, and no real harm was done. Besides, we had fun… didn't we, Alexis?"
Alexis was still, she just looked at her mother and said nothing. Meredith didn't even seem to notice that their daughter did not agree, because she began to saunter around the bullpen, looking at everything.
"She just call him 'kitten'?" Castle heard Esposito whisper.
"Yeah, she did at that," came Ryan's hushed response.
"So, this is where you're getting your 'inspiration' nowadays," Meredith continued, glancing around at all the detectives and uniformed officers of the 12th precinct, who all seemed to have stopped what they were doing and were watching the scene unfold with far too much interest. She paused and looked at Beckett. "And is this your latest 'muse'?" The tonality with which she said that word made it clear to anyone aware of subtext at what she was implying.
Castle noticed Beckett stiffen, her back becoming rigid. The detective lowered her eyebrows and opened her mouth to snap out some retort, when Alexis jumped in, seeming to sense the need to prevent a conflict. Castle let out a sigh of relief as his daughter managed to talk Meredith into going out to lunch.
As they left, Alexis looked over her shoulder and Castle mouthed a silent thank you, promising to make it up to her. Alexis's big blue eyes told him that he had a lot of explaining to do, and for a moment, he wondered just how much Meredith had revealed to their daughter.
"So… that's Meredith, huh?"
Castle jumped, a bit startled at hearing her voice so close to him. He turned, seeing Beckett sitting on the edge of her desk, her arms crossed over her chest and a slightly vexed expression. He wondered if she was trying to compare herself to Meredith. He thought it was an insane exercise, as he'd been with both women, and Meredith held nothing on Beckett.
"Yeah, the Deep-Fried Twinkie," he nodded.
"Wa… what?" Beckett frowned, looking confused. Both Ryan and Esposito looked up and smirked.
"You know, something you can only handle once and a while," he explained with a shrug, hoping they could move on to another topic and avoid any discussion of what was going on with Meredith being in town. He desperately wanted the mistake he made last night to go unknown by the beautiful brunette detective, whose heart he was trying to win back. He was still angry, and rightly so, that she had concealed the birth of their son from him, but he couldn't dwell on that, not when such anger could destroy a future he so desperately wanted.
Beckett gave him a glare, it wasn't overly hostile (like some of her other stares), and her voice sounded disappointed and sad. "You slept with her, didn't you?" she asked it in a quiet voice, so that the others would not over hear.
"I… I…," he did not know how to respond. How the hell did she know that?
"Detective, remember?" she answered his unspoken question. She shook her head and pushed off from the edge of her desk. "You don't have to explain yourself to me, Castle. You're a grown boy… you can do what you want."
Castle opened his mouth to respond, but fell flat. His expression dropped and he could not hide the shame on his face. After all, he had kissed Kate… rammed his mouth so possessively hard against hers that the following day they both had bruised and swollen lips—and oh boy, were they teased for that by Tweeldedee and Tweedledum.
Beckett appraised him for a moment, before seemingly deciding to cut him some slack. "Kitten, eh?"
His raised his eyes to hers to see the spark of amusement, but he could still see a flash of disappointment in her eyes. He hated that, knowing he had disappointed her. He sighed and nodded. "Yeah… um… could you not call me that?"
"Why not? I think it suits you… kitten," Beckett smirked and then turned her back on him to focus on the murder board.
XXX
Kate finished up in the locker room. She'd made it through her first six months on the job, which was major, considering the majority of women didn't seem to last that long. After all, she was in a male dominated profession. Because of her gender, the guys ribbed her a little, but she could take it. She probably got along better with the men better than the other female officers did.
Pulling on her jacket, she grabbed her bag and walked out of the locker room to find Mike Royce waiting for her outside in the hall.
"Hey, kid," he said, his voice gravelly and low.
"Mike," Kate nodded, giving him a slight smile. She had to admit, she had kind of a crush on her training officer. If she didn't have the emotional baggage of her past relationship with Richard Castle and the kid that came with it, she might have pursued a relationship with Royce… even if it was just physical. To hell with the fact that he was older than her and her superior.
"Tough day, huh?"
"Yeah," she nodded, letting out a breath as she felt the weight of the long day.
"I was wondering, wanna go grab a beer or something?" he asked, very smooth and nonchalant.
Her eyes went wide and she stared at him for the longest moment. God, she wished she could say yes, but she had responsibilities and a kid she had to get home to. She knew her dad was worried sick every time she walked out that door that she'd get killed and he would then be stuck having to take care of his grandson all by himself.
"Um… that's kind of you to ask, Mike," Kate finally responded, blinking back to the present. "But… I should probably get home."
Royce sighed and gave a nod. "Yeah… I… um… forget about it, no big deal," he said, shaking his head and hand in a gesture to dismiss the obvious awkwardness that had suddenly sprung up between them.
Kate sighed and forced herself to look at him. "I've got a kid, Mike," she said, startling him. The shock on his face confirmed what she had suspected would happen once she told him. He was looking for a good time. She would have liked a little of that too, but right now, everything was just too new and… well, complicated.
"I'm sorry," Royce said. "I guess… I guess I just kind of… so are you—?"
"No, I'm not married," she said before he could ask. She laughed nervously. "Young single parent. That's me!"
Royce nodded. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I… I just wanted to be one of the guys, I guess," Kate replied, adjusting her hold on her bag. "I didn't want any special treatment."
"I guess I can understand that," Royce nodded. "Look, Kate… doesn't change anything. We… we can still be friends."
She smiled. "I'd like that, yes."
"Good," Royce said, putting his hands in his pockets. "Then maybe a rain check, huh? We can go out for some beers some other night."
"Yeah," she nodded. "Sounds good."
They made their goodbyes and both went their separate ways. Kate was a little stunned by the whole encounter. She had felt a connection between her and Royce, and she assumed it was because of all that they had been through on their beats. Plus, he understood her need to find justice for her mother. And he was her training officer. She looked up to him, idolized him. He could do no harm in her eyes. But to think he'd be interested in her, even just a little, was mind-blowing.
It had been a while since Kate had seen a man show any interest in her… well, that she noticed, anyways. She hadn't really been paying attention, and this was the first time that she had. It actually made her feel kind of good, to know that she was still attractive and desirable in the eyes of men. And to have Royce, a man she looked up to, see that in her… well, it made her smile even wider.
But then, the thoughts of Richard Castle intruded into her mind, and her smile dimmed.
This was why she couldn't have any relationships. Despite her fervent attempts, she could not get the famous author out of her mind. She was ready to admit to herself that she had been in love with him, or at least the man he had claimed to be… Alexander Rodgers… the man she had named her son after. But the more she thought about it, the more Kate realized that she couldn't afford to get involved with anyone, not when she was still conflicted and confused over how she felt about Castle.
She wanted to hate him… she really did. He had used her and thrown her aside. No… that wasn't really the truth. She had run away, but that was beside the point. Or was it? She could have stayed and heard him out. When she had run, she was angry and thinking impulsively. In retrospect, she could remember the anguished look in his face, the hurt and the guilt. He had wanted to talk to her, he really had. Kate wanted to just say she didn't know the real him, but something deep down inside her told her that she might be one of the few who actually did.
Despite all that history, all the past between them that was so painful and hurt so much whenever she thought about it, Kate could not bring herself to stop reading his books… or going online to all the fan sites and reading about him. There were pictures now in the paper, on Page Six, and he looked good… but he was also always with some blonde bimbo.
Currently the rumors on the forums said he was dating his editor from Black Pawn, Gina Cowell. Kate had seen images of the woman, Castle's arm draped over her shoulder, a big smile plastered on his face. She couldn't help but notice, though, how the smile seemed forced and fake. Gina, on the other hand, just seemed happy to be the center of attention.
She hoped the relationship didn't last, that he'd be alone again. Alone and lonely. Yeah… she wanted him to suffer like she did. She had no love life, so she felt it was unfair that he had a string of women… of conquests. But then again, that was him, wasn't it… a rich, successful playboy. He probably had added her to his notched on the bedpost, counting her as one of his more successful conquests. Or was that just her ego talking, wanting her to believe she was someone more special than all the other women he had no doubt been with.
Sighing, Kate walked out of the precinct and towards the corner and bus stop. It was unhealthy to over think or dwell on all of this. It was in the past, and she should just leave it there. Her love life was non-existent, and she had passed on an opportunity to maybe reopen it with Mike Royce. In the end, she thought it was probably for the best. It was a stupid idea to get involve with someone you worked with.
And besides… she didn't need a man to prove she was needed and wanted… Kate had Alexander, she had her little man. He was the only constant and stable thing in her life, and she loved him deeply. He adored her and she wouldn't trade anything in the world for that. Alex was still at the age when he wanted her and needed her, and she was not going to waste that time feeling sorry for herself. Kate needed to be there for her son, because he'd always be there and would always be her son.
