Yes, I am the updater of four fics in tw days. Worship me.

This chapter was hard work, but worth it. A major amount of stuff happens and also we finally gets some yaoi, yes, precious, we does... eh, sorry, fandom flashback for a second there... I also apologize in advance for the evil cliffie at the end of this chapter, and promise in compensation that the next chapter shall rock.

Chapter Nine: Fraying Thin

Slowly, life settled into something resembling a routine.

The population of the shrine gradually began decreasing. Unable to miss any more work or school, respectively, Hatanaka and Shuuichi returned to the city. Shiori, of course, could not be pried from her son's side. Yusuke noticed, however, that Kurama treated her much the same as he had before she knew about his other life. Loving, and gentle, but polite and distant. He could not let her completely inside his facade, and as such, she could not truly help him heal.

Hatanaka called every night, and Shiori would talk to him quietly for a few minutes and then hand the phone to Kurama, who would exchange a few words with him and then Shuuichi, acting loving and gentle, polite, distant.

Yukina remained at the shrine, though Kurama beseeched her to return to the city with Kuwabara. Kuwabara himself still came every day, but he seemed to intuit Kurama's desire to be alone and did not plague him with too much attention, instead spending his time with his wife. Botan came by every day as well but didn't stay long, realizing what Yukina couldn't bring herself to realize: that neither of them could heal Kurama.

Koenma came by often enough to show support but no more than that, probably due to Hiei's habit of growling when he came into the room (Hiei being of the opinion that Koenma had not been helpful enough in their search for Kurama). And Genkai kept mostly to herself, also realizing that her skills were not required.

Yusuke and Hiei, of course, stayed very close. They took turns making sure one of them was always with Kurama and as such didn't see much of each other, which was okay by Yusuke. He'd had months of Hiei's unmitigated presence while they hunted for Kurama, and when you combined that with Hiei's recent more-than-average surliness and his position as the chief rival for Yusuke's unconfessed love interest's heart, Yusuke was perfectly content to see less of him.

The weekend brought a stream of visitors up to the shrine. Hatanaka and Shuuichi returned early Saturday morning and left late Sunday afternoon, both of them troubled by their adopted family member's quietness. Keiko and Shizuru came up together, Keiko bearing baked goods and Shizuru her hairdressing equipment. Kurama allowed and even seemed to appreciate her snipping his mane back into its previously well-maintained state, but Yusuke noticed him clenching his teeth. Keiko offered, through subtle signals, to take Yusuke aside and listen to him vent, but while he was grateful for her support he gently deflected her. Yuu Kaito showed up the same day bearing word from Kurama's professors and a chess set, and left several hours later smug that he had beaten Kurama in three out of five games, unaware Kurama had allowed him to win.

Hiei and Yusuke both balked when Yomi and Shura arrived the next day and would have sent them away without Kurama's knowledge, but Kurama picked up both of their sudden emotional swings and came to see what was wrong. He acted just as polite and pleased to see them as he had with everyone else. And just as with everyone else, he was tired and listless after they left.

Perhaps because he was doing so much talking to everyone else, reassuring them he was fine and he was recovering when in fact he was neither, Kurama became gradually more and more silent with Yusuke. It was more or less a comfortable silence; they sat for hours without speaking, reading separate books or listening to music or playing a game, and every so often a gentle touch would pass between them to say I care, I'm still here, and that was all.

One time when Kurama was so tired he couldn't hide that he was in pain, Yusuke'd had him stretch out on the couch with his head in Yusuke's lap and read aloud to him for a few hours, and after gradually relaxing Kurama fell asleep that way. It made Yusuke feel warm.

But one night when he woke up and decided to check on Kurama, he found Hiei was in bed with him. It didn't look overtly sexual, but neither did it look entirely innocent. Hiei was leaning against the pillows, halfway reclined, and Kurama was curled up with his head resting on Hiei's stomach, arms around Hiei's waist. Even as they both slept deeply, undisturbed by Yusuke's familiar presence, Hiei kept one hand protectively curled over Kurama's neck. Yusuke couldn't tell if there was lust in their pose, but he'd be a fool to deny there was love. He went away with his heart aching.

Despite this apparent affection, Hiei and Kurama continued to be at odds with each other during daylight hours. Yusuke knew Kurama was of the opinion Hiei was deliberately provoking his anger, and agreed with him, but also thought there was a deeper motivation behind Hiei's snappishness. Guilt. Nothing further had been said on the subject of Yukina having been the one used as bait for Kurama, but Yusuke wasn't stupid enough to think it wasn't preying on Hiei's mind. Hiei and Kurama shared the deplorable trait of sucking up every available particle of guilt, like a vacuum cleaner, and attaching it inexorably to themselves. Yusuke sometimes wondered which of them had learned it from the other.

Yusuke let Hiei deal with the guilt on his own, partly because he knew this was how Hiei dealt with things best and partly because he was not overly fond of him at the moment, until he realized Kurama was starting to worry over it. Not being inclined to let that continue, Yusuke waited for a time when Shiori was engaging Kurama's attention and then unobtrusively excused himself to hunt the fire demon down.

He found Hiei outside, going through a series of lightning-fast practices with his katana and denuding several of Genkai's nearby plants in the process. "Somehow I don't think Genkai's gonna appreciate that," Yusuke said, by way of announcing his presence.

Hiei paused, his stance easy and breathing unlabored despite the sweat pouring off his body. "Let the fox fix it, then," he said dismissively.

Yusuke grinned and rubbed the back of his neck. "You know, Hiei, you make me laugh sometimes. You pretend to be this absolute asshole--and believe me, you do a really good job of it--but every stupid or mean thing you do has a reason behind it. You piss Kurama off so that he won't retreat back into himself. You destroy Genkai's plants so he'll have to use his healing energy to restore them before she notices, and maybe he'll start healing himself in the process. I'm half convinced you've been goading Kuwabara all these years to help him improve."

"Believe what you want, Detective," Hiei said disdainfully. "I can't control the altruistic daydreams you project onto my actions. But when all's said and done, you're a sentimental fool."

"Altruistic, big word there Hiei."

"It means selfless, idiot."

"I know what it means, jerk." Both epithets were said without heat. "You know, Hiei, you really need to ease off the I'm-pissed-at-you routine. Kurama's starting to think you actually are."

Hiei snorted. "No, he's not."

That was the problem with bluffing to Hiei about Kurama--he knew Kurama far too well to be fooled, and wasn't afraid to call the bluff. "Well, then maybe you should cut out the guilt-ridden, over-protective big brother act instead. Oh, wait, that one's not an act."

"Watch your volume," Hiei growled quietly, his Jagan glowing briefly under his ward to see if anyone was near enough to have overheard him.

"Hey, sorry," Yusuke said with a shrug, lowering his voice. "It's just that you've gotta stop beating yourself up over something that wasn't your fault, and probably isn't important anyway."

"Which is?"

"That Yukina was the one Satsuki threatened. It doesn't have anything to do with you?"

"Doesn't it? I really don't think Kurama would have acted how he did if it hadn't been my sister." Apparently they were alone, for Hiei to admit to that aloud.

"Sure he would have," Yusuke countered. "He would have done the same for Botan, or Keiko, or hell, even if it was you or me and he knew we could defend ourselves. It's just the kind of person he is."

Hiei looked away, clearly unmoved. Yusuke blew air out through his lips. "Look. Kurama's been really careful with his mother since the Dark Tournament and especially since all that crap with Yomi. This freak knew he couldn't get to Shiori. I don't know if he knew about your relation to Yukina or if he just picked someone in Kurama's circle of friends who wasn't a fighter, but either way it doesn't matter. Kurama would have done that for any one of us."

Hiei didn't look at him, and didn't quite respond on topic. "Whether he knew about the relation or not before he threatened her, he knew it before he died."

Anger seized Yusuke. "You think Kurama told him?"

Hiei did turn to him then, his face unguarded, and Yusuke saw pity on it. "Kurama told him everything he knew," he said quietly. "Stop harboring your illusions, Yusuke," he added, his voice even but with a hint of gentleness. "It will let your enemies know you've never been tortured." And he walked away, hands in his pockets, as cold and unmoved as ever.

Yusuke watched him move off, shaking slightly, unsure whether to call after him or not. He was certain he hadn't made any progress with Hiei's guilt and part of him wanted to follow and somehow help him, or at the very least make him see how his pain was hurting the rest of them. But another part of him, sudden and without thought, demanded that he go to Kurama. He wanted to see Kurama, wanted to hold him, wanted it deeply and beyond his ability to deny. His feet took him inside.

Kurama had fallen into a light sleep but Shiori was still with him, keeping her hands busy with a crochet hook as she watched over her son. She smiled when Yusuke came in, but the smile quickly faded and was replaced with a look of--compassion? Yusuke realized he must look as rattled as he felt. "Would you like to be alone with him?" Shiori asked gently.

"Yeah," Yusuke admitted, hating that his needs were so transparent.

Shiori rose without further comment, gathering her yarn. But before she left she stopped in front of Yusuke, and placed a light hand on his shoulder. "You're taking such good care of my son," she said sincerely. "I know there are things I can't do for him or give to him, things he needs. I won't interfere with any time you need with him, or anything that should happen between you."

She left, leaving an even more rattled Yusuke in her wake. Had she guessed he had feelings for Kurama? Was he that obvious? He sometimes thought from the way Hiei looked at him that Hiei knew; but that could just be paranoia, since Yusuke anticipated Hiei declaring war on him if he ever made a move on Kurama. He hadn't thought anyone else had noticed. If Shiori knew... and approved...

He slowly settled himself into the seat Shiori had vacated, and only then noticed that Kurama's eyes were open. How much of the conversation had he overheard; had be really been asleep at all, or just dozing? "Hello Yusuke," he said quietly.

When Yusuke didn't reply Kurama turned onto his side to look at him better. "Something's troubling you."

"Hiei," Yusuke replied absently.

"Is it really Hiei?"

Okay--I really am transparent. But then, Kurama had always been good a reading people, and posing the type of questions that were gentle but still had a sting to them. Yusuke brightened slightly on realizing what a Kurama-like thing it was to do, but deflated when he realized he still had to answer the question. "Well--partly."

Kurama sighed, turning on his back again and contemplating the ceiling for a minute. "Perhaps you two should start giving each other the care you both need so desperately," he finally stated dryly, "and leave me to lick my own wounds in peace for awhile."

For some reason, Yusuke's anger rose. He wasn't sure if it was the implication that he needed care, or that Hiei should be the one to give it, or that they should leave Kurama alone when he so obviously wasn't recovered. "Perhaps it's none of your business," he retorted.

"Perhaps."

Kurama's calm acceptance only served to make Yusuke angrier. Anger, he realized, was a luxury he had not been permitting himself much of since Kurama'd woken up, and now it was getting the better of him. "Stop shutting me out," he warned.

Kurama's look was one of incomprehension. Emotion swamped Yusuke, anger and frustration and fear and pain all wrapped together, and he reached out and grabbed Kurama by the shoulders. He only stopped himself at the last second from shaking the still frail body. Instead he drew Kurama close to his chest, startled and terrified at how close he'd come to hurting him.

"Yusuke?" Kurama's confused voice was muffled against Yusuke's chest, his face pressed against it, but he didn't try to regain his personal space. Was that because he was comfortable being held by Yusuke, or just because he was too heartbreakingly weak to move away?

"Why won't anyone tell me what's going on," Yusuke asked raggedly, his voice hardly above a whisper, barely aware he was speaking out loud. "Why won't anyone tell me what happened."

Kurama shifted slightly in Yusuke's embrace to be able to look up at him. His face held the same compassion Shiori's had, only it was layered with sorrow, and understanding. "Some things are not fit to be spoken of," he replied quietly.

"I can help you," Yusuke said, knowing even as he offered it was useless.

"You are helping," Kurama reassured him.

"I can help better if I--"

"Yusuke." Kurama placed a finger over Yusuke's lips. "Enough."

Yusuke moved Kurama's hand away, and took it in his own. Kurama gave him a small smile that didn't fool him in the least. "It's not enough," Yusuke realized.

The silence following this statement was heavy with tension. Yusuke was sure at least some of it was due to how much physical contact they were in. He was pretty sure some emotions he would have rather kept under wraps were showing; after all, he was holding Kurama so close that he could feel Kurama's breath on his face. At least Kurama was not tense, not resisting. He was looking at Yusuke sadly--as if he cared.

Yusuke felt a lump rising in his throat. "Kurama--I--"

"Shh." Kurama squeezed Yusuke's hand briefly. "It's alright."

And just like that, the last of the anger dissipated, leaving Yusuke suddenly close to tears. He was definitely experiencing an emotional overload. But still, what part of this was it exactly that was supposed to be alright? That Kurama was hurting? That Yusuke was unable to help him? That Hiei was hurting, and neither of them could help him? That Yusuke, himself, was hurting?

"It's alright," Kurama repeated, to be met with Yusuke's silence and shallow breathing as he fought back tears. And then Kurama leaned forward, and gently kissed the corner of Yusuke's mouth.

Yusuke turned his head just enough to return the kiss. Kurama didn't pull back. Hardly daring to believe in what was happening, Yusuke cautiously deepened the kiss, moving his lips gently. Kurama responded in kind.

Yusuke had dreamed a thousand times of kissing Kurama, but of course no dream could ever accurately predict the reality. Kurama's kiss was gentler, more submissive, than the one Yusuke had always imagined, but that did not detract from its pleasure. And any hesitance on his part could be chalked up to his recent ordeal. Yusuke deepened the kiss further, readjusting his arms to pull Kurama even closer against him, and Kurama sighed into his mouth, moving with him willingly.

It felt right--so terribly, terribly right. But he knew it was not. Because even as he threatened to lose all sense of anything beyond the kiss, an image flashed through his mind. Of Kurama sleeping peacefully, deeply, in Hiei's arms; and of Hiei also at peace for once, his expression cleared of its usual pain as he held the fox.

Yusuke was not the one this belonged to. And he knew it.

Using every ounce of will he possessed, Yusuke gently separated his lips from Kurama's. "I can't," he gasped.

Kurama didn't say anything. He looked sorrowful, but accepting, and Yusuke realized he understood. Understood everything. "I'm sorry," Yusuke murmured, hurriedly extricating himself from Kurama, who clung to him just slightly. He pressed a kiss to Kurama's forehead, and then hurried from the room before he could lose his will to do so.