Author: So, with the last chapter I learned that one of my friends has a mancrush on Karkat, which wouldn't be so creepy if he wasn't "Luke." Though he did say not to think about it too much, it's just kind of hard not to.

But, on a side note, "Eskimo Lion?" Really, what were you smoking when you came up with that pen name?

Anyway, Enjoy this chapter where you learn a little bit more about weretrolls.

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Karma's a Bitch.

Dad sits in a ditch on his knees, his elbows resting on his thighs and hands gripping the sides of his head. His face holds the look of terror, and his stomach feeling no better. He breathes heavily after just vomiting on the side of the road. There is no way he's getting back in the car with Gamzee, unless he drives. Ten minutes ago he had Gamzee pull over because he was feeling ill and threw up as soon as he stepped out onto the shoulder.

Since then Gamzee has been literally honking the horn. Dad has yet to figure out how Gamzee managed to make it sound like a clown horn, but it was getting annoying. "Alright! I'm coming!" He walks back up to the vehicle and around to the driver side. He opens the door and without saying anything, throws Gamzee out. He climbs in and replaces the juggalo as the driver. As if there is a mutual understanding between the two, Gamzee runs over to the passenger side and climbs in. "Gamzee, remind me to never ever let you drive me, or this car, anywhere ever again." With that he takes off in the opposite direction from which they were previously advancing. Dad doesn't know who this First Guardian guy is, but he will find him, and kill him.

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The kids and troll gather around the back of the van. The door is open to allow a couple of them to sit comfortably. The others either stand or sit on the ground. John and Jake sit in the van. The two look identical except for their hair, eyes and clothes…and the fact that John is a little bit grayer than normal, now with claws on his hands. Ten minutes ago he got an itch on his arm and when he went to scratch it he tore his skin. He looked to see he has sharp claws for fingernails.

Kanaya begins talking. "Okay, everyone, I have conversed with the first guardian and now know exactly what's wrong with John. I know how it happens, I just don't know how it possibly could, considering that the nearest troll that could've possibly done this would be over a hundred miles away in a tribe."

"Just spit it out already," John says impatiently.

"It has been confirmed that you are, in fact, a weretroll. But you are a certain specific kind of weretroll." Kanaya almost sounds intrigued by that fact, though she's just the messenger and learned this a couple hours ago.

"What kinds of weretrolls are there? In human culture we have a thing called a werewolf, but there's only one kind."

"A were…what?"

"Wolf, were wolf."

"What's that?"

Obviously Kanaya doesn't know as much about human culture as she had thought. "Kanaya, werewolf in English translates into human wolf or wolf man." John can't believe this.

"What's a wolf?"

"It's uh…" Dirk begins. He can't remember what Terezi said was the troll word for wolf. He knows "dog" is "woofbeast," but he can't think of "wolf." "I think in your speak it would be a 'growly woofbeast.'"

"Oh," Kanaya hides the fact that what Dirk just said makes absolutely no sense at all, but she heard "woofbeast" so she assumes it has something to do with dogs. "But, as I was saying, John, unlike your 'werewolf' myths, weretrolls come in several different types."

"Then which one am I?"

"You would be a second-generation weretroll."

"A what?"

"A second-generation weretroll—it is a creature that has been bitten by a first-generation weretroll…passionately."

John's eyes widen. Everyone notices. "Ooh, John's guilty of something," Jake says mockingly and gives a playful punch to John's arm.

"John, have you had any passionate moments with a first-generation weretroll?"

"Uh…" is all he manages.

"Can you…show, us," Kanaya asks cautiously. After a moment, John tugs the collar of his shirt to reveal a full set of bite marks just above his left shoulder.

"I only did it with Karkat," he squeaks.

"How long ago," Rose asks.

"Last Thursday, the day before he became ill."

"So, that would mean that Karkat is a first-generation weretroll," Dave asks, surprised.

"He couldn't be," Kanaya says in shock. "He has never given any signs or symptoms of being one."

"What are the signs," John asks.

"Well, violent mood swings, which Karkat only has one mood: mad—therefore he can't have mood swings, let alone violent ones."

"Is that all?"

"I do believe that's the main one."

"So, what happens with the bite where it has to be a passionate one," Dave asks.

"Well, for some reason, troll genetics, unlike human or other animals, can only be carried through reproductive acts and emotions. And unlike humans, trolls can only reproduce when the emotions are either love, or hate. Trolls can't just have sex for fun like you, Dave."

"Woah, when did my sex life, like I even have one, get involved with this?"

"The minute you asked about the passionate kiss," John says, slightly annoyed.

"Anyway," Kanaya continues, "During a normal bite, saliva typically surrounds the marks and helps heal them, but during a passionate, love or hate-filled one some cells are scraped off the insides of the mouth by a tiny temporary spike on the tongue. Usually, the troll isn't even conscious of this reaction, but once the cells make contact with the blood, of any species, they break apart and the deoxyribonucleic acid stored within them attempts to 'break into' the other surrounding cells. Only first-generation weretroll deoxyribonucleic acid—"

"Kanaya, you could just say DNA instead. It saves a lot of time and breath." Rose lets out a small chuckle.

"Whatever, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, only first-generation weretroll deoxyribonucleic acid is powerful enough to penetrate the cellular membranes. From there it makes its way into the nucleus and takes over, kind of like a virus. But it doesn't reproduce itself. No, instead the new code which has taken over tells the cell to form a wall. The surrounding cells notice this, especially since the original infected cell leaks out a hormone telling the others to follow suit, and begin to do the same. After this process, the DNA in the other cells react to the hormone released and begins to transform into the troll DNA. After this, the DNA tells the cells to realign themselves to a more familiar pattern, more resembling that of a troll.

"Unfortunately this process, like I said before, has only until the second bilunar perigee of the first dark season' equinox until it becomes permanent."

"Great, when is that in our time," John asks hopelessly.

"Well, I do believe that…" Kanaya begins calculating in her head, "let's see here, carry the one…subtract the apogee from the Earthian cycle…" she talks to herself, "Doing the math, it comes out to Wednesday of next week."

"Okay, that means we have a little over a week to find a cure," John says.

"Well, it may be Tuesday, or even Thursday. All I'm certain of is that it's one of those three days."

"Okay."

"Anyway, onto more interesting information: something very peculiar happens to the first-generation weretroll after the passionate bite."

"And that would be what," asks Jade. She's already concerned about her brother, and now, being closer to Karkat than ever, she's beginning to become more worried about his well being as well.

"Well, I'm glad you asked, sort of. I was going to say before you interrupted."

"Sorry."

"It's okay, Jade. Now, what happens is that after the passionate bite, the first-generation weretroll becomes violently ill, before temporarily becoming a part of the victim's species."

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Meanwhile, back at John and karkat's house, Jane unlocks the door and steps in, and flips on a light. Behind her, Terezi helps Sollux into the door. Sollux barely makes it in without falling flat on his blind face.

"Why didn't you just ask Aranea to cure your sight," Jane asks.

"Because I didn't feel like it," Sollux replies grumpily.

"Ugh," Jane says, pinching that little bridge between her eyes…whatever it's called, "you two are imbeciles."

"Says the batterwitch's heiress," Terezi retaliates.

"Yes, hahaha. I laugh, ha ha." Jane gives a mock laugh. Then realizes something. "I wonder why no one's back yet."

"I don't know. We just came to see Karkles."

"Yeah, now that you mention it, I haven't heard him or seen or heard Gamzee yet either."

"You think that maybe you should search for them," Sollux asks.

"Good idea," Jane says enthusiastically. And then, having a brain fart, she says, "Sollux, you search downstairs." Really, Jane, really?

"Uh, you do realize that you just told a blind person to search a basement, alone, right," Sollux complains.

"Oh, Sollux, stop being such a wiggler," Terezi begins scolding him. "I was blind for how long?! Hell, I lived in a fucking treehive, hanging scalemates off the branches, walking, no, running along the branches, and even had to climb a fucking rope to get in and out of it! If I can do all that, you can handle a task as simple as going down a few fucking steps and looking downstairs!"

"But you were able to smell colors and all that shit. I can't."

"I was doing all that before I was taught to smell and taste color. Now go, you big grub!"

"Ugh, fine. If it means so much to you that I get hurt, so be it." With that Sollux heads in the wrong direction.

"Sollux, the stairs are the other way," Jane says.

"Whatever." Jane grabs his hand and takes him over to the door. As he goes down the steps, Jane and Terezi search upstairs. "Karkat," they shout, hoping for a response. "Gamzee!"

Sollux does the same thing, but thirteen steps down he trips over something blocking the steps and falls flat on his stomach, hitting his jaw on the floor. "Ow." He feels something rather warm and squishy beneath his feet as he tries to get up. Jane and Terezi run over to the basement door to see if he's okay when they see it.

"Uh, Sollux," Jane begins.

"What?"

"I think you just found Karkat."

"Really? Where?"

"You just tripped over him, you klutz," Terezi says."

"What? Oh, KK," he says, bending down to console Karkat, "Ii diidn't mean two hurt you."

Jane and Terezi are immediately surprised when they hear Sollux's voice.

"But you have two admiit," Sollux continues, "Karma'th a biitch, aiin't iit, Kk."

Prothethiing…

Prothethiing…

Prothethiing…

Prothethiing…

"Uh, Terethii, Jane, am Ii liithpiing?"

"Uh…" Jane and Terezi try to come up with some sort of answer. "No, not at all."

"Ii know you're lyiing."

Okay, so somehow his lisp came back. Perhaps it was because his false teeth were knocked out of place when his jaw hit the floor. Ironically, the same thing that took it away gave it back. Oh how lucky he is.

"Perhapth we should call a doctor."

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Meanwhile, hundreds of miles away, Casey is getting ready for bed. John agreed to call her back, but he hasn't done anything yet. Suddenly her phone rings. Is Grandpa Dad.

"Hello?" She answers.

"Casey?" Great. It's daddy's grumpy boyfriend's weird stoner friend.

"Can you put grandpa on the phone?"

"Nah. He told me to call you, li'l sis."

"Put him on the phone."

"Woah, chill."

"No. Put grandpa on the phone now."

"Girl, I am starting to sober up. Now you talk to me or I kill grandpa."

"You do what now," Dad asks in a questioning tone, as if to give Gamzee the chance to change what he said. "Gamzee, I don't have time for this shit. Just ask her if she's heard from John and hang up and let her get to bed."

"Whatever." Gamzee goes back to the phone, "He wants to know if you've heard from John."

"Yes. He was supposed to call me back…but he hasn't." Casey's tone suddenly turns sad.

"Oh, well," Gamzee tries to think of what to say, "We've been looking for him for a few hours now. I think the reasoning is that I drove off in the wrong direction. Would you happen to know where the First Guardian lives?"

"Yes, who doesn't?"

"Me, your grandpa, and apparently the adult Lalondes. Adult Roxy has been trying to find them to get them a spare tire since like, 2:30." Beside him, Dad get's this look on his face that says "Really?! This information could've been helpful several hours ago."

"What happened with their tire?"

"I don't know. There was this weird little thunderclap and it caused a weak spot in their tire to go boom. Their van has been crippled ever since." Saying the word "crippled" makes him think of Tavros, who he had to leave behind in the Furthest Ring for obvious reasons. He wishes Tavros could've come, but he's dead. Dead people can't go inside universes.

"Oh. When he called he just told me that he wasn't going to look normal when I get back on Thursday."

"No, he won't. He looks all weird and shit."

"Gamzee! That is not the type of language to use with a ten-year-old!" Dad suddenly gets angry with Gamzee.

"Whatever. She's about to go to bed anyway. It's not like you haven't spoken that way around her before." Damn it, he has a point. There have been several occasions where Dad has accidentally let a word or two slip that weren't meant to slip. Oh well.

"I better get off here, sis. I think your grandpa is getting his blood all up in a boil."

"Okay, bye Gamzee."

"Bye li'l sis."

Casey hangs up the phone and puts her pajamas on. She crawls into bed, feeling a little bit better knowing that John is relatively safe. But what does everyone mean by "he looks different?"

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"Well, it appears as though no one's coming to pick us up," Dirk says, sighing and getting up off the ground. "I think I'm going to just walk home."

"Jolly good idea, Dirk." Jake joins in. "Mind if I tag along?"

"Go ahead," Jade says with a smirk on her face, "You won't be followed." Everyone gives out little chuckles, except for Dave and Dirk, whose faces remain stoic. Jake blushes.

"For your information, Jade, I was just planning on walking. Jake just, I don't even know what he's planning on doing."

"I just want to go somewhere where there's warm, running water and a proper bathroom."

Everyone sits looking at the two boys with smiles on their faces. Then, of course, someone has to ruin the moment. "That awkward moment when we all realize that in the pre-scratch version of our original universe, Dirk and Jake's relationship would be considered necrophilia…" John states with the most serious look on his face.

"Oh my god, John," Jade says, surprised at John's weird, new imagination, "that's so horrible, but funny because it's true!" She, like the other three pre-scratch kids burst into laughter. Now, it's Dirk's turn to be confused for once.

"What does that mean," he asks seriously. He really has no idea. He knows what necrophilia is, he just doesn't know about pre-scratch Jake.

"Dirk," Rose says, coming out of her fit of laughter, "pre-scratch Jake was Jade's adopted grandfather/her and John's biological father. He was killed when Jade's dog Bec was told by Tavros to redirect a bullet she accidentally fired at herself to him and kill him, thinking he was an intruder. He was dead for almost a decade before we entered Sburb."

"What about me," Dirk asks.

"Pre-scratch you were Dave's bro/mine and his biological father. You were killed in a battle with Jack when he was prototyped with Bec."

"Oh, well this is awkward," Kanaya says.

"I feel so violated now," Jake complains. He really didn't need to know any of that.

"With all that aside, I do think that it may be the intelligent option to abandon our post here. I have watched some alarming increases of wild troll reports on the news. Wild trolls aren't the friendliest, and typically come out at night, and the sun is setting. If we begin walking now, we can make it a safe distance away from the woods before dark."

"Okay, I'll grab the flashlights." Rose goes over to the front of the van and gets the flashlights out of the glove box. "We should go now. Jake, you have any weapons with you?"

"Rose, you know I always carry a gun on me."

"Good. Let's be off, then."