Author's note: Will blood rituals help Rose communicate with the Doctor through the twisted timelines? Anything seems to be possible...
Reviews and comments are always welcome!
[Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. BBC does.]
I would like to thank Bria for being my beta! Any mistakes are mine, as I modified a few sentences after posting.
FOREVER: COLOURS OF ETERNITY
"Words don't come easy to me.
How can I find a way to make you see I love you?
Words don't come easy..."
"Words" by F.R. David
THE COLOUR OF THE WORDS
The first thing Rose felt was an overwhelming wave of anxiety, changing in an instant into enormous relief that made her head spin. For a moment she couldn't tell why she felt that way: nothing had changed around her visibly and there was no reason for any of these emotions to suddenly grow so strong. It was almost as if they came from the outside.
No, not exactly from the outside, she corrected herself. From a different part of her would be closer to the truth, although still not close enough.
Then, through the emotions, she heard his voice as clear as a bell:
'Rose, can you hear me? Are you all right? Can you hear me? Rose?'
Her heart racing, she looked around hoping to actually see the Doctor. She was aware of his presence in a way that was completely new to her. As if every cell of her body knew he was there. But he was nowhere to be seen. No, of course not. The voice was only in her mind. Similar to the Guardian's voice but with that special colouring that made in unmistakably him.
'I can hear you in my head,' she thought in reply, wondering if he would hear that.
He did.
'My Rose.'
Nothing more. Just her name filling every corner of his mind.
The melody of his thoughts was exactly as if he was standing there talking to her. She felt goose bumps on her arms, even though the evening was warm, and her eyes welled up with tears. She gave in to the emotions willingly, knowing it was the only way to let him know how she felt. His thoughts enveloped her in return, the strangest but the most comforting sensation she had ever experienced.
The Guardian must have also realised Rose was talking telepathically to someone else, because her eyes widened in disbelief and something akin to horror. Clearly whatever was going on was not a usual thing to happen, even on Gallifrey. Seeing her face, Rose suddenly decided she should be cautious. She wasn't quite sure if it was safe to trust Time Lords in general… although she was not entirely sure where the idea had come from.
'Rose, listen, this is important, and I don't know how much time we have.'
His tone commanded attention. The only thoughts Rose could now hear in her mind were controlled and clear. It reminded her of something from a very distant past, and she wondered briefly how bad the news would be.
He took a moment before formulating the next thought.
'I need to take us out of here, you and me, but it's going to be tricky.'
'No, wait!' she interrupted. 'Is it you? I mean, is it really you, or am I dreaming?' she thought, carefully avoiding mentioning his name, just in case. 'This place… your home, it can't be true, can it? You told me all about it, remember?'
She felt him smile.
'Oh, it is, Rose. It didn't burn; it was just, kind of, well, hidden from the world. I didn't know, I mean, the me that you knew before didn't know. I only found out later. But you dreamt about it in Pete's world, remember?'
'So you saved it? You saved your planet?'
'Well, sort of. It's, um, tucked away, unseen. You know, a sort of dimensional pocket, a small alternative universe, whatever you call it. No one knows where it is.'
'We've found it, though! You're home, right? Back with your people!'
There was a moment of silence. Rose wondered what would happen now. He was back with his people. That was all he had ever wanted. To know he was not guilty of their deaths and to be with them again. She should tell him it was all right to stay…
As she was formulating the thought, she felt the Guardian stumble through her mind awkwardly. She tried force her out, but the Guardian – the real person standing in front of her - wrenched her hands in a painful gesture.
'Let me leave him a message, little one…' she asked quietly. 'Please. A message in your mind.'
Rose didn't have the heart to say no. They may have met as strangers only a few hours earlier but Rose knew she would never forget the time they spent together and she felt she owed it to the Guardian. She did her best to simply ignore the woman's presence in her mind. It wasn't quite as easy as it seemed: she could almost feel the Guardian carve her brain with circular signs, and it made her feel a bit sick.
'Well, it's more complicated than that, Rose. We cannot stay. We're not supposed to be here in the first place. This place is kind of locked out. I'm not sure how we managed to get here, suppose it's something to do with the TARDIS. Her engine is, in a way, connected to the planet. Or maybe she could sense what was on the other side of the crack, um, never mind, we need to get out of here now. There's one problem, though.'
'Okay.'
'This is going to be dangerous. I mean really dangerous. Gallifrey is trapped in a circular time loop that's how I've been able to establish the connection,' his voice sounded feverish, he spoke quickly as if he was running out of time. 'But that's breaking all the time laws I've been taught. I need to get us out of here, both, at the same time. And both to the same time and place. If we're lucky, we'll be back in our universe. But it's up to you… because… I cannot promise...' he choked and fell silent.
'S'okay, just tell me what to do!'
She almost felt the silence as he blocked his emotions from coming through. He was trying not to infect her with his own fear.
Like an open book. He was like an open book to her. She had noticed that back in the TARDIS but it was so much more noticeable now that they shared thoughts. And a little scary, too.
'You still have your TARDIS key, Rose?'
'Yes, how do you know? Last time we talked about it…'
Last time they talked about it was in Pete's world. For her, it was a treasure she would never part with. She wore it on a chain around her neck, hidden from sight, close to her heart. For him, a Time Lord mind suddenly imprisoned in a human body, it was a painful memory. They talked about it only once, and after that she locked the key in a jewellery box, which she tucked away at the bottom of a cupboard drawer. They never mentioned it again.
'Lil' Bill* told me you took it out, just before our last mission. I hoped you'd have it. It gives us a better chance. Still, we cannot call the TARDIS to us, we need to let her pull us out of here and it's… It can kill you, Rose,' he finally explained. 'I know it most probably will kill any human being.'
'Okay'. It wasn't entirely unexpected. Most of the things they had done together could have killed her. The difference was that now she could sense how worried the Doctor really was and it made her feel uneasy. 'Is there any other way? You know, a slow way?'
He took time before replying.
'I don't know, Rose. You could… you know, you could stay here, on Gallifrey. They might let you stay… They are kind of friendly, my people. Mostly. If they believe you're no harm to them, I think you could…'
'And if I stay, when do we meet again?'
She could almost picture the battle that was going on in his mind.
'We… we probably don't. I'm not sure because there's something wrong with this universe, something wrong with my time sense… But we're in different points of their timeline, I think I'm here in your future. One or two hundred years into the future, give or take.
'So if I stay…'
They fell silent.
'Do you want me to stay?' she ventured eventually.
There was no answer other than a chaos of emotions leaking through his mental shield.
'Well, it may be shorter than I said... There's no way of telling, Rose, and we don't have much time. If this link is broken… or if someone interrupts us…' his thoughts trailed off. 'I wonder why no one has. Either all the barriers of the planet are falling apart, or maybe…'
'You think it could be me? I mean, I could be there, fifty years into the future, stopping them from interrupting us talking?'
Again, he didn't answer directly. She wasn't sure he even heard the question, absorbed in his own train of thoughts.
'That's a decision I cannot make, Rose. Not here, not now. Only you can make it. If I tell you what to do, it won't be your own, and besides… I don't know. I've made decisions for you many times, but I'm not really very good at it, am I?'
She smiled through the tears.
'Yep, not your best ability, decisions. So you say my decision this time?' My life, my Time Lord, my decision. Sounds kind of easy. You said it will kill any human being?'
'Yes… but you're not just any human being. You're Rose Tyler, the Bad Wolf. You looked into the heart of the TARDIS, and I believe in you. I'll accept whatever you decide, Rose. So?'
'The wolf flower!' gasped the Guardian and took a step back but Rose didn't notice.
'What about Gallifrey?' she asked urgently. 'You said it's trapped! You can, you know, um, untrap it and have your home back, can't you? You can figure it out! Shouldn't we stay? It's your planet, your people! And I'm only…'
'Rose' his voice was quiet and composed, but Rose felt the trembling just beneath the surface. 'I could try and save Gallifrey now, oh yes, I could. But I wouldn't be able to take you home then, and a war you cannot even try to imagine would be back. We'll figure it out one day, I know we will… but right now…'
We. He probably didn't even realise he thought about it that way but she felt it loud and clear. We will figure it out. One word, one idea that had the power to disperse all fears and doubts.
'I'm ready. What shall I tell my..., um, I mean, what shall I tell the Guardian?'
'You can tell them... no, wait! You said the Guardian, like it's a name? You've met the Guardian? Is she there? What did she... no, don't say anything! You shouldn't be talking to her! Rose, what have you told her?!'
She took a deep breath.
'I tried not to tell her anything but we talked for quite a long time. I suppose she guessed a lot… or read things from my mind. I think she cannot exactly hear you but she's in my mind too… so I suppose she hears me talking to you and reacting…''
A slight nod from the Guardian confirmed her guess. The Doctor sounded a bit relieved.
'Rose, for her sake, and for ours, there are things she shouldn't know. Guessing can't be avoided and it's all right. It's knowing that changes the worlds. Tell her to go.'
Rose looked at the Guardian. The Time Lady stood a few paces away, bowing down.
'Please, can she stay?'
'Why? What did she tell you? Why do you want her to stay?'
'Something about a little boy she once knew and lost.'
'Rose.'
'Yes?'
'Tell her… tell her some things you lose forever can still be found in eternity. And Rose, how is she? Ask her how she is!'
Rose turned to the Guardian and found she had not moved an inch. She just stood there, pale and motionless.
'I am fine. Tell him I'm fine, my daughter,' she said. Rose gaped at her, completely startled: the words were spoken, not telepathic. 'I'll be here when he comes to Mount Eternity to take you home. No one will interrupt.'
She reached her hand towards Rose hesitantly and touched her cheek. Rose took the Guardian's hand in hers and held it in silence. She knew the Guardian was no longer reading her thoughts but she could think of no words to say.
'And tell him… tell him the blessing of the mountain is with you, my daughter,' the Guardian added, looking Rose deep into the eye.
The last sentence was followed by a string of sounds Rose was not familiar with. She guessed it was Gallifreyan. Before Rose could ask for an explanation, the Guardian bowed slightly and turned away, walking briskly down a narrow mountain path. She never looked back.
'Rose?'
'She... she's left. She said...'
'Not now, Rose. It can wait. Got the key in your hand? Place your hand on the carving and try to picture us in the TARDIS. Yeah, like that. It can hurt. Actually, it can hurt a lot. Whatever you feel, keep your eyes closed, don't open them till I tell you it's safe. Ready?'
She felt the key get warmer in her hand but it could be just because she was holding it so tight.
'Yes, Doctor.'
There was no mistake about it. The key was getting hot. A shiver went down her spine. She closed her eyes tight. Just a moment now and she would know…
'Rose…?'
Something in the tone of his thoughts nearly made her open her eyes but she remembered just in time that he was not physically there. He was clearly struggling to formulate a thought.
'Yes, Doctor?'
'If something goes wrong and we don't meet on the other side…'
Even with her eyes closed, she could now sense key began to emanate familiar glow.
'We will, Doctor!' she assured him forcefully.
'I just wanted you to know…'
It wasn't long now. The key was tingling in Rose's hand. She felt a wave of cold panic starting in her stomach and going up to freeze her heart. What if they don't meet on the other side? What if it's the last chance…
'I love you, Rose…'
The panic melted into a tearful sensation of being safe and in the right place. At the same moment a burst of light blinded her through the closed eyelids. She was pulled into the vortex before she could even think a reply.
* If you want to check who Lil' Bill was, he appears in my other story, "Forever: The Broken Fragments", which comes first in the series.
