Kyleigh dreamed about him almost every night; about his benign smile, his golden eyes, the way he smiled when she said something that took him by surprise. She woke up with his name on her lips. And it was so, so wrong of her to feel this way. He'd always treated her like his daughter. Her thoughts pressed against her brain, making her head pound even more. The sharp pain had brought her to her knees twice during her walk through the sunny California vineyard. Both times, she'd shoved herself to her feet and forced herself to keep walking, fighting the urge to faint.

"Are you okay, honey?" someone called.

If only she had a nickel for every time she'd heard that question.

"Fine!" Kyleigh called back, blinking the stars out of her eyes. She needed help.

"Are you sure? You don't look good, sugar. Jim, go get this poor girl some water. Come on over, honey."

Kyleigh staggered her way towards the voice, a woman with a voice thick like honey. "I'm okay, really," she insisted, though she knew it wasn't true.

"Yeah, and I'm Pamela Anderson. Sit down here in the shade." A strong pair of hands gripped her elbows, lowering her to the ground. Moments later, a bottle was pressed against her lips. She drank the water greedily. "Poor thing. You were so thirsty. Where are your parents, hon?"

"I'm by myself," Kyleigh murmured, too tired to come up with a story.

"Do you live near here?" she pressed, the same questions she'd heard time and time again. Kyleigh shook her head, feeling weak. "You're burning up. We need to get you to a hospital. Jim, dear, help me pick her up."

"No," Kyleigh protested. "I'm okay, I just need to rest." She hadn't had her medication in two weeks.

"Sure you do." Kyleigh felt herself lifted in the air; her stomach rolled ominously.

"Put me down, please," she whispered, but the couple ignored her.

Kyleigh woke up in yet another hospital.

"Earth to Kyleigh." Jasper waved a hand in front of his wife's face.

"Ugh, why would I want to live on Earth?" she asked, jerking her head away from his hand.

"It's great, they got stuff!"

"You're chipper today." She sat up from where she'd been lying down, not sleeping but not quite conscious either.

"It's gorgeous outside. The stars are amazing. Come on!"

Kyleigh allowed Jasper to drag her out of the hotel room. Together they ran silently to the beach. Jasper wasn't lying; there were stars, hundreds of thousands, crowding the sky, reflecting in the lake, making everything look infinite.

"Wow…" Kyleigh breathed. She stepped barefoot into the water, enjoying the rippling against her skin. "Do you think we can swim in here at night?"

"I seriously doubt it, but since when do you follow rules?"

"Touché. Race you in?" She didn't wait for him to respond, instead diving straight for the water, barely making a splash. Jasper looked around before following her in. They swam straight out to the rocks in the middle of the lake, careful not to draw attention to themselves. Swimming proved difficult.

"I think I read that there's a lot of salt in this water," Jasper said, noticing her struggling to stay under water. "That probably explains the lack of swimmers."

"It's also after midnight," Kyleigh teased, using her arms to push her legs down.

"What were you thinking about when you were lying down?" Jasper asked. He watched her do a few somersaults, though he didn't think she was doing them on purpose.

"Just reminiscing on my past. Contemplating life. As you do." She finally gave up, choosing to float on her back.

"I wish I could read minds," Jasper admitted sometime later. They'd gotten tired of floating and drifted back to shore, choosing to lie on the sand and watch the stars.

"You wouldn't find much in my mind. Mostly Johnny Depp and puppies."

"I disagree. I'd love a penny for your thoughts."

She sat up on one elbow. "Ahem, my thoughts are worth way more than a penny."

"A quarter?" He raised his eyebrows, not even flinching when she splashed water at him. "Sorry, sorry."

"No you're not," she replied, trying to glare at him and failing. "If you really want to know, I was thinking about the time I ended up in the emergency room in Napa and made my great escape."

"Wait, what?" He sat up so he could look at her.

Kyleigh giggled. "I've never told you about that? Oh, it was great. In, like, a terrible way. But still kind of great."

The lights stung her eyes so that she could barely open them. She flailed her arm around, trying to find her alarm clock to stop the beeping, but felt resistance and a sharp sting at the crook of her elbow. Kyleigh forced her eyes open, only to be greeted by harsh white light in a harsh white room. "Oh shit," she mumbled. "Not again."

She turned her head back and forth, taking in yet another hospital room. There were no doctors or nurses in sight. Her mouth felt like cotton and her head still hurt, but she definitely didn't feel as bad as she did before. Kyleigh spied a water pitcher on her bedside table; she slid the IV out of her skin, ignoring the blood that seeped out of the tiny hole, intent on getting the water.

Not even bothering to use a cup, Kyleigh tiled the pitcher down her throat, choking on the water but not caring. Once that was drained, she sat up all the way, pulling off the other monitors hooked up to her. She had moments before the nurses would respond to the machines freaking out, so she moved fast, scooping up her clothes and running for the door.

"And they didn't see you running away in your hospital gown?" Jasper interrupted.

"Nope." Kyleigh grinned. "I was pretty fast for a dying girl. Plus I know my way around hospitals. I ducked into the first linen room I saw to change back into my clothes then I walked out of the ER like I owned the place."

"That is impressive." Jasper chuckled. "Only you. Why didn't you let them treat you?"

"No money, no insurance." Kyleigh shrugged. "And I didn't want help anymore. I wasn't done exploring. They pumped me with enough medication to carry me through another few months then…well, then I met you."

"Wow." Jasper twirled a strand of her hair around one of his long fingers. "That's kind of crazy. I tend to forget about how sick you were when we met."

"You knew me for, like, a week before Carlisle changed me," she responded, ignoring him when he jerked at his father's name. "But you did see me at my worst, and yet you liked me anyway." She poked his arm. "Silly."

He nodded a little stiffly. She decided against commenting, instead turning her attention back to the stars. One step forward, two steps back, she thought. "Let's go for a walk," she suggested, hauling him to his feet.

Though he didn't say anything to her, he didn't pull away when she slid an arm around his waist, and even tucked an arm around her shoulder. Baby steps.

The note sat in her own jewelry box, taunting her every time she stopped long enough to think of it. Even Jasper, king of patience, was growing restless, waiting for her to open it, but she couldn't. Not yet. The person she wanted to read it with was back in Oregon, and she couldn't well go back there without Jasper realizing it. Jasper went hunting without her one evening and she pulled out her phone, fingers poised over the keyboard. Before she could second guess, she hit dial and pressed the phone to her ear, trying to control her trembling hands.

"Kyleigh?" he asked. She could hear noises in the background; he was at work.

"Carlisle." As soon as she said his name, she felt calmer. "Hi."

"Hi, little one. What's going on?"

"I found my grandmother," she started. "And I have a note from her daughter…my possible mother. Not Margaret."

"Rosalie mentioned your theory. What does the note say?"

The background sounds grew quieter. She imagined him sitting in his large office, leaning against his mahogany desk.

"I don't know. I haven't read it." When he didn't say anything, she continued. "I'm scared, Carlisle. I'm scared of what the note will say. If it will answer everything or tell me nothing. If this will just lead to a dead end and I'll be left more hurt than before. And I," Kyleigh paused. "I need you to tell me what to do."

"Kyleigh," Carlisle sighed heavily. "I can't do that and you know it. You've always made your own decisions."

"I know that, but I can't do this one on my own." Her voice broke, though she couldn't cry.

"You aren't on your own. Jasper is with you." His voice was mild but Kyleigh jumped at the implication.

"I know he is," she replied, her voice reproachful. "But he hasn't been through all of this like you have. There's so much he doesn't know, and I can tell him, and I probably will, but you know everything about me."

"I highly doubt I know everything, Kyleigh. And he's your husband. You need to talk this through with him now. I'm not your guardian." He sounded so sad. Kyleigh covered her eyes with her hand.

"Carlisle…"

"Kyleigh." His voice firmed then softened. "Ky, this is your life. You don't have to read that note, you can burn it and come home. But we both know that you won't. No one says you have to read it right now, but Kyleigh?"

"Yeah?" Kyleigh rocked back and forth lightly, knees held up to her chest.

"Don't put too much weight into that note. It doesn't matter what the note says, not really. You know in your heart that you are loved by so many. That's what matters now, isn't it?"

Kyleigh nodded, glad that he didn't expect a verbal response.

"I'm going to go back to work now, little one. Stay strong."

"I always do," she said, her voice much more stable now.

"I know. Good night, Kyleigh."

"Good night, Carlisle." Kyleigh hung up the phone, tossing it down beside her. By the time Jasper returned from hunting, Kyleigh was halfway through a Criminal Minds episode, the phone call mostly forgotten.

"Hello?" Kyleigh said, pressing the phone hard against her ear.

"Kyleigh?"

"Eric?" The reception in Yosemite was terrible. "What's going on?"

"I found your birth records!" he said, though it came out sounding like "I have mirth checkers." He repeated it two more times before Kyleigh caught the whole sentence.

"How? Wait, why?" She ducked into the bedroom of the cabin she and Jasper rented a few days before, the same as the last time they'd visited.

"I cold called all the hospitals in Colorado and eventually found an older nurse. Took her out, got some schnapps in her, and she told me she remembered a young red headed girl stumbling into the hospital late one night, a baby practically falling out of her. The more schnapps, the more information." She could hear the smile on his face.

"How did you know to do that?" Kyleigh asked, sinking onto the queen size bed.

"Your husband called the other day. He told me what to look for and I did and I think I found her. Her name is-"

"Stop!" Kyleigh yelled, holding up her hand. "I don't want to know."

All the breath rushed out of Eric's voice. "Why not? You hired me, right?"

"I did, but…I don't want to know anymore. Could I call you back? Like, when I'm ready, I mean." She didn't wait for an answer before hanging up.

Jasper sat, a large blanket spread out in front of him, his fingers clinking his knitting needles together. He looked up when he heard Kyleigh come back into the room. "Everything okay?"

"No," Kyleigh responded, her voice shaking. "No, everything isn't okay. Did you call Eric?"

Jasper lowered his knitting. "I did." No further explanation.

"Without telling me? Are you kidding me? What the hell were you thinking?" Kyleigh couldn't stand still, pacing back and forth in front of him.

"I realized the note probably wouldn't explain everything. Angelina would have told us what the note said, she would have had an explanation. And, Kyleigh, darling, this is what you wanted."

Kyleigh whirled around, slipping slightly on the blanket. "No! No it isn't and you knew that! I told you I changed my mind!" She didn't care that she was shouting.

"I told him to call me instead of you," Jasper responded, so calm in comparison. "I'm sorry you found out that way."

"Jasper, you can't do this, you can't just go behind me back. It's my business and-"

"And you were the one who started this whole journey, and you brought me along. At this point, I have a right to know what happened too."

"This is my story, not yours!" she started but Jasper cut her off again.

"No, Kyleigh, this is our story. It became our story as soon as I got in the car with you. Now, I asked Eric to call me so you wouldn't find out that way, but that doesn't change anything else."

Kyleigh ran her hands through her hair, completely agitated. "This is my story, and I didn't make you come with me. I invited you, but I didn't force you to get in the car."

Jasper stood, towering over her small frame. "You didn't, but I came anyway. I have followed you all over the country. I have pretending to be your grandfather. I have been patient and pretended not to notice the way you say Carlisle's name or the fact that you've called him behind me back."

Kyleigh dropped her hands to her side. "Is that actually what this is about? Jasper, you have to let that go. That is a nonissue now. And yes, I did call Carlisle last week, but I needed advice from an outside perspective."

"Carlisle is not an outside perspective," Jasper shot back.

"He is in this situation. You're right, you've been here with me all along. You're too close to the story now, Carlisle isn't."

"He's close to you though."

Kyleigh threw her hands up in the air. "For peet's sake, leave me then! If this bothers you so much, why don't you get the hell out? Go back to Alice or whoever or wherever!"

The silence between them was deafening.

"Is that what you want?" Jasper asked after an eternity.

Kyleigh bit her lip. "No, it's not, but if that's what you want, I'm not going to stop you."

Jasper smiled though no humor reached his eye. "You won't fight for me, Kyleigh."

"That's all I have done, this entire trip. I have been here with you, reassuring you that there is nothing happening with," she faltered, "anyone else. That I want to be with you. But you can't let it go, and if you can't, I can't be with you."

Outside, the world carried on. Birds sang to the rising sun; overeager hikers and kayakers stepped into the fresh air; children woke up their parents too early. Kyleigh and Jasper stood stalk still, the foot between them stretching a mile.

"Fine," he said, backing away from her. "Fine."

Kyleigh remained where she was, listening to him pack up his bag. "You don't have a car. The sun is coming up," she called to him, both points ignored.

"I'll figure something out," he responded, coming back into the room, suitcase in one hand. "Have a nice life, Kyleigh."

She watched him walk to the door, not saying anything as he wrenched it open then swung it shut, leaving her alone. Again.

Almost immediately her phone rang. Rosalie. Kyleigh couldn't bring herself to answer it. She sat on the couch, bringing the unfinished blanket with her, and lay down, squeezing her eyes shut.