CHAPTER NINE: A CLOSENESS
The world had grown colder in the days after the loss of the farm. Everything they had done had been because they needed to survive. They had to do things they had promised themselves they would never do. They would never hurt other people. But they had, and blood had been shed in the name of protecting their own. They viewed the world differently now. There was bitterness for the world now.
The farm had protected them, had given them another reason to hold onto that hope just a little longer. With the farm being so far away from the city, they had believed to be safe, and away from any danger. They had a few walkers stumble across their path but not enough to warrant leaving. They were manageable, especially with the newcomers who had joined the farm. They had showed their worth to them, had taken them under their wing knowing that they hadn't had to deal with any of the dead.
But the farm had been her home for many years. And it pained her to see it being destroyed right there in front of her eyes.
They had walked for hours, days even. It never occurred to her just how much she had lost until she was sat in the darkness. She had been numb to the entire thing, her mind protecting her from the true devastation of losing her childhood home as well as having her father and sister be missing and potentially dead.
Maggie would sit in the darkness of the house they had found, her eyes burning with tiredness, her body aching from running and walking for days. The hours of moving had added up, and her mind and body were exhausted. She wanted nothing more than to rest her head and just sleep, but her body, though exhausted, was on edge. Every sound and movement caused her to jump out of her skin. Glenn had been there to reassure her, though it wasn't the same.
She understood he meant well, telling her everything she wanted to hear. But she needed to know if her father and baby sister were still alive and had made it out. To not know was slowly killing her.
All chemistry between herself and Glenn had fizzled for the time being after everything that had happened that fateful night. Her attraction to him had been intense, just as his was with her. But they had both acknowledged that they needed to think about finding their family and friends. It was important to have a clear head and so they had shut it off, respecting each other's boundaries in a difficult time. Glenn wanted nothing more but to wrap his arms around Maggie and tell her that everything would work out, that her family would be fine, but when it came down to it, they didn't know each other that well.
Their attraction was the lead to their relationship, and even then, it wasn't a real relationship. Maggie, since the outbreak destroyed everything around her, had become numbed to the world, and Glenn had been the first thing to make her feel anything. He stirred something within her. She had grown to care about him after a while, though it was something she never spoke to him about it. She often wondered how he felt about her, and she understood that he cared about her too from the way he would look at her with fire in his eyes.
But all that had changed. They protected each other now. They walked side by side in silence as they made sure to get enough distance between them and the dead. They took turns to keep watch. They found a routine.
The house offered them protection which at that moment they needed. The longer they stayed outside with nothing but emptiness surrounding them made them feel unsafe, out in the open, and extremely vulnerable. The house had four walls, locks and cupboards full of tins of food. They found themselves opening up about a lot of things, how this could not be the end of everything. There had to be something out there, a reason as to why the world became so damaged so quickly. They would talk about when they would find the others – their friends and family – and how they would hold them just a little tighter.
Maggie told stories about her family, as memories swarmed her vulnerable mind. She would laugh, she would cry, but she savoured the moments she would be able to remember forever. She told him about her job, how she had recently graduated and was on her first day at work when a child had complained of a fever, to which she had then sent him to the school nurse, who had been ripped apart not even an hour later. She told Glenn about how she had stared at the body of the dying nurse, how her eyes stared back at her, then she had died. She had only ever seen one person die in her life and that had been her mother. Even now, a year after her death, the image of her still mother burned in her mind. Her mother hadn't woken up again, no matter how much Maggie begged and pleaded for her to.
But the nurse had started breathing again. Raspy, shallow breaths filled the air around them amongst the screams of young children as they ran for safety. The body had begun to twitch and jerk. Her eyes had sprung open, and she had tried to claw herself towards Maggie. Maggie had stood frozen, believing her mind was playing tricks on her. However, it wasn't. She had raced home as fast as she could, and was immediately welcomed by her father's arms.
Glenn had opened up, too. He told her about his upbringing, his job as a pizza delivery boy, and how he had wanted to be an artist but lacked confidence in himself. He was an only child, but had always wanted siblings to play with and confide in. He loved travelling, but could never afford to get out of Georgia.
They had found out they were quite similar, liking the same shows and movies. They would speak for hours and never face an awkward silence.
"We'll find them," Glenn's voice was low. "Hershel… Beth… they're still out there, I just know."
Maggie watched him for a moment. She hadn't cried over them, not giving into what her mind obviously wanted her to do. Crying meant she was scared, unsure, and she wouldn't give her emotions the satisfaction. She had to keep positive in a world full of negatives.
"I know I will," Maggie nodded. She thought about Beth; her innocence in a world full of evil and her heart dropped. She wondered if Beth was alone, if she had found Hershel, if she had found someone from Glenn's group. She would be petrified, and Maggie couldn't do anything to get to her.
They finished eating, their stomach's still growling. Their appetite had disappeared, and even though they still ate, they could only manage one can between the both of them.
It was Glenn's watch, and Maggie settled down to sleep. She knew that it would evade her no matter how much she tried to get her mind to rest. She could never stop her mind trailing back to Beth. Was Beth okay? Had she made it out? She had been close to the house when the fire had begun. She had rushed outside to help the group from the horde of dead that stumbled upon the land. The last time she had seen Beth was when Maggie had glanced back and saw her blonde hair on the porch. She scolded herself for not protecting Beth, but she also understood that it wasn't her fault that she couldn't get to her.
It was a few hours later and sleep still seemed to avoid Maggie at all costs.
"I'll take over," she said, sitting up. Glenn glanced at her and narrowed his gaze at her.
"I'm alright," he replied. "You go back to sleep."
"I can't sleep."
"You should've said," Glenn said. "I would've helped you fall asleep by telling you stories about myself."
"I think that would be hard," she replied. "I find you interesting."
"Interestingly hot? Or interestingly interest?"
"Both," Maggie smirked. She watched as the moonlight gave her enough light to see a red blush stain his face.
She liked that she could make him blush.
Maggie stood and stretched. Walking for days had caused all her joints to stiffen. She was sore, exhausted and shocked. She knew those feelings would go away as soon as her family were back in her arms but she had to think about how she would cope if she never found them again. It was a possibility that she would never find them again, which broke her heart into a thousand pieces. Her family were her everything and without them, she wasn't herself.
Glenn never spoke about his family, about where they were when the outbreak hit. She wondered if he would ever speak about them, or whether it was best for him to not talk about. It was a painful situation to approach knowing that every single person still alive had lost their loved ones. Some had to watch their parents die, some had to even kill their parents when they turned. Maggie closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.
"Make love to me," she whispered, her eyes remaining close. She opened them after a moment, thankful for the blanket of darkness that protected her from his view. He stared into the darkness, at where her voice had come from but his gaze not entirely on her. He furrowed his brows, swallowing nervously. He rubbed his neck anxiously. "I need to feel something."
He had closed the gap between them as soon as her voice faded into the darkness. A small laugh escaped her as he tried to find her in the dark, and she reached for him, guiding him closer to her. She brought his hand to her face where she kissed his hand. His fingers stroked her cheek before he gently moved in where he brushed his lips against hers.
Her body felt as though it was made of nothing but electricity. Every touch, every kiss, was enough to send her over the edge. He was careful, loving and innocent. She had been with other guys before but never with someone so kind and considerate, and so aware of her movements, her breathing, her moans.
He made her feel alive.
