**A/N: I intended to update this a few days ago, but man do toothaches + anxiety make for bad writing conditions! I hope this chapter is okay, I'm worried it's a bit dull, but it's a very important building conversation for them.
"Beth, we need to get inside. Now."
The smoke billowed above the trees, too far away for them to scent on the air but no less blatantly noticeable now that he was out here. Ominous though it was, the smoke nonetheless only held his attention for a moment or two more before Daryl was turning around to eye the woods that edged the field around them instead. His sharp eyes searched the tree-line for any sign of movement in the shadows.
"Beth," he half-growled her name again when she didn't move from her spot staring over the trees, and turned urgently towards her to add."Beth, we gotta get inside."
"Why?" There was a distant look in her eyes that cleared as she turned towards him, as if focusing on him banished the cloud of thoughts in her mind, at least for the moment. "Daryl, what is that? What do you think happened?"
"Nothin' good." Daryl grunted out the words with a frown that only deepened as Beth started to turn to look back at the smoke. "Beth." He reached out without hesitating this time, curling his fingers around her forearm until she glanced up at him with a look of surprise in her eyes. "Listen to me. That smoke, whatever it is, it's gonna draw every walker nearby. You understand?"
It was only then that he saw it. The widening of her eyes and the dawning understanding that followed as she drew in a sharp intake of breath. But there was no panic. On the heels of her realization came a sharpening of her gaze, that strength he so admired in her and the common sense that had helped keep them both alive. A bit breathless, she urgently explained, "There was an explosion, too. You were asleep, that's how I found it. They'll have heard…"
"It'll be even worse, then." In his mind they were already all around them, potential herds of walkers closing in on them foot by foot as they instinctively trundled towards the explosion and the smoke in the sky. Daryl's fingers curled the tiniest bit tighter around her arm as he fought the unexpected urge to pull her close, as if he could shield her in his arms from what might be about to come. As if he could become a wall, wrapped around her, sheltering her from the rising tide or the swelling storm. It was a silly urge. Beth could protect herself and even if she couldn't, the mill behind them was a far safer shelter than his arms.
And yet… and yet the feeling lingered and he allowed some of it to take root, just enough for his hand to smooth down over her arm and around to her back as he tugged her the slightest bit closer to him.
Daryl looked down and into her eyes and for a second they just stood like that, holding each other's gazes and breathing in to the same slow rhythm until finally, Beth nodded and murmured, "We should get inside. Board up the doors, make sure the windows are covered, get up to the top floor…"
"Hole up and ride it out?" It had been his plan too, and he was glad to see she was on the same page as him. It was, after all, a far better idea than the thought that he could keep her safe here just by wrapping her in his arms.
(Even if that idea still lingered in the recesses of his mind as he turned and guided her back into the Mill.)
Daryl wished he'd had time to head into the woods. Maybe get some more of those beechnuts Beth had loved so much last night or bag a couple of squirrels, but he couldn't risk it. They both knew there were walkers in the woods and there was no doubt that they'd be lured towards the distant explosion and subsequent fire and smoke.
He'd had just enough time to fill their bucket and all their bottles with water from the stream, and even that had been a risk. In fact he'd just been ducking into the door of the mill when he heard the distant groan of the first walker coming out of the woods. Beth had worked her way around the bottom floor making sure all the windows were closed and covered, and she moved slowly back to his side as he bolted the door and wedged the table up against it.
"C'mon," he whispered, lifting the bucket as he handed her the bag with the water bottles inside of it. "Upstairs."
There was no need to say more. Even with everything barred and blocked it wasn't safe to stay down here, talking and risking they might be heard. With Beth moving slowly but surely in front of him they made their way up to the third floor and relative safety.
"Should be alright," he murmured as he set the bucket of water carefully on the table. "Got enough water and food for a bit and it'll be safer in a day or two."
"Daryl…"
He could feel her gaze on him as he spoke, staying steady even as he reached for the bag and began to unload the bottles of water as well. He knew that she wanted to ask him something, knew even what it was just from the heaviness of her voice and the weight of her gaze on him. Putting it off as long as he could, Daryl kept going, "We'll just stay up here an' wait it out. Should be fine."
"Daryl…" He almost didn't look at her but then she curled her fingers lightly around his arm and he couldn't resist. Daryl glanced slowly over at her, eyes finding hers from under the fringe of his hair and wondering if she could see the worry in his eyes. He could see it in her own after all, especially as she murmured, "Whatever it was that burned up. Was it… I mean, you know, the railroad tracks…"
Daryl paused for just a second and then slowly nodded. "Yeah. Reckon it was that place... Terminus." He wasn't sure why he was so hesitant to confirm that. No, that wasn't true. He knew why, and it wasn't because he was unsure about exactly what direction that smoke had come from. It was because last night, he had been so completely at peace with Beth asleep and tucked up against him. Last night he had thought they were finallygetting the peaceful moment they deserved and he would have challenged anything that dared interrupt that.
And now something had, and a part of him was worried. Because this wasn't something he could challenge. This was something that, despite what had happened to Beth the last time they'd been on those railroad tracks, might still pull her away from him. And he would never challenge her. He would follow after her to the ends of the earth, even if in the pit of his stomach was a thick and heavy sense of dread that it really might turn out to be the end. That was why he was worried. Because if he confirmed that it was the place he suspected, it might somehow lead to him losing her.
"Do you think they…" She started only to trail off, and despite his own worry he felt as if bands were clenching around his heart at the sight of the worry in her eyes.
"I dunno, Beth." Daryl ran his hand roughly through his hair. "We don't even know if they were there at all, if any of them made it there. Maybe they did that themselves, blew the place up… we just… we don't know." His words trailed off as he hesitated for a few seconds. He felt as if he were standing right on the edge of something and he knew he could pull back, maybe even change the subject, and Beth wouldn't push. But he had to ask. For her. It wouldn't be fair not too, it wouldn't be fair to deny her the chance even if it made his gut clench, and so he took the words that weighed like heavy stones in his chest and dragged them up in a hoarse whisper, "You wanna go find out?"
Blue eyes held blue for a long moment that was punctuated only by the rapid beating of his heart, so loud he wondered if she could hear it, louder and louder each second she was silent, until finally she breathed out in reply, "No."
It was the answer he'd wanted and yet at the same time not the one he'd expected from her. It was so unexpectedly that when she spoke all Daryl could do was furrow his brow at her and ask hesitantly, "No?"
"Daryl…" Beth trailed off for a moment and he could almost see her thinking it over, trying to find the right words to say. Which was odd for him in a way… she'd always been the one who knew what to say and he'd always been the one who fumbled over it, at least in his mind. "It's because of multiple things, I guess. I mean, logically I know it's a bad idea. All those walkers are gonna be headed there, the woods will probably be full of them for the next few days or longer, and that's not even taking into account what that place will be like. Probably crawling with them. So even if we could reach it, we'd have to face everything that's waiting there and, well... and we don't know anything about that place, either. What happened, who it was, who was even there."
She breathed in and out and he was surprised to notice that she was actually trembling, albeit faintly, as she went on, "It might be Maggie, but it might… it might not be. It might even be Rick and the others but… but we don't know and they… and it ain't…" Daryl started to reach out, her name on his lips, but he only got halfway before she was spitting out her real worries in a voice that rose with each word, "And it ain't like she came looking for me, is it? She had a chance. She had all the chances with those signs, and she just- She gave up on me. She didn't even try to look for me, so… So why should I? Why should I look for her, Daryl?"
Beth's voice was tight and high, and each word brought with it a tightening of that band around his heart until he ached with it in a way he wasn't at all used to. This time he did reach out. His hand found the side of her shoulder and gently cupped it as he looked into her eyes, and for once the words came right to his lips, as solid and sure as the truth always was. "Because you're a good person."
The breath she drew in was slow and ragged and her eyes were so damn wide as they found his. "Says the man who never believed in good people before."
"Yeah, well…" He shrugged, because he didn't know what else to do. "You know I do now." Daryl swallowed hard, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he looked down at the ground for a long moment before glancing up at her carefully from under his fringe of hair to add in a low, near-whisper the words he hadn't been able to voice before, "Cause of you."
He could see the oh in her eyes without her even needing to voice it, just as he could see the faint smile that tugged at the corners of her lips and made her watery eyes glisten for a moment before she swallowed as hard as he had and gave a slow nod.
"Look. S'like you said, we can't go now anyway." Daryl's hand lightly squeezed her shoulder again. "Even if it wasn't a risk cause of the walkers, an' not knowin' what that place was… there's no way in hell I'm goin' there without you healed first, okay?"
Again Beth just nodded, and he found himself distantly amused at the fact that somehow the tables had turned, that he was the one talking while she just mutely listened and nodded in reply. Hell, it was amusing simply for the fact that he was actually talking and not just grunting at her, but somehow Beth just seemed to pull it out of him.
He knew, as much as it confused him, that it was only because it was her. Just like it was her that had him going on softly, "So we'll wait here, where it's safe. An' you'll heal. An' then, maybe, we'll try to make our way towards that place. But we'll be careful, we'll make sure we know what we're getting into first, alright?" His hand moved almost of it's own volition, fingers grazing her cheek to brush a stray bit of hair behind her ear. Just the brush of the pads of his fingers over her skin had Daryl's breath hitching, but he kept his eyes on hers as he murmured lowly, "Cause I ain't riskin' you gettin' hurt, okay? I ain't riskin' either of us."
It was only half a minute at most, if that, but the moment in which Beth held his gaze seemed to go on forever. There was so much swirling through the cornflower blue of her eyes that he almost felt like he could fall right into it, especially when she was just slightly tipping her head against the touch of his fingers to her cheek. When she finally broke the silent moment her voice was soft but sure as she echoed him, "Me either. I don't want to risk either of us, Daryl. I think…" A furrow appeared in her brow for just a moment before it smoothed out, and she looked firmly into his eyes and went on, "I think that should be our priority."
"Not risking each other?" Despite the serious conversation, the corner of his lip quirked briefly up.
"No. Well yes, but I mean… us. You and me. We should be our priority. Staying safe and alive, surviving… together." She swallowed hard after the last word, and somehow he felt the depth of it even more keenly. It was like that one word- together- just dropped into him, sinking like a stone in a pond. Slowly but surely settling so very deep within him. Perhaps even right in his heart, beneath the safe cage of his ribs.
So he nodded, because there was no other response he truly wanted to give other than agreement. Well that, and a simple, "Okay." He was, after all, a man of few words. Although these days Beth seemed to be drawing more and more of them out of him.
He could feel them bubbling to his lips even now as she smiled up at him and matched his nod with one of her own to repeat, "Okay." Then, with a widening of her smile and a visible ease in the tension of her body, she went on, "So whatever we do… the most important thing is keeping each other safe. Staying together. Everything else is secondary. Even…"
Beth trailed off as her gaze turned towards the window, to the smoke he knew was there in the distance though they couldn't see it from this angle. "Even that," he finished for her lowly. Even the possibility of their friends and family who might or might not be there. Because that was the thing, wasn't it? Rick, Maggie, and the others… they might have been there. But they might not have been. Beth on the other hand was here, without a doubt, right in front of him.
A few days ago he had almost lost that certainty, had almost lost her. He had already promised himself never to let that happen again, so it was easy to promise the same thing aloud to her, especially when she was so determined to do the same.
At first they spent some time just organizing their supplies, counting out their jars and cans of food and making plans for each day to see how long it might last. But soon he couldn't help noticing how Beth's gaze kept straying to the windows. Despite their decision, he knew she was curious. Hell, she was too.
But all it really took was a few minutes looking outside to know they'd made the right choice for now, at least. "There's at least a half dozen or more of them on this side," Daryl murmured, pushing aside the sack they'd used as covering to peer out of the dirt-streaked mirror. His gaze picked out each of the walkers moving through the field; a pair of the just below the window each missing an arm, another beyond them in the field with half it's face gone, several more in the distance but slowly coming closer.
"More of them over here," Beth murmured, careful to be quiet even though the windows were closed and the old glass was good and thick. Daryl came up slowly behind her, peering over her shoulder into the sunlight field outside her window. There were at least seven or eight walkers currently trundling through the field on this side, all heading to the fire in the distance. They moved with determination, though some of them dragged their feet on the ground and others stumbled or even crawled. He knew there were more in the woods; even now he could see one stepping out in the distance.
There'd be more to come, too. He didn't know who'd caused the explosion and why, but he wondered if they had considered the ramifications of it. Maybe they had. Maybe it was part of their plan, whoever they were and whatever the original idea had been behind blowing up a place in the middle of the damn end of the world. Maybe they'd had no intention of being anywhere near Terminus- whatever Terminus was- when the explosion brought all the walkers in the area right to it.
If he was them, he'd have gotten the hell out of dodge, after all.
"I hope they're okay." Beth's soft murmur broke the silence and he looked down to see a faint furrow in her brow again. "Whoever they are."
"If they're good, anyway," Daryl remarked lowly, unable to help it. "If they deserve t' be okay." Because of her he did believe that there were good people in the world still. There was her, at the very least. But he couldn't help remembering those cops and what they had wanted to do to her, what they would have done to her had he not stopped them.
Whatever Terminus was, he wouldn't wish that the people there were okay if they were anything like those men. He'd only hope that they got what was coming to them. Looking out over the trees to the distant smoke, he wondered if maybe that was exactly what happened. Maybe someone had gotten what was coming to them.
Maybe it was easier to think of that than to consider that it might be their family there at risk.
What pulled him out of his gradually darkening thoughts was the feeling of Beth slowly leaning back into him bit by bit, until her back rested against his chest lightly but warmly. "If it is them," she murmured, "If it's our people… they'll be okay. They're survivors, you know? Like us. Even if we knew for sure it was them, going there now would just be… a death wish. It wouldn't help anyone. Not them, or us."
"Are you tryin' to convince me of that?" Daryl's hand came to rest very lightly against her hip, hesitantly, as if he were almost afraid to touch her. Or not afraid, just unsure if he had the right. But the moment he did it, he felt her leaning back into him more, even as he asked, "Or yourself?"
Beth hummed at the question and looking down he could see a faint hint of a smile on her lips. "Maybe both of us."
He was quiet for a long moment, the two of them just staring out the window, watching the walkers make their slow trundle past on the ground beneath them. When he finally spoke his voice was hesitant, a hint of roughness to the edge of it. "I ain't gonna tell you it'll all be alright. Y' know I ain't that kinda guy." She didn't respond out loud, though her felt her shift back against him and knew she'd heard, knew maybe she understood even if she might not fully agree. "But…" He stumbled a bit over the words, but she was patient. She was always so damn patient with him, even when it took him awhile to find the right thing to say or do. "But you're right about 'em bein' strong. Maybe not as strong as you but they ain't so bad." He might not have been able to reassure her, but maybe he could help her relax, anyway.
He felt her laughter before he heard it. The way her shoulders shook right before that little giggle bubbled out her, like sunshine given it's own sound. Her head tipped back, filling his nose with a whiff of the faintest hint of sweetness that clung to her hair even though it had been so long since they'd washed up, before she tilted her head to look up at him and scoffed, half-playful and half-serious, "Come on. You can't think I'm as strong as Michonne, or Carol…"
Both of them could likely hear the echo of old words in that question. I'm not Michonne, I'm not Maggie, I'm not Carol…
"You are, just… in your own way." Again Daryl's brow furrowed, because Beth's strength was yet another thing that was hard to explain in words. "You're strong for hoping. For believin' in them even now. For even believin' in your sister when she ain't believed in you." He exhaled roughly, and let his other hand rest on her opposite hip and for just a moment it was like he was cradling her. Like that day in the woods after she'd run away from the train tracks and he'd caught up to her and held her, wrapping his arms around her from behind the way she had to him weeks ago.
Only some how this felt even more intimate. Perhaps because it wasn't so rawly emotional, because neither of them were caught up in the moment and crying. Maybe that was why it reminded him instead of the scent of hay and the warmth of her lips on his just yesterday. Maybe that's why it felt like more than just a comfort, why it felt so… right.
"It's like you said the other day," Daryl cleared his throat and went on after a moment, looking down at her where she had come to rest against his chest, "About being like this mill, about you gettin' ground up and made finer an' stronger."
"Kinda makes it fitting, doesn't it?" Beth hummed with amusement.
"What?"
"Staying here for now, in the mill. Waiting until I've healed, until we're both stronger before goin' out there. Sort of like gettin' ground up a bit more except-" She giggled and he heard that sunshine again. "-less painful."
"All in all," Daryl murmured as he looked over her shoulder again and back out the window. "I'd chose the kinda grindin' up that involves eating warm meals and readin' books with you over anything else."
"You know what?" He could feel her beneath his palms as she half-turned to look up at him, could feel the slide of clothes over her hips beneath his hands as she moved. The softness of her body even under her clothing was distracting for a few moments before he blinked and focused on her, just in time to see her lips curve up in a smile as she finished, "Me too."
He thought in that moment about kissing her again. With her looking up at him, one of his hands on the small of her back and the other on the taut flat of her stomach, and her head tipped back just right… he thought about how easily it would be again to just leaned down and press his lips to hers. He remembered the scent of hay and thought that he had already done it once… couldn't he do it again? Couldn't he at least ask her if she wanted him to do it again?
Only before he could, there came a loud bang and thump from beneath them, and they both jumped. In a second instinct kicked in; honed by months and months on the run. They both went tense, pulling upright and shifting quickly to peer out the window. Down below, a walker was slamming itself into the wall, pressing it's hands to the downstairs windows as it slid around the side of the house.
He felt Beth shudder, still close to him, and at the same time they both took a step back. "Should stay away from the windows, just in case." He grunted the words out simply, even though again he felt that protective urge rising in him.
"They can't… smell us or something, can they? Or hear us?" There was no tremble in Beth's voice; she was too strong, too brave for that now. But he could see the worry in his eyes and he wanted to reassure her, despite believing he had never been the reassuring type.
"Dunno," was unfortunately the best he could manage. But though he had no intention of lying, he felt guilty for not being able to reassure her, so after a moment Daryl went on,"We'll stay up here, stay quiet. Don't start a fire unless we have to, after dark. Should be okay as long as we keep our heads down and stay silent. Don't give anything to draw 'em to us."
"Well." She clasped her hands in front of her, giving him a smile as sweet as if he'd told her they were about to go for a picnic in the park, or somethin'. Not that he'd even gone to a park really, let alone had a picnic with one.
(And not, of course, that he'd thought about doing that with Beth maybe once or twice, when he imagined them in a better world than this one.)
Beth's voice was as sweet as her smile as she easily went on, "I guess it's time to curl up with another book then, hm? You, me, a blanket, and a book. Sounds like a good day to me."
It sounded like a perfect day to him, and though he didn't say as much out loud, there was a hint of a smile on his lips as he followed after her right back to their little mattress, and the stack of books she'd set aside on the floor.
There might have been thoughts in the back of his mind threatening to weigh him down, coiling as thick and dark as the smoke in the distance that had sparked them. But that was there in the distance, far away over the trees, and Beth was here. She was right here beside him, tucked up against him, and with her melodious voice filling the air he let himself push aside what might come and focus only on her and their new promise.
Surviving. Together.
**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Reviews make me smile, and thanks for reading.
