After the unfortunate ordeal with Lester, things seemed to just get worse by the minute. Since Howard wasn't welcomed at Lester's place anymore, Alice would sneak out and meet Howard at the Nabootique. As happy as this made Howard, things weren't going so pleasant. Alice and Vince would somehow wind up in arguments that seemed to never end. Howard couldn't understand why she and he were so quarrelsome. Vince, of all people, usually gets along with women, but it was as if her very presence irritated him. It was impossible for Howard to try to stop them. He was caught between his lifelong friend and his sweetheart.
"You're stupid! You're so stupid Vince!"
"Oh I'm stupid? At least I don't use ancient scatty jazz lingo when I talk!"
"It shows I have some etiquette Johnny Rotten! I've seen monkeys with more class than you!"
"What are you talking about? I'm all about class, I fix my hair, shop for the best quality clothing, and I never buy generic products! And Johnny Rotten was genius!"
"That's not class, that's being arrogant and superficial! You're shallow as a puddle!"
"My God, do you ever shut up?"
Howard clamped his hands over his ears and groaned. "I can't believe this started over breakfast cereal mascots."
"I know more about them than anybody!" Vince snapped. "Flower girl here fails to realize that!"
"Cap'an Crunch is not a monster!" Alice protested with her hands on her hips.
"Yeah he is! He's a bleeding Cut Throat so it proves he goes in the same category as Frankenberry, Count Chocula, and Boo Berry!" Vince shouted.
"He is not a Cut Throat!" Alice shouted back.
"Of course he is! He's holding a freakin' cutlass!"
"Pirates are humans so he's not part of the lot of them!"
"Yes he is! I bet if I ask Naboo he'll think so too!"
"What's with all the loud yelling?" Naboo asked as he came out into the living room.
"Naboo tell me, I know there's a fourth character in Count Chocula's group. Now tell me, isn't it Cap'an Crunch?" Vince asked. He sneered at Alice, awaiting the shaman's answer.
"No actually it's Fruit Brute," Naboo said.
"See? I told you! Bang! Proved you wrong!" Alice hollered and threw her head back.
"Put a cork in it already!" Vince yelled.
"No wonder I don't get much sleep around here," Naboo said. He slipped through them and noticed a distressed Howard. "You don't look too well, what's the problem?"
Howard let out a gruff sigh. "I don't understand why there's so much hostility between them."
"I'm certainly sensing a lot of negative energy between them, but I'm also sensing some misguidance, how's your friendship with Vince been?"
"I really don't know, but lately he's been a bit of a pill though that's nothing unusual."
"I see, what've you been doing lately?"
"Nothing much except giving all the attention I can muster to that lovely lady with the yellow flowing hair like butter and skin soft and smooth as buttermilk… and when I hold her close, she melts and in the heat of passion… we both melt together into this warm and sweet… ooze…" Howard gazed at her with fondness.
"What's with you and this thing of comparing women to dairy products?" Naboo muttered with a look of disgust. He couldn't help but imagine a mass of yellow on a bed bubbling and overflowing onto the floor.
"Huh?" Howard turned to Naboo.
"Nevermind, anyway I see you haven't been balancing out things,"
"What do you mean?"
"Things with Vince and Alice y'ballbag. You're supposed to keep your relationships and your friendships balanced so no one's upset."
"What makes you the expert of these matters?"
"I'm a Eunuch"
"Yes you are unique," Howard said.
"No not unique, Eunuch as in… never mind," Naboo shifted his eyes in a neurotic way. "Anyways, you have to come to some sort of compromise between them. I mean look what's become of all this." Naboo gestured at Alice and Vince ceaselessly arguing. "I don't blame you for your error though, after all this is your first relationship."
"I-I've had relationships before…" Howard said softly.
"Using a piece of fruit with a hole cut in it doesn't count," Naboo said frankly.
"I… uh… nnn…." Howard's face turned beet red and he crooked his lips, struggling to say something.
"Why's this peach have a hole in it?" Bollo grunted, holding up the fruit.
"No! Don't eat that!" Howard franticly ran to Bollo, snatching the peach from him and slamming it in a waste basket. Bollo glared at Howard with pure disgust.
"As I was saying, you can't just give one of them attention and neglect the other, especially if it's Vince. Vince especially is an individual who can't be ignored. You see, Vince is like a puppy or a small child. He needs attention and if you neglect him, he'll do what puppies do if you leave them alone for a long period of time, get bored and a bit sad and even get destructive. Just look what he did to Stationary Village."
Howard gasped in horror as he noticed the once beautiful Stationary Village in shambles. "Alright Naboo, give me a piece of rolled up newspaper 'cause this puppy needs to be taught a lesson!"
"Now, now, now," Naboo held him back. "Don't scold him, it'll only make it worse. Just talk to him, yeah?"
"Oh alright then," Howard said. He walked over by Vince.
"You look like Hans Christian Anderson dressed in drag!" Alice shrieked at Vince.
"Who the hell is that? I have no idea who that is but you look an awful lot like Fabio!" Vince shouted.
"You piece of…"
"Alright that's enough," Howard rubbed her shoulder. "Hey Vince, didn't you say you were running out of root booster? How 'bout we go pick some up?"
"Oh ok then, can we get ice cream too?" Vince grinned excitedly.
"Um… yeah sure," Howard said.
"And waffle bowls too?" Vince bounced up and down.
"Yeah, yeah, let's go," Howard said.
"Oh wait, wait Moonie, we have to get ready soon, the jazz club opens in an hour," Alice said.
"Oh that's right Sweetie, how could I forget?" he grinned and cuddled her.
"You Wanker!" Vince shouted. He wailed and ran off, throwing a tantrum.
