Greetings, readers! Today on the DMT, we're doing everyone's favorite anthropomorphic bee, Charmy! I don't really have all that much else to say here, besides my disclaimer, but this episode is pretty good. Well, I think it is. Enjoy!
I do not own Charmy, Sonic, etc. I do own Professor Ken, and Darth Mohawk is on lone from my brother, Darth Mohawk. Star Wars and all its affiliates belongs to Lucasfilms and George Lucas, the greatest science fiction guy (at least, that I know of) to ever walk the face of our planet.
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Broadcast Nine: Charmy
Darth Mohawk sat watching Star Wars Episode Five: The Empire Strikes Back on a small television screen, scribbling things down into a notepad and mumbling to himself. Satisfied that his note-taking was sufficient, he shoved the TV and the cart it rested on forcibly off the stage, tucking the notepad into his robes. He then plated his face with his maniacal grin and faced the camera.
"Hello, all my legions of fans and critics! Today, I'm gonna talk to that little fuzzy orange-and-black ball of energy known as Charmy! Give him a hand, folks!"
There was a flash of orange and black as the bee flew across the stage, fluttering happily around in the air a few feet to the side of Darth Mohawk. The wannabe Sith Lord looked at him and grinned widely. "Okay, Charmy, first question. How many people look at you and do this."
Mohawk jumped out of his seat, pointed, and screamed. "AAAAHHH! IT'S A GIANT BEE!" He ran around the stage a little and then plopped back into his chair, returning to normal.
"Not a lot of people. I'm too cuddly to be scary!"
"More like 'goofy' or 'stupid' to be scary… hey, hey, please, hold still, Charmy…"
The bee was flying around energetically. "I'm on TV! Hey, I'm on TV! Look, guys, I'm on TV!"
Mohawk stood up, watching Charmy nervously. "Come down from there… come on… stop it, I'm not done with my questions... [BREEP, CHARMY, HAUL YOUR POINTY LITTLE POSTERIOR DOWN HERE OR SO HELP ME I'LL GET THE CAN OF RAID!!!"
The little bee finally lowered himself back down and stopped flying around a lot, although he was still very, very active and kept flinching. "Whaddya want me to do again?"
"Sit," ordered Darth Mohawk, pointing at the black leather chair that had appeared when Charmy did for the guest to sit on.
"I never sit down! I like flying around better!"
Darth Mohawk grabbed Charmy and forced him down onto the chair. The little bee's stinger stuck fast into the leather chair, fastening him in place.
"Okay. Now, second question… you're quite clearly wired, but why?"
"I just am, s'all!" The bee struggled to free himself, but fruitlessly.
"No, really… are you on crack or cocaine or anything?"
"Drugs are for lugs! I'm normal, Vector said it!"
"Uh, no, you're bouncing so wildly off the walls I have to pin you to a chair. Oh, I bet I know… how much candy, soft drinks, or sugar to you consume per day?"
"Not enough!"
Mohawk sighed. "That explains everything. So, how old are you, Charmy?"
"Six!" Charmy wrenched himself free of his chair and fluttered a few inches above it, rocking side to side in the air impatiently.
"And how did the Chaotix find you?"
"I don't remember, I was really little…" Charmy paused to consider. "I think I was flying around, minding my own business, you know, with the flowers, and somebody grabbed me…"
"For whatever reason I seriously doubt it was that simple. Well, Charmy, you're the craziest character in the whole kit and caboodle by a long shot, and… HEY! GET DOWN FROM THERE, YOU!"
Charmy, growing disinterested, had flown up into the rafters and was now playing with one of the ceiling-mounted lights. "What does this do?" He pressed a button on the light's side, causing it to flicker. "Ooh, it's blinky! Yay!"
"DOWN! DOWN, I SAY! Grrrrr… CHARMY, HAUL YOUR STINKING LITTLE…"
Darth Mohawk was beginning to get really steamed. "HEY, BROTHER! LITTLE HELP HERE?"
The professor walked onstage and looked up. "What do you… oh, I see. Having trouble with your guest?"
"Do you have a net gun, or maybe a taser?" asked Mohawk sharply. "He's ruining my show!"
Ken shook his head and tsked. "Clearly I must do all the parenting in this generation of the family, brother, since you obviously have no skills in childcare." He pulled a large lollipop from somewhere and whistled. "Hey, Charmy! If you come down here I'll give you this big piece of candy!"
The bee immediately flew down. "Candy! Gimme!"
Ken smiled. "You promise you'll behave?"
"Yeah! I'll be good!"
Ken handy the lollipop to Charmy, who grabbed it and began avidly sucking on it. The professor looked over at Darth Mohawk. "It's all about encouragement," he explained.
Darth Mohawk crossed his arms and scowled. "Harrumph. They don't teach babying in business school, you know…"
"So, Charmy, mind if this stupid mean guy in his gaudy blue cape asks you a few questions?" asked Ken.
Charmy looked up from the lollipop (it was really big and barely fit into his mouth). "Mmph. Sure!"
"My cape is way more fashionable than your stupid labcoat," grumbled Mohawk, leafing through his notes as he scowled at Ken. The professor smirked and left the stage. "Okay, so, Charmy… what is your biggest contribution to a Chaotix case?"
"I once did one all my own!" insisted Charmy. "No, really! We needed to find the prettiest flowers for somebody's girlfriend and I found the really good ones!"
"Beh," said Mohawk, scowling. "Okay, so, from what I've heard you used to be older but then Sega ducked you about ten years when they put you into Heroes."
"Whaddya talkin' about? I've always been this age!" protested Charmy.
Mohawk cast a perplexed look to Ken. "Brainwashed, methinks?" The professor shrugged in reply.
"So, Charmy, my final question… how do Vector, Espio and everybody put up with you when you're clearly a total whackjob? I mean, I don't see much parenting skills in either of them…"
"Put up? Hey, they like me! I'm the mascot!" protested Charmy.
"Yeah, that's not an enviable position, Charmy, it means they're humoring you." Mohawk sighed. "Well, I'm out of questions… oh, wow! It looks like I'll actually get out of an episode without getting—"
Suddenly, a huge sandbag fell down from the rafters. It smacked down on Mohawk with a whump and a sickly crack, clobbering him beneath its bulk.
Mohawk looked totally KO-ed. "Ah… backy… breaky…"
"This has been the ninth episode of the Darth Mohawk Talkshow," said Ken as he rushed over to help his fallen sibling. "Join us next time once we've healed Mohawk and removed every single sandbag in the building."
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Well, y'know, I can't let Mohawk leave the stage without getting clobbered. You probably don't need me to tell you to 'please leave a review' by now, but hey, I still like getting reviews. See you in two weeks! Professor out.
