I SUUUUUUCK.

I own nothing. :P

AL

The cold of the metal table pressed against my back.

The wetness of salty tears spilling and spilling with no end over my cheeks.

The rough skin cruelly pushing and pulling at my own.

The screaming… my screaming…

I made a small gasping sound as I awoke, clutching at something in front of me. My sleep-addled mind was confused and clumsy for a moment, trying to piece together where I was and what the comforting warmth encasing me was. I still hadn't quite figured it out until-

"Good morning, sweetness." Magnus. My eyes shot open when his soft voice snapped all the seemingly lost data back into focus. I abruptly went from clueless and on edge to aware and relaxed.

"Hi," I breathed out, still shaken from the nightmare and not sure if my voice could be trusted with much else. Though, when he smiled brilliantly down at me and stroked the side of my arm, I could feel his presence easing my startled nerves into compliance. I shifted subconsciously in his embrace, glad he didn't take it as a sign to release me.

"Were you dreaming? You looked a bit restless for a second there." Okay, that was mildly embarrassing but I could definitely explain a bit of tossing and turning easier that a full bout of screaming. I decided quickly that the best way to explain it was not to explain it.

"I don't even remember." I tried to smile convincingly and hope to God he didn't see through it enough to press the subject. I personally thought my attempt at nonchalance looked more like a grimace of pain but he didn't seem to notice.

"I guess that's good; it didn't seem like the kind of dream you'd want to remember." Then he swept his fingers lightly across my forehead, to move my bangs away, and caressed my face until they stilled at his throat. The loving touch effectively chased away the phantom memories still lingering in the back of my head. I sighed, content not to worry or question, and just revel in the peace Magnus brought me.

"You woke up just in time for the sunrise," he whispered into my hair, his hot breath wafting over my ear and sending pleasurable shivers through me. I moved a bit to glance over my shoulder to see, and the sight that greeted me was awe-inspiring. Of course I'd seen sunrises before, more than the average person I would think, but somehow, none of them were as vibrant or practically pulsating with life as the one before us. However when I looked back, I realized even the tremendous display of God's majesty performing around us crumpled in comparison to the man laying beside me. The glow of the waking sun was reflected in his half-opened eyes, making the rings of gold in them seem like suns of their own. The contours of his face were accentuated beautifully and the expression he gazed down at me with was one I had always hoped to see but never expected to.

I was so lost in the feelings and thoughts that were coming at me a mile a minute, that when he leaned down to kiss me, both my heart and my head were completely unprepared. It was simple and soft and didn't even go past lips touching lips, but it still made my mind halt and my heart falter.

"Magnus?" I asked when he pulled back. "Why… why did you do that last night? And just now?"

He smiled fondly, perhaps expecting this question. "I guess I did say we would talk in the morning, didn't I?"

I nodded and he chuckled good-heartedly. "Isn't it obvious, love? I simply wanted to. I've been wondering for a while now what it would be like."

I opened my mouth, hopefully to say something intelligent, but shock made my tongue dumb. "I…what?"

He cradled my face in his slender hands and grinned. "I. Like. You." He made sure to keep eye contact with me when he said this, maybe thinking that if he did then I would believe him. And I'm not gonna lie, it was pretty convincing.

Then he kissed me again, but it was different that time. He pushed me onto my back so effortlessly that it was obvious he'd had practice with the move. I gasped with the sudden change in position and demeanor. He took the opportunity to slip his tongue past my lips. I knew somewhere in the back of my head that this should trigger some sort of fear in me, but it happened so quickly that I could do nothing but feel and taste and want for him to continue. Although his actions felt urgent and lust driven, he was never rough, always on the side of gentle. He loomed over me but I didn't feel trapped as I continually thought I would.

When he let go of my mouth, he immediately went to favor my neck, suckling with purpose when he located my pulse point. My hips jolted with shock, grazing over his, and that's when Magnus made this low sound that I really liked. I didn't even realize it but my hands were clasping at his shirt and threading through his long hair. My mind suddenly came flying back to me when his cold hand discretely slipped up my shirt and he placed his legs between mine. The absent pressure bore down on my chest, making my heart twist in panic. I pushed against him in retaliation. "M-Magnus," I gasped, shaking slightly. I'm not sure he really understood the dread I was experiencing, but he stopped.

"Oh, shit, Alec, I'm so sorry," he said quickly, backing off of me. "I didn't mean to go so far, you just- you have no idea what you do to me." When I didn't say anything he frowned in worry. "Alec, are you okay?"

I smiled as much as I could, trying to console him. "Yeah, I'm fine. But it was … a lot to take in." I sounded much calmer than I really was since, in my head, I was trying not to let my heart beat out of my chest. I leaned up and said, "I've just never done this before."

"You're a virgin." It was a statement, not a question. He looked thoughtful for a second, as I started to blush, before he asked, "You'd kissed people before last night, right?"

Technically…? "No." I couldn't tell him a piece or he'd want the whole thing! "You couldn't tell?"

"Not at all. I guess you're a fast learner." His grin lulled me back to that sense of safety he always brought, especially since I knew now that he wouldn't go too far and would stop if I asked. "I really am sorry, Alexander. I'm not sure what possessed me to-,"

"It's okay," I interjected. I didn't want him to be pushed into the pool of all the people who feel bad about my stupid insecurities. With so many others already there, I'm not sure he would fit anyway. "I just got a little overwhelmed. But you stopped when I asked so I'm fine."

"Of course I did, why wouldn't I?" Shit! Why do I even let myself talk?

I shrugged, trying desperately to play it off as nothing. "No reason." He simply shook his head, smiled, and pressed a kiss to my temple.

"God, you're precious." And the blush I thought had left was definitely back. He came around to my side and we sat against the pillows, his arm wrapped loosely around my waist to watch the last few moments of the sunrise.

MB

Alec leaned into me once I moved to his side, reassuring me that he wasn't upset about what had just happened.

And the thing that had just happened was that I had fucking jumped his bones. I had completely disregarded what Isabelle had said about 'going slow' and made a complete ass of myself. What the hell, Bane?! He's a freaking unexperienced minor – albeit an adorable one – but still! That doesn't give you the right to man handle him like that! And not to mention your lapse in coherent thought could have completely blown up in your face!

On the outside I was as collected as I always was but on the inside, I was having a mild freak-out that consisted of berating myself and thinking of all the horrifying results that could have occurred but thankfully never did because Alec was absolutely the most understanding sweetheart to have ever walked the planet.

Everything that had just transpired had made my not so little crush on him even more soul encompassing. The thought of how he could have reacted – leaving me behind being the most prominent – made my insides do sickening crunches. I had to get my fucking act together or face the very real possibility of him deciding to put a stop to our newfound friendship/ relationship.

He startled me from my internal melt-down with his quiet voice. "Hey, Magnus? Um, what… what does this make us?"

There it was; The Question. Almost every relationship came to the point where it was asked and for certain guys, it was a moment shrouded in dread. Sometimes, I was one of those guys but with Alec, I was nervous for a whole other reason. "Anything you want. Whatever you want, I'll say yes."

"I-," he started then stopped, looking confused, then overwhelmed by the sudden pressure I put on him, and I realized that was a mistake. Shit!

"It's okay, Alec, you don't have to say or decide anything right now-," I quickly began to rush out an apology but he stopped me.

"No! I-I know what I want… it's just…" His cheekbones were blazing red with embarrassment and I understand now that I probably should have given him an out of some kind, as the poor boy stammered away, but I really wanted to know what he was thinking.

"What do you want, Alexander?" I asked softly, bringing his face closer so I could see those baby blues. He let me guide him towards me but he refused to bring his eyes up to mine.

"Y-you. Just you." and if that wasn't the sweetest answer I'd ever heard then I was lying. I couldn't stop the grin from appearing on my lips.

"Then we're agreed." Finally, he looked up at me.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. I don't just go around giving my magnificent self to anyone, do I?"

The corners of his pink mouth turned up in a shy, half smile. "Weeeell…"

I pulled back in mock hurt as he laughed. "Alexander I am appalled that you would think such thoughts of me!"

He giggled, "I'm sorry! But have you seen some of the people you've dated?"

"Alright, touché, Alexander. Touché."

AL

"Magnus, I'm pretty sure we're lost," I said as we continued heading down the desolate, one lane highway through fields of open, swaying grass that had absolutely no sign of human life. "Magnus."

"We're not lost; I know exactly where we are."

I sighed. "Maybe we should stop and recalibrate the GPS."

"No! This road has to lead somewhere!"

"I thought you said you knew exactly where we were?" He was adorably stubborn, but this was getting ridiculous. We'd been driving along the same road without seeing another car or house in sight for slightly over an hour.

"I may have exaggerated…"

Ten minutes later and nothing had changed.

"Magnus, we're lost!"

"No we're not!"

The GPS suddenly spoke up in its monotonous voice. "Turn right in 10 feet." There were absolutely no places to turn. I looked at him expectantly.

"Alec?"

"Yes, Magnus?"

"There's a chance that we may be lost."

I laughed kindheartedly and he spared a small, albeit defeated, smile. Once he'd pulled over I got out to stretch my legs and screw around in the tall grass extending before me while Magnus stayed inside and tried to recalibrate the GPS. After a few minutes, I heard him get out, slamming the door with a huff.

"No luck?"

"Well since it won't stop telling me to turn right and follow the cliff side; no." He looked exasperated while I, on the other hand, was actually enjoying this. I mean, the entire point of this trip was to 'get lost' right?

"Hey, Magnus?" I said, finding an excuse to take his mind off his navigation failures. "Have you ever been cloud racing?"

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the random question and sudden change in conversation topic. "Once, when I was younger. Why?"

I glanced up at the sky, taking in the wildly moving clouds being carried quickly by the wind, then down at the ground where their shadows were mimicking their movements by swimming along the tall grass.

"Because," I answered simply, turning back to him with a smile. He looked confused for a second before realization set in my means of a grin on his handsome face. "Loser takes the blame for getting lost!" And I took off.

I sprinted down the hill, doing my best not to stumble over the uneven ground, and looked behind me to see Magnus trailing behind, gaining on me, as we both tried to stay ahead of the invading shadows. The numerous ups and downs of the hills brought a burning ache to my lungs and legs, but they were and afterthought to the freedom I was experiencing. It didn't matter if I looked or sounded like an idiot because inside, I was flying.

Until I was falling. Literally.

I guess I lost my footing or there was a rock I didn't see because all of a sudden I was on the ground tumbling down the slope, tripping Magnus in the process. We were both stumbling and rolling over each other but neither of us could stop laughing. When our flailing finally ended, he landed on top of me, pressing his forehead against me as we half laughed and half panted, trying to get our breath back.

"You always find a way to surprise me," he panted, his lips grazing over mine as he spoke. I couldn't respond for lack of air.

He flopped back down beside me and we both watched the sky above as the cloud we'd been racing moved its shadow over and ahead of us.

"So who lost?" he asked.

"I'm still gonna go with you."

Both Magnus and I decided – once we'd found our way back to civilization – that crashing in a hotel for the night was a good idea; especially since by the time we got 'un-lost' it was getting pretty dark. He got us a room that I'm sure was designed for a small family since it had two separate bedrooms and a living space. I guessed the whole two bedroom thing was that he either wanted some privacy or thought I did; even thought we'd just spent all of the previous night curled up in each other's personal space. I didn't dwell on it too much since I was tired from the day of driving and was mostly focused on getting a shower since neither of us had had one since the morning before.

After both of us were clean and fruity-smelling (he more than I), we settled down to watch a movie, A Knight's Tale, on the large couch.

At first, we were both at opposite ends of the couch, me being too afraid to get closer, until about ten minutes in he pulled me to his side absentmindedly. I took the opportunity to lean into his warm body, and he coaxed my head to rest at his neck where he continuously ran his fingers through my slightly damp hair. This was a position I'd always seen couples in and though it had never looked comfortable in my eyes, with Magnus I found it really was.

When it was finished, both of us were thoroughly tuckered out and I half wanted to just stay curled up in Magnus' side but I had no idea if he was as comfy as I was so I got up. I was thinking of saying something, 'goodnight' perhaps, but before I could do anything he pressed his mouth tenderly on mine. The kiss was sweet and gentle and everything I'd ever wanted.

"Sleep well, love," he said softly, caressing my cheek then walking to his room.

"Goodnight," I answered breathlessly.

I stood there in the living room for a moment afterwards, just taking in where I was and who I was with. The full realization made me feel light – giddy even - as though my heart were fluttering in anticipation to take off. It was thrilling but frightening at the same.

When I finally did go to bed, I made sure to take one of my sleeping pills to guarantee no awkward conversations would occur in wake of my night terrors.

I woke up cold, but sweating. My hands were uncontrollably shaking and for a moment I swear I felt a literal weight on my chest even though the only things covering me were two thin sheets. With some difficulty, I leaned up, breathing heavily, before burying my head in my hands to soothe the pounding under my temples. I really, really hate those pills.

I squinted at the digital clock next to the bed. 1:42 p.m. I groaned softly, scooting to the edge then slowly, with quaking limbs, got up. There was no logic behind it, but the thought of staying in that room alone made me queasy. A blanket I'd thrown off during the night was crumpled on the ground so I picked it up before venturing out to the living room couch.

I sat curled up there for what seemed like forever, just staring mindlessly into the dark corner of the room, hoping I could persuade my body into sleeping. Alas, sheer will power didn't have the desired effect so I clutched my knees to my chest, leaned into them, trying to make myself smaller, and then tugged the blanket tighter around my shoulders. I shivered, though not from the cold, and rubbed my arms.

I would not cry here. I would not. Although, I had already come to the conclusion that telling myself to do or not do something was a fruitless practice, so perhaps I would cry here.

"Alexander? Sweetheart, what are you doing out here?" Magnus, like a knight in baggy sweatpants and rumpled hair, stood at the doorway to his room making me jump at his sudden appearance. Oh God, how did he hear me out here? I was so quiet! What am I supposed to say?

"Um, I just can't sleep…" I murmured. Trying to hide the thick trace of the almost tears from my voice. I cleared my throat and stared at his bare feet… which were coming towards me. When he sat down gracefully next to me I stiffened, still refusing to look at him.

I tried not to move when he leaned into me and swept my bangs behind my ear. "Any particular reason?"

Suddenly, I didn't want to keep hiding my fears and my nightmares from him. What I wanted was to throw myself into his comforting arms and forget anything else existed. But that would mean telling him everything and we hadn't even been in this 'relationship' of sorts for a full day. So, instead, I told him another lie.

"No, I'm just not very comfortable in strange places." Alright, half a lie.

"Well," he said, placing his hand over mine to stroke the skin there, "Perhaps my room would be better."

My eyes shot up to meet his at the suggestion. "I- you don't have to-," I could practically feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, turning redder with each stumbling word.

"C'mon, love." He stood up and grasped my hands, guiding me to his room. He noticed my hesitation. "Alec, I'm not leaving you out here to be miserable and bored so you may as well say yes."

He let go of my hands in favor of cupping my searing hot face, waiting for an answer. I nodded because I really was tired and, if this morning was any indication, he was a soothing presence I could definitely utilize. A smile lit up his gorgeous face and he kissed my forehead before leading me through the doorway. I was nervous and blushing, but I trusted him. So when he pulled back the sheets for me, I climbed in. He slid in behind me and, after a minute of shuffling, he pressed his front to my back and, spooning me. His nose was buried in my hair and he was softly caressing my side.

"Is this okay?" he asked quietly. I nodded again, already feeling the sweet pull of unconsciousness beginning to take me. I couldn't see Magnus, but I imagined him smiling when he whispered, "Sleep well, love."

Then I stopped feeling, stopped listening, stopped thinking. And nothing could have made me happier.

When I woke up, Magnus was gone. I stumbled out of bed, sleep induced idiocy making my thoughts slow. My mind went immediately to panic mode and reasons for his absence started bumbling around my head. Most of the excuses I came up with were quite ungracious. That was when I spotted the notepad on the small kitchen counter with cursive writing that was undoubtedly Magnus' covering the white surface.

I breathed a sigh of relief after reading the short note saying he'd gone to get breakfast and would be back soon. An ever waiting blush stained my cheekbones as a consequence of reading the various pet names and hearts he'd insisted on putting in every sentence. I tore off the note and put it in my bag as it was too cute to throw away.

I changed quickly and got my things together in case he wanted to leave right away when he returned. I sat anxiously in my spot on the couch afterwards, waiting with my hands twisting in my lap and nervously trying to persuade the blush on my face to go away. It was a slow going process seeing as how my brain wouldn't stop playing last night's events.

I had been scared, uncomfortable, and embarrassed. But Magnus had been there right when I'd needed someone. The minute he'd stepped through the doorframe, my fear had been replaced and everything was focused on him. He clouded my senses, making me feel weak in the knees and light in the head. Even now I could feel my pulse quickening. His mere presence would have been enough but he'd opened his arms to me and I'd have been insane to decline. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt so safe around a person who wasn't even trying to be comforting.

Part of me was waiting for the other shoe to drop, to wake up or something. But I tried to shove the feeling down and just enjoy that Magnus was here with me, wanted to be here with me, and the frequent feelings of desperation, loneliness, and distress that I usually had during the day hadn't plagued me since the minute we'd left Manhattan. Although there had been a small bump in the road yesterday morning, things were the best they'd been in a while and I wasn't going to let my insecurities ruin it.

"So," Magnus started after he'd come through the door, greeting me with a cheerful 'good morning' and a quick kiss that made me glad I'd already brushed. "Along with making sure we see every possible sight on our way to bum-fuck Montana, there's one other thing we need to address." I took note of his radiance, even if he was only wearing simple skinny jeans, a sparkly top, and thin eyeliner, when he flounced on the couch next to me.

"What's that?" I asked as he handed me a cup of Starbuck's black coffee and a fresh blueberry muffin from the paper bag he'd brought back.

He pulled out a second muffin and coffee for himself, though his drink looked like a sugar bomb had exploded in the cup, and answered, "Figuring out how to un-block your writing process." Oh, yeah. I'd kind of forgotten about that.

I turned my attention down to the pastry to pick around the paper wrapping. "You don't really have to worry about that, I mean, it's not even your problem-,"

"Of course it's my problem, Alec. If my showering you with affection and pet names has not made you aware that all of your problems and happiness are also my own then please tell me how I can convey that to you." During that, he'd seized my face in his warm hands and stared at me with those ever persuasive eyes while I gaped like an idiot.

"We've known each other for like a week Magnus."

"In person, maybe, but does it really feel that way to you? Because it doesn't to me."

Oh, god. Could he hear my heart pounding? I sure could. He looked so sincere and I hoped, prayed to God that he was when I replied. "No. It doesn't feel like that to me either."

His grin was contagious and it forced me to smile as well. He kissed me again but with more intensity this time.

I was pleased my words were able to make him so happy especially since he always seemed to kiss me when he was happy. It was a nice side effect.

"So we're in agreement?" he said once he'd pulled back. "Your problems are mine?"

"Only of yours are mine."

"That could only be if I had any, which, by the way, I am offended you think I do."

I laughed at his cheeky face. "Of course. How could anyone think that you, in all your magnificence, could harbor any problems?"

"Exactly," he responded. "Now eat your muffin; we've got places to be!"

I didn't have time to find a song (that's funny since I've taken so long to write this...)

Whatever I'm tired.