Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with General Hospital.
A/N: Dilu were so cute the other day in Kelly's, before Spinelli interrupted them. That smile on Lulu's face made me smile. I loved it. I hope they continue with this storyline. Though, it will make my writing angst a little more difficult, but who cares! I have been wanting this since I started watching the show. I got so fed up I had to write about it! Not that I'll stop. Anyway enjoy…
To Choose Life
Chapter 9
My mother explained how she remembered what had occurred in the attic and that her mind was not shutting down. I had never felt better.
"Mom, I'm sorry about killing Rick…" she said gently.
"It's okay Laura. I forgive you and I know he would forgive you too. You've suffered enough."
My mother came further into the room and sat down on the arm chair. "Now, that we know I'm okay, I want you to share something with me. I know you've been holding information back, but don't. Let me be a part of your lives."
Nikolas nodded. "Okay, I'll go first. I was married to Emily Quartermaine. She went through a rough period and I felt really detached from her. I ended up cheating on her with Courtney. I loved Courtney but I never stopped loving Emily. Emily and I are divorced now and as horrible as it sounds, I don't regret anything because I got my son out of it."
"Oh honey… We all make mistakes," my mother said gently, as her hand pressed against his face.
"I'm in rehab…" Lucky started. "I got shot in the line of duty and I was prescribed pain medication. I became addicted to hydrocodone. Maxie Jones started supplying me with pills when my prescription ran out. There was a price to pay. I had to sleep with her and I got her pregnant. Elizabeth found out and we are separated. However, I am hoping she can forgive me before it leads to divorce." His voice was hollow as he explained the things that he had done.
"Oh sweetheart," Mom said, as she clutched both sides of his face. "I know you can do this. You can get through this Lucky. You'll survive this and hopefully some day Elizabeth will take you back."
I felt my palms sweat and heartbeat race, as I realized she was expecting me to be next. Suddenly a thought popped into my head and I thanked God that it would give me an excuse not to have to say anything.
"Carly and Jax are planning to get married on the 16th…" I interrupted.
"Are you sure?" my father asked.
I nodded and moved toward the phone. I dialed Carly's number and asked her to come over. "I'm sure Carly will understand," I assured my mother.
My mother didn't ask me to share anything. I think she wanted to, but sensed that I was too fragile to deal with the sordid details of my past right now.
My Grandmother started to talk about something, but I had tuned her out. I went to the window and stared out at the bleak afternoon. "Are you okay Gumdrop?" my father asked gently.
"I don't want Mom to think less of me. She would if she knew about why I was really pregnant with Dillon's child…" I whispered.
"Your mother loves you so much that a few lies that you told in the summer are not enough to make her think less of you."
"Nikolas and Lucky had excuses for doing what they did… What was mine?"
"It doesn't matter now… You made a mistake and you've righted it. You paid your penance, so let it go. I don't think young Spielberg holds it against you."
I smiled at my father. I always found his name for Dillon so humourous. Before I could say anything else there was a knock at the front door.
"Come in," my mother called.
Carly opened the door and Jax followed her inside. "Lulu what's going on?" she asked me.
I clasped my hands together and was about to open my mouth. "We are having a small conflict with our wedding date…" my father started. "The 16th is mine and Laura's 25th wedding anniversary and we were hoping to remarry on that day. However…"
"No problem, we'll change our date…" Carly interrupted.
Jax opened his mouth to speak but Carly silenced him. "In fact, you can have all of our preparations…"
"We couldn't ask that of you…" my mother started.
"Consider it our gift…" Carly offered.
"Thank you," my mother exclaimed. "That is so generous of you."
"Your welcome, I'm glad you're back," Carly said gently.
"Me too," my mother said, as a smile spread across her pale face.
"We should get going," Carly said. "I have to pick up the boys at Sonny's."
"Thanks Carly," I said, as I followed her out onto the porch.
"You're welcome. Are you all right? You look pale."
"I'm fine. Everything is fine…" I lied. I wanted to be fine, but I was scared of what my mother would think of me if she knew what I had done to Dillon. I waved and went back inside.
"You know Nikolas I'd really like to meet that son of yours?" my mother said gently.
"I'll go get him," Nikolas offered. My mother smiled.
"So you and Carly seem to be getting along," my mother pointed out to my father.
"Yeah, umm… I think she did that for you not me."
My mother shrugged. "It was still nice of her. However, you need to find us a place to get married."
"I'm going to do that right now. I have the perfect place."
My mother kissed him goodbye. "Is there anything you need me to do?" Lucky asked.
"Not at the moment."
"I have a group meeting I have to attend, so I have to return to Shady Brook."
"Okay," my mother said with a lucid nod.
It left only my mother, myself and Grandma Lesley alone in the living room. "So, dress shopping. How about tomorrow? Will that work for you Lulu?"
"Yes."
"I want to invite Bobbie too," she said.
"That sounds nice," Grandma Lesley said softly.
"Lulu honey, are you feeling all right? You look pale."
"I'm fine. I think I'm just a little tired."
"Do you want to take a nap?" she asked with concern.
"I'll be all right," I responded. I just needed to relax.
My mother stood up and went to the phone. I watched her stand over it and then watched as she turned to me. "I don't remember Bobbie's number."
I told it to her and she dialed it. I watched her make her call and listened to her soft voice as she spoke with my aunt.
XXXXX
Nikolas arrived with Spencer in his arms. I watched my mother's face light up as soon as she saw him. Tears flooded her eyes as Nikolas placed Spencer in her arms. I couldn't help but smile. "Hello Spencer… I'm your Grandmother. You are just a beautiful little boy, aren't you?" she cooed and was rewarded with one of Spencer's large smiles.
She talked and talked to him, as she cuddled him against her chest. I didn't think she'd ever give him up. "Nikolas, he is just beautiful. He is so special…"
"I know," he said as he sat down beside her. "I wouldn't trade him for the world."
I found my hand resting subconsciously across my swelling abdomen. I couldn't wait for my mother to hold my child for the first time. I found for the first time, I couldn't wait to hold my child for the first time.
"You are going to be a big part of my life, little one," my mother explained to Spencer. He watched her speak to him and smiled again. "You are too cute for words. I am never putting you down."
Nikolas told Mom all about Courtney and how she died before getting to see her son. He left out the information of Jax not telling him about Spencer being his son. I wondered why he would conceal the information but figured it was his decision.
My cell phone started ringing and I stood up to answer it. "Hello."
"Lulu, how is your Mom?" Dillon asked gently. I smiled as I heard his voice and moved out onto the porch.
"She's good. She remembered everything and she's okay. She even spoke with Dr. Winters. Everything is going to be okay."
"I'm so glad to hear that Lulu. I really am. Do you want to do something tomorrow?"
"I can't. I'm going dress shopping."
"Dress shopping?"
"My parents are getting remarried."
"Does my mom know?"
"My father said he was going to handle her."
"Does your father remember my mother? She isn't one that likes to be handled."
"Well if he makes it out alive, my parents are getting remarried on the 16th."
"Wow that is soon. You need a date?"
"I couldn't ask that of you…"
"Come on, I would love to escort the mother of my child to her parents wedding."
"Well, if Georgie doesn't mind."
"I'm sure she'll understand."
"I've got to go. I'll call you again soon."
"Okay, I'm really happy for you about your Mom."
"I'm really happy too. Bye Dillon."
"Bye Lulu."
I smiled as I closed my phone. I couldn't help but feel my love for Dillon growing ever stronger.
I opened the door and my gaze met my nephew's gaze as he looked in my direction. "Hi Spencer…" I cooed. His smile grew large. Spencer and I had spent a lot of time together when I stayed with Nikolas. Nikolas thought it would be good for me to get experience as well as bond with my nephew. "You are just so happy, aren't you?" He wriggled in my mother's arms with excitement and let out an adorable little laugh.
"He likes you," my mother said gently. "You like your aunt Lulu, don't you?"
"He and his Aunt Lulu have a very close relationship," Nikolas explained.
"I'm glad to hear that," my mother said, with a smile.
The afternoon passed quickly and finally Nikolas felt it was time for Spencer to get home. It was becoming late in the evening. Mom kissed her grandson goodbye and begrudgingly let him go.
We waved goodbye to Nikolas and Spencer and once again it was the three of us. My mother turned to me. "Does Nikolas still see Emily?" she asked me delicately.
"Yes, Nikolas' butler Alfred is set on getting them back together. He's always planning these surprise dinners for them. Emily and Nikolas get along well, especially since the birth of Spencer."
"What about Elizabeth and Lucky?"
"Elizabeth was really hurt this summer. She still hasn't forgiven him and I believe is pushing for divorce."
"That's too bad."
"Lucky is set on getting her back. He loves her so much."
"How was Lucky injured?"
"There was a sadistic man living in town. He had kidnapped Elizabeth. Lucky went after her and ended up getting shot in the back. He did however, save Elizabeth."
"I wish I could have been here for him…"
"You are here now and that is what matters…"
"She's right Laura," Grandma Lesley said, as she stood up and left the room.
"I know. It's just hard sometimes when I realize all that I have missed in the last four years. Especially my little girl growing up into such a beautiful woman."
"I'm not that beautiful…"
"You are gorgeous."
I smiled at her but that did nothing to stop the tears from filling my eyes.
"Honey what is the matter?" she asked gently. She moved beside me on the couch and I leaned into her, allowing her to comfort me.
"I don't want to be pregnant…"
"Oh sweetheart, I know it must be hard. You don't necessarily have to keep the baby. You could put it up for adoption. I'll be here for you though, if you choose to raise it."
"I'm scared. I'm not ready to be a mother. I almost had an abortion."
"Why didn't you?"
"I didn't want to kill my baby… You wouldn't have cared?"
"That's not my decision to make. I would have supported you either way. You are my daughter Lulu and I love you."
"You didn't want me…"
"What are you talking about?"
"I didn't want to have this baby because I didn't want it to grow up unwanted like I did…"
"Unwanted?!?" My mother exclaimed. She stood up in shock and walked around the room. "You were never unwanted."
"You don't have to lie. I understand."
"I don't know what you've been through in the past four years to make you think that, but I always wanted you. Lulu, when I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic. So was your father. Lucky was jumping off the walls. It brought Nikolas into our lives. Are you kidding me? You were never unwanted."
"I was a mistake…"
"No you were not," my mother said incredulously. "What have people told you while I was gone?" She came back to me and sat down beside me. "Lulu, I wanted you. More than anything, I wanted my little girl. When I had you, my life felt complete. You were not a mistake and you were most definitely wanted. When you were sick as a baby, I thought I was going to lose my daughter. My life felt diminished when I thought you wouldn't be in it."
Tears spilled from my eyes as I listened to my mother's confession. She brushed them from my face. "You really mean that?"
"Of course I mean that. I absolutely adore you. I love you so much it hurts. Please don't think for a second that I didn't want you. That is the most untrue statement that was ever uttered."
I cried harder and my mother rocked me back and forth. "I'm sorry you've had to face so much without me. I'm here now Honey and I want you to feel you can tell me anything."
I nodded and let her comfort me, truly comfort me for the first time in four years. I told her about struggling with the idea of abortion. I explained how the Quartermaines had pitched a fit about the baby being an heir. I told her how Dad had been there for me to help me make my decision. I told her about Lucky and Nikolas trying to help me through it, as well as Carly. I told her about going to the clinic and picturing my baby's blood on my hands. I told her everything, except why I got pregnant with Dillon's child. That was something I still wasn't ready to tell her. Contemplating an abortion is one thing, breaking up a marriage is quite another.
