Chapter 9

Sasuke's drive home passed in a haze. An uncomfortable tangle of emotions and writhing thoughts brewed in the entirety of his being. It felt as though his mind was rushing and his body was moving through wet cement. Before he realized it, he was sitting in the apartment's parking lot.

His grip on the steering wheel shifted from lax to white-knuckled and back again. Heart chugging painfully in his chest, Sasuke attempted to still the ragged breaths that felt like they were threatening to rip him apart. Why had this tiny rejection grown to such a large effect? How could this one, insignificant...

...enormous...

...relationship-destroying mishap...

How could it have made him feel this way?

Eager to brush aside his feelings as he'd grown accustomed to, Sasuke bolted from the car, slamming the door behind him as if it could lock away the pain he was experiencing. Maybe... maybe if he made it to the flat in time... maybe if he made it to his room in time... it would all disappear. All this rawness would shrivel up and status quo would return.

The lobby blinked by, followed by an elevator ride that seemed to crush in on him from all sides. Sasuke was desperately trying to quell the trembles that wracked his chest and arms. Kicking his shoes off in the entry, he shoved open the front door and stepped inside, leaning against it as he closed it behind him. He inhaled... exhaled. Inhaled... exhaled... Like a spell to cast aside the torture of rejection, he breathed deeply. His shaking ceased. His racing thoughts slowed. He chewed his lip; was he free?

From the dim living room, Itachi stirred. Sasuke's eyes darted over to his older brother—it looked like Itachi had been reading files from work. The elder Uchiha walked towards him cautiously.

"Sasuke? Why are you breathing so hard? Are you all right?"

No... if you ask that... I can't hide it...

"Sasuke, you're shaking." Itachi moved closer, raising his arms in a soothing gesture. "Did something happen?" The racing thoughts were back. Sasuke noted the fear blooming in Itachi's eyes. That sticky concern... that meddling worry that Itachi had always exhibited towards him... It just made everything so much more fragile.

A fine thread connecting Sasuke to his cool demeanor, a thread so thin and brittle like glass.

Those dark eyes of his big brother, his guardian, his parent for all intents and purposes.

He couldn't hold up against it.

Choking back a wet sob, Sasuke crumpled. "She... she doesn't love me back." The spell, so carefully crafted only moments before, had broken. Sasuke slipped down the door, feeling for all the world as if his very form was disintegrating before him. He collapsed in on himself, drawing his knees up and hiding his face in them as sobs forced their way out. He wrapped his arms around his knees, tucking himself into a ball.

Itachi's arms fell back to his sides in shock. He hadn't seen Sasuke fall apart in many years... and he was at a loss. He pieced together the sequence of events from Sasuke's vague reply. So, Hinata had rejected him... when he was making such progress, too! Still, the sight of his baby brother—although Sasuke was an adult now—brought back memories that had been dulled by the wear of years passing. He remembered a tiny baby, crying in the room next to his. He remembered cradling that baby in his arms, rocking him side to side and humming it to sleep in that pleasing, quiet voice of his.

Instinct took over and Itachi knelt on the floor. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Sasuke's shoulders and pulling him against his chest.

"Little brother," he whispered, "I'm so sorry it happened this way."

If anything, the reassurance increased the agony in Sasuke's cries, but Itachi knew that time would pass and the wounds would heal.


"You know I'm not holding it against you because of current circumstances, but I really do insist that you get out of bed at least once for the rest of your holiday."

Sasuke looked up from the lumpy pile of blankets in front of him to see Itachi leaning on the door jamb, wielding a spatula like a chiding mother. Itachi blinked once, shifting his head to the side. He raised a critical eyebrow. Sasuke let his head fall back into his bedding.

"I fully plan on it, Itachi, I just... want to finish this book."

"You've already finished that book."

"How would you know?"

Itachi sighed. "You act surprised to discover that—despite me being in the deep pits of work nigh constantly—I know what's going on with your studies." He pushed off from the doorway and disappeared down the hall. "Finish your book or no, but if you don't get out of the house today I'm going to call Naruto."

"Ugh," Sasuke growled. "Don't."

"Then get out of bed."

Sasuke dragged himself from the soft fortress of his bed and gathered some clean clothes. He knew that Itachi planned to make good on his threat and if he would be forced to interact with Naruto anyway, he preferred it to be on his terms. After showering and dressing, he popped by the kitchen to grab a piece of dry toast from Itachi's breakfast heap and rushed out, ignoring Itachi's pestering queries.

If he wanted to pull himself together again, he'd just have to jump back into the deep end.

On the elevator ride down, he pulled out his phone and texted Naruto.

"Where are you?"

Moments later, his phone beeped. "at shikamarus right now. why?"

"Need to talk. Can you meet me somewhere else?"

"ne, this doesnt sound like you. you ok?"

"Can you or not?"

"just meet me here, jerk! heres the address."

Reluctantly, Sasuke followed the directions to the Nara compound, closer to the old district. It was a massive complex that receded deep into the woods on the outskirts of Konoha. Sasuke lingered around the entrance uncomfortably for a few minutes before a maid came by and directed him to another wing of the house. When he arrived there, he was greeted by the sight of Naruto and Shikamaru lounging on cushions on the porch. A bowl of cherries sat between them. Naruto sat up when he heard Sasuke's footsteps and immediately wrinkled his nose.

"Hey, jerk, why'd you disappear like that at the party? You left Hinata there all alone! She looked really sad after you were gone."

Sasuke blinked and gazed at Naruto icily. "I'm sure she was fine. I had prior obligations."

"Man, you're really slipping! Scheduling two things for one day!" Naruto spat a cherry seed into the yard. "Anyway, why are you here? Not spending time with Hinata?" At the mention of her name twice in so short a time, Sasuke went still. Shikamaru, who had been watching the situation unfold through one open eye, sat up as well.

"Shut up, Naruto." He turned to Sasuke, "You look like hell. What happened? I saw you guys on the towels that night and you seemed pretty happy... Next thing I know, you were gone and Hinata was trailing Shino around for the rest of the night."

Expression shifting uneasily, Sasuke sank down onto the floor. He gazed out into the yard and exhaled deeply. "I didn't come here to talk about Hinata. I just... I wanted to..." He stiffened, raking fingers through his hair haphazardly. "To be honest, Itachi was pushing me to get out of the house. Guess he wants to spend time with his college buddies or something."

Naruto and Shikamaru exchanged a confused look before shrugging. Naruto stuffed his face with more cherries and Shikamaru leaned forward, lacing his fingers together, contemplating.

"That's fine, Sasuke. You know, you're always welcome here. My family's place tends to have a uh... a relaxing effect. It's a getaway for several of the gang."

Sasuke scoffed, "'Gang'?"

Shikamaru's expression didn't change. "Yes, 'gang'. As I was saying, just text me whenever you need a change of scenery."

"Hn."

The conversation ebbed away, leaving behind a tense silence. Naruto kept stuffing cherries into his mouth and Shikamaru relaxed his posture and leaned back on his arms, staring at the sky. The heat of summer was already beginning to wane in preparation for autumn's return. After a time, Naruto's frenetic energy quieted into a content buzz and the atmosphere shifted into a pleasant silence.

"I'm sorry," Sasuke said suddenly.

Naruto jolted. "For what?"

"I... For ignoring your advice. I know that you're trying to look out of my best interests and I throw that back in your face a lot. So, I'm sorry."

Naruto looked at Shikamaru. Shikamaru continued watching the clouds, betraying no sign of interjecting. Naruto swallowed thickly and looked back at Sasuke. He whispered, "Are... are you Sasuke?"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Stop asking me that. Who else would I be?"

"I don't know! Maybe your brother got tired of you being an insufferable douche and tainting the company name! Maybe he put you in some kind of stasis and hired a really, really good scientist to make a robot double of you!" Naruto jumped forward onto his knees and jabbed a finger into Sasuke's chest. "Maybe you've been a double all along!"

Sasuke stared at him flatly before slapping his hand away. "Idiot. If my brother commissioned a double of me, do you think he'd waste its resources having it talk to you? You've been watching too many movies."

"Yeah, well," Naruto sniffed, pretending to be offended. "Maybe you just don't watch enough."

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke scoffed once more. "It's a miracle that you've lasted through college this long."

"I'm very lucky," Naruto beamed. "I have a lot of connections, know what I'm saying?"

"Not sure I want to," Sasuke replied fiercely.

"Bah," Naruto pouted. "You're just mad because I have more friends than you." Sasuke hummed softly and reached for the bowl of cherries. Naruto jolted again. "Hey, I thought you hated anything sweet!"

"Then feed me something else, idiot."

"It's not my house!" Naruto looked around frantically, rubbing the back of his neck. "Ne, Shikamaru!"

Shikamaru opened his eyes sleepily. "What, Naruto?"

"Do you have anything besides cherries?"

"Call a maid; how should I know what the kitchens have stocked?"

"But there isn't anyone around!"

"Then go find one."

"Gah, you guys are too much alike!" Naruto shouted. He relented though, jumping up and disappearing into the winding halls of the Nara compound. After he was gone, Shikamaru rolled on his side and eyed Sasuke inscrutably. Sasuke leaned against one of the porch columns and waited for the questions he was sure were coming.

Inevitably, Shikamaru spoke up. "So... you got shut down, huh?"

"What?"

"By Hinata, I mean."

Sasuke froze. Shikamaru smirked. "You know, you're not as unreadable as you like to think. You're a pretty habitual guy. I've known you for years." At Sasuke's indignant expression, Shikamuru chortled. "Despite what you may think, everyone who is part of the 'gang' does consider you their friend. You've tried to keep to yourself, but you've been at the center of Naruto's and Sakura's lives for so long that we were just pulled along with them." Sasuke's mouth tightened. Well. Leave it to Shikamaru to make someone feel like a turtle without its shell. Shikamaru continued, "To be fair to Hinata, it's not exactly like anyone has any experience with seeing you in love... and you come across as pretty disinterested in relationships usually."

Sasuke berated the color that bloomed in his cheeks. "Who said I was in love?"

"Come on, Sasuke. Were you even listening when I said you're easier to read than you think? Don't worry: I won't tell anyone."

"Ugh," Sasuke leaned forward, pressing his face into his hands.

"Anyway," Shikamaru grabbed a handful of cherries and started nibbling on them. "Hinata, Kiba and Shino haven't been as close to the rest of us for as long. Not to mention Hinata has hardly ever been around that much because of family stuff... She doesn't know you that well, Sasuke. Heck, she's been in love with Naruto for years at this point. It'll probably be pretty hard for her to unplug from that and pursue a relationship with someone else. You're going to have to try a lot harder if you want her to come to you."

Sasuke frowned. "How do you know about her and... Naruto?"

"Let me put it this way. If I can read you like a book, Hinata is like a massive billboard that broadcasts her feelings in real-time."

"Hmm..." Sasuke pondered Shikamaru's words for a few moments. "Well," he said, "it's not like it really matters, anyway."

"Oh?" Shikamaru spat out a cherry pit. "Why do you say that?"

"Because I'm not going to keep trying. What Hinata does is none of my business."

"You're just going to drop your friendship with her? Just like that?"

Sasuke felt his skin prickle as rational thought left him. "We never even had a friendship. I was just tutoring her."

"You and I both know it was more than that, Sasuke."

"Well, it wasn't for her." The bitterness in Sasuke's words blistered his lips as he uttered them. He looked away, attempting to conceal the burning emotions he was feeling. The betrayal. The rage that spread like a shield against the hurt. He felt too open under Shikamaru's scrutinizing gaze. Those sharp, Nara eyes that peeled back people's walls like rose petals, laying bare the inner workings of their most instinctual thoughts. It was nothing like Naruto's sunny suggestions, or the way he allowed people to wallow in themselves until they were ready to change on their own or until he was forced to step in lest they hurt themselves or someone else.

"Well," Shikamaru mused, chewing a cherry idly, "that's your business, I guess. I won't pry."

Sasuke sincerely hoped that would yield true.


The new semester began. Sasuke hadn't heard from Hinata since the party and he wasn't quite sure how to feel about that. What would they talk about, anyway? It was foolish to think she'd still feel close with him. Despite telling himself that, Sasuke's day passed by in a repressed strain. He found himself overly distracted, head slipping from his hand more than once. When he finally entered the Military History lecture hall, he wasn't sure how he'd respond to seeing her again.

He stepped through the door—and there she was.

She was sitting back in her original seat, towards the front of the room. The sun from the high windows illuminated the blue in her hair, much like when he'd first realized she shared the class with him. Sasuke felt his breath quake and he lurched to get to his usual seat. The class began, but his mind was elsewhere. Then, suddenly, the class was over.

Sasuke blinked at the clock in confusion. How?

Students around him pulled their books together, packing away papers and pencils into their bags and already rushing to enjoy the afternoon. Through the noise, the notes of a conversation caught his attention and he searched for the source. Naturally, it was from a few rows in front of him. Hinata was giggling, chatting with a brown-haired girl next to her about summer break. He couldn't find it in himself to look away, so he was forced to sit there and replay the stab of her meek rejection over and over again in his mind's eye. The girl gathered her books and turned back to Hinata.

"So what did you do over break? Anything interesting happen?"

Hinata's cheeks flushed and Sasuke felt his stomach start to boil. She tucked her hair behind her ear sheepishly. "I didn't do much. I spent some time with the others at the beach."

"Oh yeah?" The girl's face lit up. "I bet you were really popular! You always look so cute in a swimsuit!" She laughed boisterously. "How many guys confessed, Hinata?"

Sasuke bit his tongue and had to slap a hand over his mouth to keep from cursing. Hinata's flush spread to her neck and she stammered uncomfortably, "J-just one..." Sasuke felt like time stopped. The girl immediately cooed in awe.

"Wow! What happened? Did you say yes? Who was it?"

Hinata shook her head, "It was just a friend. Truthfully, I turned him down. He was joking, anyway. There's no way he'd have feelings for me." A heavy feeling sank down in Sasuke's chest. Did... did she really think that?

The girl's expression faltered, "Oh, Hinata, that's not true. You're great! I'm sure he meant it!"

Yes, Hinata, he meant it. He really did.

"No," Hinata said. "He's not really close to anyone and I just got to know him recently. I'm sure if he was in love with anyone, it would be someone he's known longer." She forced a smile. "Besides, we have that kind of teasing relationship! He probably just wanted to mess with me and I took it too weird. Anyway, I have somewhere to be. Have a good day!" She quickly stowed her things away and pulled her bag over her shoulder before bustling out the door, leaving her friend behind. The girl shrugged and continued packing up.

Soon, Sasuke was alone in the room, paralyzed by what he'd just heard.

Hinata didn't believe him. She thought he was joking with her! Was Shikamaru right, after all? Did he really seem insincere?

Well what in the world could he do about that? It wasn't like he could just flip a switch and become someone she could believe, right?

Right?

"Oh god..." Sasuke slumped forward on the desk, defeated. "I'm going to have to change, aren't I?"


Welcome back and sorry this was late! As I said on tumblr, I got swamped by real life responsibilities and my mental health left me too tired to post it on Thursday. But, here we are! Sorry if Sasuke seems a little OOC. I just really wanted to see him cry for some reason, haha;; I've really been enjoying everyone's feedback. I think it's helping me to form a more well-rounded story than I would have been able to on my own. I also hope that the little details mixed in here have maybe enlightened some of the confusing things, like why Hinata and Sasuke haven't really gotten to know each other before.

Danish 78: I'm glad the build up was decent! I really struggled to make it work and procrastinated the whole time I was supposed to be writing that chapter, haha.

DAngel7: He definitely isn't the type to sleep with someone random to get over her, in my opinion. This Sasuke, at any rate. He's going to be a good boy!

d0wn-t0-mars: Poor Sasuke! He's the victim of my author-sadism!

claire-and-elide: I'm glad that Sasuke's feelings came across subtly! Subtlety is such a hard thing to achieve in writing, especially in romance.

Giada Luna: I appreciate that you took the time to review if you don't normally, it means so much to me! I'm glad you've enjoyed the story so far and that you've caught the sneaky details. It always feels good to have dropped hints being acknowledged! Your review made me glow with happiness, and I hope you enjoy the story to the end.

Rroxz: The cringe means my writing worked, haha! Thank you for reviewing :D

Guest: Tears for his poor, broken heart!

anon: In a sick way, I'm glad I got someone to say "feels", haha. It means I got the emotions across properly!

Jess: I'm so glad you're loving my story! Thank you for reading!

Guest 2: Alas, romance is not always easy!

Guest 3: Oh my your review is so nice! I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'm also happy Sasuke realized his feelings. Now he can grow up a bit.

WhoopsxD: Indeed, but not close enough, haha.

mili: This story is in no danger of being abandoned! I already have it planned out to the end so you get to see the happy ending :) Thank you for your review, it made me feel so grateful!

farahb: No problem, don't feel obligated to review; it's fully up to you when you want to do it :) Yeah, Sakura is a bit 50/50 so far, but with what I have in store for her maybe she'll be redeemed? Who knows, hehe! Prickly is a good word for Ino in this story, suits her well. What a high compliment to say that your heart broke with Sasuke's! That's really what I was going for and I'm so pleased it worked out well. Hope this chapter answered some of your questions about their friend groups!

Pookie Luffs Sushi: It's very sad, but I can't help but feel happy that I broke hearts, hehe!

Guest 4: No flashbacks here... What part seemed like that? Maybe it was poor wording on my part.

Saki-Hime: Soon, but not yet! Hinata needs to grow as well ;)

random716: Hello fellow tumblr user! Glad you stuck around! I feel so happy that you said you "didn't know when you started rooting for them" as it was exactly what I aimed to do with this story. Don't feel bad about anything that could be negative; criticism helps me get better. I've realized since writing this that Sakura was probably written a little over the top, but I will be working with her later in the story. She's a very emotional person and tends to overreact always, whether happy or sad or whatever. Thanks for your trust that I will handle Hinata's moving on from Naruto well, I hope I don't disappoint! And yeah, the spoon moment was cute for me too, ha.

Yuki no Ai: I'm glad you like it! Thanks for reviewing!

Guest 5: Ahah, I squealed when I got your review. No refunds, though! You must stick it out to the end when you will be crushed with fluff and happiness! As with farahb, I hope Shikamaru's comments here help explain why Sasuke and Hinata never knew each other really. Your review was so nice... It was very humbling and really inspired me to keep getting better as a writer. Careful not to set your house on fire with Itachi's candles! ;)

madteen66: Glad to hear everyone's in character and I hope you enjoy the update! Thank you for your review!

Also, feel free to keep laying on the feedback. Let's make a wonderful story together~ Have a good night!