Notes From a Royal Screw-Up
Chapter Eight, Part Two
It was less than a week before an opportunity to go AWOL again presented itself to Loki.
Of course, it meant having a battle via text message with poor virginal Captain America...
"WHERE ARE YOU?"
"At a bar, not too far from the college"
"WHY ARE YOU AT A BAR?"
"Class was cancelled, as the teacher took ill."
"YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED ME TO COME AND GET YOU."
"The students invited me to go drinking with them, I suppose I got caught up in their excitement. They certainly do enjoy alcoholic beverages, and I cannot say I blame them."
"THAT'S NO EXCUSE! DARN IT, LOKI, WE JUST TALKED ABOUT THIS!"
"It must have slipped my mind. And why do you keep typing in upper case? Are you supposed to be shouting at me?"
"YES! Get your butt back to Stark Tower NOW."
"No, thank you. I'm enjoying myself. These are simple people, they do not tax me, and I find that relaxing. Plus, Aquavit helps, although it tastes foul."
"I just got Tony to track down your phone. I will be there to pick you up in ten minutes. Wait for me out the front so I don't have to crawl through crowds of people to find you."
"Captain, what does the phrase "Your place or mine?" mean exactly?"
"Wait, what?"
"Never mind, I'll ask Stark. I think it's more his area of expertise. You don't have to pick me up, Captain. I am making my own way back to the Tower now. I should be there in the next ten minutes. You can check up on me, if you like, once I'm back, but if you want to preserve your modesty, you probably shouldn't come down to the apartment for the next ten or so hours."
"WHAT? NO!"
"Most definitely yes. You're welcome to join, I suppose."
"You and I are going to have words tomorrow."
"I look forward to it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have my hands full at the moment. Quite literally."
… … …
The next day...
"Get your butt out of bed, I'm coming down there to talk to you in five minutes"
"Fine"
...
"Are you Joe's house-mate? Sorry if we bothered you last night, with the... uh...noise, and..." Loki's latest conquest had appeared from the bedroom, wrapped modestly in a sheet. She had long ginger hair and a slim frame, and seemed vaguely familiar, though Steve was fairly sure she wasn't the same woman Loki had brought home the last time.
Steve sighed internally and kept his eyes averted.
"I live upstairs, I just need to speak with him."
"Well, that's gonna get tricky, seeing as he can't-" she gestured to her throat.
"I know" Steve said flatly. That got him to thinking. "So, are you in the art class Joe is working for?"
"Uh, no. He came in to the bar with some of them, I guess; we just met there."
Steve puzzled over this. "So, you only knew him for a couple of hours before you... uh... came back here with him?"
The woman raised her eyebrows and looked unimpressed. "Does that make me a slut?"
"No! I didn't mean-" Steve cried.
"That's right" she retorted.
"Good morning, gorgeous" a male voice said, and Steve looked up, his brow furrowing. A man he'd never seen before came wandering into the kitchen, wearing only a pair of boxer briefs. He dropped a brief kiss on the woman's forehead.
"Hey, sexy" the woman said with a grin.
The strange man suddenly noticed Steve. "Oh, hi" he said, an embarrassed smile appearing on his handsome face. "You must be Joe's brother. Sorry about the noise last night, we got a little-"
Steve held up a hand to stop the conversation "It's fine. Not Joe's brother, live upstairs, don't need to know."
"That was a hell of a thing" the man said with a sigh, grinning at the woman as he poured himself a cup of coffee. He offered the pot to Steve, who silently and thankfully accepted a refill.
Loki wandered into the room, caught Steve's eye, stopped in the doorway to stretch languidly, idly clutching a sheet around his hips, a sly grin on his face the entire time. He pulled a small whiteboard off the fridge and wrote.
"Good morning. Captain. You wanted to speak to me?" He tossed the whiteboard to Steve, and then leaned in to greet the woman with a slow and quite passionate kiss. Steve swallowed nervously, suddenly fascinated with the floor tiles.
"And what about me?" the strange man said, drifting over to Loki to get a kiss of his own. Loki grinned and obliged him.
Steve wasn't even watching the exchange, but he knew his eyes were wide, and he could feel the beginnings of a raging blush starting on his neck.
"Tony. Tony needs to talk to you. About... last night" Steve muttered, still looking at the floor. "Not this last night" he muttered, gesturing wildly at Loki's two guests. "Just... go see him. Later. After your guests leave." He stood abruptly and stalked from the room.
"It was nice meeting you" the man called after him.
…
Tony looked impressed. "Do you think he was bisexual before he came to Midgard, or if he was giving it a try last night? Ha! I bet he's try-sexual... will try anything sexual" he said, winking at Bruce.
Bruce smirked and shook his head.
"You aren't taking this seriously!" Steve groused.
"I honestly don't know what you expect me to say" Tony said with a shrug.
"He's bringing total strangers home. Don't you think that's a risk?"
"He's had the safe sex lecture" Tony said casually.
Steve looked at the dark-haired man like he was a moron. "A risk to this building, the security systems, and to the whole Avengers initiative. We don't know who these people are!"
"Please, no one is getting into my security systems. The integrity of the building and its occupants is not at risk, trust me" Tony said shortly. "These people are just people. Just wild kids he's meeting the normal way. I don't think there's any problem with him going out and... having a little fun. Making new friends."
"Sewing his wild oats" Bruce said with a shy smile.
"Exactly. He's getting his many and varied frustrations out the traditional way, with some very willing participants. He's not hurting anyone, destroying anything- other than the bed frame from the sounds of it. I think this is progress, actually. Unless he knocks someone up, I don't think we have anything to worry about."
"Oh crap, can you imagine if that happened though?" Bruce said, frowning thoughtfully. "Little demi-gods-of-mischief running around, wrecking havoc."
Tony cringed at the thought "You better re-iterate the safe sex thing to him" Tony muttered.
"Why me?" Bruce demanded.
"You're a doctor" Steve and Tony said in unison.
Bruce frowned and folded his arms. "I'm not actually that kind of doctor" he muttered.
The three men fell into uneasy silence.
"How does he even do it?" Steve finally asked.
Tony raised his eyebrows and looked to Bruce "Uh... sounds like you need to explain to Steve where babies come from."
"What? No! Shut up, Tony!" Steve muttered, flushing. He folded his arms defensively. "What I mean is... the guy can't even talk... he's left alone in a bar for ninety minutes, and he picks up..."
Steve held up his hands in a questioning gesture. "How is that even possible?"
Tony grinned in a very knowing sort of way.
Bruce shrugged, "I don't know. He has some kind of royal, god-like mojo? Just gives off the CFM vibes"
"CFM?" Steve asked
"Never mind" Bruce said quickly, before Tony could open his mouth.
"It's like he just has to look at someone in a particular way, and their clothes just... explode off them, or something!" Steve complained.
Tony howled with laughter, and Bruce just smiled, sighed and shook his head at the thought.
"You need the guy to give you some tips" Tony laughed. "Get him to take you out some time."
Steve blushed "No, thank you. I'd rather court someone, get to know and respect them first, before... you know..."
Bruce gave the blonde man a good natured pat on the back, as he shot Tony a warning looked. Tony simply continued to chuckle.
"Things are somewhat different, I think, when you're alien royalty" Bruce said dryly.
"Or a genius billionaire" Tony muttered slyly.
"So, what are we going to do about this?" Steve asked.
"Nothing" Tony said.
"This cannot be allowed to continue" Steve argued.
"Set limits on him, then. He's allowed to hang out once a week after class. You go with him, keep an eye on him, and vet anyone he wants to bring home" Bruce said reasonably.
Steve looked annoyed. "Why do I have to go?"
"Because I would attract too much attention" Tony stated. "So would Thor, and he'd also be an immediate give-away."
"And because I don't do well in environments like bars" Bruce added. "And we're not asking Natasha or Clint to do it, because we don't want a bloodbath.
Steve sighed deeply.
"It doesn't have to be a bad thing" Tony said reassuringly. "Take Carol with you. She likes a drink now and then. Make a night of it" he added, clapping Steve on the back.
Bruce shrugged "That's a nice idea."
"And while you're keeping an eye on Loki, you might learn a thing or two" Tony added slyly.
...
Loki made a fuss, sighing and pacing and rolling his eyes when Steve confronted him with the ground rules. Eventually he condescendingly and very grudgingly accepted Steve's terms, and Steve kept his distance when Loki and his new friends were socialising.
Almost as if to spite him, Loki didn't bring anyone home for weeks, and so Steve's duty seemed especially pointless.
He didn't invite to Carol to surveil with him-partly because he didn't want her dragged in to their schemes, but mostly because if he was ever going to man up and ask her out, their first date sure as hell was not going to be babysitting Loki of Asgard.
…
The lift doors open, and Steve stepped out into the apartment. It was early, he was restless and planned to ask Thor to spar with him, if the god was awake.
He startled when the woman ran headlong into him and bounced off, and for one strange moment he thought she was Pepper. He opened his mouth to greet her as such, but she looked up, and he realised he didn't know her.
"Sorry" she muttered. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, her face tear-streaked. She tried to step around Steve and into the lift, but he stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"Ma'am? Are you all right?" he asked, immediately regretting the question -clearly she wasn't all right.
"I'm fine" she said huskily. She averted her eyes to the floor, and seemed very eager to not be there. Her shoulders were heaving with emotion, and Steve fought with himself, but chivalry won out.
"Do you need help? Are you sick?"
She shook her head. "I just need to... go home..." he voice wavered, and he saw fresh tears roll down her face. Steve did not know what to think.
"This was a mistake, oh god, I'm so stupid" she muttered.
Steve got a sinking feeling in his stomach.
"Were you... visiting with Joe?" he asked.
She nodded weakly.
"Did he hurt you?" Steve asked in a flat, tight voice.
"No!" she said, shocked. Her brow furrowed and she peered into Steve's face. "No one... this is my fault." She shook her head. "He didn't... what am I going to say to-?" She burst into tears again, and pushed past Steve into the lift.
Steve stood stock still for a moment, puzzling over the scene he'd just been part off. Then he turned and stalked into Loki's room.
The fallen god was sitting up in bed, covered with a sheet, the rest of the bedclothes in disarray around him. He was reading a magazine and looking perfectly calm.
"What the hell did you do to that woman?" Steve demanded.
Loki didn't even look up at him, he just shrugged.
"Hey!" Steve shouted. "You need to explain to me what the hell is going on here."
Loki tossed the magazine aside and looked around, trying to locate his Starkjotter.
"She didn't come home with you last night" Steve observed. "So when did she get here, and what did you do that made her leave this morning in tears?" Steve demanded
"I did not assault her. That's obviously what you're thinking." Loki said, frowning deeply as he typed. Steve folded his arms across his broad chest and looked penetratingly at Loki.
Loki could feel, as much as he could see, that the other man had gone into full Captain America mode, and as such knew this could get ugly quite rapidly. He sighed, hating that he had to explain himself to anyone. He slipped out of his bed, pulling on a pair of pants as he stood. He took up the jotter again. "She stopped by to visit, at my invitation, quite late last night."
"Who is she, and why was she crying when she left?"
"She is one of the students in the art class I pose for, and I have had my eye on her, but... she is engaged to be wed, and was unresponsive to my overtures."
Steve's glare was relentless.
"Last night she had some sort of fight with the fiancée, and I invited her to come over and 'cry on my shoulder'..."
Steve looked disgusted. "And you took advantage of her."
Loki shook his head and looked annoyed. "No, I did not. If anything, I gave her a way out. Clearly she was unhappy with her arrangement..."
Steve looked at Loki like he did not know what to make of him. Loki stared back defiantly.
"That's disgusting."
"She is a grown woman. She came over with a very specific goal in mind, so why deny her? She wanted attention and affection, and I gave it to her."
"What the hell is wrong with you, Loki?" Steve burst out. "You can't take over the world, so, what? You scale back? Start bringing people down one by one, on a personal, intimate level?"
Loki bristled.
"You can't treat people like this! You can randomly mess up people's lives because you don't know what to do with yours!" Steve slung.
Loki's eyes narrowed, and he stepped closer to Steve. Steve did not back down, stepping closer until they were nearly chest-to-chest and glaring at each other. Loki had so many things he wanted to say, and hated that he did not have the words to do so. He reached for the jotter again.
"What do you expect me to do, Captain" he typed quickly. "You bring me here to rehabilitate me, and what has that amounted to? For someone you distrust so eagerly, you seem quite content to leave me alone most of the time."
Steve read the statement and blinked, surprised. He was quiet for a moment, thinking.
"I understand what it's like to be lonely, to feel like you don't fit in... but you can't behave like this. You can't treat people like they're disposable, like their feelings don't matter- you do realise that humans have feelings, right?"
Loki started at Steve with utter incredulity, and then began to laugh. Pain shot through his jaw as he did so, but he could not stop the bitter sound that escaped him. Steve looked at him like he was insane, and that only made Loki laugh harder. Finally, the discomfort outweighed the irony, and Loki stopped laughing with a sigh.
"Yes, Captain. I know with utter certainty that humans have feelings. In fact, sometimes, I think that's all you have."
Steve's brow furrowed with confusion as he read this.
"Humans may be weak and disorderly and disorganised, but you're certainly not afraid to feel. It's one thing you happen to have in common with Asgardians, I suppose."
Steve looked curiously at Loki.
"If someone is drowning, you don't give them more water, you give them air. Being here, in this tower, with you people, makes me feel like I'm drowning."
Steve didn't seem to know what to say, and Loki felt a stab of bitter amusement at the man's confusion.
"So tell me, how does sleeping with someone's fiancée help you feel better?" Steve said slowly. He looked expectantly at Loki. Loki did not answer. Steve shook his head. "You haven't changed, Loki. I'm sorry we haven't been... I don't know... holding your hand a little more? Nurturing you? But is that what you even want?"
Loki smirked and shrugged.
Steve appraised the look he was being given. "You act like you're too clever to need anyone's help. To be honest I wouldn't even know where to start. Mostly I just want to keep you out of trouble. And that's what I'm trying to do."
"I never asked for your help. And all things considered, I am doing the best I can." Loki typed.
Steve's eyebrows rose. "That so? All I see is an adult who behaves like a child- acting out and tearing people down doesn't ever seem to have worked for you before, but you go right ahead. Stick to what you're good at" Steve said bitterly.
"At least I act. At least I am not standing still while life passes me by." Loki typed, his mouth twisting to a spiteful grimace.
"Is that what you're doing?" Steve said lightly.
"Yes. This is me playing at being a Midgardian. Living out a futile, pointless little life, getting my thrills where and when I can. I think I do a good impression."
"You have no idea what it's like to be human" Steve said flatly.
"Thank Odin for that" Loki typed, smirking again.
Steve shook his head, clearly disappointed, but his disapproval did not touch Loki at all.
"Are you quite finished?" He typed.
Steve shrugged. "I don't really know what to say to you. We're not friends. You're not interested in camaraderie or advice. I don't know what to do with you."
"Leave me alone," Loki typed, his expression calm. "In all seriousness. Leave me be."
Steve studied him. "Maybe we should have let Odin send you to Nifflheim for a while" he said gently, intending to surprise the fallen god, but not wound him. "Then you could have lived as a solitary god, instead of toiling as a mortal."
Loki's back stiffened. "And perhaps you should have been left in your icy grave, remembered as a hero, instead of living ineffectually in a world you no longer fit into."
Loki felt the searing discomfort rise in Steve as his barb hit home. Steve shook his head and turned to walk away. He stopped in the doorway.
"You have a thing for redheads, don't you?" he said very casually. Loki frowned.
"Yeah, I noticed. At first I thought maybe it was because of Natasha... she's about the only woman who ever got the jump on you, so I figured maybe you enjoyed taking advantage of women who looked like her... but that woman this morning... she reminded me a lot of Pepper. And something about the other women, well... That's just a coincidence, right?
Loki stared blankly at Steve.
"I'd be careful, if I were you. It would be a big mistake for you to get any funny ideas about Pepper. Unless you want to be reduced to molecules by Stark." he spared a glance at Loki, who smirked, and began to slowly clap.
Steve shrugged and left, Loki's mocking applause ringing in his ears.
Once the solider had left, Loki stopped clapping, his arms falling to his sides. His limbs were heavy. His body was heavy. He was confused and irritated by the conversation he'd just had and clearly Rogers was an idiot. His eyes hurt, and the persistent ache in his jaw had moved back to his chest, where it seemed to have taken up permanent residence next to the persistent feeling of ennui. The loneliness, the feeling of isolation and strangeness began to rise, like cold fingers clawing their way up his spine. Loki drew in a deep breath, fighting it, and once more beat the feeling down.
No one in this forsaken place would ever see him without his head held high.
… … … …
Author's notes: Part two, sorry for the delay! I had a lot to pack in here- I wanted humour, but also the display of Loki's spiral into unhappiness, but in a way only Loki could pull off! It took me a while to feel right about Steve & Loki's conversations. I think I got there in the end, or at least got their differing points across.
Anyway, happy holidays, thank you for your continued support this year, and as both series are drawing to a close I will try to keep updating with the last few chapters without so much delay! And if I'm taking too long for your liking, follow me on Twitter: Bombshell1701 and poke me with a virtual stick from time to time! Happy new year and all the best for 2013.
