Author's note: So sorry this update came later than usual! I didn't mean to keep you waiting! I've just had a huge workload over the past few weeks, so finding time to write is becoming increasingly difficult. Ew, responsibilities.

Anyway, a huge thank you to all those lovely people who left reviews for the last chapter, I always love reading your comments on my work so much - it really makes all the effort feel totally worth it.

therednecklace - awh, that's really touching. And it probably says something (quite evil) about me that I'm so proud that I managed to make people tear up. Oh, well. Thank you so much for reviewing (and so often!) this really made me smile.

you're-a-fangirl - I'm so sorry. (Gah, I'm kinda not) (The story will get happy again) (Fuck I'm worryingly evil). It's kinda ironic how when you leave a review thanking me for how often I update, the next update comes super late. I'm sorry about that. Thank you so much for this review, anyway, it was really lovely.

Winterbreeze (or indeed, chillywinterbreeze) - Wow, thanks. I had no idea that most amnesia fics were told from the other person's perspective, so that's kind of a happy coincidence. Oh well. Let's just say it was intentional. (And I'm glad you find it refreshing!) You're so kind, though, seriously. Thank you so much. I hope you like this chapter!

Rycon500 - this review really mad me smile. I'm so glad you like it! (Gah, I hope I don't disappoint with these next few chapters.)

weedom - Haha, you're so sweet. I'll try and fill in more on Dean and Cas' married life together, it's just really hard to remember to include all the things I want to. I should just write a list of things this story needs to feature.

Um, this is probably a chapter that quite a few of you have been waiting for (I know that someone definitely mentioned it in one of their earlier reviews) so I hope you enjoy, and that it's everything you want it to be!

9.

"So what made you want to date me, in the end?" Dean grins, his hands wrapped around his coffee as though he is afraid his hands are going to fall off with cold. Castiel's lips twitch upwards. He reaches out to ruffle Dean's hair. Grins as Dean wrinkles his nose and attempts to bat the angel off.

"It's been nearly a year, Dean." Castiel laughs. Dean grins and shrugs. "And you've asked me that on a countless number of occasions."

"Yeah, so humour me one more time." Dean laughs, pulling a dark woollen hat on to stop the angel from any further mussing of his hair. Castiel snorts and looks away. "C'mon, Cas—what made you want to date a human, when you used to hate us so much?"

"Well, first of all, you know that's not true." Castiel turns back to Dean.

"What's not true?"

"Most of the things you just said." Castiel laughs.

"Specify?" Dean smirks over his drink. Castiel watches as his breath fogs in the cold February air, drinks in the sight of Dean's nose and cheeks, pink with the cold, of his fingerless gloves, of the way the human squeezes his drink so tightly the cardboard is beginning to bend under his fingers.

"I wanted to date you." Castiel states, lips curving upwards. Dean breaks out into a bashful grin, eyes crinkling at their corners. "Not just any old human."

"Oh, Cas, you flatter me."

Castiel nudges Dean with his foot from where they sit, on the park bench.

"And I didn't hate humans."

"You could've fooled me." Dean snorts.

"Okay, so maybe a little." Castiel concedes. "But you have to admit, it was called for."

"Yeah, it was fair enough." Dean shrugs.

"Still is." Castiel smirks.

"Sometimes I'm so amazed that you ever even thought about dating me." Dean chuckles. Castiel grins and shakes his head again.

"Yeah, sometimes I am, too."

Dean is the one to nudge Castiel in reprimand, this time. Castiel laughs and wraps his arm around Dean's side, taking a sip of his own drink.

"How's your chai tea?" Dean asks, his tone slightly teasing. Castiel squeezes Dean's side and rolls his eyes.

"It's great, thank you. Just like I said it'd be." Castiel attempts to keep his face straight. "Way better than stupid, boring coffee."

"You're so pretentious." Dean snorts.

"You're one to talk," Castiel laughs. "You talk about cooking the most obscure shit in the world—"

"It's classy, Cas, not pretentious." Dean grins. "And you tried to give a recipe for vegan lasagne—"

"Which is actually really nice, you know."

"Fuck, Cas, you're such a hippy."

"You're not the first person to call me that." Castiel chuckles. Dean smirks and leans in closer to Castiel's body.

"I'm sure I'm not." He chuckles.

Castiel turns and brushes his nose against the wool of Dean's hat, wishing he could smell Dean's hair, underneath it. He presses a kiss to the rough material on top of Dean's head. Dean hums and nestles a little closer into Castiel's side; burying his head in the angel's shoulder. Castiel folds his wing over Dean's body, almost on instinct.

"So?" Dean asks, his words muffled as he speaks into Castiel's side.

"So, what?" Castiel frowns.

"What made you want to date me?"

"Oh," Castiel sighs, his voice rumbling with amusement. He should've expected this. "You're not going to let this drop until I've answered, are you?"

"Nope." Dean chuckles. Castiel snorts out another laugh and squeezes at Dean's shoulder.

"Probably your wonderful sense of humour."

Dean nudges Castiel.

"Sorry," Castiel laughs. "Maybe it was your persistence." He chuckles.

Another nudge.

"I don't know what you want me to say!" He laughs, and Dean does too, looking up to catch Castiel's lips against his own in a kiss.

"I know what made me want to date you." He beams, pulling back only marginally, his breath fogging in the air just in front of them.

"What's that, then?" Castiel chuckles.

"You're perfect." Dean states, simply. Castiel laughs and grazes his nose against Dean's.

"No, you." He replies. Dean's cheeks, already rosy with the cold, turn a still darker shade of pink. Castiel beams at the sight. "Or perhaps," He starts, nudging Dean's cold nose, "It's because in all my years, I've never met anyone who blushes quite as lovely as you."

"Fuck off." Dean rolls his eyes, ready to pull away, despite the amused smile still etched at his features; but Castiel captures the human's lips with his own, again, and Dean makes a muffled humming noise against the angel's mouth.

"You look cold." Castiel notes, absently, glancing at Dean's face, his frame, shivering slightly.

"I'm fine." Dean shakes his head.

"We're going back." Castiel pulls at Dean to kiss him again, then stands, tugging Dean up off the bench. Dean grumbles in response.

"Come on, Cas—"

"You're shivering—and if you could see how red your cheeks and nose are—"

"Maybe that's just 'cause I'm doing some of my lovely blushing, for you." Dean counters, ginning. Castiel laughs and kisses the human again.

"Perhaps." He hums. "But in any case, I'm cold. And I'd very much like to not be so."

"Fine." Dean concedes. "I guess I'll go back with you, then."

"That's very kind." Castiel chuckles.

Dean slips his hand into Castiel's.

They talk wonderful nonsense on the walk back—Castiel loves this, about Dean. The way in which he can make conversation about almost nothing at all feel warm and profound.

Walking down the corridor back to Dean's dorm room, Castiel presses the human up against a wall to kiss him, again. Dean makes a stifled moaning sound against his mouth.

"You're already starting to warm up." Castiel hums, squeezing Dean's hand, nudging under Dean's jaw. "I was right."

Dean laughs and shakes his head.

"Idiot." He breathes out. Castiel presses kisses onto the ridges of each of Dean's glorious cheekbones.

"You hate admitting when I'm right." He grins against Dean's skin.

"You hate admitting when you're wrong." Dean laughs. "I'm just making up for it."

Castiel tuts teasingly and takes off Dean's hat again, to ruffle at Dean's hair.

"Hey!" Dean exclaims.

"Don't worry," Castiel grins. "Messy hair is especially endearing on you."

"Idiot." Dean laughs again. Castiel grins and presses his body back up against Dean's, kissing at the human's lips again. He thinks absently of how lucky they are that the corridors are, in general, so deserted at this part of the university.

He pulls back to mess at Dean's hair again. Dean laughs and ducks away, his expression childish and happy and wonderfully unfettered.

"Stop it—" Dean laughs. He tries to bat away Castiel's hands again, rather unconvincingly. The two of them laugh as Castiel reaches out again, an attempt to continue teasing Dean.

"I love you." Dean beams, breathing out the words in a sudden, thoughtless confession.

Castiel's hand falters.

Dean's face falls.

"—Shit—" The word tumbles from Dean's lips, much like his admission of love for Castiel. "—I'm sorry—" His face is a pained red. "Fuck—I didn't mean to—I just—I—"

"—You love me?" Castiel finishes Dean's sentence for him. Dean's face has never looked so red. He seems devastated with his own mortification. The angel feels his lips twitch upwards. "You love me?" He repeats, stepping toward Dean again, pinning the human back up against the wall. Dean's breath hitches. Castiel's hand brushes, gently this time, through Dean's hair.

"—I—" Dean stammers. He looks down. Face a furious red. "—Yeah—"

"That's good." Castiel laughs gently. He nudges at Dean's nose, causing the human to look up, again.

"Good?" Dean repeats, frowning slightly, his face a devastated pink.

"Good." Castiel repeats. "Very good." His lips twitch upwards into a gentle smile. He leans forward to graze his lips, the touch barely there at all, against Dean's own; chapped by the recent cold, but soft, so very soft and full.

"Because I love you, too." Castiel nearly whispers as he pulls back from Dean's mouth. Dean's breathing falters. Castiel moves his hand up to drag the pad of his thumb across Dean's flushed cheek.

"You do?" Dean asks, his voice cracked and quiet.

"So much." Castiel beams. "So very much."

He presses his lips against Dean's again. Dean moans into his mouth. His hands tremble as they move up to card through Castiel's feathers. Castiel pulls back again. Nudges at Dean's nose again. The human beams. Castiel ruffles Dean's hair, once more. Dean's smile is incomparable.

Castiel wakes up from where he had apparently fallen asleep, on the couch. Dean's hand is brushing against his shoulder, in an attempt to rouse him, as the human crouches beside the couch.

"Cas," He squeezes Castiel's arm. "You okay?"

Castiel mumbles out a sleepy confirmation, stirring and sitting up slightly. He blinks, recalling his dream.

"You hungry?" Dean asks gently.

Castiel blinks again.

The dream—no, memory. Definitely memory.

"You said I love you first." He states, his voice rough and gravelly with sleep.

"What?" Dean frowns, rocking back on his heels slightly, a perplexed expression flitting across his features.

"You said I love you first." Castiel repeats, turning to gaze intently at Dean. "Didn't you?"

Dean's face colours.

"How did you—"

"And you were really embarrassed, because it was an accident." Castiel adds. The flush creeps across Dean's ears.

"Um—" He sputters, glancing down, then up again.

"Is that right?" Castiel asks, frowning slightly. Dean meets his gaze for only a moment and nods. Castiel's shoulders slump in relief. It wasn't just a dream. Castiel is remembering more and more—and maybe one day, he'll remember everything. He'll remember everything about Dean.

"Yeah." Dean confirms. "—How—"

"I just remembered." Castiel states. Dean glances up at him, again. His expression softens.

"You did?"

"Yes," Castiel confirms, unsure why it is that Dean is uncertain of his honesty at this moment in time. Dean's hand has moved to be resting on the surface of the couch. Castiel reaches out and grazes his fingers against Dean's knuckles. Much like each of the other times Castiel can recall touching Dean affectionately, the human jolts beneath his fingers in surprise. "And you didn't believe me when I said that I loved you, too." Castiel states. Dean swallows.

"No," Dean shakes his head. "I had a little trouble getting my head around that one."

"You shouldn't have." Castiel states quietly, certainly. "It was true."

Dean's lips twitch upwards.

"True?"

"Very true." Castiel says. Dean's eyes flick back up to his face. Castiel sits up a little more. "I think I'd just been afraid to say it." He states. His face is painfully close to Dean's now. He watches as the human's breath catches in his throat, as his eyes widen only marginally, but Castiel doesn't miss the motion. "It's probably a good thing you did say it," Castiel mumbles amusedly.

His nose is nearly bumping with Dean's.

"Yeah?" Dean asks, his voice quiet and cracked.

"Yes," Castiel nods. "Because I might've always been too scared to say it."

"But you were always so brave, Cas." Dean states, his voice breaking in his throat because of just how close he and Castiel are, now.

"Not when it came to my feelings for you, I think." Castiel mumbles softly. "I found it hard to admit how much you meant to me. Even in the very early days." He watches as Dean's lips twitch upwards into a shy smile. "Even now." Castiel adds. Dean glances up again, his eyes wide and unbelieving, and Castiel feels his hand stroking softly up Dean's neck. He watches as the human shudders beneath his fingers, his eyes flickering down to Castiel's lips for only a moment, before the pink tinge returns to his cheeks.

"Cas—" Dean's voice is cracked, lost.

"Do I tell you how beautiful I think you are, Dean?" Castiel asks. Dean's eyes change as confusion sparks behind them. "Do I ever tell you?"

The pink on Dean's cheeks deepens further.

"Um—" He fumbles for his words. "—Yeah—you do—"

"Good," Castiel hums, his nose grazing Dean's only slightly. "I hope I tell you every day."

"I—"

"You're so beautiful." Castiel sighs. He feels Dean's soft exhalation against his lips. Castiel's fingers are running tenderly through Dean's velvet hair.

Dean's eyes flicker down to the angel's lips again, before their mouths meet—only softly; only for a moment, but the touch is more glorious than anything Castiel can recall having experienced. So he leans in to kiss Dean again, and shifts from where he sits on the couch, bending to kiss Dean deeper, to taste the human's mouth—and it's all so familiar, and so beautiful and perfect; and Castiel thinks of how Dean tastes like pie and mouthwash and smooth whiskey and coffee and it has Castiel beaming into the kiss; which only makes Dean laugh against his mouth, which sounds gloriously like music in Castiel's ears, now. His fingers drag through Dean's hair—the human moans at the touch—or maybe at the kiss—or maybe at both—and something deep and scorching is swirling inside of Castiel's gut, twisting at his stomach and chest, burning him from the inside out.

"Um—" Dean pants, pulling back only slightly, his forehead pressed against Castiel's, "I was going to say that dinner's ready, if you wanted anything."

Castiel sighs and closes his eyes a moment.

"Yes," He nods. "You'll be eating with me?" He asks.

"Of course." Dean's smile is agonisingly gentle.

"Then yes." Castiel nods again. Dean's beam in response is saturated with adoration.

"Come on," He stands and tugs Castiel gently up by the hand. Castiel brushes his lips against Dean's again, as he rises; which the human seems to find endearingly embarrassing, because his blush in response is the loveliest thing Castiel thinks he's ever seen.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to, you know, Cas—" Dean croaks against Castiel's mouth. The angel frowns.

"What do you mean?" He asks. "Do what?"

"Kiss me—this kind of thing." Dean gestures, small, between the two of them. "You don't have to do it if you don't want to—especially if you're just worried that I'm lonely or upset—"

"—I kissed you because I wanted to, Dean." Castiel frowns. Dean's gaze shifts, for whatever reason. "Because I think you're beautiful," Castiel brushes his knuckles against Dean's cheek, which turns another charming shade of pink, "because you've been so kind a good to me, because I can tell, already, that I am doomed to fall in love with you, all over again."

Dean's eyes seem to glass over. Castiel nudges gently at Dean's nose, a silent question, and Dean answers it by sealing his lips with Castiel's, all over again.

"I don't know what to say." Dean laughs, pulling back. Castiel's fingers wind absently through the human's hair.

"That's okay." He shrugs.

"Do you think you'll ever remember everything?" Dean asks, his voice small and shy.

Castiel presses his lips together. Falls silent for a moment. Dean's gaze presses at his face all the while.

"I don't know—I mean, you'd probably have to ask a doctor that, wouldn't you? But I suppose—I've remembered stuff so far, why shouldn't something trigger everything else?"

Dean nods.

"And I hope so." Castiel continues. "I want to be able to remember everything about you." His lips twitch upwards. "You deserve that."

Dean glances down, his grin bashful.

"I was scared you'd never feel anything for me, again." He admits. Castiel's heart softens. "When you first woke up, in that hospital bed, and said that you couldn't remember anything about me; I thought the days of you loving me were over. I thought you'd feel nothing but hatred for me, forever."

"I never hated you." Castiel frowns, shaking his head.

Dean merely raises his eyebrows at Castiel, unconvinced.

"I didn't hate you so much as I hated myself." Castiel shrugs. "And I only hadn't realised how perfect you are."

"I'm definitely not perfect." Dean looks down.

"To me."

"You hardly know me."

"Then it should say something, that I consider you so faultless, already."

"You just haven't seen me on one of my bad days."

"What are your bad days like?" Castiel frowns.

"I don't know." Dean shrugs. "Tears, self-loathing, that kind of thing. They usually end with you picking me up and kissing away the pain."

"How often do you have them?" Castiel's frown winds, anxiously, around his face.

"Not in a while." Dean admits.

"Why did you ever have them?" Castiel asks. He realises that he is squeezing Dean's arm.

"It's a long story." Dean sighs. "And probably not one for right now." He looks down. "Anyway," He looks up again, his nose brushing—perhaps unintentionally—against Castiel's, as he does so, "should we go on through to the kitchen? Eat?"

"Okay." Castiel nods. His mind is slowly unravelling all that Dean has said to him. Slowly taking it apart, piecing Dean Winchester together in what is hopefully the right order.

The issue is: Dean is impossibly complex. And what is more, Castiel cannot help but be fascinated by every inch of him.

...

Well, that's all for chapter nine! I hope you all enjoyed. (Also ~ooh~ character background stuff I've really set myself up there, haven't I)

Please review/comment positively/negatively/leave requests/etc. etc.! Thanks so much for reading!