A/N: And here's our grand finale with everyone's favorite gamer! A little humor to finish off… you may want to revisit Mello's application essay to understand some references here. Thank you to everyone who's read and reviewed! Brownie points for Green Day fans :D
I don't own Death Note; gee, I wonder who does?
University E Application Form
Name: Jesus of Suburbia.
Preferred name: Matt
DOB: 2/1/90
Citizenship: Ireland, England, America, and Republic of Mello after he founds it
Religion (optional): Church of Mello. So what if I'm currently the sole believer?
Parental information:
Names: father- Rage; mother- Love
Occupations: badasses
Education: self-taught, bitches
Class size: 41
Class rank: 3
Education interruption: please describe any unusual circumstances regarding your attendance at secondary school or other university
None, besides the fact that Wammy's is no ordinary secondary school.
Give a nonscientific reason for why the sky is blue: 50 words
It reflects Mello's eyes. Duh.
What would you do with a free afternoon? 50 words
Allocate my time very efficiently: assuming an afternoon lasts from 1-6pm, I'd spend the first two hours gaming, hacking, and waiting for Mello to recover from foodcoma, the next hour gaming, hacking, and resisting Mello's newly awakened sexual appetite, and the last two hours submitting to Mello's every sick fantasy.
Write a note to your future roommate: 500 words.
Dear Mello,
Yeah, I read what you said about a free afternoon, but sorry to say, we won't be spending the whole afternoon as you've planned. There's actually important stuff to do, you know, like locate the cafeteria.
Also, you'd better get your skinny ass on a flat surface right now. No, not because I'm going to screw you senseless (well, maybe later), but because I'm going to tell you something that may make your sky fall, and I don't want you to get squished.
We might not be roommates. E does random assignment.
And I know you're thinking, why can't Matt just hack the system and change it so that we're rooming together? Here's why I won't do it:
1. I hate to take a thumbtack to your overinflated ego, but where's the fun in my being with you 24-7? You don't really have the stamina to be, ah, working every minute of the day. And night. And have you ever heard of something called delay of gratification? It's supposed to make everything taste better. Kind of like ketchup.
2. Covert sex is fun. I assume you remember the broom closet outside Roger's office at Wammy's? (I can see you saying "Fondly," with that lecherous look on your face) Anyways, just think about the possibilities at college. I have hacked the camera feeds, and there are some excellent vistas where we can… rendezvous. We can take it to the deck of the bell tower our first day… all campus will get an impromptu concert.
3. About your thesis… I think your professors will object if it's too easy. I mean, your current proposal is to sit and watch me as I achieve world domin - uh, a new high score on GTA. That's got to be the easiest project ever. But if you had to go about it secretly and observe (read: stalk) me, you'd get way more credit, wouldn't you? Stealth and tracking skills are sure to impress your advisor. Plus, you can also terrorize my randomly selected roommate by making him think you're stalking him. (I'm banking on him not being gay and getting the hots for you. but you make the straightest men convert, so I guess I'll have to become a murderer. Oops.)
I think that's all. Honestly, I have better things to do than wrangle over us not being roommates. If you get homesick (Matt-sick? Home = Matt for you), you can bring a sleeping bag over to my room. But not too often.
Also, notice the fact that this letter is addressed to you, which seems to imply that you'll be my roommate, regardless of everything I've just said. You'll know the truth come September.
Love/Lust/Lol,
Matt
A/N: By the way, now that this is complete, do you notice anything about the order and names of the universities? :P
