A/N: Sorry this has taken so long!! Hopefully this chapter will make up for my dismal updating skills. (Remus POV)
I can't keep from fidgeting. I've fixed my hair enough times where it will never look good. I'm loosening my tie, tightening my tie. Removing my tie completely. It's like I'm on an interview, but really I'm just meeting her.
I put the tie back on and take several deep breaths, exhaling slowly. I'm going to have the confrontation of a lifetime in a few minutes. It's the kind of confrontation most people would go through hell and back to avoid, but I want it to happen. No, I need it to happen. I need to know what's happening to me.
I take another look at myself in the mirror, wondering why I'm taking so much interest in my appearance. Sirius walks in, takes on look at what I'm doing, and smirks. I playfully punch him on the shoulder, anything to keep my hands moving so he won't notice how badly they are shaking.
"Ready to go?" His voice is soft, comforting. He should be sounding accusatory, but he's already forgiven me. I find it astounding. I'm not sure I would have forgiven him had the situation been reversed. He hasn't said it in so many words, but the mere fact that he's coming with me is proof enough.
I nod and take another deep breath. It's time. The whole castle is quiet. It's the Tuesday afternoon before classes end for Christmas break and the professors decided it would be a good time to pile on the homework. We pass James and Peter in the common room. Peter looks as if he's going to cry, furiously scribbling at his parchment. James is once again attempting to catch the attention of Lily.
We give them each a smile, but don't stop for questions. I don't think I could come up with a plausible excuse to where we are going. The corridors are as silent as the common room. Our footsteps echoing as we walk. It feels like we are taking that final walk before death row.
I knock sharply on her door. The smile on her face fades as she sees Sirius.
"We need to talk." She nods and lets us in. I sit on the sofa we had made love on a few days prior. Sirius sits next to me. It makes me uncomfortable to be sitting next to him knowing the activities that went on. She pulls up a chair.
"Well?"
I swallow thickly at the ice in her tone. I realize she was never made aware of the fact that Sirius knew about us. I clear my throat, uncomfortable at the tension in the air. I tell her about the mark under my scar and if she had noticed when it came about.
"I can't seem to remember any kind of scar. I think I need to see it again."
She's toying with me.
"Sure no problem." I loosen my tie before slipping it over my head. The sweater is next. I lay both carefully down on the arm rest of the sofa. I take another little breath before beginning to unbutton my shirt. I can feel both their eyes on me, and the disdain each has for the other. My heart sinks. I am tearing them apart. She is one of the few people in Sirius' family who can stand him, and Sirius is the only one who didn't hate her for marrying a muggle.
The last button is undone. I stand up and turn my back to her before slipping the shirt of my shoulders. Just far enough for her to see the scar and the mark below it. She stands up, coming right behind me. She lightly traces the mark. Her finger is warm. I can't look Sirius in the eye. She sighs lightly and backs away. I quickly pull my shirt back on and hastily try to button it.
"It's always been there."
"What?" She must have made some mistake. This can't have always been there.
"Do you remember when I asked you if I could see your scar?" I flush at the memory of our first kiss and nod. "Well, I saw that mark too."
We sit in silence for a few moments, but face still slightly flushed before Sirius breaks the silence. "Well, we had better get going."
"Remus, can I speak to you," she glances at Sirius, "Alone?"
I can't be with her alone. That's the whole reason Sirius needed to come. If I'm alone with her, I can't leave her. I shake my head. "I don't think that'd be such a good idea."
I turn my back on her once again, this time to leave her room once and for all.
We walk in silence, side by side.
"Well?" he asks me.
"Well what?"
"Well, what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know. What I do know is this has been on me for nearly 2 years and I-"
"Two years? You've been fucking my cousin for two years?"
"No! I just…that's when she saw the scar for the first time. It was Christmas break two years ago."
"So when exactly did you start fucking?" I flinch at the bitterness in his tone.
"…that following summer."
"Oh, so you've only been fucking for a year and half. That makes it so much better!"
I take a sharp turn and head towards the library.
"Where are you going?"
"I need to find out what this means. I'm going to do research." And with that, I leave him standing in the middle of the corridor.
I don't get much research done. I'm jittery, and my skin is crawling. I can't concentrate. I need to do something I haven't done in years. Something I haven't needed to do since I met the marauders. I need a cigarette.
I spend the next few days before break in the library. I'll be able to concentrate better once everyone is gone. I need to stay at school over the Christmas holidays. The full moon is the day after Christmas, and it's just easier to transform here. It will be difficult without the marauders, but right now, I feel so distant from them. Perhaps this is for the best.
McGonagall has sent around the list for students to sign if they are staying. To my horror, Sirius is on the list.
"James, I love your family, but I cannot stand your relatives. They are almost as bad as my parents."
"Padfoot! You can't stay here for Christmas! You'll be all alone."
"Prongs, Remus will be here." Sirius lowered his voice," and he has a transformation."
I feel a bit guilty for eavesdropping, but sometimes it is the only way to learn things. I need another cigarette.
The holidays have arrived. I have never stayed over break before, and I'm glad it's my last year at Hogwarts so I never will have to again. It's quiet, and I like that, but the silence is eerie. I've been spending every available moment in the library looking up curses, charms, and hexes that could possibly leave a mark.
Nights in the dormitory are awkward. It's just me and Sirius in the room. We don't talk much. I usually am reading until he is asleep and awake and dressed in the morning before he even begins to stir. I don't know how much more if this I can take.
Christmas Eve, two days before the full moon. I wonder how Moony is going to take to Padfoot after all this mess. My body feels tense, tenser than any previous full moon. It's not the nervous wait for the change that has me on edge. It's something in the back of my mind that I simply cannot grasp. My hands are shaking. My skin is crawling. I go over to the window and fling it open, gasping as the cold air rushes in. I pull a cigarette out, lighting it with magic, wandlessly, and lean out the window.
I inhale deeply and already begin to feel calmer. The wind picks up, rushing past my ears.
"You smoke now?" I jump at the sound of his voice. I didn't hear him come up behind me. I toss the cigarette out the window before turning around.
"Again," I reply.
"Again?"
"I'm smoking again."
"Why?"
"Dunno," I reply, shrugging my shoulders. "I guess, it's to calm my restlessness. I have this weird skin crawling, jittery feeling. Smoking helps."
"Why didn't you just try chocolate? You swear by it as a cure-all."
I laugh softly and pick up a huge chunk of chocolate I had already gotten from the kitchens. He smirks as I bite off a huge piece and then offer it to him. I lie down on the nearest bed, stare at the ceiling, and try to will my fingers to stop shaking.
I realize I'm in Sirius' bed as he lies down on the other side. The chocolate is between us. We eat in silence. It isn't until I reach down for another piece and find that nothing is left that I actually look at Sirius. He's holding the last bit, a half smile on his face.
"You don't want that last bit do you?" I ask.
"Oh, I don't know. This is really good stuff. And you practically ate all the rest."
"You're the one with chocolate all over face."
I come to the realization we are flirting. Poorly, it's true, but flirting nevertheless. I decide to play along with it. We are relaxed and talking with each other, something we haven't done in a long while. I make a playful grab for the chocolate in his hand, but naturally, he keeps it out of my reach. Finally, I get my hand on his wrist and try to pry his fingers open.
He breaks free from my grasp and pops the chocolate in his mouth. I put on a pout, and then the silliest idea comes into my head. The skin-crawling is back, and I know I can make it go away if I just do one simple thing.
"You know," I begin as Sirius is finishing; "You've still got chocolate on your face."
He grins cheekily, and before he can wipe it off himself, I lean forward and lick it off. The skin-crawling feeling didn't go away, it just got worse.
A/N: Oh what could possibly happen next? Let me know what you think!
