"For the appetiser, Caesar salad, escargot, and yer Oriental spring rolls."

Staring at the disgusting, nondescript slop sitting on the tray in front of him, Riku sighed to himself when he realised that this couldn't even be considered the capstone of what had been a painful and mind-numbing week or so (it really was hard to tell exactly how long they'd been here without any visible passage of night and day). The food, if such a term could actually be applied to the slop served, was worse than terrible; the journey was intensely boring, without even the slightest bit of combat to break up the monotony; and with River otherwise occupied, the company was incredibly lacking.

He found his eyes trailing over to where the girl in question sat, hunched over the Shepherd's Journal with Milo. When it became clear that River's time would best be served helping Milo translate, she had given him a brief run down on how to pilot - drive, River had corrected him - one of these 'trucks' they used to get around, one which fortunately it had only taken him a few minutes to pick up after having watched her in action. From then, the two of them had barely spoken a word to each other, with River spending almost all of her time away helping Milo, leaving Riku to drive the truck, and to take care of any miscellaneous duties Milo needed done.

To make his life more annoying, he'd still not heard a word from Sora, Kairi, or Namine. At least twice a day, when they broke camp and then they made camp, Riku had tried to get in contact with Sora using his communicator, but so far, it was just like that first try: signal unreachable. It had long gone past the point where Riku began to worry that something had happened to them, and he spent much of his free time during the day pondering all of the problems they could have run into; considering the bulk of his day was spent keeping a truck going in a straight line, he had more free time than he needed.

Sighing again, and casting another glance in River's direction, Riku was forced to admit what the problem really was: he was lonely. It was strange; for over a year and a half, Riku had been perfectly fine doing his own thing, going at his own pace. Sure, during that time he was doing work for Maleficent, DiZ, and Mickey, but he was still left mostly to his own devices, and indeed spent more time alone during that year and a half than ever before in his life. And yet, having spent less than two weeks in River's company (not including this past week-or-so of relative isolation), he found he missed her company.

What were they, exactly? Riku knew that, as his Keyblade had been the one she had held to unlock her own ability, that until he chose another, he was her teacher (he disliked the term 'master'), and she his apprentice. And yet, when her brother had brought her out of chemical-induced sleep after Namine had repaired her damaged mind, she had 'called' him. What did that mean? Were they together? If so, why hadn't she said or done anything since then? He could honestly say he didn't know.

As the others around the camp fire called Milo and River over to dine with them, Riku pushed the thoughts aside, with one promise: that before this journey was over, he would get answers to his questions.


- Shades of Grey -

- Dance of Light and Shadow -

Chapter 09 - Treasures of the Past

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, or any of the Disney or Square Enix characters or stories featured within. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to say that I did, but that would be a blatant lie. Any song, movie, and/or book reference used throughout the course of this story is also not owned by me. In fact, the only thing that is owned by me is this story.


"So, Riku has been found then has he?"

"Yes Master," Vanitas nodded, still kneeling behind Xehanort as the man gazed out the window at Kingdom Hearts. "Using the communications device we found among the prisoner's possessions, tied in to the Castle's computer system, I was able to locate a signal from the one Riku has. Based on the frequency of outgoing signals, it would appear that Riku is trying to make contact with another party, assumedly Sora, though has been unable to reach him, lending credence to the theory that he is not in this Realm any longer. I was, however, able to trace back Riku's signal."

"And where is the witch's wayward charge?"

"He is currently on a World known as Atlantis," Vanitas responded, before asking, "Should I dispatch the Heartless? His loss would weaken Sora's position, and likely force his hand into doing something irrational. And we don't yet know what this new wielder is capable of."

"You have made your thoughts on this subject quite clear already." Xehanort replied sharply, giving the issue a moment of thought before adding, "Though the loss of Hades is regrettable, we are fortunate that he managed to leave behind such a massive force before Sora dispatched him. You may send a brigade of Heartless, chosen at your discretion."

Pressing one hand over his heart, Vanitas stood, stating, "Yes Master, I shall lead them personally," before starting to stride off.

He was pulled up short when Xehanort remarked, "No Vanitas, I have more important work for you to do that chase a secondary objective. You are far too valuable for that."

"But Master," Vanitas tried to explain, "loathe though I am to admit it, Riku alone has enough strength and ability to destroy at least half a brigade of leaderless Heartless, and-"

Smiling slightly, though he still faced the window, Xehanort cut him off with, "We are fortunate, then, that I already have an operative on that world."

"You do?" Vanitas couldn't keep the surprise from his voice. "I was not aware you had operatives beyond those here in the Castle."

"Because you did not need to," Xehanort stated, adding, "I have sleeper agents scattered across the Worlds, each with their own tasks, that I can return to my service at any time. Go, send the Heartless; I shall ensure he is waiting for their arrival."

o-o-o

There were a number of things that frightened River Tam. Having grown up during the Unification War, like many children of the Core worlds she was brought up with the fear that a Browncoat ship could come to attack their home in order to drive the 'benevolent' Alliance away; having spent a good bit of time around a pair of veterans from that war, she was fairly certain that theory was bogus and only created to keep the people supporting the war, but the fear of attack never really went away.

Blue gloves were another big fear of hers, for reasons her mind did its best not to think about. Having spent many months bouncing around space, River had learned two new fears along the way: Reavers, a nightmare she had discovered was not the fairy tale that the Alliance government would have its people believe; and possibly the most primal fear of all, fire. One quickly learns to both fear and respect fire when an out-of-control blaze begins rapidly consuming all of the oxygen in the metal can you're using to fly through the void of nothingness, as she had come to learn when one such blaze erupted through /Serenity/ during her brother's birthday.

As such, waking up to find her tent on fire, as well as much of the rest of the camp, while surrounded by the thoughts, feelings, and screaming of frantic people fearing they'd been attacked, was for River like waking up into her own personal Hell; if not for Riku dragging he out of the blazing canvas, she likely would have remained there, frozen in terror until she burned to death.

"Come on, we need to get out of here!" Her companion's voice, coupled with his hand grabbing her wrist, snapped her out of her daze. Quickly grabbing her pack, River forced herself to keep up as Riku began sprinting towards the convoy of fleeing vehicles, abandoning the camp to the fire and the bugs that lit it. In a surprising show of strength, even with what she knew of him, Riku actually managed to launch her into the back of a moving truck, before leaping up into it himself.

Huddling against the canvas top, River did her best to shut out the minds of those around her, but it felt like holding her breath; no matter what she did, sooner or later she would have to open her mind again, and she knew what she'd feel would be bad. Again it was Riku's voice that managed to bring her back from the brink, as he crouched down next to her and stated firmly, "Don't worry River, I'll keep you safe. Just focus on me, forget about the others for now and concentrate on me." Trusting him, she opened herself slightly, focusing only on him as he requested, and felt his steadfast surety that everything would be fine.

That determination didn't even waver when the fire bug hive crashed down onto the stone bridge, sending the convoy toppling into the crevice below; all that did change was that Riku reached up, grabbed the ribs of the truck canopy, and used his body to hold her against the side.

With an almighty crash, the sliding trucks came to a halt, plunging them into darkness as the engines and lights clicked off. With the brief sound of a match striking, and the tiniest lick of flame, Rourke's voice called out, "All right, who's not dead? Sound off."

A series of moans and groans answered him, the match going out just as Cookie remarked, "Danged lightnin' bugs done bit me on my sit-upon. Somebody's gonna have to suck out that poison. Now don't everybody jump up at once."

As the crew began to pick up the pieces, working out what they had left and where they had it, River felt her focus drifting away slightly. 'There's something out there...' While she was never really able to put it into words, she knew she was prone to the occasional insight she shouldn't have, such as she did when Jubal Early snuck aboard the /Serenity/, and such as she was having right now. She didn't feel any real hostile intent though, more curiosity than anything.

It was at about that time she tuned back in to the conversations around her, specifically the voice of Rourke asking where Milo was, and suddenly she knew just what their mystery guests were curious about.

o-o-o

Namine ran her fingers through Sora's hair, humming softly to herself as she did so. She couldn't put a name to the song, only that it was something from Sora's childhood; amusingly, Namine probably knew more about his childhood than he did. Lying with him on their shared bunk was doing much to settle her nerves, which had been quite rattled in the past half-hour or so; Kairi, meanwhile, was performing Sora's job while he rested and recovered his strength. It was frightening, she realised, just how quickly a situation could go from normal, to life-threatening.

The trip thus far had been remarkably uneventful, considering that over ninety percent of the crew were pirates. Silver had amused himself making the cabin boy, Hawkins if she remembered correctly, run all manner of mundane (and sometimes inane) tasks, until the boy was run so ragged she'd honestly be impressed if he could remember his own name. The rest of the crew, under the watchful eye of Mister Arrow, all kept their noses clean, though Namine honestly didn't know just how much time had passed since the journey began; the wrist computer she's swiped from Sora said that it was roughly a week and a half, but judging by how many nights they'd had on the ship, subjective as the word 'night' might be in space, she estimated it to be about double that. Despite all that time, however, they hadn't had a chance to do much training, except for using White Magic, which they could practice from the safety of their cabin of an evening, and while Namine was a better study of White Magic than Black, Kairi was a better White Mage now than Sora, though she'd yet to reach the pinnacle of White Magic and cast Holy.

Still, the journey had been remarkably uneventful, until today at least, when the ship had been rocked by a nearby star exploding, before collapsing into a black hole. In a flurry of activity, they'd had to climb the masts and stow the sails, and in the midst of climbing back down again, climb back up and unfurl them again. In the end, the ship had managed to break free of the gravity well and escape the black hole, though it was closer than anyone liked to think about.

It was in the celebrations after, however, that it became clear they had not gotten away as free as they thought; Mister Arrow had gone overboard, his lifeline broken. A brief flash of fear had gripped both Namine and Kairi's hearts when Sora likewise didn't answer his name when it was first called, but it faded quickly when they realised together that they could still feel him, and sure enough, his exhausted form had appeared moments later; from what he'd said, he had tried to save Arrow, but in doing so his own lifeline had broken, so he'd needed to hold on to the ship to avoid getting pulled off. It explained why Kairi had felt magic going off towards the end - Sora had used a spell of some description, likely Gravity, to fasten himself to the ship, but in doing so had burnt through most of his energy.

Something about that didn't feel right to her, though, so she was spending her time with Sora combing through his memories, trying to find out why he was so weak recently. While she was at it, she decided to see the previous excitement through his eyes and see if she could find anything he hadn't noticed; whenever she relived Sora's memories, she never found herself looking through Sora's eyes, instead always finding herself as an observer, as if she was watching them happen.

With a slight sign at having to give up this peaceful time, she traced his most recent memories to the point of interest, and dove in.

o-o

"All sails secured captain!"

Sora breathed a sigh of relief, resting against the mast while a few other members of Silver's crew climbed back down to the deck. That relief was short lived when he heard Captain Amelia reply, "Good man! Now, release them immediately!"

Shaking his head as he heard Mister Arrow relaying the captain's orders, Sora returned to the line he'd just finished tying, putting the chatter of the crew out of his mind as he worked to unfurl the sails again. He'd just finished tying the sail open again when the ship was rocked by a violent wave, and it was only due to the nearby sail that he was able to maintain his balance. Spotting movement in the corner of his eye, Sora glanced over to see that Arrow had fallen overboard, though his lifeline held, and the First Mate began climbing back towards the ship.

There was a flash of red in the edge of his vision, and he saw a look of horror come across Arrow's face before his lifeline broke, the still-forming black hole quickly starting to drag him away. Without thinking, Sora leapt after him, wrapping one arm around his own lifeline, and grabbing Arrow's with the other. Straining to hold the line, he shouted, "Arrow! Climb!"

As he struggled to climb against the pull of the gravity well, Sora could barely hear Arrow's voice calling out, "Your lifeline isn't rated to hold this much weight! Release me or you'll be lost too!"

Hearing a sound behind him that reminded him much of a tree starting to topple as a strand of his lifeline snapped, he realised Arrow was right, but he wasn't going to let a good man suffer that fate. Releasing his own lifeline, Sora decided that saving Arrow was more important than maintaining cover, so with his free hand he summoned his Keyblade, tossing it behind him so as to summon his Glider, which flew beneath him with a simple mental command. Now mounted, Sora used both hands to hold on to Arrow's line, as he urged his Glider to move backwards towards the ship, inch by torturous inch.

Pausing in his climb, Sora noticed Arrow seem to come to some decision, before stating, "Even with your craft, the strain on your lifeline is too great. While your line holds, you gain some measure of safety from the ship's artificial gravity drive, but if it breaks, you'll be caught in the tow just as I am. You must get back to the ship!"

Gritting his teeth, Sora replied, "I'm not letting you go!"

"I know," the older spacer replied, "So I'll make that choice for you." Releasing his lifeline with one hand, Arrow reached back to draw out his knife.

"Don't do it Arrow!" Despite edging closer to the ship, Sora could hear another strand or two of his lifeline break.

A smile on his stony face, Arrow remarked, "Take care of the captain for me," before cutting the rope, and letting go.

"No!" Sora couldn't help the horror he felt well up in his heart as he saw Arrow dragged into the black hole, but he knew there was nothing he could do for the man now except honour his last wish. Spinning his Glider around, Sora pushed it to the limit, fighting the pull as he tried to get back to the deck before his line broke.

It was soon obvious he wasn't going to make it, however, given how he saw the rest of the crew bracing for impact, so with as much energy as he could spare, he banished his Glider back to its Keyblade form, aimed a Magnega spell at the ship, and let himself get drawn in. With a sudden jolt, he struck the one, his free hand snapping up to grab the railing, but he knew it wouldn't be enough to hold against the g-force the ship would soon be under, so he followed it up with a Graviga spell, feeding every bit of energy he could spare into maintaining his hold on the ship, both magical and physical.

Concentrating as hard as he was, he only barely noticed when the ship returned to regular space, and the forces trying to drag him away from the ship faded. Releasing his spell, and feeling immensely drained, he used what strength he had left to drag himself back on to the deck, before shambling and stumbling towards the helm, to give the captain the bad news about Arrow.

o-o

Coming out of her memory dive and returning to her own head, it took her a good while to return her thoughts to just her own; so much so that it took her roughly five minutes to notice that Kairi was leaning against the closed door watching her. Tilting her head to one side in confusion, she asked, "What's wrong Kai?"

Rolling her eyes slightly, but with a good-natured smile on her face, Kairi replied, "Nothing's wrong Nam, I'm just here because we agreed to trade off Sora's duties while he's recovering, and it's your shift."

Surprised, Namine replied, "No, it can't be, it's only been-" Catching sight of the time on her computer, she was surprised to find out that two hours had passed since she'd last looked at it. "Huh. I guess it can be..."

Shrugging slightly, Kairi remarked, "I tried to wake you, but when that didn't work I realised you weren't really there to wake." Helping her sister extricate herself from beneath their shared boyfriend, she asked, "Find out anything interesting?"

Thoughts still swirling through her mind, though in an organised mess now as compared to the total chaos before, Namine replied slowly, "Yeah, I think I did." Even without looking at her, Namine could still feel her sister's questioning gaze upon her. "Best save it for when Sora's awake though, so we don't have to go over it more than once."

Without waiting for Kairi's reply, Namine headed out to find the captain. With Arrow lost, Sora was now First Mate, and while he recovered that job fell to the two sisters. A job made much more complicated now that she'd seen that event through Sora's eyes, because unlike what he reported to Captain Amelia, Mister Arrow's line did not just break on its own. In the heat of the moment, Sora himself may not have actually seen what really happened, but having watched it herself, Namine did.

Arrow's line had been cut by Scroop.

o-o-o

When had his life become so complicated? Riku honestly thought that, after all of the craziness that travelling with Sora had brought him, that he had managed to sort things out and return to a kind of normal, only for River to shake him to his foundations once more; and with just two questions at that!

It had been almost a full day since she'd asked him, but still he couldn't get it out of his mind. Finding Milo after the camp fire incident had been easy enough, as had chasing him as the man scrambled over rocks and other debris, though what he had been chasing wasn't obvious until after they reached the end of the cave, finding themselves in a massive, lit cavern, in which sat a vast, ancient-looking, and more surprisingly, still mostly-intact city, surrounded by water; it was there that they'd been ambushed by three figures which were quickly revealed to be native Atlantians.

As Milo began his attempt at a diplomatic first contact, Riku couldn't help but think to himself 'I hope River doesn't interfere', knowing full well that she knew the language, probably better than Milo himself did, especially if she could pull what she needed to know out of the Atlantians' heads. Of course, it had slipped his mind at that point that if she could read their minds she could read his, though thankfully she didn't call him on it; not then, anyway.

It wasn't until after they'd reached the city, and had a less-than-cordial visit with the withered Atlantian king. The group had volunteered Milo to track down the king's daughter and try to get some information out of them, and trusting in the Sora philosophy of the first person they meet being the one to lead them to their goal, Riku and River had opted to tail him, make sure he didn't hurt himself, and see if he managed to stumble across the World's Keyhole.

Not long into their exploration, River had asked him plainly, "Why was it you didn't want me to interfere?" There was no note of accusation in her tone, just curiosity, for which he would be eternally grateful; as odd as she was at times, he did enjoy her company, and didn't want to offend her.

Riku's reply was simple. "Because we're not supposed to meddle in the affairs of other worlds. Whether they succeed or fail is up to them, not us. Our job is mainly to keep outside forces, like the Heartless, from messing this world up before that can happen."

River's riposte was just as swift. "But why? Based on what the girls told me about Sora's travels, jumping head-first into the affairs of other worlds was most of what Sora actually did, and look at what he was able to accomplish. So why aren't we meant to do the same?"

Riku found he didn't have an answer to that, and satisfied that her question was asked, River seemed to drop the issue, content to let him mull it over while they explored. It was a majestic, if somewhat run down city, and the people they encountered along the way seemed friendly, but there was always a hint of something underneath the surface. River had described it as a slight feeling of desperation, that for all the city appeared to be thriving, the civilisation was on its last legs.

Of course, River had also pocketed some odd rock that she claimed she could 'hear memories' from when she held it, while Riku himself heard nothing of the sort, so there was that.

Still, his mind kept coming back to the question she'd asked him, and he'd finally come to the conclusion that having no answer was his answer. Turning towards her so as to continue their discussion on it, he found her already looking his way, the hint of a smile on her face; no doubt she'd already picked up on his new-found clarity, but the topic was worth discussing anyway.

"River, about that 'meddling' issue we talked about earlier?" She said nothing, but the slight nod of her head, and widening of her smile, showed she was listening. "While I'm sure you already know by now, I've realised that I don't really have an answer as to 'why'. It's just, the way it's always been. When working for both Mickey and DiZ, the primary rule was 'do not meddle in the affairs of other worlds'. I've never actually questioned the logic of it."

"I know why," River remarked almost casually, though with an excited undertone as though she'd been eager for the chance to talk about it. "Both why the rule exists, and why you follow it. And both of them resolve to the same thing: safety. Not the safety of the World in question, but of the traveller. The rule exists so that the traveller can ensure that nothing that happens while he's on that World leaves a lasting mark."

Riku could tell his confusion was plainly visible; fortunately, River continued unabated. "I'll give you an example. The hundred-plus men that died in the sub crash at the start of this expedition. They didn't really mean anything to you, and I don't mean that in an accusatory way - you didn't know them, and thus, while you may be sad that people died, you don't mourn their loss. That's why that rule exists. If you don't involve yourself in the affairs of other worlds, you don't have to worry about the lasting effects of what happened while you were there; by not meddling, you can rationalise it as something that would have happened with or without your involvement, even if you think that, maybe you could have changed it. But you weren't meant to change it, because the rule says you're not."

Pacing a few steps away, before twirling back to face him again, she added, "I'm sure that this rule works for many people, especially people like DiZ, but Riku, it doesn't work for us." With a flash of light, she summoned Fractured Time to her hand. "You and Sora have told me that this weapon is basically a representation of my heart. That this is my strength of self given form, to be used to defend myself and others from Darkness. But in order to do that, we need to actually use our hearts." Banishing her Keyblade again, River closed her eyes, pressing one hand to her heart. "I felt every one of those deaths - I couldn't not! - and it's something that I will feel for a long time. But that pain gives me strength, so I can do my all to ensure that never happens again. But Riku, you've locked your heart away. You fight with it, but you won't fight for it!"

Riku could tell he was gaping in shock that this waif of a girl, who had only really had her mind to itself for under a month, could have such a startling revelation. Opening her eyes again, she stated plainly, "That's why Xurik almost beat you, you know. While I know, from what you've told me, Nobodies don't actually have a heart, you also mentioned that they remember what it feels like, and that those memories are what drive them. They can't not follow the remembered feelings, because without a heart, those feelings can never change, and fighting for those feelings gives them strength. Tell me, what changed that allowed you to beat Xurik?"

"The Guardian." Riku replied slowly, the answer forming in his mind as he recalled the event. "It spoke to me. Told me that all it had left was the desire to protect. To protect those it cared about. And asked me if I would help it fulfil that purpose." Shaking his head, Riku couldn't help but sigh. "You're right River. I've always kept myself guarded, and I guess, ever since Hollow Bastion, I've been trying to make sure that never happened again by becoming even more guarded..." Looking up at her, he asked, "But how do I change that?"

Smiling slightly, River gave an almost casual shrug. "I don't rightly know myself. But I do know that step one is admitting you want to."

o-o-o

Seymour smiled to himself, humming a jaunty tune as he strode towards his lab. The youngling 'Vanitas' was becoming increasingly unstable the longer Sora was able to elude them, and coupled with the disappearance of Xurik, the boy was rapidly losing favour with the Dark Master. It was a pity, however, that with his Keyblade, the whelp would never truly be obsolete; at least, not until Seymour could find a way to replace him.

The last attempt had not worked especially well, and had, in fact, lead to Xehanort taking matters into his own hands and 'reviving' Vanitas. One failed experiment piled atop another.

Still, his current pet project was nearing completion. If all went according to schedule, they would have the Princesses of Heart captured within the week. Granted, with Kairi still at large, Seymour wouldn't be able to create the true Keyblade of People's Hearts, but he would be able to construct the incomplete version, which would have the added benefit of keeping the Princesses sedated, as well as providing an additional means of repairing the Kingdom Hearts moon.

The thought gave him pause. What, exactly, did Xehanort need the Princesses for? The Keyblade of Hearts was, at best, a means to an end. So what was that end?

The ultimate goal of course was Kingdom Hearts, but his research told that while seven hearts of light could 'light the way', no mention was made of a way to control it. Which meant that there was some other catalyst, one that, if he knew, Xehanort was keeping mum on.

Seymour briefly toyed with the idea of seeing what the whelp knew, but realised he was merely a tool; one their 'master' did not fully trust. But then, who could one truly trust in this game they played?

He was not such a fool that he believed Xehanort truly had the same goals as he. Seymour knew that Xehanort intended to wipe the Worlds clean and rebuild them in his own image, most likely with himself as lord and master of all he surveyed; Seymour himself, however, merely wanted the first part of that plan. He had seen the Spiral of Death that all Worlds suffered from first hand, and he had honestly believed that if all life were to end, all suffering would end with it; after all, is that not why Unsent became Fiends, because they continued to suffer after death, and wished to spread that suffering to the living?

His own death, and the Sending that followed later, had done much to open his eyes. There was no respite from suffering even in death; Hades and his Underworld saw to that. Thus, there was but one way to truly end all suffering: to bring death to existence itself. He had found many souls in the Underworld that shared this point of view, including the one he had recruited to assist Xehanort in retrieving his research data. Seymour was not truly sure how many others had escaped when Hades slipped free from his bonds, but now that the dark god was returned to the Underworld, he'd not risk returning to find out.

Still, he needed allies if he was going to overthrow Xehanort; the man had at least two, including the 'sleeper agent' he had given the task of dealing with Riku, and no doubt he had many more. Perhaps, once his current project was no longer needed to retrieve the Princesses, he would reshape it to become both guardian and bloodhound, sending it out into the Worlds to hunt for more like-minded soul.

For now, he would keep his cards close to the vest. He may have held a Jack, and soon a King as well, but the Dark Master had at least two Aces.


Author's Notes

First, let me just apologize to everyone about how long this has taken. It's been almost a year since I last updated this story, largely due to working full time coupled with almost crippling writer's block. I should have had this chapter done at least three months ago, because I've always known what was going to be in it, but I just couldn't get it actually written. As it is, there was more I was going to include in the chapter, but considering it's taken this long to get what's here done, I decided to cut my losses and move the yet-to-be-written scenes to the next chapter.

Second, I just want to assure everyone still following this story that, no matter how long it takes to actually get it written, I have not, and will not abandon this story. Even if I only get three words written a day, I will finish this, and the story I've intended to follow after it.

I'd like to say that I should be able to get the next chapter done within a month or two, but we all know how good I am at keeping to promises like that by now, so I'll just leave it as a hope instead.