Timeline- This is the beginning of a series of chapters that explores Sam's plan to leave the hunting life and go to college. This story begins the fall of Sam's junior year when he is 16 and Adam is 12.
College.
One word that meant one thing to Sam Winchester: Freedom.
Freedom was what Sam Winchester wanted most. Freedom to decide what his life would be. Freedom to choose to follow his family find a different path. That's all he really wanted, a choice, a say in the matter.
Growing up Sam rarely got a say in anything that happened to him. John Winchester was a force of nature, an unmovable, unyielding rock that was the cornerstone of Sam's young world. As a small child Sam was comforted by his father's steadfastness, but as a teenager he began to feel stifled and resentful, unwilling to follow the rigid orders demanded of him without explanation. He tried to be like his older brother: confident in their father's command, but natural submission didn't seem to come as easily to him as it did for Dean.
Dean had unwavering devotion in Dad's every decision; regardless of how little information he was given to go on. But not Sam. Sam always wanted to know more, wanted to know why. He wanted to be part of the Winchester team, not a soldier in the Winchester Army. He wanted to offer his point of view, be valued for his suggestions, be praised for his ideas.
When Sam was 14 years old he realized he'd never be more than a child in his father's eyes. Dad could never see him as an intelligent person with something to contribute to their campaign. No matter how many times Sam was able to save the mission with his research, or how many times he discovered a minuscule detail in the lore that changed the game, Sam was a child, a child to be protected and prepared for the life that had been decided for him.
It was this realization and a coincidental essay for a teacher at Truman High his freshman year that opened Sam's eyes to the possibility of college and the freedom it could provide. Mr. Wyatt had confronted him over an essay he had stupidly written about a werewolf hunt. Sam figured the essay would be taken as a leap into fictional writing, but a small part of him hoped someone would take it seriously and find a way to pull him out of 'the life'. When Mr. Wyatt pulled him aside Sam's heart had leapt into his throat with regret and fear, but the teacher didn't seem to care about the werewolf. He brushed past what Sam thought was the highlight of the story and focused only on Sam's misery about following his father into the family business. When Mr. Wyatt began to share his own story of defying his family and their expectations, Sam felt an ember of hope and excitement spark in his chest.
He kept the idea to himself for a long time, afraid and unsure of the possibilities. He ached to talk to Dean about it, but couldn't predict his brother's reaction. Dean could be brash and insensitive sometimes and Sam feared he might not be able to brush off any teasing, so he figured he was better off keeping his mouth shut.
Sam knew his brother never personally had any goals for higher education giving up high school the moment he turned 18 and settling for the GED their father demanded instead of the diploma he should have earned. Dean was smart, smarter than Sam in a lot of ways, but thanks to Dad's constant belittling and never-ending critiques Dean had lost any confidence he might have had in his own brain over the years. It was really only thanks to Dean's relentless pride in Sam's intelligence that Sam felt like a smart kid who could even consider college as an option.
But now Sam had another brother to worry about.
Selfishly Sam's first thought when he and Dean were introduced to Adam was not concern for his new little brother who had experienced the worst trauma of his life, but for himself. He was already struggling with the idea of potentially abandoning Dean for higher education, what was he supposed to do about adding a younger brother to the mix? Especially a younger brother who would no doubt struggle to survive life as a Winchester?
Before Adam showed up, Sam was all set to go. He'd made peace with the idea that Dad would likely cut him off and that Dean might never forgive him for his choice. He was ready for his freedom and ready to face the consequences that came along with it.
But then there was this skinny, pale 12-year-old, looking up at him like Sam was God, Mother Theresa and Gandhi all rolled into one. It was really all Dean's fault. The stubborn SOB couldn't separate his new younger brother from what he considered to be Dad's cheating on their mother. And since Dean could never call Dad out on being anything but a hero, he took all his hurt and anger out on Adam. He spent an entire year alternating between ignoring the kid completely and teasing him maliciously, leaving Sam in the unappealing position of nurturer for their new brother.
Sam knew well enough what to do and how to comfort Adam, although he fumbled his way through some of the finer points of offering brotherly comfort more than Dean ever had. And in truth consoling and caring for Adam did come naturally to him. They ended up spending an unexpected amount of time together when Dad and Dean went on hunts together or simply the nights that Dean went out to hustle pool or look for ladies. Sam was surprised to find that he was happy to have the company Adam offered in the dingy motels and half-furnished rooms they often called home. After so many years alone it was nice to find camaraderie in the tension of waiting.
Sam often considered talking about his college plans with Adam, but he always stopped himself. Adam was only 12. He was young and eager to please and although Sam trusted that his little brother would never intentionally spill the beans, Sam worried that his overzealous enthusiasm to earn their father's respect would ruin his plan. Sam hated that he couldn't talk about college with his brother since Adam might have been the only person within their family who would actually understand his interest and support it. Adam grew up normal. He'd only recently been thrust into the terrible world of the supernatural. He might understand Sam's intense desire to run from it. Adam had already told Sam that he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up, so Sam knew that he had college ambition for himself as well. Maybe when he was older or maybe when Adam had shed his need to please their father Sam could feel comfortable exposing his most protected secret
Although schooling his junior year was as sporadic as it had ever been Sam was able to find the time to research the SAT test and the scores he'd need to get into a 'good' school. Once he committed to the decision of abandoning hunting and thus his brothers, Sam decided he wouldn't settle for anything less than the very best school and the very best life he could manage. Keeping the secret of college research wasn't as hard as he anticipated since they spent an enormous amount of time in local libraries researching anyway. His family was used to him wandering off to a private corner of the library, under the guise of needing peace from Dean and Adam's bickering to think. As long as he was in Dean or Dad's line of sight no one seemed to care what he was reading on the library computers (although Dean loved to tease him about 'keeping it clean in public').
Once Sam knew the details of the test he knew he'd need help. There was no way he could manage to plan all the moving pieces that would need to align for him to be able to sign up and test in the same location.
Sam wanted to ask Pastor Jim to help him plan his test taking, but he didn't feel right about asking a man of God to lie for him so instead, he called Bobby Singer. Singer had been a family friend for years, and Sam knew he'd go to bat for him. It also didn't hurt that Bobby and Dad weren't speaking at the moment, which meant one less thing for Sam to worry about.
In a back corner of the Clarksville library, Sam leaned against the desk of a nice librarian who had agreed to let him use their staff phone, having sneaked away from his brothers under the pretext of needing to use the bathroom.
The phone only rang twice before a gruff "What?" came across the other end of the line.
Sam couldn't help but smile at Bobby's perpetually annoyed tone. "Hey, Bobby its Sam,"
"Sam!" came a surprised reply, "You ok boy?" Bobby asked, his tone immediately concerned. Although Bobby would never call John on it he always thought taking those boys out on the road was a bad idea, and he was waiting for the day when he'd get the phone call to prove it.
"Yeah...Yeah. I'm good. We all are."
"Good! Whatcha calling me for then?" Bobby asked, his gruff annoyance easily returning "Cause I aint helping your dumbass Daddy with any research until he shows his ass up here in person and apologizes."
"Yeah, doubt that's gonna happen Bobby," Sam said rolling his eyes, "Actually, I'm the one who could use your help... if you don't mind," Sam asked hesitantly.
"'Course boy. You sure you're ok?"
"Yeah. Yeah. It's just... Well…" Sam suddenly felt a lump of fear gag him and he struggled to choke out the words, anxious of Bobby's reaction.
"Well spit it out son!"
"Well, uh... I wanna take the SATs." Sam rushed out.
"Yeah, ok?" Bobby replied flatly, in confusion.
"Well it's just... I need those scores if I'm gonna go to college and I know Dad doesn't want me to go, so I figure asking to take the test is a waste of time, there's no way he'd let me, but I found some dates I can sign up for and I can take in Sioux Falls. I'd just need to be there… and they mail you the results so I'd need to send them to your place..."
"So let me get this straight, you want me to help you lie to your Daddy, so you can take a test?"
"Uh… yeah."
Bobby sighed deeply on the other end of the line and Sam held his breath waiting for the old hunter's response.
"I know it aint right," he said, and Sam could picture him shaking his head and pacing around his kitchen, "But damn if I don't know how stupidly stubborn your Daddy can be about things. So damn it, yeah I'll help you. You just tell me what you want to do."
Sam sighed happily in relief "Thank you Bobby. Thank you so much."
"Yeah, yeah kid, but look you get all this shit worked out and you come clean you hear? You can't keep lying to your Daddy forever."
"Yeah Bobby I know," Sam said, nodding into the phone.
"Speaking of... Dean know about any of this?"
Sam felt a stone of guilt suddenly drop into his stomach.
"No."
"Sam..." Bobby warned softly.
"I just... I don't even know if its gonna work out… if I'm gonna do well enough to get into college. I don't wanna stress him out over something that might not even happen."
"Sam..." Bobby warned again, "Don't be pulling shit on your brother. He don't deserve that."
"Yeah Bobby, I know. I won't, but please don't say anything just yet."
"Alright fine."
"Thank you Bobby. I'll call you when I get the test dates confirmed and figure out what I'm gonna tell dad."
"I hope you know what you're doing son." Bobby said tiredly.
"Yeah… me too. Bye Bobby."
"Bye Sam."
Sam hung up the library phone and looked around, wary that anyone might have overheard his conversation, but the third floor was still empty. He made his way back down to the archives to find Dean and Adam still sitting at the large wooden table scouring old newspapers.
"Jesus, took you long enough," Dean said, sliding over a stack of papers, "Here you take November 74 to March 75"
Sam nodded and accepted the newspapers, feeling a little dirty about the secret he was keeping.
A/N- Thank you for reading! And thank you to everyone who takes time out to leave a review! You guys give me life! I always look forward to hearing your thoughts on each chapter and I can't wait to hear what you think about the start of Sam's big plan. Thank you so so much!
