Chapter 9. A test and the power of confessions

Max had known PJ for many years. He knew most things about him and his family. PJ was a soft guy, one that cared for the beauty in the world and liked people for who they were, not how they looked. He adored his strong, confident mother and loved his sister more than anything, even though he mostly thought that she was a pain in the ass. He liked learning new stuff and in school he had average grades, even though Max often had lured him in to some trouble more fascinating than studying. PJ's life would be pretty much perfect if it wasn't for the constant fear he felt for his big, loud father. Max knew that Pete at some occasions had hit his son but more than anything, he used a mental abuse, causing PJ to think that he never was man enough or ever could make Pete proud. Those thoughts often haunted Max, as he had never experienced these kind of things in his childhood. Sure, he had been devastated when his mother died but his father had always been there, comforting and reassuring that the mother was in a better place. Goofy would rather cut off his own hands, than hurt his son willfully.

All those thoughts made Max realize that he knew very little about Bobby. They had talked for the first time when he needed his expertise in hijacking the auditorium and performing as Powerline. After that Bobby just became a part of the team. But he never really said anything about himself and when he did, it was mostly weird things, like his obsession with canned cheese. Max and PJ had been at Bobby's house two times and from that, they had figured out that he had three sisters and two parents. But they had only met the two youngest sisters, who still lived at home back then, and Harry, leaving Max and PJ with no clues of how Bobby's relationships with them all really were and where the mother dwelled.

This was the thoughts consuming Max's mind when he, with unintended force slammed his palms down on the table in the cafeteria at which Mocha and PJ was sitting and asked:

"Where's Bobby?"

PJ, visibly startled by his friend's sudden appearance and outburst, took a bite from his sandwich with grilled cheese while thinking of a good way to respond to this. Mocha, however beat him to it.

"He's taking his test today, didn't you know that?"

"No, he barely talks to me anymore..." Max said, secretly making eye contact with the beret girl who gave him a knowing look. "And I had forgotten it was today," he added sheepishly.

"It's strange," PJ said. "Bobby is always up before you wake up and he goes to bed after or before you do. I barely see him at our room. It's almost like he disappears during the day. You two have been fighting or something?"

Max looked at Mocha, panic clearly written in his face. He didn't know what to tell his best mate. He wanted to explain the whole thing but it felt so strange, so unreal. Max had no idea what the incident with Bobby meant or would come to mean. He didn't want to drag PJ in on it before he had had a chance to sort it out on his own, which had proved to be easier said than done, since Bobby was nowhere to be found during his wake hours.

"Yeah, something like that," Max muttered. PJ looked at him with a concerned expression.

"What happened?" the big guy asked. Max sighed.

"Look, bro, I promise I'll tell you as soon as I know for myself. But right now there's a lot in my head that I need to figure out on my own and with...Bobby. I'm sorry," Max explained as good as he could without going in to details or leaving out too much. Unfortunately the look of concern did not leave his friend's face.

"You're scaring me a little now, Maxie," PJ said but he was stopped from urging Max to go on by his girlfriend's hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sure Max is capable of taking care of his own problems. Most of the times..." she said the last part with her eyes fixed on Max. PJ, still not convinced, relaxed a bit.

"I'll be here if...when, you need me," he mumbled. Max gave PJ a smile and nodded understandingly.

"What room is he in?" Max then asked.

"B202, I think," PJ said and looked at his girlfriend who nodded in confirmation. Max waved and headed for room B202.

/\/\/\

Yes! It was the only word that rang through his head and was strong enough to describe what he was feeling at the moment. He wasn't sure but 90 % of his brain, no matter how fucked up it was, told him that he had done it! The studying had paid off. He felt lighter than he had felt in a very long time without the help of drugs as he handed in the test 30 minutes before the time was up. Bobby left the room feeling as if he could conquer the whole world and nothing could stop him. At least that was until he saw a certain someone leaning casually against the wall right outside the door. Panic struck Bobby and he looked around but there was nowhere to run. Max had already seen him and was approaching quickly. He grabbed the elbow of the hipster.

"We need to talk," he said quietly and started dragging Bobby with him. The later tried to fight back the rising feeling of panic. He had known that this conversation was inevitable but he had wanted to be the one starting it. That way he would've been the one in control. As it was now, he felt extremely vulnerable. Nevertheless he followed Max into an empty study room. Once inside, Max locked the door, while Bobby sat down at a round table in the centre of the room and nervously started picking at a loose splinter of wood in the table top. Max stood quiet for a moment, watching the door he had just locked. His palms felt extremely sweaty and he knew that as soon he turned around all of this would be real, he and Bobby alone in this room, the kiss... For just one more second he wanted to watch that door and control this situation. Just one more...

"I'm sorry about... you know..."

Max turned around and faced the red-haired guy sitting at the table, whose sleepy eyes were now fixed on him. Bobby had taken off his sunglasses and Max could see how tired he looked. Goofy's son walked over and sat down opposite his friend or whatever he was at this moment.

"Why?" he asked with a voice not as strong as he had hoped. Bobby looked down at the splinter again.

"'Cause it was stupid, on the edge of harassment and nothing you do to a friend," he answered. His voice was thick and Max had to swallow a few times to be sure his own voice would carry.

"It wasn't harassment, but if you had just talked to me instead of..."

"Kissing you?" Bobby glared at Max. "I wanted to but I didn't know how. It's not like you can just 'Oh, by the way best friend, I have a crush on you is that cool?' I've been feeling this way for so long and I've been told even longer how wrong these feelings are. You know me, well kinda, but you know that I don't say things. I let it build up inside until, well this!" He made a gesture to them both and the room, trying to capture the whole situation they were in. Max looked at Bobby with wide eyes. For the first time he saw a glimpse of the boy behind the jester's mask.

"How long?" He finally asked. "How long have you had, uhm, feelings for me, I mean," he added to clarify. Bobby gazed at the ceiling, looking like he tried to remember even though the answer was as clear as crystal to him.

"Since high school. You remember that day when I was called to Mazur's office?"

"Bro, which one?" Max asked and they both let out a relieved giggle.

"Well, you probably don't remember but it was just before I started to see the shrink. The first one I mean."

"The first?"

"Uhm, yeah. Didn't tell you guys about that no," Bobby said and scratched his neck in embarrassment.

"About what? All you said was that the sessions were over and you felt better. Can you please start making sense?" Max cried out in frustration. This talk had already proven to be more complicated than he had first thought. Bobby winced slightly at the sudden outburst. He then moved his gaze to the window and looked at the melting snow outside.

"It's so much..." he said. And then he started telling. He told Max about everything. About his mother and sisters, about the "other shrink" and his father's reaction. And about the feelings he had felt for Max during all this time. Max sat quiet the whole time, not really being able to understand all that he heard. All these years neither he, nor PJ had known just how bad Bobby had been feeling. The truth was like a blow straight to the kidneys.

"I always knew my father was that 'real man, macho"- type o' guy and that he wanted me to be as successful as my sisters. Just didn't know that he was a homophobic. Guess that part just gave him, you know, a reason to why I was different and kept screwing up. 'Cause I am different, always have been and always will be and... well I guess I'm trailing off now," Bobby finished with a sheepish smile and put on his glasses. Max sat there for a moment and tried to take in all he had heard. After a few seconds he opened his mouth.

"We need to tell PJ."

"I guess so," Bobby shrugged. Max looked at the redhead for a long moment. He then closed his eyes and inhaled sharply. He held the breath inside for a few seconds and when he finally let it go he thought "fuck it" to himself.

"If this," he made a gesture between them. "...is what you want, then I say that we give it a try. I can't say that I love you but neither can I say that I don't have any feelings besides friendship for you. What do you..."

"For real?!" Bobby interrupted.

"Uhm, yeah. If you want to," Max said. He felt his cheeks grow hot and he was glad that the door was closed and locked. He looked as a grin was spreading on Bobby's lips.

"Of course I want to, even though it will be strange."

"It will," Max admitted. "And I will have to talk to Roxanne I guess."

"Man, I'm sorry. You shouldn't need to do that. We can pretend that this never..."

"Bobby stop it! Just stop it!" Max suddenly reached out and grabbed Bobby's hand, taking the other guy completely off guard as a tingling sensation started to spread from his hand and throughout his body.

"Roxanne and I are not together or anything. We just, well, we spent some nights together during Christmas break. But we're not in a relationship and frankly I don't know if it ever could've been one either. But I need to talk to her. She deserves to know everything 'cause she is an amazing person and a good friend. But I really want to give us, you and me, a try 'cause you woke something in me that I have never felt, okay?" Max was panting now and he was redder than ever from the emotional confession. Bobby looked at him through the shades, not really knowing how to respond.

"Okay," he finally said.

/\/\/\

Author's note

Sorry for the cliffhanger guys! And sorry for being away so long. It's been a very hard time for me. My school is messing up and I have started seeing a psychologist. My creativity and motivation has been like, zero. Anyway. I'm just making excuses now :p
I'm very glad to be back and I hope you liked this chapter. There are not so many left now. It almost broke my heart to write Bobby's and Max's talk :( Oh the things I do for art XD

As I see it, Mocha does not go to the college. She works as a performer at the Bean Scene but she's not a student. But I like the idea of her dropping by every now and then to visit the boys, even though it's not really appreciated at most schools for people who do not go there to visit them.

And I almost feel bad for letting Max tell Mocha about Bobby before he tells PJ. But don't worry, I will have a bro to bro- conversation- thingy later on :)