Part 9
John looked up from where he was slouched in a seat across from the door when Patti came through it, "I hope you know what you put me through telling me to leave the room and then hearing my daughter wail."
"I do know, John, and thank you for not bursting in, I know you wanted to." He gave a low growl, bringing a smile to her lips, "I think you'll be a little happier when I tell you that we made a huge advancement in just that short period of time."
"Really?" He sat up sharply, "What happened?"
"Walk with me to the kitchen so I can grab a bottle of water, please." He willingly rose and followed her to the other end of the hall. "I asked her to answer a question without stopping to think about it. I asked 'the thing I fear most about my father is' and with no hesitation she answered 'he's going to leave me like mom did'. She's not actually afraid of you, John, she afraid she's going to be abandoned."
In the other room, Ashlyn rose to pace the office restlessly. She'd somehow managed to convince herself that she was afraid of the man in the hall because he might physically hurt her when she was actually petrified that he was going to leave. She couldn't bear the thought of having found her father only to have him turn his back on her and walk away. He mother had promised that he wouldn't do something like that if they ever met, and John himself had promised he would never leave but doubt still lingered in her mind.
Standing at the window, staring out a the garden, she let her mind drift back to when she was younger and her mom was trying to comfort her after a bad run-in with her step-father.
"Why does he hate me, mom?"
"He doesn't hate you, baby, he hates what you represent."
"What's that?"
Jessica wiped a cool cloth over her daughter's bruised cheek, "I never got pregnant again after you and he wanted a child of his own. You're the physical embodiment of my love for another man and he feels that it's a slap in the face that John could get me pregnant, but he can't."
"If you loved my real father, why didn't you stay with him? Why did you marry someone else?"
"John and I couldn't get married, honey, and I needed someone to help me take care of you. I didn't know he would hurt both of us like he has and for that I'm sorry. Your father would have sooner cut out his own heart than physically lay a hand on one of us in anger."
There is was; an assurance from her own mother than John wouldn't strike out at her. Another memory surged forward.
Jessica sat in the bed with her daughter, humming softly to sooth her after a bad dream. Her husband was out of town for the night and she had taken complete advantage of his absence to spend as much time as she could with the child since when he was home she had to be at his beck and call. She could also talk freely without fear of him overhearing her words.
"Mom?"
"Hmmm?"
"Why did my real father abandon us?"
She pulled the little girl closer for a hug, "He didn't abandon us, baby; he had to serve our country and I didn't tell him about you when I should have."
Disbelieving ice green eyes peered up at her from the nest of covers, "You mean you never told him about me?"
"No, honey, I didn't. I should have, but hindsight's always 20/20. If he'd known I was pregnant with you, John would never have left me and that would have gotten him into a lot of trouble with the military."
"Do you think he would have been happy with a girl instead of a boy?"
Jessica laughed softly, "He would have been so in love with you, baby. John was always good with kids whenever we were around any. He was so gentle and careful with them; like he was afraid they might break. You would have had him wrapped around your little finger before you even came home from the hospital."
"I wish I could have known him."
"Me, too. Some day he'll find me again, or I'll find him, and I'll tell him about this beautiful little bundle of joy he blessed me with. And when that day comes, he will move heaven and earth to keep you."
"Because I'm his responsibility?" If he was that into the military he would have a strong sense of duty.
"No, sweet baby, because he's going to fall in love with his gorgeous and intelligent daughter and he would never abandon you once he knows you're his."
And again, from her mother's own lips, an assurance that John wouldn't have abandoned her if he'd known about her existence. That he would love her and care for her. The man had told her several times that he already loved her and he had done everything in his power so far to reassure and take care of her. He'd even agreed to not only take her to see a therapist but to join her sessions as much as she wanted or needed him to. Surely that wasn't something a man like him would have been comfortable doing on his own! He was doing it for her. Because he loved her and wanted her to feel safe with him.
And she did feel safe with him. Now that she let herself actually think beyond the fear her body had imposed of being abused, Ashlyn realized he represented safety, shelter in a stormy world. This was a man who would stand by her at all times, and not because she was a duty he had to take responsibility for. He had agreed to let her help him and Harold with the machine, as long as she was kept in a position of safety at all times. He wanted to take her to a concert to see one of her favorite bands because the music had spoken to both of them and he felt it was important to her.
Did she love John Reese?
No, she didn't, because John Reese didn't actually exist. She really did need to sit him down and ask him his real name; somehow it just hadn't seemed important in the grand scheme of things this past week.
So that changed the nature of the question. Did she love her father?
Watching the woman pull out a bottle of water, he shook his head at one she offered him, "I would never abandon her. If I'd known Jessica was pregnant, I would have left the military to take care of both of them, and I never would have gotten involved with the CIA. Of course that also means I never would have been here when you needed someone to help you."
Patti smiled at him, "And I very much appreciate the help you and your friend gave me. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, John, and there was a purpose to you not knowing about Ashlyn until now. I don't know why, but I think, now that you've found each other, you will enjoy a much more fulfilling and loving relationship with her than if you'd had a hand in raising her."
Leaning against the counter, he opened his mouth, about to respond to the doctor's comments, when his sensitive hearing picked up a sound from the office. He was already moving when the door was yanked open and the teenager came out into the hall.
She'd expected him to be sitting right there with the doctor, waiting to be allowed back in, but the hallway was empty and she panicked.
"Dad? Where are you? Dad?!" Her mind barely registered she wasn't using his given name, she wanted and needed her father and that's who she was calling frantically for.
John entered the hall swiftly, "Here, Ashlyn, I'm right here, sweetheart, I didn't leave."
She bolted down the hall and crashed into his outstretched arms sobbing piteously as she clung to his strong form. The big man wrapped both arms around her tightly and whispered soothingly into her long hair as he sought to calm her fears.
Dr. Patti shoved a chair over to the doorway and carefully guided John into it as he drew the child across his legs and pulled her even closer to his chest. Slipping out of the kitchen to the small bathroom beyond it, the doctor retrieved a soft washcloth and wet it with some cool water before bringing it back out to the pair. The girl's cries had diminished to the deep breaths her father was encouraging her to take. He had his forehead pressed against hers so that he could hold her eyes and talk her through what was upsetting her. Patti smiled knowingly. He may not have been there all her life, but John Reese was a natural when it came to being a father.
When she slid the damp cloth into one of his hands, John used it to wipe the young woman's face without breaking contact with her. Once he was done, he handed it blindly back and pulled Ashlyn back against his chest, tucking her head under his chin as he slowly rocked her back and forth. When her breathing became slower and even, he eased his hold so she could move with more freedom.
Turning slightly in his grasp so she could place her hands on his shoulders and look directly into his blue eyes, Ashlyn whispered, "I love you, dad, I really, really do."
It was his turn to become emotional though he was able to prevent the tears from actually falling, "I love you, too, baby, so very much."
Next to them, Patti sniffed as she daubed her eyes with a napkin, "I love my job!"
Emotionally wrung out, the pair returned to the loft and collapsed on the sofa together. Dr. Patti's prescription was a twice weekly visit to her office for both of them to start and for them to spend leisure time together doing some fun things at least once a week as well. This would give them a chance to talk more, get to know each other in this new relationship, and develop the family bond.
Glancing over at the kid, John also checked his watch and realized they had about two hours before Harold was due for lunch. He pulled a pillow from under his arm and set it on his legs, then reached over to cup one large hand around the nape of the teen's neck and guided her sideways to put her head down. She allowed it, but looked up at him questioningly, even as she kicked off her shoes and drew her feet up onto the couch.
"We have some time before our lunch guest arrives and I think we could both do with a nap after this morning." He stroked the back of his fingers over one petal soft cheek and smiled, "I don't really want you out of my sight just yet, if you'll indulge me."
Ashlyn yawned and snuggled her head down into a more comfortable position, "I don't mind, I'd prefer to stay right here with you." One more yawn and the child slipped easily into a restful slumber, secure in her father's presence.
John set his cell phone to vibrate and set an alarm to go off in one hour and forty five minutes before placing it in his pants pocket. Shifting down slightly so he rested more deeply in the couch, he rested one hand on Ashlyn's waist and dozed off.
When Harold arrived an hour and forty minutes later, he couldn't help the smile that spread over his face at the sight of the sleeping pair. At some point in time, John had shifted position so that he had his own legs up on the couch and Ashlyn was basically draped across his chest, her head resting under his chin as the man placed her protectively between the back of the couch and his own broad form. She had one hand entwined in her father's shirt as if afraid he might disappear while she slept. He, in turn, had covered the hand holding him with one of his and the other arm was draped across her back in a shielding, sheltering embrace.
After pulling out his personal phone, Finch couldn't resist taking several pictures before deciding it would be better for everyone if he announced his presence from the other side of the room in case John was startled. He tapped in a text message to his associate's phone and sent it, a bit surprised when he didn't hear a response chime.
Instead, John woke with the instant awareness of a highly trained soldier and his hand dropped to his pants pocket where he'd placed his cell. He was trying hard to stay still so he didn't jostle the sleeping girl. The message flashed on the screen, I'm here and didn't want to just walk up on you.
He turned his head towards the door and spotted his friend watching him, "Thanks, Harold; I would have hated to drag her over the back of the couch and pull out a gun."
The other man limped forward a couple of steps now that the danger was past, "And I would have hated to see such a peaceful scene dissolve into madness."
"And I would have hated to throw something at both of you for waking me up so rudely, especially when I was so comfortable for once in my life."
Both men grinned at the teenager who folded her arms across her father's chest and rested her chin on top so that she could look at them.
"I trust that your appointment with Dr. Patti proved productive?"
"What would give you that idea, Harold?" John asked as he tweaked the girl's nose as she wrinkled it at him.
"Well, considering your daughter is currently playing the role of a blanket by being sprawled across your torso, I would say that she's recovered from at least some of the apprehension she has of you," he approached the pair now that they were both fully awake.
The icy green eyes turned his way as the fifteen year old smiled, "Despite being spoken about as if her presence were not currently occupying the room, she has indeed improved in the area of apprehension when it comes to her father and enjoyed very much having the occasion to cuddle, which is something she's not really had the opportunity to participate in." She then thumped her head back down on the chest beneath her, resulting in a soft grunt from the big man. She loved the way his laughter rumbled under her ear and couldn't help giggling softly in return.
Wrapping both arms around the girl, John sat upright, lifting her up along with him, "Since we invited Harold over for lunch, I suppose we should get it going so we can eat."
Ashlyn swung her legs free of the couch and used one of her father's broad shoulders to push herself upright, "I'll start the soup if you'll break out the desserts."
The former CIA agent laughed, "You just want to make sure you get your chocolate fix this afternoon."
"You betcha!" She all but bounced into the kitchen and started on her portion of the menu while her still chuckling parent pulled out bowls, plates, silverware, napkins, glasses, and the all important desserts.
Harold accepted the cold glass of tea placed in front of him as he slowly lowered himself to a chair at the table, "I'm pleased to see you getting along so well. I admit to being concerned that things would not be so amicable between you."
"Dr. Patti helped a lot," Ashlyn acknowledged softly. "She made me see that it wasn't that I was truly afraid of dad, but that I feared he'd abandon me. Once we worked through that, things got much better. We'll be seeing her twice a week for the next month or two until she's sure that we're bonding well, then cut back to every other week."
"We'll also be spending some time just hanging out together, talking, going places, basically learning more about one another and building off that," John added, eyes shining at her continued use of the word 'dad'.
"Excellent. We can put the machine on hold for a while until we make sure everything is going well for the two of you, or I can drag the detectives along for their assistance." He, too, had noted her use of the word and it pleased him a great deal to know she was adapting so quickly.
Ashlyn turned from the stove where she was stirring the soup, "No. I don't want people to lose their lives because of me, or us. There has to be some way that we can still help the numbers while working on our relationship."
"Sweetheart, you and this relationship are far more important to me than the numbers right now…"
Reaching back to turn the stove off, she then approached her father, "Dad, I know that, but I also know that I get to be a part of things now and can help. We can still make sure that we spend time together and get to our appointments, but this is important, too; isn't it?"
He enveloped her in a warm embrace, "I don't want you to feel like you're being shuffled to the back burner, baby. Sometimes, these numbers can take on a life of their own and I get pulled into them."
"If things start to get too involved and we need to pull you back, John, we'll call in Carter or Fusco to help," Harold reassured him. "I will make sure that the two of you have the time you need together; I want to see you both have the family you deserve."
Pulling free of her father's hold, Ashlyn approached the computer genius and leaned down to peck a light kiss on his startled cheek, "You're a part of that family, Uncle Harold."
As she returned to the stove for the soup, the billionaire reached up and grazed his fingers over the spot the girl had kissed him in stunned disbelief. It had been a very long time since someone had shown him affection in such a way and he couldn't quite wrap his brain around it. John just grinned at him, "Welcome to a new family, Harold. It's not just you and me anymore."
"So I'm coming to realize."
