eChapter 9 Allison in Wonderland (The one, the only, eChapter)
I'm sorry it's so late! I just got (really) off track. I'm so sorry. *bows* Thank you to everyone who reviewed and favorite this! And sorry Allison. And everyone who wants to marry Johnny Depp. Who, by the way is 46. Seems a bit over your heads (cough cough).
INTERMISSION: WE INTURPT THIS MESSAGE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING YOU PROBABLY DON'TGIVE A [censored] ABOUT, BUT WE FIND INTERESTING!
"Hello, my name is - "
*Click*
Allison changed the channel. She had just been getting into Justin Bieber; The Truth behind His Relationship to Spaghetti Cat. Ahh, well. OOH! OOH! A Day in the Life of Zac Efron! This was an acclaimed musical by Samantha –
ONCE AGAIN, WE INTURPT YOUR PROGRAM. THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE CONTAINS DESCRIPTIVE INFORMATION THAT WILL BE DISTURBING TO SOME VIEWERS –
*Click*
Hmm, thought Allison. Probably a gang murder. Yeck.
"And Logan Lerman, how do you keep your skin so clear?"
"GIMMEDATREMOTE!" Kristine and Anna (Allison's little sister) flew across the room in the direction of the television.
Brianna looked up from where Sweeney Todd had been dumped by Mrs. Lovett, Tim/Bob, and Elissa.
"Pipe down, the lot of you. I'm 'avin' a real 'ord tyme adam an' even'1 this as it is." She remarked in a cockney accent.
"Brianna, what happened?"asked Anna.
"Oy 'avent a clue."
"Hick." Yelled a girl as she ran past2
Allison sighed and turned back to the tv.
INTERMISSIO –
*Click*
"Well, Mr. Burton, I have a feeling you and Mr. Depp aren't telling the truth about your relationship," said an interviewer. She was a pale woman, pale here meaning "her mustache and unibrow hairs were far more prominent than if her color had been natural"3 .
"I guess it's time for the supercrew," snapped the woman when her words had only prompted Johnny Depp and Tim Burton to scoot their chairs a little bit farther from each other.
"Let me see this!" Brianna shoved Allison out of the chair.
A couple minutes later, two young women ran in panting.
"Why are you late?" snapped the interviewer.
"Today, we, took the bus," wheezed the first girl.
"And I robbed a bank." Said the second one smugly.
Cricket, cricket.
"LAUGH!" she shrieked, whipping out a gun and pointing at the audience.
Screams of terror broke the air.
"That's good enough." The armed minor twirled the gun like Jango Fet and slid it in her pocket.
"That was a scream." The idiot interviewer pointed out an overly obvious fact.
"No! They were screaming my NAME!"
"Your name?"
"My name is a NAME of TERROR!"
"Uhm, okay?" the woman (whose name was Judy) rolled her eyes. "And here I thought that the super interviewers names were Une and Due."
"Just, you know what, get lost old man."
"Old man? But, I'm a woman. And I'm young."
Super interviewer number 2 (Due) turned to Judy with eyes as large as a doe's (or saucers) and said, "But, you have a beard."
Judy gasped.
"And a unibrow, honey."
Judy lifted her arm to feel the space between her eyebrows. I mean, the middle of her eyebrow.
"No! Don't lift your arm," shrieked Due. "UHHH!" she groaned. "Never mind, then. I can still see your armpit hair."
Judy's eyes filled with tears. She ran off the stage crying.
"Wellllll then. Let's get started!" said Une, clapping her hands briskly.
"Sure thing," replied Due, who whipped out an iPod touch and started laughing her as – I mean head off.
"Can I see?" asked Mr. Depp, who got up and was trying to look at the screen.
"[censored] off," said Due, bitch slapping4 him
"OWW! What was that for?"
"You don't watch your own movies, so I'm assuming you wouldn't watch the footage of you and Tim I got from the security cameras."
Both of the celebrities got 'Oh [censored]' looks on their face when –
ALLISON CUNNIGHAM!
"ALLISON! IT WAS JUST GETTING INTERESTING!" wailed Brianna.
"It's not my fault!" cried Allison. She burst into tears and ran out of the room, down the hall, up the stairs, out the door, and straight into a giant rabbit hole.
Allison was secretly claustrophobic, so she screamed and closed her eyes the entire fall5.
When she opened her eyes,
1 'Adam and Eve' is cockney for 'believe' I hear.
2 When I speak in a British dialect, it is in a rather cockney accent, and my friend called me a hick for talking like that. XD
3 In the style of Lemony Snickett.
4 'Bitch Slap' is the correct term, so I didn't censor it.
5 I don't know if Allison is Claustrophobic
