Ohboy. Let me tell you now, you have never had a headache as bad as mine. It's an Eleventy-Twelve on the Richter Scale! And that's a lot. Trust me.

It hurts to think much further than that. Heck, why am I talking to you. My toes are curling in pain just thinking about you. I mean, what's up with that? You're the annoying people in my head that weigh a bagillion pounds. If I'm talking to anyone it should be Mr. Shadow sitting in the corner there. I have no idea who it is.

Ugh, it feels like someone screwed off the top of my head, put in that slab of asphalt that nearly took off my head earlier, and then put me back together. Or maybe all of you just need some more exercise. You're all morbidly obese in my brain. Get skinny now, before I decide to drill a hole to get to you.

My stomach was a black hole where my midriff should've been, and it's probably already absorbed my kidneys, spleen and intestines. And my legs. And arms. I can't feel them. Wow, that sucks. What if I end up as some limbless stump of a body? Herry would have to carry me everywhere and Archie would make fun of me all the time. But I'd still kick his dorky little butt in a race. Even if I had to drag myself by my tongue. That boy is so slow that snails run into him. And he still hasn't figured out I like him. Dunce.

Anyways, still hungry. I figure if Mr. Shadow was out to get me, he would've done so, and I guess it isn't Meleager because The Husband would be cuddling with me right now.

I felt the bed around me just to be sure. Mr. Shadow in the corner moved.

"Foood?" I asked. Wow, my voice sounds horrible. All scratchy, and it makes my throat itch. And I hate that feeling because I've never been able to get my hand far enough inside my mouth to itch it, and no little kid I've bribed with money or candy has been willing it help either. The world is full of jerks. And I happen to want to date one of them.

Mr. Shadow, as I had (not) assumed, was actually a Miss Shadow, and was Athena. The goddess smiled down at me, saying something like 'you will be just fine' and patting me on the head before leaving. I know I'll be jus fine! I want food! Now!

I was trying to contact my non-existent legs from Belly Abyss so I could get to the kitchen, and beginning to think that dragging myself by my tongue would be faster, when the door flew open and a purple-haired son of a snail and a slug practically leapt on top of me.

"Atlanta!" Archie near-shrieked in his high-pitched squeal of delight. Wow, I'm not sure if Neil hits that note in his own pretty-boy screech.

As annoying and crushing me as he was, I was sure happy to not see him trying to spear the neighbors because they clipped their grass too much- which he had tried once or twice because they had been clip-clipping on one of his bad days.

"Dork!" I hugged him back, "I need food, now. Carry me."

Archie pulled away, staring at me like I was some lump with no limbs, which I was, "Are you kidding me? You have perfectly fine legs," suddenly his ears turned a shade pink and he shook his head, "p-perfectly normal legs, and you weigh too-" I punched him in the gut with the fist from the Belly Abyss before he could finish. He'd started out being cute by being all embarrassed, but then had turned into a total jerk. Same old Archie.

"Well help me up," I growled. I was ready to punch him again, if he even smelled about me being too heavy. I've seen him carry Jay away from a fight! And trust me, that guy is solid muscle and he weighs a lot. Not fatty, just pure, hard, rippling… dog-like and gets hammered on eggnog, muscle. Wow, I need to stop thinking about Jay. I want a dog even more now.

Archie just shook his head, "I'll find you something, you're not supposed to be out of bed." For the first time I realized he had a bruise on his arm. Which wasn't covered by his hoodie, because he wasn't wearing his hoodie. He was wearing… clothes I'd never seen him wear before.

"What happened, after I… passed out?" I asked.

He shrugged, and I bet I'm going to get some stupid man-summary, "We beat Cronus, got a little roughed up, and Theresa punched me real hard when she found out why you'd been hit by a car and run over nearly three times in a row."

"So that's where the bruise is from? And who carried me away?" I asked, my throat was so scratchy and itchy I wanted to claw it out.

Archie shrugged and his ears turned pink again, "I-I did." Oh, he could carry me then and he couldn't now. He deserved a harder punch, but I guess I'll let him get away with the meager one I gave him already.

"Whatever," I sighed, "I just need food. Now."

I closed my eyes as he left and sank back into the pillows. Soft, and fluffy, and not hairy, heavy or muscled like the last time I remember waking up with Meleager cuddling me. I opened my eyes and looked around quickly to reassure myself he wasn't there. I feel warm and fuzzy inside! Save for the Belly Abyss wanting to devour my soul it was so hungry, but the warm fuzzy feeling of being in my PJ's in a soft bed and having someone else fetch me food to eat while I was in bed… it was awesome! Besides the… headache and the hunger and the bruises and cuts I could feel just waiting to scream at me. I don't want to move now. Moving will hurt too much.

I could hear people talking and moving around outside, though I had no idea what they were saying and I couldn't match the voice to the face, so there was no potential eavesdropping.

Archie came back with a blur of long red hair and Theresa nearly killed me when she hugged me, as my cemented head suddenly went 'guahg!' and the Belly Abyss tried to swallow her and I couldn't breathe. Archie pried her off me and then the two of them sat me up and fluffed my pillows and sat me up. Oh great, two nannies.

They sat on the bed beside me, Archie on my right and Theresa on my left. When I tried reaching for the food, at least with my mind as I was still too scared to see if I had a stump of an arm, Theresa picked up a bowl of porridge and held it out of reach. She stirred it slowly and she grinned up at me. Oh no, please, I know that look on her face! She couldn't possibly be trying to-

The spoon of porridge that she shoved in my face so roughly tasted so good that any thought I had before was lost. Save for the feeling of embarrassment of being spoon-fed in front of Archie.

"You're not ready to be eating on your own yet, okay, Lan? I've also made Archie swear not to tease you about this or use it against you, so no worries," Theresa smiled kindly. Oh, yeah, Therri, you always know what to do, eh? Did it ever bother you that just thinking about Archie while being spoon-fed was a blow to my ego? My pride? My self esteem? Out the window. Archie's not-quite-a-taunting-smirk-but-not-quite-kindly didn't help either. Why was he acting so strange?

He was just sitting there, with his hair only slightly-gelled and looking rather eye-eggnogly again. He was wearing a black turtle-neck tank-top and, wow, relatively tight jeans considering the baggy things he wears the fit families of five. I've never known Archie to dress like that. And yet… the small rip on the lift thigh, the shirt… the fading on the knees, I could see the faded pen doodles on his right leg that I'd done in math when I was bored…

"Hey!" I shouted through a mouthful of porridge, so it came out more like 'Bhey!', "Thode ar by clodes!"

Theresa made a choking sound and stared at Archie and Archie leapt up and was looking at the clothes as if they were some alien growth on his body. And considering the look on his face, they probably were.

"B-but they were in my bag!" he stammered, "why were your clothes in my bag?"

"Lide I'd dknow! I'b been sleebing…" I finished swallowing my porridge, "this whole time! You're the one who took my clothes!"

"Did not! Why would I want to wear your crummy clothes? I was wondering why they were so tight anyways!" Archie plucked at the shirt for further effect.

I threw myself back on the pillow in an exhausted heap, "Whatever. I hardly wear them anyways."

But now Theresa's giggling had reached our ears and the two of us turned to her for further explanation.

"A-Archie's wearing… girls clothes!" she burst out, laughing harder.

I started laughing along with Theresa- and I sounded like some dying cat- as Archie's ears turned a new shade of red and his cheeks pink. He didn't say anything, but leaned over the bed and snatched the porridge from Theresa's hand and stuffed a large, lumpy spoonful into my face. I chocked and made some random punches to try and hit him, and Theresa dove across the bed to attack him, and the two of us managed to shove him off the bed. Somehow he escaped without porridge on him, and stuck his tongue out at us.

"Real mature, Archie," Theresa rolled her eyes at him. I nodded and then I stuck my tongue out back at him when Theresa wasn't looking.

"Whatever," Archie rolled his eyes, "I just want to know who put these clothes in my bag, and what happened to my clothes."

I was about to reply when the door flew open and a billion pounds of man-muscle flew in, screaming and crying.

"MY WIIIFFFEEEE!"

Kill me now.

I remember screaming and trying to jump onto the ceiling before being smothered in Husband.

"Oh my wife, my darling, beautiful wife! I am so happy and ecstatic that you are alive!" Ecstatic? He better not have touched my How-To-Annoy-Odie-With-Big-Words book! But ow! He's heavy! Not even the Belly Abyss can suck him up, and not like it'd want to anyways.

"Geddof! I'm injured enough already!" Pushing him away was like trying to steal from Neil's 'secret' stash of jelly beans. When he wanted to, that boy could be brilliant and deadly at the same time. Herry, Odie and I almost didn't get out alive.

"Atlanta?" Oh great, another one to leap on top of me. Pan's horns and dreadlocks appeared over Meleager's huge shoulders, "well… glad to see you awake." He gave me his stupid inside-melting smile and I turned to gush.

"Oi, Meleager, get off her- you're going to kill her at this rate," Archie snapped, holding a bowl of fruit salad away from Pan's suddenly-interested gaze. Dork and Goat pulled T. Thighs off me and I breathed in precious air.

"I'm guessing the party's still on," I croaked.

Pan nodded, "Yeah, no one wanted to leave with you still out, and everyone is enjoying the party anyways. So we decided to wait until you woke up before we started really partying again." He pulled on his adorable blue hat.

"Here, 'Lan, need a drink?" Theresa picked up a sippy-cup for me. I rolled my eyes. This was so not fair. I took the cup anyways, relieved beyond relief to see I still had an arm and hand and all five fingers to grab it with, and took a sip. And nearly spat it all out.

"What is this?"

"Eggnog," Theresa shrugged, not understanding how much I despised the egg of nog.

I was suddenly aware of Jay at the door. He was grinning, at me, but on a second look I realized he was staring at my cup.

"Welcome back Atlanta!" he cried, coming forwards to give me a hug. I handed the eggnog to Theresa as he hugged me, and it was a sincere hug, but I also saw him reach for the eggnog in the corner of my eye.

"Thanks. So far that's been the closest to a normal hug I've had," I smiled. Jay grinned, but upon realizing the eggnog was out of reach, I saw him trying to suppress a frown. Poor kid is really addicted. When Theresa saw his glancing at the 'nog, she shook her head.

"No, Jay, none for you. You've had yours," she said sternly, shaking her finger at him. Jay frowned, slid off me, and stalked out of the room, grumbling.

Silence. No one spoke as we all looked at one another. Then I happened to catch Archie's eye and we both started cracking up.

"I feel so loved" I laughed.

"We-we've been restricting his a-amount of egg-eggnog, and he n-not h-happy about it," Archie tried to explain, gasping for breath between laughs. I fell back on the bed, grinning stupidly.

"How l-long have I been out?" I turned to Theresa, who was looking at the eggnog with a thoughtful expression. I wonder if she's thinking about what would happen if she wore eggnog-perfume. Or bathed in eggnog. Or… I shuddered, I'm going to stop thinking now.

I poked her and she jumped, "How long have I-"

"I'm not covered in eggnog!" she shrieked.

"…been…out…"

I noted Jay's head popping back into the room. Theresa's face was redder than my hair and brighter then a laser pointer. Those are actually a lot of fun. I should give Jay a carton of eggnog and then see if he'll chase one. Oh what fun. I should also teach him to fetch too.

"I… can see that…" Pan said slowly. Archie was holding the cup of fruit salad high above his head, and Pan had him pinned against the wall with one hand and was trying to grab the fruit cup with the other. Mel was sitting on the ground beside the bed and staring at me.

"Oh…" Theresa said quietly. She glared at the eggnog sippy-cup in her hand and with a cry/shout of frustration hurled it at the wall. Jay moved faster than I ever thought I could, made a flying catch with his teeth and skidded across the floor.

"NO!" Everyone cried.

But Jay had downed the entire cup and almost the actual sippy-cup with it before Meleager could rip the plastic from Jay's jaws. Jay sighed happily and sank back into the carpet.

"Great," Theresa sighed.

"He's all yours," Archie called, just keeping the fruit-cup from Pan's snatching hand.

I rolled off the bed, just catching my feet underneath me. Wow, I guess I am in one piece.

"Okay, Archie, give the cup to Pan, I don't want it. Fruits are for sissy's. I want real food, so Mel, go get me some water and cookies, now. And I want to get into some real clothes so I can actually look normal. And Arch, keep the clothes, I don't want them anymore and you look better then I do in them."

Archie made some gurgling sound which I assume was an attempt to yell at me, and Pan grabbed the cup and literally inhaled everything. Theresa was picking up Jay and Mel had fled to fetch me cookies and water. Alright, I'm about ready to go back out into that mess of a party and face gods, nymphs, satyrs, the Husband, Dog-Jay, Evil and still continue my search for a boyfriend. And only a few more days until Christmas.

Bring it on!

00000000000000000000

So here we go! Atlanta's back on her feet, Archie's cross-dressing, Jay is still drunk-like, Theresa's hallucinating and the party continues.

Hope you enjoyed!

Demenior