I'm already there
Chapter 9
Six months later
Jessica stood over the grave of her lost love, her hand rubbing her extended belly. How she longed for Sam, to feel his arms around her once more. She wished he could feel how his son would kick whenever she was trying to sleep.
"Hey, Baby" she murmured to the stone as she reached down and traced his name over the stone. "I still miss you so much it hurts, they say time heals all wounds but I have yet to stop missing you." A tear slipped down her face. "I still love you with all that's in me; it only grows deeper by the day. I can't imagine loving anyone else the way I love you." She paused as she felt her little boy kick from within. It was one of the rare days he was active during the day.
"You're son is growing fast, he'll be coming into the world soon, I wish you could be here to meet him" another tear slipped down her face. These past few months had been hard; she didn't know how she could have made through without Sam's family. Dean had been with her almost every day, encouraging her to do the things she would normally do. Encouraging her to live her life as if she didn't have to live with the loss of Sam. That was hard to do, because everywhere she went reminded her of some memory of the days she'd had with Sam.
"Dean still misses you too; he went out and got drunk the other night, ended up getting arrested, for his trouble." Jessica sighed thinking of Dean and how much he was still hurting months later made her wonder if it would ever get better. "He's a good man your brother, he's been there for me like you asked him to. I think he regrets being unable to save you, I can see it in his eyes, the pain, it's not going away." She closed her eyes briefly, as she felt another flare of longing. She had moved from California, to Lawrence so she could visit Sam's grave as much as she wanted. Sensing someone coming up behind her, she turned and saw Dean coming towards her.
"How'd I know this is where you'd be?" Dean asked. He knew where she'd because she came by every single day. He couldn't blame her; he did the same thing, only he usually came after dark when getting drunk didn't ease the pain anymore.
"I come every day" she said smiling lightly, "I like talking to him, I feel like he can still hear me, there's days I think I can still feel him standing behind me."
"He shouldn't be here" Dean said, there were times when he was still angry at the person who had taken his little brother's life.
"I'm proud he put his friends before himself" Jessica said "how many other soldiers would do that?"
"I'm sure any of them would" Dean said "I just have a hard time accepting that's what Sam chose to do." Jessica smiled as she felt the baby kick again. She couldn't wait until he was born, when he was old enough she planned on bringing him by. He would grow up knowing his father was a hero, that he didn't die in vain.
Twenty minutes later Jessica was headed back towards the car. Her heart was starting to feel a little bit lighter. While she still grieved and missed Sam, she didn't spend all her nights crying her eyes out. Thought she did have bouts of loneliness, during the evenings when no one was around. Healing completely would come with time she was sure though from her perspective it seemed like it never would. She hoped as she found her peace with Sam's untimely death that Dean and his family would too.
Two years later
Jessica Moore once again stood at the foot of her former lover, this time she had a two and half year old, curly , dark haired little boy with her. The young child was literally the image of his father.
"My daddy rests here?" the little boy asks, Jessica smiled as the child curiously walks around the grave.
"Yes, your daddy was a hero, he died saving his friends from certain death."
"I want to be a hero just like my daddy!" the little boy declared. They stayed for a little while longer, as the little boy talked to his father.
"When I grow up you're going to be proud of me" he said softly and as Jessica turned to head toward the car, he paused before following.
"Mommy still loves you"
"Sam, it's time to go" Jessica called from a few feet away. Her heart still ached from Sam's loss from time to time but nowhere near what it used to. she loved Sam and she always would but she felt it was no time to move on with her life. Even so as got into her car, with young Sam in his car seat, she turned the car on and the song that started playing made her smile.
I will remember you
Will you remember me
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories.
End of this journey though I am thinking about writing a prequel of sorts for how Sam and Jessica met. This story was a bit of therapy for me because I had friend who died in similar way in Afghanistan two and a half years ago. Hope you liked it and thanks for reading and reviewing. Liz
