This one is not from Glenn's point of view! *gasp*

Disclaimer: it's not mine.

Enjoy!


Adriana wriggled around violently in her own thick sack. The rest of the dwarves and the hobbit were thrown about or tied most painfully onto a large spit. Much to the annoyance of one of the trolls.

"Don't bother cooking em!" He complained. "Let's just sit on em one by one, and squash them into jelly!"

"Nah, they should be sautéed! With a sprinkle of sage." Another troll argued.

"Ooh. That does sound quite nice!" The third troll smiled with a toothy grin. Adriana looked over to see Tille shaking in fear. Kili did his best to calm the trembling she-dwarf, to no avail.

"Never mind the seasoning! We ain't got all night! Dawn ain't far away, so let's get a move on. I don't fancy being turned to stone." What wretched creatures. Adriana spat in her head. They can't even face sunlight without being petrified.

"Wait!" All heads turned to see Bilbo wriggling to his feet. "You are making, a terrible mistake!"

"You can't reason with them! They're halfwits!" Dori called down to the hobbit before he was rotated away again.

"Halfwits?" Bofur called, spinning up. "What does that make us?"

"Shut it Bofur!" Adriana yelled at him angrily.

"I meant with the, uh… with the seasoning." Bilbo spoke up again. The dwarves turned to him in horror as one of the trolls bent down to peer at him.

"What about the seasoning?" He asked.

"Well have you smelt them?" Bilbo inquired. "You're going to need something a lot stronger than sage before you plate this lot up!" The air filled with the shouts of angry dwarves.

"What do you know about cooking dwarf?" another troll asked suspiciously.

"Shut up and let the… flugaburburahobbit talk." The other troll snapped.

"Uh… th-the secret… to cooking dwarf is…" Bilbo stammered.

"Yes, come on." The troll prodded.

"It's uh…"

"Tell us the secret!" The large creature demanded.

"Yes! Yes, I'm telling you. The secret is to… Skin them first!" Bilbo cried out at last, a huge smile on his face.

"Tom, get me filleting knife." The dwarves shouted again loudly. What is that hobbit thinking? Adriana asked herself.

"What a load of rubbish!" the other troll shouted. "I've eaten plenty with their skins on! Scuff em I say. Boots and all!"

"He's right!" the third troll smiled, thumping over to the pile of sacked dwarves. "Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf." He snatched up a terrified Tille, dangling the girl over his open mouth.

"Tille!" Several dwarf shouted, Adriana included.

"Put her down you vile creature!" Ori shouted bravely from the spit.

"Nice and crunch!" The troll licked his lips.

"Not that one!" Bilbo cried out in alarm. "She-she's infected!" Again every turned to look at the hobbit.

"You what?" a troll asked.

"Yeah, she's got worms in her… tubes." Bilbo winced. Adriana looked at the hobbit curiously, was he trying to do what she thought he was? In any case, the troll was convinced and Tille was dropped roughly back down onto the pile as the troll backed away in disgust. "In fact, they all have. They're… infested with parasites. It's a terrible business. I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't."

"Parasites?" Oin asked indignantly. "Did he say parasites?"

"We don't have parasites! You have parasites!" Kili shouted at the hobbit. Adriana turned to Thorin.

"Father!" she hissed. The dwarven king seemed to get the hint and he kicked Kili roughly. The dwarves looked at Thorin, then back at Bilbo.

"I've got parasites as big as my arm!" Oin stated.

"Mine are the biggest parasites! I've got huge parasites!" Kili added.

"I've got parasites instead of a liver!" Tille added in, seeming a little less scared now.

"We're riddled!" Nori shouted.

"Yes, I'm riddled." Ori agreed.

"Yes we are! Badly!" Dori piped in.

"What would you have us do then?" the biggest troll asked angrily. "Let them all go?" Bilbo considered this for a second before being interrupted again. "You think I don't know what you're up to? This little ferret is taking us for fools!"

"Ferret?"

"Fools?" But then two figures appeared atop a large boulder on the edge of camp.

"Dawn take you all!" Gandalf cried from beneath his large gray hat.

"Who's that?"

"No idea."

"Can we eat him too?" Gandalf brought his staff solidly down upon the rock on which he stood, cracking it down the middle. Half of the boulder split off and fell to the side as daylight poured through. The trolls shrieked and writhed as their bodies slowly hardened to stone. And all was silent.

But not for long. Because, presently, all the company began cheering loudly. Gandalf and Glenn quickly climbed down from the boulder and began to free the cooking dwarves.


Sorry for the short chapter! Please tell me what you thought of it!