Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon. Sex without consent is bad. 'Nuff said. This is fiction, not sex-ed.
Warnings: graphic language and male on male content
Chapter nine
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"You obviously don't get it so maybe you shouldn't bother!"
"You're jealous!"
"Sora has a crush on Haruhiko…!"
"I don't have anything against gay people, I just… don't wanna be gay myself!"
"Sora, seriously… if everyone in school thought that you and Mimi went home and had lesbian-sex every day after school, wouldn't you freak out?"
"Sora trust me, nothing's more exciting than other people's personal stuff. Especially sexuality."
"Will you for once realize that I'm not like you!"
-'-
Tuesday
She sighed heavily and glared out the window. She wanted to rest her head against it, but the vibrating glass would only worsen her headache. The stupid comments and accusations she'd heard too often these days were haunting her mind. They annoyed her. Usually she wasn't this frustrated; only on the few really bad days when she just walked around with the longest, most hateful speech inside of her, and a bomb ticking threateningly in her head, both of which she feared would explode any minute or because of the smallest thing. She got through those days; Mimi helped her. She was the one who understood, which wasn't that hard to be considering the idiots she was competing with. They probably wouldn't get it even if Sora yelled it into their faces. This wasn't what she hated the most though –the fact that the idiots didn't understand; it was the fact that they believed that she didn't understand them. It was insulting. It shouldn't be because they didn't know better –she didn't trust them to know better. This per se was frustrating beyond belief. If they just-
Her brain interrupted with a stern 'no', reflexively stopping that thought from being explored. She'd promised herself to keep it that way, and it wasn't hard –she didn't need it to change. It was worth the whole misunderstanding. She had to, if nothing more then for not letting Mimi beat her in keeping secrets. If miss Big Mouth could pull it off then so could Sora.
The redhead cursed all the noise people managed to make, even at this goddamn time in the morning, as she stared at a spot nailed to the glass. Out of the corner of her crossed eyes she could see the bus stop appearing, which was placed a walking distance from school. Trying to ignore the bitter 'here we go again' that wanted to sneak out of her mouth, she got off the bus and started the depressing walk to school.
This was the part of the day she hated the most. Yamato and Taichi lived close enough to walk to school, Mimi took another bus, and none of her classmates seemed to be sharing her traveling routine. Alone in a crowd that she'd never even said hello to, and never would for that matter. People she'd made opinions about by just hearing their voices piercing through her half-sleeping head, and being met by their disturbing stares intruding her form that just wanted to be unseen and left in peace. Regularly being imposed by their conversations, gossips, jokes and opinions, she couldn't really say that she liked them.
Finally greeting familiar faces at least used to be the payoff, but today Taichi's strange-acting self and the continued lack of Yamato only made her frown even deeper. Only Mimi's face was welcomed with warmth, but disappeared all too soon again. This time it didn't matter how hard she tried; it slipped out anyway, more bitter than ever.
"Here we go again…"
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Earlier that morning…
Mrs Yagami stopped in the doorway, staring into the kitchen in amazement. Not once since she took her job –seven years ago-, and getting up at 5.30 in the morning became a routine, had anyone in her family ever got up before she did. Especially not her son, who on his lucky days had five minutes to get ready for school due to his constant 'just one more minute...' attitude towards getting out of bed.
"Morning mom!" Taichi chirped, and she briefly wondered if he'd set something expensive on fire. Living with and raising this boy for seventeen years, she knew all about the 'I'll just pull the corners of my mouth a little bit past my ears and she'll never notice'-smile. Oh yes, Taichi could smile. He could charm as well, and talk, and laugh things away. If his mother just hadn't known what he was like when he didn't have something to hide, he would've got away with everything. Hell, it almost seemed that the guiltier he was, the more he smiled.
"What are you doing up?" she asked, even though she could guess by the notebooks and papers he had filled the table with.
"Homework."
"Right." She hesitated, considering if what she was about to ask was a stupid question (which would get a stupid answer –this was a teenager she was dealing with) or not. Although, if Taichi got up this early just to do homework, there had to be a good reason. "...why?"
He shifted, staring at his hand even though she could see that he'd stopped writing. "I didn't have time yesterday."
She made her way over to the coffee maker. "Do you have a test today?"
"Yeah, not a big one though." He grimaced as he realized that he shouldn't have said that.
His mother instantly turned around, arms folded. "What's going on then, Tai?"
"Nothing!" he grinned widely, seemingly competing against her frown. "I just woke up and couldn't go to sleep, and I remembered that I've got homework."
"Right, so you just skipped out of bed to do the most boring thing you know –because of a small test? Did you put something on fire?" she finally exclaimed, giving up on keeping that theory to herself. She was actually starting to wonder.
The accusation didn't even surprise him; he was quite used to it. "Nope, just decided that I wanted to see the shocked face of my teacher when I turn the test in. 'Sides, you've been bugging me about my grades anyway," the teen commented, smiling oh-so-innocently and going back to writing again.
She muttered something to herself and started the machine, which in turn began its well-known purring.
"Well you don't have to take up the whole space" she later admonished, approaching the table and taking a seat next to him, holding her cup as she waited for him to collect all the papers.
"Sorry mom, didn't mean to" he said sweetly, giving her an amiable glance that only earned a very long look from Mrs Yagami.
She would not interfere with anything in his personal life; she wasn't that stupid. But if her son thought that she wasn't suspicious, he was dead wrong.
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Mr Ishida couldn't help but raising a brow at his silent son across the table. It was a bad, and for most people irritating gesture, that he always tried to avoid. At least since Yamato, to Mr Ishida's great dismay, had taken it after him. Seeing his own brat motion reflecting on his son's face made him realize why it annoyed everyone.
But this was definitely something to at the least raise an eyebrow at.
Yamato was not yet an adult, who doesn't remember what it's like to be young and carefree, and has nothing except his job that doesn't seem meaningless. Therefor Yamato should not behave like he was doing right now.
He looked empty.
No, gone. There was not a hint of thoughts or emotions or any kind of mood.
Yamato's gone, Mr Ishida found himself thinking as he looked at the teen in front of him. Then blue eyes peered up at him and blinked. "What?"
Something his dad could've expected him to say, but it was still said without the slight irritation and offense that was usually shown in his eyes whenever Mr Ishida had looked at him funnily, or for a little too long.
"Are you okay?" he asked, knowing that if the blond did not react to this, there was definitely something wrong.
What he received almost gave him goose bumps. No explosion, no bolting out of the room, no weird face, no finger, no glare, not even raised eyebrows.
"I'm fine."
He silently finished his breakfast, cleared the table and left the room.
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Thursday 10.16 A.M.
"Taichi?"
"Yeah, Sora?"
"We're not in a freaking dental commercial!" she yelled, coming to the depressing conclusion that she didn't even care if people shot her funny looks. Nothing seemed to matter anymore.
She gritted her teeth at the brunet's confused expression. On a normal day and in a normal state, he would've laughed or shot her a comeback.
"I know," he said hesitatingly, blinking.
"So will you stop smiling already! I don't think that wall even cares," she exclaimed, dropping her head into her hands and rubbing her temples, unsuccessfully trying to cool down. Having Taichi as her only company was really starting to get old. If only Mimi would show up…
"Aw, come on Sora –lighten up!" he said happily, patting her shoulder. "Wanna hear another joke?"
"No!" she groaned, secretly amazed that he'd actually have one left.
"Okay."
Sora wanted to have a serious talk with him, she really did. But she knew just how he started acting when anything about Yamato was brought up, and that was even worse than how the football player was behaving otherwise.
Maybe she could convince him to talk after school? Somewhere he'd be comfortable enough to wipe the grin off his face, break down and tell her how much he secretly hated the blond… She blinked, tilting her head. Or maybe liked him? Sora had been so sure about that at first, but by now anyone would've hated Yamato. This sickeningly submissive behavior did hint a restrained anger. Although Taichi wasn't that good at controlling anger –he was rather a pro at hiding pain.
Pain from unrequited love.
Sora had to roll her eyes. She wasn't the romantic type, thus she didn't support that soapy theory. Sure, it was rather obvious that the brunet had wanted to get into Yamato's pants, but that has already been put into action so now what? Did he just want go get away? Did he want to break free and have nothing to do with his former friend? It wasn't his job after all; he didn't owe him anything. Yamato had rejected so much help that he could only blame himself by now.
Either which way things would go, it had to get there. This situation was ridiculous.
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The same afternoon...
Something that made everything a whole lot easier was to see it as a football match. Don't let anything outside of the game get you distracted. It's all about focus, speed, and tricks. Always think ahead, have every move controlled, and of course enjoy it to no end.
No matter how attractive Yamato could be, no matter how smooth his skin was, how tempting his lips were and how strong the traction of his gaze was –Taichi could ignore all of it just for the sake of those minutes when he was inside him, when the blonde had his eyes closed and was safe to observe, and he could finally allow his brain to apprehend exactly where he was and what he was doing.
Because it was only during those few minutes that Yamato didn't care.
However, when the two teens were in bed for what could be the fourth or the thirtieth time, long before the minutes of freedom and still during the time that he had to do everything right, Taichi was about to learn another rule. Naturally, in order for Yamato to make up the rule, Taichi had to break it first.
Getting undressed in bed was a bit complicated, Yamato noted, but didn't care enough to force both of them back up to standing. Something about getting out of bed, even if it was in the afternoon, was just so hard.
Having most of his clothes pulled off, he rolled them around to proceed on getting the brunet topless. As he was pulling the t-shirt over Taichi's head, he was suddenly attacked by a sound that just might've driven him insane.
"Fuck" the football player groaned, his body curling up slightly, exposed abs tensing. The blue-eyed boy –said eyes now wide- dropped the t-shirt and stumbled out of bed, turning his back to it.
"I'm sorry!" the other teen exclaimed, sitting up and staring at Yamato's back in panic.
"Shut up!" the blond shouted back, running his hands over his face.
Taichi hung his head, desperate to explain and miserable for not being allowed to. He wanted him to know that it had just been this sudden movement. The second his t-shirt was being pulled off, Yamato's knee had pressed up against his crotch and as he'd leaned forward at the same time, there'd been more pressure, and…Yamato would understand right? He hadn't had time to think at all; he'd been busy assisting.
As the brunet sat there pondering, the blond had recovered and was making his way back to the bed, blue eyes avoiding brown ones. With a nonchalant hand motion, he gestured Taichi to get out of his way and the brunet obeyed, positioning himself on the other side of the bed, looking at the floor.
"Undress" came the next muttered order, as the blond himself pulled off his last garments. He then positioned himself on the bed, feeling his pride shutter to pieces. Thus he made the next command even colder. "Quickly"
Taichi tried to ignore the position Yamato now was in, and how uncomfortably perverted it felt to position himself. He inched up behind him and was about to guide himself, when he discovered that the great lack of encouragement had had its very improper affect on his body.
As he gave a half-hearted try of bringing some lust back, the situation felt more and more wrong.
A few seconds went by, then the blond cursed loudly and stormed out of the room, leaving intense silence.
Not knowing what else to do, Taichi quickly dressed again and left the apartment.
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Wednesday, the week thereon
Sora's plan had been pondered a whole lot since the moment it popped up in her head. Even though it seemed simple, logical and necessary the first minute, she was in doubt the next. What if it only made things worse? What if she only pushed the brunet into defense and ended up abandoned by him as well? Taichi was happy as long as no one talked about Yamato. Sure, trying to deal with the problem was the only way to handle it, but if things did go wrong he would probably never speak to her again.
When Sora nearly a week later thought that she would never decide, the answer practically slapped her in the face. One look at the football player told her that if no one did anything, he'd continue this forever.
Naturally, when Sora after school time was out suggested that they'd hang out, Taichi's face practically screamed 'leave me alone'.
He desperately tried to turn her down discretely, not daring to voice the reason. He had no permission to say the blonde's name, let alone speak about what they did together. Sora had expected this, so she just grabbed his arm, insisting that she needed to talk to him about something. The brunet stubbornly –or rather obsessively- held back, and the redhead ended up missing her buss.
She put her hands on her sides, glaring at him. "Look what happened now! That's it, I'm following you home."
"No, you-… I can't-" He looked around, finding that most students had left the school area. He sighed, realizing that it was time to stop beating around the bush. He had to get rid of her, or else Yamato would stop waiting and go home.
"You know this, Sora. Why do you have to make it so hard for me? If you come along he'll reject me and I-"
"Won't get any? Tai, you had sex yesterday. And the day before that, and the day… okay, I'm not keeping check but the point is so what if you don't have him today?"
"I have to go, I'll-" Taichi sighed as he discovered that his arm was stuck in Sora's grip. "I only have one chance, it either now or never alright?"
"Just find someone else then!" she retorted, not giving up –and not letting go of his arm.
"LET GO OF MY ARM!" He shouted, stress finally getting to him.
"No!" she muttered, tightening her grip as the male started pulling. This resulted in her being dragged along, as the brunet started to stamp his way home.
After a while Sora let go and walked up beside him, happy that he'd finally given in. "Aw, come on Tai –lighten up!" she grinned devilishly as she flung an arm around his shoulder, more than happy to be the annoyingly perky one. "He might be up for a threesome."
The brunet laughed in despite of himself, but stopped quickly as guilt washed over him. Yamato wouldn't have liked that…
Sora's smile, that had appeared during Taichi's laughter turned into a frown and she rolled her eyes. "He's not your master you know," she commented half-heartedly, not expecting it to change her friend's mind.
"Who?" he muttered, tensed again. They were getting close to the area where Yamato would be waiting. If he still did, of course. Taichi didn't deserve it though; he was late. Sure, he'd been distracted but he could've made a goddamn effort, right?
"Geez Tai, relax! I bet he's not even-" she stopped when she noticed that the brown-eyed boy had frozen. Staring questionably at him for a few seconds, she turned her head just in time to see a person walk away from them, then disappearing behind houses.
When she turned her attention back to the football player, he was hanging his head, looking ready for suicide. "Dammit Tai, get a grip! He's just a fuck-buddy, right?"
She didn't receive a response so she just sighed and dragged him home to his apartment, hoping that the brunet would spill or otherwise she had just wasted an afternoon.
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Yamato dropped down on ground panting desperately, wondering if lungs actually could explode. Dirt immediately stuck to his sticky skin, but he didn't care. He felt light, both in mind and body. He was practically oozing warmth and sweat was running down his temples. His observed the leaves swaying slightly in the wind, so far up, while listening to his heartbeat that was pounding in his ears. It was soothing.
As his pulse slowly calmed and his breathes became fewer and longer lasting, giving him the oxygen he needed to recover, he smiled up against the sky. All these intense effects only proved what he'd spent the last half hour forcing himself to do. This feeling of achievement really was worth it. It was better than sex, really.
He got up to his feet, lingering just a little so that his head would stop spinning, and began the walk home.
Thank God I started running.
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History class was less annoying than this. Sitting on the morning bus, listening to the girly girls and pathetic guys was less annoying.
Hell, even explaining math to Taichi was less annoying than this!
Sora had spent the latest one and a half hour trying to make the guy speak. 90 minutes of guessing, encouraging, fooling, tempting, pleasing, demanding, inciting, considering, assuring, nagging and practically begging.
Had she been so wrong when she had once thought that her brown-headed friend liked telling secrets? That he completely sucked at keeping his mouth shut? Maybe that was only the case when it came to her secrets that she'd been stupid enough to share with him.
So far, she'd only gained a few answers, lesser admits, and only two announces. To put it short, Taichi was on top, there was no kissing –Sora tried asking why but was only glared and later whined at-, it didn't take long and he had to avoid meeting his dad, no talking, and basically just sex.
"Does he ever insult you or lecture you if you make mistakes?" she asked, after waiting for what she was hoping was enough minutes.
Taichi, still lying flat on stomach in his bed, face buried in his pillow, merely shrugged. "I try not to take it personally."
Feeling more and more like a psychologist, she sighed and tried to come up with a question that would force him to reveal a little more, yet not a too demanding one. "How does he let you know that you've done something wrong?"
Taichi gripped the pillow tighter, hesitating. "He… just glares and short of says that he doesn't want me to do that. So I don't."
"What happens when you do right?" she asked calmly, hoping that he wouldn't hop into defense right away.
"He gets satisfied. It shows. He's glad that I learn," the brunet said softly, sounding like he was smiling.
"Does he tell you that?" Sora questioned, trying not to sound skeptical.
The brunet was quiet. "He only talks when it's necessary," he mumbled, very aware of that the redhead didn't like what she was hearing.
Knowing that this question might sound stupid by now, she said, "Does he ever ask you what makes you feel good?"
He froze. Sora kept quiet, giving him time to respond. "What do you mean?"
"I mean does he ever take time to please you?" she said while grimacing, feeling like a school nurse.
The brunet started mumbling and stuttering and being over-all unclear and confusing. Obviously he wasn't comfortable with this question… either. And this was the guy who would talk so openly and shamelessly about sex whenever he had the chance!
"Well… shit Sora, he lets me screw him, what else can you ask for? I mean it's not like I could just say 'hey, why not blow me while you're at it'."
"Is there anything except 'screwing' that you do?" she muttered, getting tired yet again.
"I jerk him off."
"…that's it?" she asked doubtfully.
He shrugged again. "Yeah."
"But what about you?" she asked before she could stop herself. She'd forgotten to be careful, but this was sounding more and more unfair.
He sat up. "Look, I understand that you're a girl and that you think that three hours of foreplay is necessary, but knowing that we're gonna do it is enough for me."
Sora held her hands up in defense, slightly offended. "Who said anything about foreplay? I was only wondering if he returned the favor at all."
She paused as she realized that he'd brought that up himself, smiling what she hoped was kindly. "Do you think there's too little foreplay?"
Not something she would've suspected at first but when she thought about it, she wasn't at all surprised. Being bossed around, and then expected to be up whenever he snapped his fingers couldn't be that easy. And knowing Taichi, he was probably determined to do his very best, surely focused on making the other happy. Perhaps, with too much pressure and expectations on himself there could be incidents.
Sora wasn't sure of how sexually experienced Taichi was, –mind you she didn't want to be either- but having a guy that expected nothing less than perfection seemed too hard for anyone in her age. Hell, it would be too hard for anyone in any age!
Her eyes widened in surprise when the brunet blushed more than she'd ever seen him do, and threw himself on the bed again. "Fucking leave me alone already! You just force your way over here, demand me to tell you all about my sex-life and then criticize the hell out of it!"
"Tai, I didn't mean it like that." she explained softly, already knowing it was too late.
"Whatever"
"I'm on your side here! I'm not saying that you're doing anything wrong" she protested, realizing that she had probably behaved like that.
"Then what the hell Sora? I mean at least I've got a sex-life" he spat, making the room go silent.
Her eyes narrowed. Is he hinting what I think he is? Okay let's calm down here… If that was true I would have every right be pissed. But he just thinks it is, so you can let it be. Don't. punch. Him.
She managed to roll her eyes. "Geez, don't hurt yourself, I'm not-"
"But seriously, Sora" he interrupted, suddenly sitting on the edge of his bed gazing at her intensively. "How do you feel? Are you sexually frustrated? Do you feel alone? Can you make yourself feel good or do you wish som-"
"Say one more word and I'll hit you!" she warned, glaring at him. Despite her promise of pain she wasn't too offended by his questions. However, if he had asked her two years ago, she probably would've broken down. That would've got to her without question. She would've never forgiven him.
"Why do you assume that I've got no sex-life?" she demanded, crossing her arms. Not that she felt the need to discuss it with him but she had some pride to protect here.
He raised his eyebrows. "You mean besides with yourself? Why, you don't really give the impression is all" he said shrugging, but she knew that he was mocking her. It was his revenge. Sora gritted her teeth.
"You're right, I'm obviously not as fond of an audience as some"
His smug smile turned into a frown. "Well sneaking around must mean you're ashamed. Is he ugly?" Smug smile was back. God, she hated that smile.
"You mean more ashamed than you two've been? Is that even possible?"
"I'm not the ashamed one!" he growled.
"Well then why can't you talk about it?" she asked, tilting her head.
"DAMMIT Sora, leave me alone!" His voice was loud enough to reach every corner of the apartment, and was once again the cause of silence that followed.
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I guess that worked.
Sora went home after that, looking pretty sad. I feel bad for her now and I'm kind of sorry that I yelled, but I know how she is. Tomorrow she'll try it again. She won't stop until my and Yamato's thing is over.
I went outside to the football field to play for a while, found some of the guys there too. Once again was my favorite sport the rescue. We played until late that night, just half serious games. We laughed a lot and none of them asked me about Yamato.
Like I've said before, I hate it when that's the first thing people ask when they see me.
When I got home, mom seemed like she wanted to talk. I just grinned wide at her and she frowned at me, as she often does when I smile extra broadly. But she didn't call me back when I went to my room.
Before I fell asleep, I filled my head with random stuff. Nothing too exciting, because that always keeps me up all night –like the time when I thought about skydiving.
If you start wondering what it's like to skydive, don't climb up on the roof in the middle of the night, because you won't be able to see what's under you. I couldn't decide whether I would land on that fire escape balcony or -heh- the street, a.k.a. 50 feet further down, so I ended up climbing down again. I didn't go back to sleep though because while I was climbing up, I had started thinking about how long I could hold my breath last time I tried. That was pretty good though because no oxygen made me sleepy.
But for some reason I didn't do it in bed –which would've worked just fine now that I think about it-, so I was awoken by mom who found me in the morning at the kitchen table, alarm-clock before me and bits of silver-tape stuck in my hair...
See I've got all these normal reflexes too, (not just my own weird ones) like the one where you start breathing again after you've held your breath for almost enough time to break he last record. So annoying. But um, the tape was not my best idea ever. Not having breathed for the last two minutes and 22 seconds, you don't really want to start ripping silver tape off of your face; there's not enough energy. And when you're pretty much in panic, you have a tendency of hurting yourself.
Ah well, I managed. And what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?
I didn't want to think about Yamato, because that hasn't given that great results before, so I thought of bananas. That didn't work out so well either because I always start laughing when I hear that word. And when I do that people think I'm childish and relate that to cocks (excuse my language). Stupid thing is, that's not even the reason. I saw this old movie once and I have a vague memory of someone saying that word in a hilarious way. And I remember laughing so hard.
So I always laugh at that word. But, thanks to all the narrow-minded people I'm now thinking of cocks. And Yamato, being a guy, naturally becomes my next-
Okay, trees right? They're cool. I love climbing in trees, but I don't do it as often as when I was a kid. But there are so many kinds of trees; oak trees, birch trees, lime trees, beech trees, ash trees… um, apple-trees? God, I don't know shit about trees… cherry-trees… banana-trees…
I automatically start laughing into the night, but then groan as Yamato pops up in my head.
When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed about Yamato –just my stupid luck-, baking banana-pie, in a tree. Then he fell down and broke his leg. And then we had sex all afternoon.
God, I hate dreams…
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Reviews are very very very much appreciated! I really want to know what you think -so please review!
