Note from the writer: I really struggled with this chapter and I'm still not quite happy with how messy it turned out to be, but I've decided to post it anyway so that I can get the story to move forward. I might rewrite this chapter (or bits of it) some day, so comments and ideas for improvement are most welcome.

And happy new year, everyone!

...

Chapter 9 - Goodbyes

Alyssa leaned on the wagon, staring at the commotion all around her. People were repairing wagons, picking up their belongings, caring for the wounded, piling up the bodies... There were a lot more darkspawn bodies than others, but it could've been very different.

Alyssa eyes were drawn to the two figures sitting together on the grass next to the road. She had known it the minute her addled mind had realized that there were other things in the world than Gorim and her feeling of happiness and relief. A woman, a warrior, standing there with bloodstains on her armour and looking like what Alyssa had imagined female Paragons might look like when she had been young and listened to her father's stories. And Gorim had barely taken his eyes off her.

Alyssa knew she had been stupid to fall for a complete stranger so quickly, and so completely. She knew it would hurt very much for a while, but she would get over it. It wasn't much of a consolation at the moment, but it helped a bit.

She couldn't help but smile sadly as she watched Gorim and Kaehlyn. He had told her they were friends. Maybe he believed that. But Alyssa had seen his eyes when he had spoken about her, and she had heard all the tones in his voice that he probably knew nothing about. There was duty and friendship, but... Perhaps she was imagining it, but she feared she wasn't.

"Are you alright?" Soras had walked to her. She smiled at her uncle, who seemed to always know exactly what she was thinking and feeling.

"Not yet, but I will be," Alyssa sighed. "I'll miss his company."

"As will I," Soras said and then hugged her. "But perhaps it's better this way."

"It is," Alyssa said and watched as Gorim handed Kaehlyn an envelope, which she opened slowly. Then she turned away. There were wounds to be bandaged and all kinds of things to do before they could continue their journey.

...

"From my father?" Kaehlyn asked and took the letter. She realized her hands were shaking a bit and almost dropped the envelope. She opened it and took out a single piece of paper. It wasn't in her father's handwriting, apart from the signature, which was crooked and messy.

"He must be very ill," Kaehlyn whispered, then read the lines. She recognized Lord Harrowmont's handwriting, but in the words she could hear her father's voice.

Gorim watched her read and blink a few times. She was fighting back tears, he thought, and it seemed strange. He couldn't remember if he had ever seen her cry. And it was clear she was trying very hard not to cry now either. The dog, Hobbes, Gorim reminded himself, walked up to them and nudged her, whining.

"Strange thing," Kaehlyn said, scratching the dog. "They say that when the mabari imprint on you, they become a part of you in some way. He seems to know whenever I need some cheering up. Or dead rabbits. Although I don't remember ever realizing I need the rabbits, he just keeps bringing them anyway," Kaehlyn added, smiling a little. She folded the letter and put it back into the envelope.

"He also sent you the Shield of Aeducan. It's in... Soras' wagon, I'll go get it," Gorim said, starting to get up, but Kaehlyn stopped him.

"No need to hurry," she said. "Look, I've told you everything that's happened to me since.. since Orzammar, but you've barely told me a thing of what you've been doing. Making friends, at least," she said, and hated the slightly condescending tone in her voice. Was she really going to start acting all spoiled princess-like because Gorim hadn't spent his time wandering around Ferelden all alone? It was absurd.

"Not much to tell, my lady," Gorim said, and then noticed the look on her face. "I'm sorry. Shouldn't call you that anymore."

"It's easier if you don't. Saves the trouble of explaining things," Kaehlyn sighed. "I know so little about my companions, and I don't actually know how to tell them that I used to be a princess."

"Are a princess," Gorim said, and Kaehlyn laughed.

"Tell that to the Shaperate. Tell that to Bhelen. No, not a princess anymore. A Warden. It's not what expected, either," she sighed. Gorim nodded. He had been shocked when she had told him about the ritual, telling him he shouldn't repeat what he'd heard to anyone.

"But you are avoiding my question," Kaehlyn said, looking straight at him. "Don't think I don't remember you trying that many times."

"I didn't..." Gorim started to protest, but she interrupted him.

"Yes you did! Whenever there was something you didn't want to talk about, you somehow made the situation all about... well, everything else. I mean... They seem like good people," she said, and Gorim glanced the way she was looking, at Soras who was standing near his wagon.

"They are," Gorim said, giving in. "They were friends to me even when they needed not to be. Even when they didn't know me."

"Perhaps they simply saw that you are a good person," Kaehlyn said, smiling. "I've discovered that on surface, that is enough for some people to help you." It's so different here," she added with a sigh.

"I have to admit, I was wrong about the surfacers," Gorim said after a while. "In some ways they are better than the people in Orzammar."

"Perhaps in every way," Kaehlyn added and Hobbes whined again, resting its head on the ground next to her and looking at her expectantly. "He's just begging for food. Well, you deserve it after being so brave, yes, you do!" she said, scratching Hobbes, who wagged his tail lazily. Then she gazed at Gorim, who was almost grinning.

"What? Alright, maybe I shouldn't talk to a war hound like its a pet, but once you get to know Hobbes, you'll know he's just a big softie," Kaehlyn said, smiling at Gorim and petting the dog, and then realized what they hadn't yet talked about. "I mean... I shouldn't just assume you're coming with me. You have these new friends that..."

"Of course I will come with you," Gorim interrupted her. The idea that she thought he wouldn't... Why would she think that? Or did she not want him to come? "I wish nothing more than to serve you again."

"No!" she said sharply. "I'm sorry, my friend, but no more talk about serving. You are a good man and you could have a good life here on surface. You deserve that. And I'm no longer a lady who needs someone to serve her, so that is not why you should come with me. But..." she tried to find the right words, "I really need a friend. And I would be honoured if you would come with me and fight by my side."

...

"What do you think that's all about?" Alistair asked Leliana, gesturing towards Kaehlyn and the other dwarf. The bard grinned and finished packing her bag.

"I believe we are going to have one more companion on the road," she said, getting up. "What is that saying you have in Ferelden? 'The more, the merrier?', I think."

"Is she planning on taking along every single dwarf that comes our way?" Morrigan asked disdainfully, but she too was watching Kaehlyn more closely than she might have wanted others to notice. "Oh, what does that fool want now?" she added, looking at the caravan leader who was approaching them.

"Excuse me, my lord," the leader said to Alistair, who tried to ignore Morrigan's derisive snort at the words. "We have lost guards and we were hoping... Could you escort us back to the village? We need to hire more guards and I'm sure there are able young men there who wouldn't mind earning some extra money to help their families."

"Just say yes, she won't mind," Leliana said when Alistair glanced over at Kaehlyn. "We're going back to the village anyway."

"You want Alistair to make decisions all by himself?" Morrigan asked, false pity rolling off every word. "Careful, he might feel light-headed after all that thinking."

"Yes, we'll help you," Alistair said, very carefully ignoring the mage. The caravan leader looked a little unsure, but then smiled and nodded.

"We'll be ready to leave soon," he said and walked away. Alistair glared at Morrigan, but said nothing. Leliana gave him an encouraging smile and turned her attention back to the two dwarves still talking, a mysterious smile still on her lips.

...

Alyssa watched the caravan leader talking to some young men from the village. It wasn't easy to get people to become guards, especially since the reason they needed them was that they'd lost guards to the darkspawn. But she was certain that the man was offering them an amount of money that would help their families, so refusal was not likely.

"Excuse me. Alyssa, wasn't it?" Kaehlyn has walked up to her and was smiling. Alyssa had to force a smile, even though without the woman's help she would probably be dead.

"Yes. My uncle is already trading with Bodahn," Alyssa said. "So if you want any equipment, you should talk to him."

"Oh, it wasn't..." Kaehlyn sounded a little surprised and Alyssa wished she could've hid her annoyance better. But no matter how she wanted to hide it, she felt like she was looking at the woman who had the chance to get everything she couldn't, and being friendly wasn't easy.

"I just wanted to... talk," Kaehlyn said, smiling nervously. "You've lived your entire life here and I... I just came here and... I could use some advice."

"Advice?" Alyssa asked, hardly believing her ears.

"It's ridiculous, I know," Kaehlyn said. "I don't know how things work here. And I've mostly met humans. There's Bodahn, but he's..."

"He's mostly interested in trade," Alyssa said, a genuine smiling creeping to her face. "And you'd like to know how things unrelated to money work here."

"Yes," Kaehlyn said, laughing nervously. "What is life like up here? For dwarves, I mean. For female dwarves, more specifically."

"How much time do you have?" Alyssa asked. "It's night soon."

"We're not leaving until morning," Kaehlyn said. "And my leg is still hurting a bit, so I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep yet." She felt strangely nervous standing in front of the other woman, who was watching as if she could see right through her. There was something in Alyssa's eyes she couldn't quite understand, a sort of disappointment mixed with curiosity, and that look made her nervous.

"Then we'd better find a nice place to sit, then," Alyssa said. She wanted to hate the woman, or even despise her, but she couldn't. She couldn't hate someone who was standing front of her, looking so nervous about asking for advice about ordinary life after killing hordes of darkspawn. She could only be curious. And a part of her wanted to know that it wasn't a mistake letting Gorim go without a fight, and talking to Kaehlyn was the best way to do that.

...

The sun had crept up to the sky and was trying to cast its rays despite of the clouds blocking its way. Gorim walked towards the caravan slowly. Making the decision hadn't been as easy as he'd thought. What Kaehlyn had said about not needing someone to serve her had made him think. No matter how he had secretly laughed at the politics and rules of Orzammar, they'd existed and he'd followed them. The freedom from them was strange, and despite his common sense made him almost nervous at times.

Of course she'd been right. She was no longer a princess and he was no longer a knight. And she certainly wanted him to treat her like an equal. But part of him wondered if he could ever truly be her equal, or whether he'd always see her as the princess. It had been so easy with Soras and Alyssa, accepting them as equals and treating them like equals. He still struggled with not calling Kaehlyn 'Lady Aeducan'.

All in all, he wasn't certain if all the history they had would ever allow them to be anything but a princess and her obedient warrior. If they could ever be equals in the true sense of the word.

"So, are you leaving?" Alyssa appeared, smiling a little. The girl he would've asked to marry him if things had been even slightly different. A part of Gorim wanted to give in to the inner voice that told him this was his chance to be happy and to find someone who he could love and who would love him back. It would be so easy, going with the caravan, learning to know her even better, until one day he could...

"Yes," he said and Alyssa nodded, and then hugged him, very briefly, blushing as she pulled away.

"Whenever you're in Denerim, come to see us," she said and then pulled out a small packet. "This is for you. But don't open it yet."

"Thank you. But when can I open it?" he asked, weighing the packet in his hand. It was very light.

"When the situation is right," Alyssa said, shrugging. "When you think you need some beauty in your life."

Gorim was going to ask more, but Soras walked to them and shook his hand, telling him to come and visit just as Alyssa had. Gorim nodded and exchanged some last words, promising to come and see them and thanking them for all they'd done. Suddenly the goodbyes were over and he was walking away, feeling sad and happy at the same time.

Lady Aeducan... Kaehlyn, Gorim corrected his thoughts as a smile crept on his lips, was talking to the human, Alistair, gesturing towards west. The dog was by her side, wagging its tail happily. The other humans and the gigantic man, a Qunari called Sten, Gorim had learnt, were waiting by the merchant's wagon. They were all waiting for him.

And Gorim was looking forward to travelling with Kaehlyn. No matter how their history had assigned roles for them, he wanted to find out what kind of change the future could bring.