Not a Wive's Tale After All
By RenzokukenZ
"AAAAAHHHH!!!"
Tifa froze from flipping pancakes on the stove and stared at the ceiling. She was no stranger to awkward mornings, such was the case when Cloud came out his room with his boxers on his hair a few weeks back, but that scream topped them all. She rushed upstairs to the origin of the scream, searching every room, when she noticed a bedroom door closed. She twisted the handle, surprised that it was locked, and lightly tapped the door.
"Denzel? Was that you? What happened?"
She received no answer, and she tapped the door again only with more force. "Denzel?"
"Uh, yeah, it was me, nothing happened, I just saw a spider on my bed, that's it."
Denzel's voice seemed rushed, and this made the motherly woman nervous. "Then why is your door locked?"
"Oh, you know, so that no one opens the door and let's the spider out. Hey, uh, is Cloud still home?"
"Um…" Tifa was really starting to worry, but she figured that whatever it was that was going on Denzel felt more comfortable if Cloud was here. "He's outside getting ready to leave. Should I get him for you?"
"Yes, please."
Tifa walked downstairs and exited the bar, still trying to figure out what this is all about, and found Cloud in the garage prepping Fenrir for his daily deliveries.
"Hey Cloud, Denzel's acting sort of weird and wants to talk to you."
Cloud turned to Tifa with a raised eyebrow. "What do you mean weird?"
"His door is locked, he's acting strange, and he won't let me in. I don't know what's going on, and for all I know he's in there trying some of the bar products. Go take care of this."
Cloud always got a bit nervous when he had to play the role of 'dad', fearing that he would do more harm than good. Alas, this case seems more serious than the others, so he shrugged off his worry and headed to Denzel's room.
"Denzel? Tifa told me you wanted to talk to me?"
He was responded by a click sound on the door, which meant it was now unlocked. Cloud carefully opened the door, expecting the worst, but saw nothing out of the ordinary, and noticed Denzel still in his bed. He walked closer to the boy's bed, and that's when he noticed something strange.
"Denzel, what's wrong?"
The boy made a startled gesture, almost as if he was unaware that Cloud was right next to him. "Well, uh, this may sound strange but…"
"Trust me; I've been exposed to a lot of strange things…" The image of Yuffie wearing a stuffed Tifa sized bra came to mind, "So you can tell me anything and I won't flinch. So what's up?"
"I found a magazine in your garage last night and after looking at it for a while, I, uh, did something. And now, I can't see a thing, my hands feel kind of furry, and my thing-thing is gone." Denzel's face was flushed red from both the embarrassment and for lack of breath from saying everything fast. Cloud, however, secretly thanked the spirits for taking away the boy's vision, since the swordsman's face expressed pure shock.
"Well, um, I think there's a book about this in the, uh, living room, so I'm gonna go get it ok?" He hastely left the room and closed the door behind him. Tifa resumed making pancakes when she saw Cloud coming down the stairs. "So what happened, Cloud?" Cloud's only response was waving his hand to signal Tifa to follow him outside and into the garage.
"Okay Cloud, what is going on? I'm getting tired of this pointless suspense."
"Denzel did something and now he's blind, has hairy hands, and his 'thing-thing' fell off." The swordsman said monotonously, his shocked face never fading. Tifa's eyes widened, and after a few seconds, she bursted out laughing.
"Heheh, I told him that would happen if he did that. The naughty boy." She giggled, and proceeded to laugh some more.
"I can't believe that can actually happen…" Cloud blurted out. "Mom always told me to stop thinking about Mrs. Lockheart that way or else that would happen, but…" He then looked down at his belt line and then his hands. "I'm never risking it again."
Tifa stopped giggling and made a death glare at Cloud. "You did WHAT when you thought about my mom?!"
"Um, uh, anyway, just out of curiosity, is there a similar rule for girls?" The swordsman feared the death glare more than anything else, and quickly changed the subject to avoid anymore of it.
"Of course. For girls, if you do that, your chest will be flat and everyone will hate you. Now that I think about it, that may explain why no one likes Yuffie that much."
