It took a full day before the BAU wrapped up everything enough to be able to go home. They had a confession, mounds of evidence – pretty much everything the PD needed wrapped up nice and neat for them. Spencer was more than happy to close the files on this case and so was the rest of his team. What made it all even better was the phone called that Spencer had received, letting him know that both victims had survived their trip to the hospital. They were going to have to go through a lot of therapy, and there'd be a lot of pain in their future, but they'd made it. They were alive.
Spencer held that thought to himself as he tucked himself away into the back corner of the plane. At the moment he just really wanted the quiet. The others were gathered together and talking up by the couches. He could hear them asking Gabriel about how the first case went, how it was different from what he was used to, complimenting him on a job well done. Spencer wasn't going to join in but he wasn't going to interrupt, either. Gabriel had done well. He'd worked well within the limitations presented to him. Not only had he used his powers, he'd made an effort to do so without being noticed, and he'd even kept in mind the future ramifications of some of his power usage. Seeing it made Spencer a bit more confident in their ability to make things work.
Strange as all this may seem – this idea of an archangel learning about human justice from a group of humans in law enforcement – it was starting to look like maybe it was going to work out. At least a little. Maybe between them Spencer and his friends might be able to find a way to show Gabriel what they all thought of as justice. To help remind him of whatever it was he'd forgotten.
There were quite a few things about Gabriel's words and behavior that raised questions in Spencer's mind. He held them back, though. So far there hadn't been the time or the right opportunity to ask some of them. Others, he didn't know Gabriel well enough to ask. Others still he knew he was going to have to wait and watch and see.
Something big had happened to the archangel. Of that, Spencer was sure. He could see it in the way that Gabriel's smile faded sometimes when he thought no one was looking. Or the shadows that sat in the backs of his eyes. There was just this air about him that Spencer had seen on many people before. It was one that spoke of pain and loss. One that said the person was recovering slowly, if at all, fighting to hold their head above water. Spencer could see it in the way Gabriel squared his shoulders sometimes like he was trying to balance some sort of weight there. Or how he'd look at the others goofing around and he'd smile sadly at them. Something or someone had hurt him. Spencer just wasn't sure what.
His musings on their visiting archangel were cut off when said archangel looked up and happened to catch his gaze. A slow smile touched his lips and Spencer had to fight not to blush as he dropped his gaze now. He hadn't meant to get caught staring.
Spencer wasn't all that surprised when he heard footsteps only a moment later. He snuck a look up through his bangs and watched as Gabriel slipped down into the seat across from him. Over Gabriel's shoulder Spencer could see the rest of the team still talking together. JJ was casting curious looks down their way, though. Spencer knew the others were probably doing the same – they were just a bit more subtle. JJ was more open in her concern for Spencer. All of them knew he wasn't the type to socialize and he didn't often like dealing with someone new. Yet he and Gabriel had spent quite a bit of time together on this case and now, when Spencer had clearly gone to the back of the jet in a gesture the others all knew meant he wanted to be alone, Gabriel had come to join him again. It was bound to make them worry a little.
He wasn't the only one to notice it, either. Gabriel huffed out a little laugh and smiled. "Your friends are awfully concerned for you. I'm trying not to pick up on their thoughts but some of them are projecting a little loudly. Apparently I'm breaking some little rule by coming back here to bug you?"
"I like to decompress after a case sometimes." Spencer said. He knew it wasn't quite an explanation but it was close enough. There was no need to tell Gabriel about how strong his memory was and how much trouble it gave him after cases sometimes. He'd probably learn soon enough. If Spencer didn't tell him, Derek or JJ might in their efforts to warn him to 'be careful with Spencer' after a case.
Gabriel's smile grew and those little lines at the corners of his eyes deepened. "Somehow I got the feeling you wouldn't mind the interruption." When that just made Spencer finally lose the battle with his blush, Gabriel laughed again. Somehow the sound he made didn't make Spencer feel like he was being mocked. It was just warm and easy. "You're too adorable there, kiddo. Really. It's not fair." Sighing, Gabriel shook his head, though his smile never completely faded. "Anyways. As much fun as it is to make you blush, that's not why I came back here. I figured you'd probably have a lot of questions after that case and the office or this fancy jet of yours aren't the best place to ask them. Why don't we go grab some dinner once we land and I'll answer what I can for you."
"Seriously?"
The slight squeak in Spencer's voice, the one that showed his honest surprise, had Gabriel snorting even though he was nice enough to at least attempt to cover it up. Spencer watched as Gabriel pulled a Twix bar out of the inside of his jacket and busied himself with opening it. "Of course." Once he had the end opened, he tilted the wrapper towards Spencer and pressed at the bottom, pushing one of the candy bars up just enough it stuck out of the top of the package. Spencer only debated a second before reaching out and taking it. Gabriel smiled at him like Spencer actually accepting his candy was some big deal. Then he brought the package back and slid up the other candy bar so he could bite off the end.
For a moment the two just ate their candy as Spencer contemplated his answer. Going with Gabriel would mean that he might be able to get answers to some of his questions. However, it probably also meant having to answer questions as well.
Eventually Spencer's need-to-know outweighed his need-to-hide. "I'd like that."
Gabriel's face practically lit up at that. He sat up a little straighter and a tension Spencer hadn't realized was in him now seemed to melt away. "Anywhere you'd recommend?"
"The Pearl has great pasta and enough privacy for their tables we're less likely to be overheard when we talk."
"It's a date." Gabriel winked at him and pushed up from his seat until he was standing beside the table. "See ya then, gorgeous." With that last, flirtatious comment, the archangel turned and went back to join the others, leaving Spencer blushing and wondering how on earth their conversation had turned around that quickly.
CXCX
Once they disembarked the jet, Spencer knew the instant Gabriel started to steer him towards that flashy red car that he was going to get some teasing from his friends later. Probably some probing questions as well if the look that Derek shot him was anything to go by. Gabriel, however, didn't seem the least bit bothered by any of it. He lifted a hand in a wave while placing his other hand in the small of Spencer's back to steer him towards where he'd parked his car. "We'll see you guys tomorrow!" Gabriel called out.
Spencer watched the looks pass between his friends and tried not to groan. "You do realize what they're going to think now, don't you?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
The faux innocent voice had Spencer narrowing his eyes. All that look got him was a grin and an eyebrow wiggle. Ignoring Spencer's glare, Gabriel walked right up to the car, not even seeming to think about it as he led Spencer to the passenger's side door and actually opened it up for him. Spencer might've said something about it if it looked like this was a part of Gabriel's teasing. However, this seemed to be genuine. Like he did it without even thinking about it. That was the only reason that Spencer kept quiet as he slid down into the car. It had nothing to do with the little warm feeling in the pit of his stomach.
The car ride to the restaurant was awkward and just a bit uncomfortable. The promise of conversation lay between them and Spencer's brain was running over everything he knew about Gabriel so far and all the things he wanted to find out. All the questions that had come up during this case. All the things that he'd seen or that Gabriel had said that just didn't make sense. Those were all playing back in Spencer's mind and bringing up more and more questions. Yet at the same time there sat in him the fear that asking Gabriel questions and getting answers would mean that the archangel was going to ask him questions and expect answers. Answers Spencer still wasn't sure he was going to be able to give.
Still, despite what Spencer's team might've thought, he did know how to keep his thoughts hidden when he had to and that was a skill he employed now. He put on a mask and made sure his mental shields were as strong as he could make them, once again finding himself thanking the ones who had taught him that ability. Nothing of what he felt inside was showing on the outside. It wasn't easy for him. Too often he'd been told he wore his heart on his sleeve. But he kept himself under control now as he gave Gabriel directions and even as they arrived at the restaurant.
The man who greeted them smiled when he caught sight of Spencer. He stepped out from the stand and waited there as Spencer and Gabriel came up to him. Though his smile was professional, it was also warm. "Buona sera, Signor Reid." Philip greeted him. This wasn't the first time that Spencer had come to this restaurant. Usually this was where he and David liked to eat when they went out. Here, they could talk and have dinner together without being under the spotlight. There were plenty of important people in DC who came here to do the same thing. This place granted privacy, for a price – one that Spencer had always been willing to pay.
"Buona sera, Philip." Spencer smiled and slid his hands down into his pockets.
"Just the two of you this evening, signor?"
"Yes. At the usual table, if you please, Philip."
It wasn't until the two were seated at a private booth that Spencer finally looked up and caught Gabriel's face. He found the archangel only barely trying to suppress his smile, though his eyes were alight with amusement. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to charm me, Dr. Reid." Gabriel adjusted in his seat just enough to slide his jacket off and lay it next to him. Then he folded his arms on the table and leaned forward just a little. He, like Spencer, was yet again in a button up shirt, though this time his was black, a startlingly good choice that only served to really highlight the lighter color of his hair. In the low light of the restaurant his eyes looked like melted honey as they fixed on Spencer. "You bring all your dates here, big boy, or am I just special?"
Dammit. Spencer's cheeks were burning with his blush and he absolutely loathed it. How on earth was it that Gabriel drew this reaction out of him so frequently in the past few days? It was pathetic! Clearing his throat, Spencer tried to find some kind of composure. "I usually bring David here." Not dates. Never that. The last time Spencer had gone on a date... he quickly shut that thought down. That wasn't something he really wanted to be thinking about right at the moment.
"Do you?" Gabriel looked around, taking in the place they were in, looking over it all before bringing his eyes back to Spencer. "I guess I can see that. It's private enough here. Though you're ruining all my fantasies by being practical, kiddo."
"I'm sure you'll recover." Spencer said dryly, fiddling with his menu in an attempt to distract himself from looking up.
Even so, he still heard the grin in Gabriel's voice. "It's like you know me so well already."
That was the perfect opening. Spencer lifted his eyes and met Gabriel's across the table. "Not as well as I thought." He licked his lips and tilted his head a little, raising one eyebrow in a mockery of the look Gabriel kept giving to him. "Loki?"
He was a bit surprised to see the grin that spread over Gabriel's features. "Yeah, I should've figured that'd be your first question."
The two were interrupted by the waiter coming to take their order. Spencer ordered without looking at the menu – he knew this place and knew what was on the menu by heart. Gabriel folded his menu down and held it out to Spencer, a corner of his mouth quirked up in that amused expression Spencer was starting to think was almost his default setting. "I'll defer to your tastes, kiddo. Show me what's good here."
Spencer only had to think for a moment before he rattled off another order. The colorful and slightly spiced pasta he'd picked for Gabriel was something that Spencer enjoyed on occasion and that he thought the archangel might like.
Once their orders were taken and the waiter gone, Gabriel focused right back on their conversation as if they'd never been interrupted. "So, I imagine you're a bit curious as to how an archangel turned into a trickster."
"You could say that." Spencer agreed. In opposite of Gabriel, he sat back in his seat, distancing himself just a little.
It didn't deter Gabriel. He was once more leaning forward on his arms, though he kept one hand a bit free to wave it as he spoke. He did that a lot, Spencer had noticed. "If you've met angels or been alive anywhere near as long as I think you have, then you probably know the various stories about my brothers. You might even have gotten the picture that angels aren't exactly made of sunshine and roses like most humans seem to think they are."
In the back of Spencer's mind came the memory of a bright flash of light and the feel of something ice cold washing through every inch of his body. He held back a shiver. "Yes, I've noticed."
"The War with Lucifer wasn't easy on anyone up there, but it was especially hard on us archangels. We were the closest, you know? The first. Having to fight, to try and play mediator, to get caught in the middle of all that…" Gabriel's eyes closed for a second. Seeing the loss on his face, Spencer had to fight back the urge to reach across the table and take his hand. Instead, he waited patiently, giving Gabriel a moment to gather himself. It only took a minute. Gabriel opened his eyes again and blew out a breath Spencer knew he didn't need. Then he looked back at Spencer again. "I got tired of all the fighting. It broke me in ways I wasn't ready to admit to. So, I ran away from home. It took me a little bit and a few favors before I finally managed to get some help to make this vessel here." He drew a hand in and patted his chest, looking proud of his work. "It was easier this way. No soul in here to argue with and a hell of a lot harder to track. Then, I made myself a new identity. I became Loki. A few hundred years and my name was being bandied about with the rest of the gods in Asgard. A bit longer and humans had started to make up myths about me as well. It wasn't that difficult for me to make myself a home there. Odin and Freya took me in and they gave me a home and family."
That was… wow. That was a lot to take in. Spencer knew he was staring but he couldn't quite help it. Shyness was forgotten in the face of new information. One thing stuck about above all else at the moment, though. "If you're hiding out down here as Loki, why are you telling me all this? I don't mean to sound ungrateful or rude, it just seems counterproductive to me."
"Yeah, well, let's just say my secret's not a secret anymore." Something dark and a bit bitter twisted Gabriel's lips and darkened his eyes. "The apocalypse can do that to you."
Realization washed over Spencer. That definitely made things make a bit more sense. Pretty much everyone in the supernatural community knew about the apocalypse that had been started and somehow, amazingly, stopped. Hearing that Gabriel had been involved in it brought of plenty of new questions. However, Spencer was smart enough to hold those back. Gabriel was revealing plenty enough tonight. There was no way he was going to push him on that topic. Talking about the apocalypse would undoubtedly be hard for him. Especially judging by the way he'd reacted at just the mention of it. Spencer had no doubt plenty of his family had died in that war – and a war it had been, Spencer knew, even if most of the world didn't quite realize it.
The darkness that he could still see in Gabriel's eyes made his stomach twist a little. He didn't question why it bothered him so much to see the archangel upset or hurting. Instead, he focused on distracting him. He pushed himself forward until he could fold his arms on the table as well and he smiled at Gabriel. "So, if you're actually Loki, I've got to ask – how many of the legends are actually true?"
His question had the desired effect. Gabriel was much more comfortable discussing his years as Loki than anything else. The tales he told of practical jokes, of dealing out just desserts, and then of his kids – Gabriel had no shame in speaking of them, proudly telling tale after tale – carried them through the arrival of their food and pretty much all of their dinner.
It wasn't until the dinner plates had been taken away and their dessert ordered that the part of the night Spencer had been dreading finally came upon them.
Gabriel didn't even try beating around the bush. He took a drink off his wine and then set the glass down on the table. "So, Half-Pint, I've shared a lot here. What's your story?"
What was he going to do now? Spencer had been having such a good time listening to Gabriel's stories, laughing in a way he couldn't remember doing for such a long time, that he'd almost forgotten about the potential of this. About the flip side of all this information. It was obvious Gabriel wanted information of his own now. Scrambling to think of what to say or what to do, Spencer picked at something else instead, hoping to distract just long enough for him to come up with some kind of answer. "Half-Pint, really? If you'll recall, I am the taller of us."
"I just call it like I see it." Gabriel teased him. "You might be taller, kid, but you're about as big as a twig." He placed his elbows on the tables and settled his chin down against his interlaced hands, smiling at Spencer. "So, what gives? I still haven't been able to figure you out. How is it you're still as gorgeous as the day I met you over fifty years ago?"
"It's a long story."
"I get the feeling the one thing you and I both got plenty of is time."
Spencer picked up his wine glass and hid behind it for a moment. He wanted to tell – truly, he did. But there was a large part of him that was utterly terrified at the idea. "Telling my story… hasn't really gone all that well for me in the past. Especially not to angels." A shiver ran down Spencer's spine and his hand clenched briefly on his glass before he managed to relax it.
Surprise lit Gabriel's eyes. "You've talked with other angels?"
"A few. I was only stupid enough to tell the truth to one, and to hint to the truth with another. Their reactions were… less than pleasant." That was a vast understatement. Spencer remembered the feel of that invisible force holding him down. The light of grace burning inside of him as it wrapped around his soul with absolutely no finesse. The cold, clinical way that he'd been studied, like he was a fascinating puzzle, not a living, breathing human being. He remembered the pain and the way his voice had been taken so that he wouldn't be able to scream.
Gabriel was watching Spencer carefully. There was no telling what he saw on Spencer's face. Whatever it was, it had his own expression tightening briefly before softening into something that was startlingly gentle. "Guess I'll have to prove you can trust me, first. That's fine." His lips curved up until little wrinkles appeared at the corners of his eyes. "I love a challenge."
Spencer bit the inside of his lip and looked up through his lashes to his dinner companion. "Why do I suddenly feel very, very nervous?"
The sound of Gabriel's low laugh sent a different kind of chill down Spencer's spine, washing away the fear of the last and leaving something much more pleasant in its wake. That feeling only grew when Gabriel winked at him "Cause you're a smart boy, Dr. Spencer Reid."
Much to Spencer's surprise, that was all the archangel had to say about that. Gabriel didn't push anymore on Spencer's past. He did, however, ask about things that he already knew about. Namely Dave. "Isn't it hard for the two of you to work together when no one knows the truth about you?" Gabriel asked him, sitting back as he noticed their waiter coming forward.
Spencer shrugged one shoulder. "It can be." He paused, waiting as their server set out a big bowl of some chocolate mousse concoction that Spencer knew Gabriel was going to enjoy way too much and then a glass of zabaione over fresh fruit was set in front of him, still warm just as he liked it – meaning that it was nice and fresh – and with a biscotti tucked into the side. It was one of his favorite reasons for coming here. The chef actually knew how to make the dessert right and didn't mass make it and chill it like most places did. Spencer picked up his spoon an happily took his first bite while he waited for the server to leave again. Only when he was sure he was far enough away, and the both of them were happily enjoying their desserts, did Spencer speak again. "David and I talked quite a bit about things with the Bureau. He joined first, long before I did. He's the whole reason that I decided to join to begin with. The things he did, working with Gideon to help make the BAU into what it is now – it was amazing. I was so proud of him."
"You've got a lot to be proud of. He's an amazing kid." Gabriel said sincerely.
Spencer couldn't help but puff up just the slightest bit at that. Of all the many things that he'd done in his life, David was one of the things he was most proud of. "I can't take all the credit for him. I've had plenty of help with him over the years. But more than that, he's an amazing person all on his own, even without my help. He's done great things in his life." Stirring his food a little, Spencer smiled softly. Thinking of the boy he'd raised always made him smile. He felt nothing but pride for his David. "When he left the BAU after a bad case, he needed some time to heal and I completely understood that. But he'd captured my attention so much with his work over the years. He was the one to suggest I join, you know."
"Really?"
"Oh yes." The memory of that conversation made Spencer laugh a little. "He told me that I needed to find something to do with my days, something different than just drifting. So I talked to some people who owed me favors and I talked with some very close friends of mine and we got a backstory set up for me, nice and neat. And I set myself in the path of one Jason Gideon, who eagerly recruited me for the BAU. David didn't join again until Gideon left us a few years later."
Gabriel made a happy humming sound as he cleaned some of the mousse off his spoon in a way that was a bit too obscene for public. He either didn't notice the way it made Spencer shift, or he didn't care. Still, Spencer was grateful when he pulled the spoon out. "And you two didn't, I don't know, think that maybe pretending to be family of some sort might be a good idea? I mean, from what I'm getting from the others, no one realizes you two even knew each other before this."
"It's safer this way." He and Dave had discussed it plenty of times and they'd both come to the same conclusion. "Family is always someone that can be used against you. The type of people we come across in our line of work, well, it puts those closest to you at risk. Sometimes there are Unsubs who will come after your family if they can't get to you." Memories of the Reaper and the devastation he'd caused Aaron's family came to mind. Spencer shoved them down. "I have enemies of my own as well. Plus, well… if something happens, if my secret comes out and there's trouble, at least there's nothing more than the bond of teammates that links David to me. This keeps him safe."
The intensity in Spencer's tone had Gabriel pausing in his dessert long enough to look at him. Spencer watched as the archangel's expression smoothed out and thin lips curved into a small smile that seemed both sweet and genuine. "Don't worry, Half-Pint. Your secret's safe with me."
"I'm beginning to believe that." Spencer admitted honestly, before he could think about it. It scared him, but it was true.
It scared him even more just how much it warmed him to see the smile that his words caused. I'm in so much trouble.
CXCX
That thought didn't leave Spencer alone for the rest of the night. It stuck with him through the rest of their dessert and even as Spencer rode the bus home – something that Gabriel had protested loudly to. The archangel hadn't at all been pleased at the idea of Spencer going home on the bus instead of riding with him. But Spencer was used to dealing with stubborn people. He'd done it quite a few times. So instead of arguing with Gabriel as others might've done, Spencer had simply bid him a good night and then turned to walk away and catch his bus.
All through the bus ride back to his apartment his thoughts kept twisting and turning all over the place. All the things he'd learned about Gabriel tonight, the things that he'd shared. The way it had made him feel to sit there at the table and actually share some of those stories. To be able to talk about David and not have to censor it. For the span of a meal Spencer had been able to be more himself than he had been with anyone but David for a long, long time.
It scared the hell out of him.
The last time Spencer had relaxed this quickly and this easily around someone – those memories put a lump in his throat.
Just barely did he manage to keep himself under control long enough to get to his apartment. As soon as he was inside he dropped his go-bag off against the wall to be emptied later on so he could wash the dirty clothes inside. Then he turned and shut the door behind him, flipping the lock. The sound of it echoed loudly through his cold and empty apartment.
Thinking of just how empty it truly was had Spencer sighing. Closing his eyes, he pressed his forehead against the shut door and let out a shaky breath.
Everything that he'd been avoiding thinking about refused to be pushed aside anymore. The memories flooded him. Memories of a different man – a different time. It was so easy for Spencer to close his eyes and see that face again, the one that he knew he'd never forget. To hear that soft laugh, see the wonder in those chocolate eyes as they watched him with awe, like he never could quite believe that Spencer was really there. That he actually cared. "Why are you doing this?" he'd asked Spencer more than once.
Spencer could remember reaching out to tuck a bit of hair behind his ear – those crazy brown curls, always flying everywhere – and telling him simply "Your smile."
"My smile? You're doing all this, paying all this money, for a smile?"
"I would see that smile always, Julian."
Tears slid down Spencer's cheeks, burning hot trails against his skin. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and tried not to let the memories consume him.
This – this was why he didn't get close. This was why he made a point to not get attached. He'd lived for so long, loved so many, and the loss of them never got any easier. It still broke parts of him each time. Getting close to the team, that had been a huge mistake, one that he'd pay for later on. Losing them was going to hurt. Losing David – that was going to break him. Spencer knew it was going to take him a long, long time to recover from their loss.
But something in him told him that getting attached to Gabriel would be so much worse. If he let himself get close, if he let himself care about the archangel the way he could already envision happening, well, Spencer had a feeling it would destroy him. He couldn't handle another loss like that. And it would happen, too. Gabriel might be an archangel, he might be sturdier fare than anyone else Spencer had come across during his existence, but that didn't make him truly immortal. There were things out there that could kill him. One day, he'd die. It might take a year or hundreds of years. Either way, it'd happen. And the longer they were together, the longer that he lived, the more Spencer knew it'd trick him into believing that they'd be okay, and the more it would destroy him when Gabriel was finally gone.
Working with him and becoming friends was going to be hard enough. Anything more than that, Spencer just couldn't do it. Not again. He had to hold on to the hope that Gabriel would learn whatever he was hoping to learn and then he could vanish before Spencer got too attached. Before he began to care too much.
Spencer was terrified that it was already too late.
