A/N: Please refrain from throwing tomatoes…PLEASE?! PLEASE?!?!

But you can throw as many reviews as you want

It was late, about 11 at night. The whole room was silent, dead silent. She opened her eyes, not really sure what was happening. Searching around her, her eyes rested on a heart monitor. "Hospital…" she croaked out, her voice barely audible. She was in the hospital, secured to an uncomfortable bed, surrounded by flowers and candies and tiny beanie babies which she would definitely throw out later…but why? Reaching over her shoulder she pressed down on the nurse's assistance button and waited patiently until, who else, Rose came in.

"Dr. Grey," she nodded, reaching for her chart. "You probably have no idea what happened."

She shook her head, still unable to communicate.

"That's to be expected," Rose said flipping through the thin papers filled with so much information. "Would you like me to explain to you what happened? Or would you rather have Derek?"

"Derek?" she asked regaining her voice. "Wait, what…the shooting?"

"Yeah there was a shooting." Rose nodded, pulling up a chair next to Meredith.

"Well what happened?"

"Are you sure you want me to tell you?" she asked carefully, taking a deep breath.

"Why?" Meredith asked. What was the big secret? "What's going on?" Concern and fear clouded her thoughts, invaded her mind.

"Dr. Grey," Rose said firmly, "Derek and Mark are fine, perfect actually. They aren't hurt."

"Thank God," Meredith breathed, feeling a great weight being lifted from her shoulders. "But…but the gun shots?"

As Rose was about to speak, a familiar voice spoke instead. "There were only two."

Meredith looked up seeing the face of Derek. His hair was messy and his shirt had a stain, but he still looked gorgeous. He smiled at her, his eyes sad and dark. "There were only two," he repeated, the grin on his face vanishing.

"Well…what do you mean?" she asked confused.

He nodded at Rose who quietly exited the room. "Meredith," he spoke, sitting in the chair next to her bed. "One of the gunmen was Alex's father, you remember that right?"

She nodded, wanting to know desperately where Alex was. "Yeah, where is he?"

Derek hesitated. Staring down at his feet he cleared his throat. "Mer…he died this morning from a GSW to the chest."

Meredith looked up, her eyes glazed over. "What?" she asked. This is just a dream she thought to herself…just a dream. "He can't be dead. He was right beside me. He fainted when he found out his dad was there! He was okay!"

"I know, I know," Derek whispered taking her hand. "But then they took you."

"What are you talking about? They didn't take me! None of this happened!" Her heart was pounding and the whole room seemed to be spinning out of control.

"Yes they did. They took you, and then Alex woke up…"

"What? What happened?!" she asked forcefully. Her life was broken, falling apart piece by piece.

"He went after them," he sighed, trailing his fingers along the edge of her bed. "He helped Mark and I escape then went after you. But…"

Suddenly, everything became clear. "His dad shot him," she said. She began to remember every detail...the screaming of Alex's voice, telling her to run, he would take care of this. She remembered the chair he threw at the men, freeing her from their captive arms. She remembered the shot, fired from his dad's gun. She remembered his face, how she cried his name, watching him fall to the ground. She remembered Mark's strong arms lifting her up, preventing her from running back towards him. She remembered the other shot, piercing her in the leg. She remembered how the pain didn't matter because her friend was dead. She remembered the police, their car wheels screeching the road in that very moment. She remembered the men, running in all directions, tossing Alex's body carelessly to the side. She remembered Derek joining them, making sure she was okay. She remembered the cold tears, the distant memories, the blood…everything. "He died for me," she coughed, her breath already starting to hyperventilate.

"Shhh, I know…its okay," Derek comforted her. "If it wasn't for you, we'd be dead."

"If it wasn't for him, we'd all be dead," she cried, burying her face into Derek's chest. "Oh my God…" Her body began to shake violently and she felt her heart sink. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly.

"I know Meredith I know."

She continued to cry, everything seeming so far away, drifting further and further away from her.

It was a sunny day, the streets were packed, and everyone seemed to be busy doing one thing or another. She grasped her coffee, taking thoughtful sips. Staring out the hospital window she sighed. Yesterday seemed so surreal, so amazingly painful. It wasn't fair; none of this was his fault. If she didn't go down there in the first place, he would still be alive. She hated herself for this. Tucking some strands of hair behind her ears she rested her head on her pillow and breathed in the familiar scent of dried blood and fresh scalpels.

"How's my favorite dirty mistress doing?" Mark smiled stepping into her room.

"Stop Mark," she shook her head, "Just stop…"

He took a deep breath, nodding. "I know, it's hard."

"How do you know?" she asked defensively, turning towards him. "You didn't even know Alex! All you did was boss him around, asking him to fetch you friggen cappuccinos!"

He stopped, knowing how right she was, how pained she was. "Meredith…"

"NO!" she cut him off. "Don't speak my name, just don't!"

"Well then what do you want me to do?!" he yelled, raising his voice.

"JUST STOP THIS! STOP ALL OF THIS!" she screamed back, the tears beginning to creep up again. "You don't love me…you've never did," she whispered.

"That's not true!" he defended himself, grabbing her hand. "I do love you."

"No you don't," she shook her head, removing her hand from his, the tears streaming down. "We can't do this."

"Yes we can, Meredith, we can…I love you, why don't you believe that?" He stroked her cheek, reminding her of that first day when they kissed. Everything was so simple, nothing was this hard.

"Mark, we can't." Her voice was low…scared. "We're just pretending. We're both hurting; I know...this is just an escape."

"No, Meredith no it's not. Not to me!" he pleaded, his eyes sparkling.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, the tears continuing to pour down.

He swallowed hard, his throat becoming dry and bitter. "So we're breaking up?" he asked defeated. His voice was on the verge of breaking and his face was pale, lonely…

She nodded, wiping away at the remaining droplets. "It's too hard."

"Fine," he answered after a moment. "…if that's what you want…then okay." He gave her one last smile before disappearing out of the room.

Her life was broken, falling apart piece by piece.

A/N: Okay you probably all hate me. But hear me out for a second…I didn't want to kill Alex. It KILLED me to kill Alex. But someone HAD to die, and it couldn't be Derek or Mark because I have plans for them and UGH! I'm sorry!!!! (ALEX I LOVE YOU!!)

And the mermark breakup…it has to be done to prepare them for what I am going to do. You see, I know exactly how I am going to end this story and the breakup was necessary because what I am going to do to them is like insanely huge. And the merder moment in the beginning had to be done because that's huge and omg I'm giving too much away so review (as always) and I promise you won't be disappointed.

PS: I know I have been really really good with updates but dont take them for granted cause i have no clue how long they will last