ENTRY G

Nobody Wants to be Alone on Christmas


"That is your mission," General Beckman finished. "Good luck to you, Agent Walker, and to you, as well, Agent Bartowski."

Sarah watched as the small General signed off and turned to Chuck in dismay. "You're really fine with this, Chuck?"

Chuck smiled kindly at Sarah. "C'mon, Sarah, we've got the easiest missions in the world."

Their missions were indeed simple, but they kept them apart—on Christmas Eve. Sarah was not happy about that. If it was five years ago, maybe she wouldn't have minded. But it wasn't five years ago, it was now. Five years ago, she didn't have Chuck. Hell, she didn't have a life. She knew it was pathetic, but that was then, this was now.

She glanced up at Chuck who was looking concernedly at her. "Listen, Sarah," he began, sighing. "Yeah, it sucks that we can't be together on Christmas Eve, but we're both going to come back, safe and sound, for Christmas. And our missions, seriously, we just have to sit in at some auctions to see who Volkoff is selling his weapons to. Sit, observe, and report; that's all."

"I know," Sarah huffed, irritated. "The point is, I don't know why Beckman is sending us instead of two rookies for these missions. We had plans for tomorrow. And instead of wrapping presents, you're going to be in Moscow, while I'm going to be in Dubai."

Chuck sighed again. They did have plans indeed. Glorious plans where the majority of their day would have been spent in the bedroom. And if there was enough time, they penciled in an extra fifteen minutes to wrap some last minute gifts. "At least you'll be warmer than me," he offered lamely.

"I don't like the idea of us being apart." Sarah crossed her arms. She knew she was being childish, but to hell with that. Ever since she and Chuck had really gotten together, she hated going on missions without him. Not only did she worry for Chuck's safety, but she just wasn't focused without him. She wasn't herself.

"I know. I hate it too." He reached his arms out and wrapped Sarah tightly against him. "But we'll both probably get back around 10:00 tomorrow night, which means that we've got a good two hours to…wrap presents."

Sarah chuckled. "That's true." She stood on her tiptoes and pecked his lips with hers. "Be safe, okay?"

"I will," he replied, responding with a kiss of his own. "You be safe too, little lady. I love you."

"Love you too," she cooed, nestling her head into Chuck's chest.

"And if you get bored, you could always think about last Christmas." Chuck wiggled his eyebrows up and down, and Sarah laughed. How could she ever forget last Christmas?


It was their first Christmas since becoming a "real" couple. In the past, Sarah had always believed their relationship to be real, in terms of her feelings for Chuck, the last couple of months had truly taught her what it was like to be in a relationship. There were the moments when they would bicker, moments when they would laugh, moments when they would sit in a comfortable silence, as though they were able to communicate without words, and moments when they would tell each other "I love you" just because they could.

Since she realized what it was really like to be in a true, romantic relationship, Sarah really wanted this Christmas to be special. So as Chuck, Morgan, Casey, Alex, and herself sat in their apartment (the Awesome's were in Palm Springs visiting Devon's parents for the holidays), she watched in anticipation as Chuck unwrapped the present she had gotten him. Chuck tore into the wrapping paper to reveal a white, cardboard box. Grinning up at Sarah, he opened the lid, and his jaw dropped, his eyes immediately filled with glee.

"Oh my God!" he cried, holding up the plastic cases. Morgan's mouth fell open as well when he saw what Chuck was holding up. "Tron on BluRay?" He placed the case on the ground, and held up another. "Battlestar Galactica the Complete Series, Call of Duty: Black Ops…" He went off listing off the other discs that Sarah had gotten him, but when he came to a round, film canister, he looked as though he would faint. "Monty Python and the Holy Grail….on the original 18 mm print..." He looked up at Sarah, and she knew that her smile was as wide as Chuck's. "How did you get this?"

"I have my sources," she said, winking. "So do you like them?"

"'Like' them?" he repeated in disbelief. "I love them! But wait…" he trailed off and narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Did you only get me these because you know that they'd keep me busy for a couple of days?" He playfully wagged his finger at her. "Sarah Walker, are you sick of me?"

Sarah laughed. "Yes. You caught me!"

"Well, either way, these are amazing!" Chuck cried happily, getting up to give Sarah a quick kiss (Sarah ignored Casey's exasperated grunt. It wasn't her fault that he came stag.) "Thank you so much!" He nudged the present sitting on her lap. "Go on, open it."

She began to unwrap her present, and like the gifts she had gotten from Chuck, her presents were also held in a box. The only difference was that her box was green and slightly smaller. She reached in and took out a large, hardcover book. After glancing confusedly at Chuck, she opened the cover to see a picture of her in the old Wienerlicious uniform and Chuck, in his Nerd Herd uniform, sitting together in the break room at the Buy More. She didn't remember this picture being taken, and as though reading her mind, Morgan spoke up.

"I took that with my whale tail cam," he said proudly. "I was on my way to upload some footage onto my laptop, and I saw you guys talking. I thought you guys looked…cute."

"What's a whale tail cam?" asked Alex, looking curiously at Morgan.

Morgan gulped, looking from his girlfriend to her father who was glaring a hole into his head. "It's nothing…Sarah, turn the page!"

Exchanging a knowing smile with Chuck, Sarah continued to flip through the pages. Throughout the book, there were ticket stubs the concerts and movies that she and Chuck had gone to during her time in Burbank, more pictures of the two of them, birthday cards, Christmas cards, a picture of who she now knew as Vicki Vale, and their train ticket stubs from when they had gotten together in Paris.

Sarah looked at Chuck who looked quite nervous. "You don't think…that's not creepy that I still held onto that stuff, is it?"

"Yeah," Casey piped up.

"No, it's not creepy at all," Sarah replied, grinning happily. "It's perfect."

As Sarah wrapped her arms around Chuck, she realized one more thing. She realized what it was like to truly mean something to someone, and she realized how good it made her feel.


She couldn't remember anything that happened after she had reported in who had won the auction for Volkoff's latest weapon. All she knew was that wherever she was, it was far too bright and far too crowded. She saw three people looking down on her, and she felt a painful pressure on her lower abdomen.

"Where's Chuck?" she tried to say, but no words would come out. Her mouth was covered with a breathing mask. What was going on?

Only one of the three people looking down on her was a woman. The woman began speaking Arabic, and Sarah couldn't concentrate hard enough to try to translate what she was saying. Finally, the paramedic asked, "American?"

Too weak to even nod, Sarah just blinked her eyes as hard as she could.

"You got shot in stomach," the paramedic said. "You lose a lot of blood!"

She wanted to tell the paramedic that she didn't care. She just wanted to go home! Chuck would be waiting for her there, and she needed to see Chuck. She didn't want to be alone. Not on Christmas…not when she needed Chuck…


It was his fault that this happened. He was the one that asked Beckman to send them on separate missions on Christmas Eve. He only did it because when they returned to Burbank, he had planned to propose to her. Recruiting Morgan and a couple of interns from Castle, he had arranged for them to set up a gazebo at the beach where he and Sarah had spent the night after their first date. He had tipped off the chauffeur who would have picked Sarah up from the airport to drive her to the beach. It was supposed to be the perfect proposal for the perfect woman, but now, because of him that she was…

Shot.

She was just shot. Plenty of people have gotten shot and lived to tell the tale, right? Sarah was going to be okay, wouldn't she? Even if the doctors had only told him that they had done everything that could be done, and the best thing to do was wait and hope for the best. Sarah was going to be okay. She had to be. There were so many things that they have yet to do together—so many plans in his head for their future.

The only thing left for him to do was to wait. He sat beside her bed, letting her hand rest atop of his. She almost looked as though she were sleeping peacefully if it wasn't for the yellowish, pale hue of her skin.

It broke his heart to see her like this. It broke his heart knowing that he had been putting off proposing to her for months. He should have just…asked. She would never be in this position if it weren't for him. He only wanted to give Sarah a special memory, but in this moment, he realized that if he had only asked her earlier, they could have had a life time of special memories.

Chuck shook his head hard and scolded himself. He shouldn't be thinking like this. Sarah was going to be okay. He reached over and gently brushed the side of her face. Even if the doctors couldn't tell him whether she would be okay or not, Chuck knew, and he hoped, that she was going to be okay. She had to be.


He slid off her and laid on his side, smiling happily at her. Sarah gave him a tired a smile and reached over to brush her fingers through his hair. Sometimes she missed Chuck's longer curls. She remembered how she would come up with any excuse just to brush her fingers through them.

"You know something?" he asked, pulling Sarah into him and kissing her forehead. "I've always thought you were the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

Sarah smiled again and looked up. "Really?"

Chuck nodded. "Since the first time I saw you, actually. I remember, my head felt like it weighed a million pounds, you rang the help bell, and God…that was painful."

Sarah chuckled. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine. You didn't know." Chuck let out a happy sigh. "I remember thinking that maybe you were on your way to some hot people convention—"

"Hot people convention?" Sarah teased, giggling.

"Hey, I had an entire database of government secrets downloaded into my brain the night before. But honestly, even if that didn't happen, I would probably still think you were lost on your way to the hot people convention."

They both laughed.

"But you really are, though," he said, his smile transitioning to a loving gaze. "Beautiful. In all ways."

"That's really nice," said Sarah, sleepily closing her eyes. It really was nice to hear that, though.

"I mean it."

"I know you do, Chuck," she said, opening her eyes. She nestled closer to Chuck, and pulled his arm over her. "And it really means a lot to me. I hear that all the time, you know? And from everyone else, it's like…it's like I know they mean it, but it doesn't mean anything to me. But whenever I hear it from you, I actually hear you, you know what I mean?"

Chuck nodded. "Yeah."

"But do you know why it means so much hearing those words from you?" Chuck shook his head while Sarah shifted her weight so she could be level with him. Her eyes met his, and she felt the tenderness in them. "Because I feel like you know me. I know there are still a lot of things that you don't know about me, and I promise that I'll tell you those things one day, but for the most part, you know who I am."

As Chuck brushed her hair back, Sarah couldn't help but notice how that simple gesture was still able to send soothing warmth down to her stomach.

"And you've seen me at my worst," she continued, "I don't know how many times, but you've always looked past them." Sarah took in a deep breath and exhaled, running her finger along Chuck's arms, sketching a line to the curve of his jaw where she rested her palm. "So…I guess…what I'm trying to say is that…I'm really lucky to have you. To put it more simply…" Sarah trailed off with a playful smile, "I love you."

Chuck looked up at her with a warm smile on his face. "I love you, too, Sarah."

When there was no possible way to get closer to Chuck, Sarah closed her eyes and murmured, "Merry Christmas, Chuck."


Sarah had heard about out-of-body experiences, but she had never experienced one herself. After a countless number of times where she had been in dangerous situations, or even when she was on Cloud Nine, she could never recall having an out-of-body experience. So today, of all days, she finally had one.

She saw her own body lying on the hospital bed, surrounded by her doctor and nurses. The monitors around her bed were all shrieking deafeningly as even more nurses rushed in with a defibrillator. The doctor held onto the shock paddles and waited. She no longer knew whether she was alive or dead, but when she saw Chuck being pulled away by a group of medical assistants, his face more pale than she had ever seen it and tears streaming from his eyes, she could swear that her heart stopped beating. Suddenly, the only voice she heard through the loud chatter was Chuck's voice screaming for her.

A loud buzz emitted from the defibrillator. She felt a sharp pain on her chest. Her sight was suddenly filled with a bright, white light. Then everything went dark. She could not see anything, but she could still hear Chuck calling for her—begging her to come back. Through the darkness, she wanted to call out to him. She wanted to tell him that she wanted nothing more than to be there with him. But then, there was another loud buzz, more bright lights…

The deafening shrill from the monitors died down to softer beep. The beeping was rapid at first but as the seconds went on, they slowed into a steady rhythm. Sarah opened her eyes, and once again, everything was so bright. The only difference was that her eyes began to hurt, and slowly, but surely, they began to focus. When the blurred vision went away, Sarah looked up at the doctor. Beads of sweat were still forming on his forehead, but there was a look of relief on his face. But this doctor—this stranger—wasn't the person she wanted to see. She wanted to see Chuck.

It was as though the rest of her body was playing catch-up. The moment she inhaled, her stomach erupted in a great pain. It was so sudden, and so painful, that she let out a whimper. The doctor placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and smiled consolingly.

"You're going to be okay," he told her through a thick, Arabic accent. He turned around and began speaking in Arabic. Before the doctor could finish his sentence, Chuck pushed past him and immediately took Sarah's hand with both of his.

Tears still brimmed her boyfriend's eyes as he brought up her hand and pressed his lips against it. "I…I thought you were…"

"I'm fine," she said, smiling even though it felt as if a giant vice was pinching her lower abdomen. It would pass, she knew. "I'm okay."

"This…was all my fault," he said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"It's not—"

"I asked Beckman to send us on separate assignments. I thought they were safe, and I had this thing planned for when we got back, and—"

"Why…why would you ask Beckman for separate missions for us on Christmas?"

"Because…" his voice trailed off, and for the first time since she woke up, Chuck looked away from her. He had the same, guilty expression on his face that he had any time he lied, and by now, Sarah could detect whenever he didn't tell the truth. So if Chuck wasn't going to be honest, shot in the stomach or not, Sarah was going to give him a purple nurple. He reached into his pocket, and finally looked back at Sarah. "I had this whole thing planned, you know? The missions were supposed to go without a hitch, and by the time we both landed back in Burbank, it would have been like two hours before Christmas. I bribed a bunch of interns and Morgan to go to the beach and build a gondola, and I bribed your driver to drive you straight to the beach once you landed."

"Okay…but why?"

One side of Chuck's lips twitched into a half smile as he placed a soft, velvet box in her hand. "So I could ask you if you would marry me."

Without even opening the box or taking a second to think, Sarah grinned. "Okay."

"I mean…I know in the past that you said that you didn't really like Christmas, so I thought that if I did something special for you, on Christmas, that—did you just say 'okay?'"

Sarah grinned, and nodded quickly. "Yes."

"So…?" Chuck looked extremely dumbstruck.

"Of course, I'll marry you."

"Are you sure this isn't the drugs talking? Because, I don't even know if you know this, but you got shot, and I'm sure that you're on so many different pain-killers—"

"Chuck," she interrupted, grabbing his wrist. "Shut up and kiss me."

Chuck grinned and happily obliged to Sarah's request. "Merry Christmas, Sarah."

"Is it still Christmas?" "Well, not in Dubai. It's the 26th here, but it's still Christmas in Burbank." Sarah laughed, no longer able to feel the pain in her stomach. She didn't know if that was due to the pain-killers or elation, and she didn't care. She was engaged! "Okay, then. Merry Christmas, Chuck."