Been a while, partly because my internet died for a few days… but I had already been putting this off for a few days beforehand so that excuse doesn't really work. Anyway, poor excuse for laziness aside I'm gonna try and step my game up for the entire remainder of this series. I hope you're ready for some grade A, bonafide, 110% effort shitposting.

Ster let out a yawn as she padded her way down the stairs to the Deez family living room in her sexy and enticing lingerie. Said lingerie consisted of a modest blue nightgown and a matching pair of blue socks with dark blue stripes. Which is stupid, everyone knows cutesy mismatched socks are the way to go.

"Surprise!"

Ster jumped a little in shock as her eyes opened fully and she saw Mr. Deez, Mrs. Deez, and Murco standing in the living room. Mr. and Mrs. Deez seemed a lot more into it than their son who had a bored expression as he half-heartedly continued speaking their message.

"Happy 47th day on Erf, Ster!"

"Ah! A party? For me?" Ster exclaimed happily as she quickly ran over to her surrogate family with a huge smile. "I can't believe it!"

"Yeah, me neither." Murco said with a yawn as Ster giddily hopped from one foot to the other and clapped her hands. "When they woke me up at 4 in the morning to set this up I was more than a little annoyed."

"Here, Ster, I made you a pie!" Mr. Deez said as he proudly presented his pie with icing in the image of Ster holding a sword up to the heavens in a suit of battle armor with her opposite hand holding her helmet at her side.

"It's beautiful…" Ster said wiping a tear from her eye as Mrs. Deez gingerly approached with a handful of papers stapled together.

"And I wrote you a fanfiction…" Mrs. Deez said before clearing her throat and beginning. "Her soft hand grazed the tan skin of her best friend and lover, his heart leapt as-"

Suddenly a doorbell rang interrupting Mrs. Deez' amazing and well-written 32,000-word love story about an alien princess who falls in love with a simple Earth boy. It was based on no one and all similarities with people living or dead are purely coincidental.

"Ugh, thank God." Murco said in relief as he quickly walked over to the door and opened it to reveal a familiar, to him at least, face.

"Hello! It is I, Gustav XIV Adolf, or Gustavus Adolphus the Fourteenth! I know I said it twice, but I had to put it in numerals for the writing to be a pompous dickweed!" Gustavus said with a laugh as he walked into the house without permission. "Ahaha, Murco! My American friend!"

Murco and Gustavus did a little gay boy dance with each other, smacking hands, doing chest bumps, flapping their arms like chickens, the works. After nearly 20 seconds of straight secret-handshaking they finally stopped and shook hands normally.

"Look who's here!" Murco shouted rapidly pointing at Gustavus who was smiling brightly at Ster as both Mr. and Mrs. Deez ran over to greet him.

"Um… hi?" Ster said looking at Gustavus nervously as Mr. and Mrs. Deez gushed over him endlessly.

"Oh, hello!" Gustavus said giving a sickeningly sweet smile to Ster. "I am Gustavus XIV Adolf, but you can call me Gustavus. I was the Deez' exchange student last year."

"What?" Ster said in shock as her heart began cracking. "B-but I thought I was your one and only foreign exchange student!"

"Not even close!" Murco said walking over and slightly turning Ster to look at the wall beside them. "I mean, who did you think all these kids were?"

"I thought you guys just had a very extended family…" Ster said quietly, looking over all the pictures intensely before stopping on a particular one at the top showing a blonde girl giving Murco a good ol' smoochy-smooch. "Who's that girl?"

"Oh, her? That's just Ines." Murco said waving off Ster's jealous concern. "She's from France and over there it's customary to give a kiss to your boarding family's teenage son when studying abroad."

"That's… a nice custom." Ster said through slightly gritted teeth as Murco turned back towards Gustavus.

"I brought gifts from Scandinavia!" Gustavus announced cheerfully as he slung his large travelling pack off his shoulder and opened it. "For Mrs. D, a pair of clogs!"

"Ooh!" Mrs. Deez exclaimed as she took her wooden shoes from the Scandinavian boy.

"For Murco, the handheld game Bundhosen Tycoon!" Gustavus said handing over a game for a… what is that, a DS…? To Murco.

"Sweeeeet! This is the Digital Deluxe Pre-Order Exclusive copy with Lederhosen included!" Murco said happily as his eyes scanned the small box handed to him.

"And for Mr. Deez, a genuine Viking helmet!" Gustavus said in a high-pitched voice as he handed over what was obviously not a genuine Viking helmet because it had horns on it.

"And for you…" Gustavus said turning to Ster as Mr. Deez donned his helmet and smashed the horns into the wall for some fucking reason. I don't know why, but it was mildly amusing I guess. "Nothing! I did not know you existed!"

"Oh…" Ster said sadly, slumping her shoulders as Gustavus laughed in her face and her heart finished cracking and shattered.

"Oh, Mrs. D, you're getting so thin!" Gustavus said pulling away from Ster and grabbing Mrs. Deez' hand. "I need to fatten you up!"

"Oh, stop it!" Mrs. Deez said with bashful giggles while Mr. Deez laughed heartily as Gustavus slid right into those DMs.

"On to the kitchen everyone, so I can cook you. Some of my meatballs!" Gustavus said leading his family to the kitchen so he could work on his punctuation while preparing some fine balls of meat.

Ster ignored her shattered heart for the moment as she quickly ran upstairs to get changed out of her sleepwear. She entered the kitchen as Gustavus was stirring a bowl of mysterious brown meat and relaying a tale of brave heroism.

"The battle was over, but the danger had just begun!" Gustavus said having a Scandinavian Civil War flashback as he spoke. "The S.S. Kjellberg was sinking and headless of my own peril I disrobed! I dove into the freezing fjord and carried Vicekorpral Björn back to the shore!"

"Hooh!" Mr. Deez said getting chills.

"Ooh." Mrs. Deez said wiping a tear from her eye at the touching tale of brotherhood in combat.

"Whoa." Murco said in awe, he had no idea his friend was such a badass.

"Meh." Ster said as she walked over to the stool next to Murco and sat down. "You only saved 1 guy, and your little vision showed you wearing pants. I've saved 4 guys from a shipwreck in freezing cold waters without pants."

"Murco, think fast!" Gustavus shouted, suddenly flinging a scoop of uncooked meat at the surprised Latino. Surprised, but not slow, as he was easily able to catch the flying food with his mouth with ease. Ster watched Murco chew his uncooked, unidentified meat for a moment before standing up with a wide smile.

"So, Gustav, where are you from?" Ster asked walking around to the side of the counter everyone was seated at and leaning on her elbows while giving a cute smile to the unconcerned Swede/Dane/Nord.

"How much do you know about Europe?" Gustavus asked looking at Ster suspiciously. "And don't call me Gustav."

"I know that it's a place!" Ster said confidently as she swung her arm. "I'm pretty sure!"

"Oh! Well then, I come from the country of Scandinavia!" Gustavus said clapping his hands together before throwing his arms in the air. "It is a land where Vikings teach gym class, and everyone has a pet penguin! Even if you don't like penguins, oop too bad, here's your penguin!"

"Hey, Gustav, I'm open! Meatball me!" Murco shouted hopping out of his seat and springing Gustavus into action.

"Ooh, now me Gustavus!" Mr. Deez said after Murco was flung a delicious scoopful of mysterious meat.

Ster watched with disgust as Gustavus flung scoopful after scoopful of uncooked brown meat at whom she had come to consider her second family. Ster muttered something about the meatballs not being cooked as a warning but was too occupied staring at Gustavus with wide eyes to raise her voice. Gustavus gleefully pranced around the kitchen chucking spoonful after spoonful of meat all over the walls and floors and sometimes in the mouths of the Deez'.

"Just think, three more weeks of this!" Murco shouted as tears of joy flowed down his face and Ster continued to stare blankly at Gustavus.

Gustavus turned his head to Ster as he continued obliging the Deez' with requests for his glorious meat. He gave her a knowing, creepy smile and winked before quickly returning to his normal self.

"Tomorrow I'm going to make even more meatballs!" Gustavus announced to cheers from his adoring audience.

Ster watched in silence as Gustavus finished scraping the last scraps of meat from his bowl before hopping off the table he had jumped on during his prancing. Gustavus laughed along with the Deez' as he tossed the bowl over his shoulder in the general direction of the kitchen sink as they exited the kitchen. Ster silently picked the bowl off the floor and placed it into the sink before walking to the kitchen doorway and watching with dead eyes as the Deez' and Gustavus reminisced on the good times last year.

"And then there was the time…" Murco said through his laughter as the trio sat down on the couch. "When you threw the meat, pfft, across the living room!"

"Ah yes! I remember that one!" Gustavus said with a laugh as he turned to face Ster's motionless figure in the doorway. "It was so much fun."

Gustavus continued conversing, laughing, and joking with the Deez' like nothing was wrong but he kept his eyes locked with Ster's. He seemed to be taunting her with his stare, egging her to try something but knowing she couldn't do so because of the Deez' feelings towards him. Ster simply kept staring at him as she finally had enough of the scene in front of her and walked towards the stairs, up them, and into her room locking the door behind herself.

If you didn't know, the picture of a girl kissing Marco is really one of the pictures on the wall, there's also a Llama and a Robot. Anyway, I'm going to try and make this episode a bit more on the serious side because honestly, Charlie Booth is a fucking creep.

As always feel free to flame, berate, insult, and mock me in the reviews.